Happy (late) morning, ladies and Brian! I had some issues with my computer last night, so apologies for the sort-of late PLL recap. But! THINGS HAPPENED! STUFF WAS REVEALED! Let’s dish!
Because the gods are kind to us, Spencer is having sex dreams about Toby. Luckily, Toby’s always shirtless in her sex dreams. In mine too, Spencer. In mine, too. Spencer’s dreams involve doing it with Toby, but then he starts to strangle her. She wakes up terrified, so I guess S&M wasn’t a part of their regular sexual relationship.
Credits. Necromancy. Family show!
Emily gets a box from Nate’s real family, full of stuff that she had given Ali. She figures that Maya had found it and was planning to return it to Em, and that “Nate” (I can’t remember his real name now) had taken if off Maya when he killed her. And now Nate’s family is sending this stuff to the teenage girl who killed their son in self-defence? Man, Rosewood is fucking weird. Also, we learn that Pam is working for the cops now and she really wants Em to give this stuff to the cops. Can we start drinking for any sentence that begins with “maybe” and ends with “cops?”
Hanna’s mom also wants Hanna to be protected – in her case, from Mona, at school. Which is a good point; I can’t believe these girls don’t have restraining orders against Mona. I mean, honestly; the girl STALKED THEM and hit Hanna with a car, and she’s allowed to just go back to Rosewood High? Come on, girls! You have evidence against her!
Aria’s dressing fairly normally these days. Hangover from being drugged, perhaps?
Actor/Director Chad Lowe phones Jodie Sawyer’s dad and learns she had a history of “issues.” Yes. Her weak turnout. We’ve already discussed this, show? Why don’t you listen to me? He apologizes to Aria for putting her in harm’s way by telling some ridiculous story about sweaters and fireplaces. Maybe Chad Lowe has the issues. How is HIS turnout; has anyone checked?
Spencer is keeping the news of Toby’s A-Team loyalties from the girls. Meanwhile, the girls haven’t told Spencer about Byron seeing Melissa on the night of Ali’s death. Oh, secret keeping! How new and unusual for this show!
Hanna and Aria meet up with Emily to go over Ali’s stuff, and find notes that Ali wrote to someone in her Biology notebook. Allison was writing to someone about Toby AND about a “Beach Hottie” but aren’t sure who the second person is. (Though the girls think the other handwriting looks familiar. Hanna suggests it might be Aunt Paula Deen. OH I HOPE.)
Aria hopes to finally tell Fitz about his love child with Alex Mack (aka Maggie), and Hanna urges her to ditch school and tell him now. And then! Hanna overhears Paige talking to Caleb about tormenting Mona – apparently Paige is the one who stuck the brain to her locker. Oh, Paige. I love you, even if you did try to rape Emily. Paige tells whoever she is speaking to (which we presume to be Caleb) that she’ll meet them at 6 that night.
Em tells Spencer that Ali visited Toby after he went to juvie, and . . . flashback! Ali visits Toby in some sort of random juvie where there are no guards and he is wearing a ridiculous do-rag and his own clothes. He looks like the Dread Pirate Roberts. It’s hilarious. I wish there were a million photos of this look. Ali accuses him of being A, saying it couldn’t be Jenna, because some of the notes were sent while she was in surgery. Toby tells Ali that she and her “posse” deserve a lot worse than some threatening notes. Toby deserves a lot worse for using the word “posse.”
Spencer tells Emily about breaking up with Toby, but doesn’t mention his involvement in the A team. She cries and cries some more. OH SPENCER.
Spencer is in her English class study group (because that’s a thing that high schools have now?), discussing whatever convenient book the Rosewood High students are reading to go with this week’s theme, when she gets a text from Aria saying that Fitz dumped her. Could Spencer meet her in the park? Spencer walks out of class, telling Holly Marie Combs, Child Bride, that school’s a complete waste of her time! Whoa. When Spencer goes off the rails, she really goes off the rails.
Spencer goes to meet Aria at the park . . . but it’s really Fitz! And he’s totally confused with what’s going on! Spencer lays into him, telling him about Maggie and the love child, and Fitz is totally dumfuzzled . . . or at least pretends to be.
Hot Pam is working at the cop shop and tells one of her coworkers about the package Emily received. Jerk Detective overhears and is all “oh, I’ll be HAPPY to run interference for you.” Hot Pam is wary, because she’s also Smart Pam.
Emily keeps going through Ali’s bio spiral and sees a photo of Ali and a blonde (who I think might be CeCe?) at some sort of beach restaurant. She starts to tell Aria and Hanna about it at lunch, but Fitz decides to return to his FORMER PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT and make a big-ass scene with his HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND about how he can’t trust her because she didn’t tell him about his secret love baby with another lady. For fuck’s sake. (And then Aria gets a text from A, basically explaining that she set up Spencer to spill the beans.) For fuck’s sake. I AM SO OVER FITZ.
We also learn that Jerk Detective grew up in Rosewood! Did we know that? I thought he was new to Rosewood in the first season! So he could totally have been in the NAT club or know Ali! Anyway, he pretends to “comfort” Pam by repeatedly calling Emily a killer. Ugh, kill him, Hot Pam. Your hot husband will help you dispose of the body.
Aria comes over to Spencer’s house to talk about the Fitz thing. Spencer is pretty much off the rails and says that they probably deserve to be screwed over by A. Well . . . that’s not untrue.
Em goes to visit CeCe. Hey, I was right! Score one for me! CeCe was the person exchanging notes with Ali, but didn’t know who the “Beach Hottie” is that she and Ali were talking about it. Flashback! They’re at Annie’s Crab Shack at the beach and CeCe sees Ali skulking alone. And hey, Jerk Detective is there, eating crabs with CeCe! Or giving crabs to Cece. Whatever. And Ali’s pregnant with Beach Hottie’s baby! Or at least she thinks that she is! WHAAA? CeCe tells her to tell Beach Hottie about it, but Ali’s like “he’ll KILL me.”
Hanna is following Paige on her meetup with Caleb, which leads her to a lesbian bar that looks way cleaner and more disco-ball-ish than any lesbian bar I’ve ever been in. A cute girl in a leather jacket orders Hanna a drink. Hanna, I’d date that girl. And! Paige is on a date! She’s not meeting with Caleb! She’s stepping out on Emily! Hanna dances with the girl who bought her a drink to hide from Paige, and runs into that girl’s jealous girlfriend. Have any of these writers ever been in a lesbian club? Or any club? Anyway, there’s a scene, and Hanna gets arrested for a MIP.
Meanwhile! Spencer is typing a text to someone about meeting that night! And whoever it is says yes! No one can know that she’s talking to whoever it is! She goes to meet the person and puts on mascara and then cries it all off and it’s super sad! I don’t like it when Spencer’s sad! Why can’t Aria be sad? I don’t care about her at all!
Emily comes over to share the good news about Ali’s baby with Aria. Finally, a secret baby that they can bond over! They decide this needs to go to the police (drink), so Emily goes alone. Emily hands the journal to Pam, and Pam goes off to find out who to give it to. (Emily doesn’t tell about the baby, though, which is dumb. Why not just say “I recognized this girl CeCe so I asked and she said Ali was pregnant?” Jerk Detective takes the spiral, so we all know no one will ever see it again. Emily meets up with Hanna (who’s there waiting to be picked up by her mom, and apparently is given free reign over the place, probably because she’s been arrested so often) and then, WHOA! They find out that Jerk Detective is BFF with Fitz and Nate! And they were all at the beach the same time Ali was! Who’s the daddy?
Spencer goes off to meet . . . some totally random guy. And he seems super shady! Also he sort of reminds me of Christopher Walken, which is fucking scary. But! It’s a private eye! Oh, it’s the guy who followed Melissa , I think. Okay, I did pretty good at recognizing Nate and CeCe; I can’t remember every damn person on this show. Spencer hands him the key and a photo of Toby and hires the guy to follow him and find out where the key goes.
Prozzie Mom bails Hanna out (and hilariously asks if Hanna if she’s exploring new feelings. “What’s a pink drink? Is that code for something gay?”) and Hanna actually totally tells the truth for once. Not that it really helps, because Prozzie Mom doesn’t really listen. But good for Hanna for trying!
Fitz is leaving town to go meet his secret love baby and Aria meets up with him. Fitz says that he talked to Maggie and understands why Aria stayed quiet. He claims they’re okay but is pretty short with Aria. And then he cries like the fucking baby he probably impregnated Ali with. The show treats their potential break up epically, all spinning cameras and weird angles. Why are we supposed to like them, again?
Credits. In A’s lair, there are bobblehead dolls of all the girls! And Hanna’s gets torched! Nooooo. Why not Aria? Oh yeah, because Aria’s totally A.
Thoughts? Feelings? Hit us up in the comments! Who do YOU think Ali’s baby daddy is? (If Ali was even telling CeCe the truth, that is.)