Title: Outlander S1.E13 “The Watch”
Released: 2015
Series:  Outlander

Kilt Drops: 0

Previously on Outlander: Jamie and Claire have returned to Lallybroch, where they both fail to acclimate to the local customs, to put it lightly.

We last left off when Jamie was being held at gunpoint, in front of Claire, at Lallybroch. Claire is horrified, but for once – FOR ONCE – she keeps her mouth shut and lets Jenny do the talking. Jenny introduces Jamie as her cousin (because of the price still on his head), and everyone pretends to be thrilled that this ragtag band of douchecanoes is here and expects to be put up.

Turns out that the douchecanoes are part of “The Watch,” a group of men who offer protection from the redcoats, in exchange for ridiculous fees. Jamie, of course, thinks this is a bad idea. Jamie also hasn’t been around for four years, so his sister and her husband once again know better.

Claire, shockingly, agrees with this plan. Even she sees that her beautiful but impulsive husband is occasionally ridiculous. Granted, she’s not very good at covering for him as the men quiz Jamie about his history, but she tries, and so does his sister.

Speaking of Jenny, it’s not just because we sort of share the same name, but I love her: sharp, no-nonsense, and totally in control of every situation. She is completely of her time in a way that equally sharp, no-nonsense Claire is not and never will be. Claire will never really accept that she’s now subject to the same rules as everyone else, I think.

One of the outliers mentions that his horse has to be reshod, which Jamie offers to do, but in true Jamie fashion, when provoked, he can’t help but respond to the men’s needling. So the Watch men (the Watchmen?) decide to light fire to a cart of hay, then hold Jamie at gunpoint, and of course, this turns into an all-out brawl, where only one of the men is hot and none of them are shirtless.


The leader of the Watch breaks it up, offering his apologies, and attempts to recruit Jamie. But alas, Jamie really just wants to bone his wife and lord over Lallybroch, and who can blame him? Unfortunately, the next thing that happens is that the English deserter Jamie met a few episodes ago has come to Lallybroch, along with more men from the Watch. Although they pretend not to know each other (not fooling anyone), Jamie comes across all of them deciding how best to ambush a traveling party.

Jenny and Claire seem to get along while doing laundry, up until Jenny’s water breaks, and it’s time for Claire to host the birth proceedings. The baby is breech, and won’t seem to turn, no matter what Claire does. This, apparently, is evidence of a boy (and a Fraser one at that). The midwife is away, so it’s Claire or bust. To get Jenny to stop grousing and not pay attention to Claire’s inexperience, Claire asks her to tell Claire what pregnancy is like (because Claire hasn’t been able to conceive yet, in case you don’t remember). There is a creepy discussion about men coming inside you and throbbing and also men wanting to climb back into the womb, and while it’s all prettily shot (heh), EW, NO, FOR THE LOVE OF THE FREUDIAN GODS. Anyway, no problem, because Claire will just reach up and turn the baby herself, while Jenny drinks whiskey.

Back in the study, Jamie and the deserter (Horrocks) face off. Jamie asks what he wants: to fund his passage to the Americas. Jamie agrees. Later, Jamie and Ian argue about paying the extortionists: Jamie wants to be reckless (and sexy). Ian knows better. God bless you, Ian, you cheerful voice of reason. In the end, they decide to take some of Jamie’s father’s money to pay Horrocks, which upsets Jamie, because it was supposed to be his children’s inheritance. But, Claire informs him, she may never give him a child, let alone a son. Jamie is okay with this as long as Claire doesn’t suffer, stuffs his pockets, and sets off to buy Horrocks’ silence. But as usual, any good blackmailer isn’t going to stop there. Horrocks wants more – but before Jamie can shoot him, Ian skewers him with a sword. As they talk about killing and going to hell, it’s actually a very warm and brotherly moment. Ian is the best.

Back at Lallybroch, the men from the Watch listen to Jenny’s labor screams and mock them straight to Ian, which is probably the best case for justifiable homicide the world has ever known. Of course, they then take the opportunity to mention that no one has seen Horrocks for awhile. When the next morning comes around and Horrocks still hasn’t shown up, McQuarrie (one of the Watchmen) straight up asks Jamie what happened, and Jamie comes clean. Turns out McQuarrie “never liked the Irish bastard,” but wants Jamie to come on the ambush with him as payment. Yeesh.

On the way to the ambush (with Ian in attendance), McQuarrie shows Jamie his skull-shaped pocketwatch, gleaned at the last ambush. It is – and I’m sorry but this medieval/death history major (yes, it’s a thing) is about to nerd out – THE MOST GORGEOUS MEMENTO MORI EVER, apparently made for Mary Stuart. I WOULD KILL FOR THIS POCKETWATCH. Jamie translates the Latin: “Pale death visits with impartial foot/In cottages of the poor and the castles of the rich.” I WANT IT SO BAD. Oh, also, McQuarrie says he would never turn Jamie over to the British; unfortunate, because although Ian survives the ambush, the redcoats ambush the Scots, and take Jamie prisoner.

In the end, Jenny delivers a baby girl (HA), and Ian comes stumbling home (sans fake leg). “The redcoats have him,” a bloody Ian tells Claire, and that’s it for this week.

Kilt Drops: 0

What is this crap?!


  • Claire apparently does not know the rule about not indulging children in naughty behavior when their mother is standing right there. Good aunts know it’s all about taking them aside and teaching them terrible things!

  • “You’ll be fetching me a good stiff dram before we start,” Jenny says, in regards to having her sister in law reach up in her lady business. “In that case, the baby will come out drunk,” Claire sniffs. “Then he’ll come into the world a true Scot,” says Jenny, totally sick of Claire’s nineteenth century shiz. “Right,” Claire says dismissively, apparently not understanding that childbirth is kind of a LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION IN THE EIGHTEENTH CENTURY. Give her the scotch.

Next episode: Claire and Jenny are out looking for Jamie.