Holy crap, was this a plot-astic episode! It was so intense, I didn’t even notice any horrific outfits. WHAT IS HAPPENING?? Here we go!
Blind Leading the Blind
In the least interesting plot, Toby goes to see Dr. Palmer at what appears to be a nicer version of Radley… where he is a resident, not a doctor. Toby brings up the idea that his mother might’ve been pushed, but Dr. Palmer just rambles about the “heaviness of air.” Sad, he was so cute with his little hat!
But the visit isn’t all for naught, as Dr. Palmer mentions “that blonde girl” as being bad news. Could it really go back so far? Sometimes I have trouble suspending disbelief.
Filed Under: More Unbelievabilities
Things are “fine” with Aria and Jake, to which Spencer says, “After everything you’ve been through, you deserve something,” and then I totally stopped listening.
Because I’m sorry, I need to interrupt. What has Aria been through? Emily’s landed in the hospital twice, Hanna was hit by a car, Spencer is almost certain to be killed either by a lover or a family member (seriously, tally it up!), and the worst that’s happened to Aria is…? ‘It was totally horrible when Malcolm falling off the bed that one time I was ‘babysitting’ him. You’re right, I’ve been through so much.’
Can someone please enlighten me? I’ve watched every episode of this show, but maybe I forgot the terrible thing that A did to Aria?
Today’s Terrible Thing
Here’s the terrible thing that happens to Aria in this episode: She sees Malcolm on the street and has to confess the details of her last love to Jake, who then decides Aria needs to figure out what she wants before he continues to date her. Yes. It is that terrible.
Real Terrible Things
Emily’s family is reeling in the face of accusations and gossip. This is sad because they always seemed like the most stable, solid family (though it’s not like the competition is exactly stiff).
Emily is not adjusting well to her new role as problem child and stupidly goes to visit the doctor. She begs him to call family services and tell them that there is nothing going on. ‘Ok, I can see how this LOOKS like the lady doth protest too much, but I swear it isn’t. It’s just, please don’t call family services or something horrible will happen. I mean…it won’t happen to me, or ok maybe it will, but not like physically. Well maybe physically but totally not from my parents.’
Not only does the doctor not believe a word she’s saying, he also breaks the bad news: partial tear of her rotator cuff. Bye bye swim scholarship. Poor Emily, her life actually gets ruined. See, Aria, this is being through something.
And sadly there’s no letting up. Emily’s parents know she’s lying to them and they rightly interrogate her. Shay Mitchell ACTS and then runs away, her parents chasing after her yelling for her to come back. Aaaaand, cue the cops!
Life Isn’t ALL Bad Though
Ok, temperature check: Are you guys Pailey fans? Because I am! I know they had a rough start, but seriously Paige is just the greatest in this episode. She is so understanding and supportive and lovely. She is definitely Emily’s best girlfriend yet (although again with the not much competition). Squee!
But It Gets Worse
Hanna stops by her mom’s office just in time to meet the newest big gun here to solve all 17 of Rosewood’s recent murder cases, Lt. Tanner. The detectives open Wilden’s safe deposit box, which contains a wad of cash, two passports, and a handgun with a scratched off serial number. Should they be doing this in front of Hanna?
The detectives ask Ashley if she is the one who takes Wilden to his safe deposit box. She is. I’m sorry, that just seems way awkward. This is a woman who was being basically stalked and harassed by Wilden…is she the only employee with deposit box access? Couldn’t she pawn him off on a co-worker?
The detectives point out that this means that, conveniently, she’s the only bank employee to know what’s inside the box. Lt. Tanner is ON POINT. And awful. But totally knows what’s up.
“Would you mind if I allow you to interview me without my lawyer or guardian present?”
Hanna sits down for an impromptu talk on a park bench with Lt. Tanner, trying to plant the seeds that Wilden was not a stand-up kind of guy. Hanna also drops some clues about Melissa’s connection with Wilden. She looks like a scheming and conniving teen and it is so not attractive.
Lt. Tanner turns the tables and starts to questioning Hanna on how many times she’s spoken to Wilden. Luckily, as Hanna flounders, Caleb rescues her. He rebukes her, while Tanner looks on, scribbling notes. I’m sure that was totally helpful, Hanna! Tanner is equally amazed by Hanna’s bad decision-making.
That evening, Ashley reveals that she’s lost her vault privileges. Ashley promises that this won’t touch Hanna, and then confesses that she was in Rosewood the night of Wilden’s murder. The scenes between these two are breaking my heart. Man, I miss when Ashley just drank wine all the time.
It Wouldn’t Be a PLL Episode Without a Creepy Doll or a Mask, Am I Right??
Spencer plants Melissa’s mask in the living room and she and Aria totally non-stealthily watch Melissa through the 500 windows in Spencer’s house. How Melissa doesn’t look directly at them is totally beyond me.
In a panic, Melissa heads to Hector’s, Spencer and Aria in pursuit, and emerges with a sack full of face molds (presumably of her own face, but possibly of any of the ten people she used to date who are now dead). She smashes the molds on a pier while Spencer sneaks up behind her.
Meanwhile, Aria is off doing something useful for once. She’s discovered a row of Ali plasters at Hector’s. She confronts Hector, which causes him to flashback to Ali, desperate for money and looking for directions to Route 30…and that time she wasn’t alone, though we don’t get to see who’s with her. So not that helpful.
And Now for Some PLOT!!
Here’s a list of things Melissa confesses to:
- She was in fact on the Halloween train
- She wasn’t working with Wilden — she and her cohort (Jenna? Shana?) were afraid of him
- And it’s not about the NAT club (even though all of its members are now dead/missing)
- There was somebody telling Wilden what do to (like kill Garrett and stuff Aria in a box…ok FINE, there’s one bad thing that happened to Aria)
- She’s being trying to protect Spencer
- In fact, she sent Jenna and Shana to the lodge just to see who they were meeting (Ali?)
- You see, she had come to Hector’s to have her face made to find out WHEN Ali made hers (as in before or after her death)
- And it wasn’t Melissa who set the fire (Wilden) or who rescued the girls (Ali?)
She also confesses to having a never-ending supply of blazers that will be perfect for her job in Londofrisco.
Spencer responds with a series of rapid-fire questions:
- How do you even know Jenna & Shana?
- What do they even have to do with it?
- Why do you think Ali’s alive?
Spencer, STOP ASKING QUESTIONS NOW, this one I want answered! But Spencer does not stop there. She instead makes the random leap to: “Melissa, did you kill Detective Wilden?”
For the love of God, he’s the new Ali… EVERYONE saw him and killed him on his last night. You know, the next time I have plans with a bunch of different people on one day, I’m cancelling them all, since this is a sure sign that I will die a horrible death.
Melissa begs Spencer to let it go or “it will come apart in ways that you cannot even imagine.”
OK guys — what horrible ways can YOU imagine? Do you believe a word of Melissa’s confession? Sound off in the comments!
About the Contributor:
Kate worships Kevin Sullivan’s adaptation of Anne of Green Gables (and has probably seen it no fewer than 100 times) but is still bitter about Anne of Green Gables: The Continuing Story and refuses to buy that one on DVD in protest of its totally inaccurate storyline. Other obsessions include bunnies (including her own, which she adopted from the bunny shelter, which is a REAL THING in Amsterdam, where she lives) and Pretty Little Liars. In her spare time she plays the clarinet and teaches math.