About:
This whole half season has been about turning each of the Liars’ personal strengths into weapons they use to tear themselves down: Hanna’s self-image; Emily’s trusting nature; Spencer’s cleverness; Aria’s…love. Let’s say that, sure. Point is, they are their own worst enemies—if you think about it, A has hardly made an appearance in their lives since we saw the Ezra “reveal.” Now, Hanna is mostly on the other side of recovery and Emily is getting there. But while Spence and Aria are obviously the undone ones of this episode’s title, Hanna and Em show themselves not fully out of the woods, either, each falling into the worst parts of their best characteristics.
The A/Ali mystery trundles on, and we are SO ON BOARD, but in the meantime, let’s not forget about the girls in the middle of it all. PLL writers, you are lovely and thoughtful. Also: thank you for Hanna’s amazing jumpsuit.
THIS WEEK’S MVP
Oh, Hanna! You were so close! You and your constant cheerleading/remarkably mature babysitting. But then you went and smooched Detective Holbrook and lost the trophy…
…to Detective Holbrook, for being the first grown man in Rosewood to refuse, and be scandalized at, the advances of a teenage girl. We wish this wasn’t something worth celebrating.
THIS WEEK’S LVP
Janel Parrish (Mona), for having her name in the credits without gracing us with her screen presence.
BIGGEST SHOCK/BEST REVEAL
The days of Pushover Paige McCullers are over. She’s going to protect the girl she loves, dammit, even if that means breaking her own heart.
BIGGEST NO-DUH
Aria can’t handle any hard knocks.
PREVIOUSLY ON PRETTY LITTLE LIARS
Spencer did a lot of drugs. She also fought with Ali the night she disappeared (whoa, waaaay previously). Hanna kissed Travis, and started a book club with New Detective. Shana tried to deliver $5,000 to Ali, but left it with Emily instead. Ezra…sucked, and Aria took it personally.
THIS WEEK
Aria
Liars’ summit. Aria relates what little she read of Ezra’s manuscript before she dropped it off a mountain like a dope: he’s been stalking all of them for yeeeeears. “AND he dated Ali?” a shocked Hanna again tries to establish. “Briefly,” Aria spits. THIS IS NOT ABOUT ALI. STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT ABOUT ALI.
Aria doesn’t think Ezra’s A or a killer. But—heads up, girls—he thinks one of them did it. The others roll their collective eyes at this obvious Ezra machination, then note that with all that spying he obvi knew about A and never helped, prioritizing instead his own hunt for Ali.
GUYS. THIS IS NOT ABOUT ALI. Aria has eyes for only one betrayal:
Catie: “it doesn’t MATTER about that OTHER STUFF because guys he LIED TO MEEEEEE”
So Aria—ARIA—spends the rest of the episode wearing a SWEATSHIRT. It is covered in skulls, but still, you know stuff is bad.
Wallowing in bed, Aria flashes back to her first meeting with Ezra, back when she thought he saw her as classy and mature, what with all the Going to Europe and Being a Writer. But no! He knew she was a child, a child who was ex-BFFs with Alison DiLaurentis. And then he put his tongue down her throat…just like he had with her ex-BFF, Alison DiLaurentis. Aria stands up and literally pukes right onto her floor. Girl, IT’S ABOUT TIME.
Aria goes from wallow to rampage. Ezra’s not in his classroom (“Do you mean Mr. Fitz?” the sub asks pointedly) and the other Liars try to talk her down and bring her home. She’ll leave, sure, but not with them, and not to go home.
Cut to Manic Pixie Fury bearing down on Fitz’s Apartment of Poorly Hidden Secrets. Boxes and boxes of typewritten dossiers and stalker photos and dot-connecting diagrams that would not look out of place on a serial killer’s wall are just lined up in neat rows inside his bureau. Also an honest to god reel-to-reel tape recorder that plays back Ali’s desperate plea to Grunwald.
Aria finds a carefully handwritten leather-bound journal outlining every step of Ezra’s investigation and all the connections he’s made between A/Ali and each mystery/terror the Liars+crew (Toby! Jason! Mona! Caleb! Jenna!) have faced. So of course Aria stuffs it into her bag to bring back to the group to help them solve their shit.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahaha…ahhh. That’d be the day. No, what Aria does is leak more tears over this very personal betrayal of her trust and confidences, throw the journal across the room, and set to hulk-smashing the apartment to pieces. Lamps! Tables! Old movie posters! Ezra’s college diploma, shattered over his typewriter! It is GLORIOUS.
Later, the rest of the girls discover Aria sitting catatonic in the middle of her own hurricane. Aria tries to apologize re: her behavior the last three seasons, but the girls brush her off. Hanna (awesomely) says she would have just burned the whole place down, then (less awesomely) tells Spencer now is not the time to gather evidence for their A investigation. Spencer (wisely) grabs some photos and papers on the way out.
At home, feeding pages of the Ezra journal into the fire is only making Aria sadder. “How did I miss all the signs??” she laments. “It’s not like he was quite obviously and clearly a pedophile!!!”
After sending Hanna out for smoothies and smooches, Aria finds a letter from Random House, fawning over the latest installment of Ezra’s book (GROSS). She dials his lit agent and learns that he’s there right now, ostensibly plotting his book’s publication. HELL NAW. Hurricane Aria blows back into being and storms down Main Street, where Hanna catches her outside Principal Hackett’s house and stupidly convinces her to hold off on turning Ezra in. Aria may not care if Ezra goes to jail, or if she gets raked through the press, but she does care about her dumb, absent family.
Now for real Aria wants to be ALONE. No more Hanna. No more Emily, who shows up as Aria is packing her bag to run away like a five year-old. She doesn’t know where she’s going, she’s just gonna drive until she figures it out.
God speed, friend.
Emily
Hey, remember Shana? She’s not dead! She’s back in Georgia, apparently. (Why go to all the trouble of dismantling and ditching your phone if you’re just going to drive TO YOUR HOME?) Anyway, she called Em and gave her specific instructions about delivering the $5,000 cash to a PO Box in Wallingford by 6 PM that day, because Ali—who knew how to get in touch with Shana AT HER HOME—still really, really needs it.
Since they left the world’s only bag of coffee beans at the zoo, Emily has to keep the cash in her purse like some kind of regular person. It’s in there when she runs into Paige during perma-lunch period, as they chat about how they haven’t seen each other IRL for like six whole episodes, and when Em digs in her bag, Paige catches sight of the very obvious envelope stuffed with very obvious moola. Emily plays it off as a birthday gift from her bank-wary grandmother, but Paige is skeptical.
After school, Emily continues being super stealth at the Speed Demon Express as she rifles through the cash, counting it one last time. Double trouble: Paige also followed her there. She comes down hard on Em for acting so shady, thinking she’s is being terrorized by A again. Paige can’t figure out why Emily doesn’t want her to know, to help; Emily is paralyzed with anxiety, stuck between the girl she loved who needs protection and the girl she loves who needs reassurance.
Paige is not stuck: she grabs the envelope. McCullers Ultimatum #1: if Emily doesn’t tell Paige what’s going on, she’s going to the police. Emily finally confesses, the wind blowing dramatically and beautifully through her hair: the money is for Ali. She’s alive.
Paige does her best to maintain her sanity at the news that her psycho-sexual tormenter is still alive and pulling Em’s strings. She’s all questions: Why didn’t you tell me? Who’s in Ali’s grave? Does her family know? And she points out: If A knows Ali’s alive, helping Ali is putting you in danger.
Poor Em. She tries to tell Paige that Ali needs their help, that she’s changed, that she’s in trouble. But Paige knows what Ali was like—is like.
So Paige, disturbingly, takes a play from Alison’s own book. McCullers Ultimatum #2: if Emily doesn’t tell the DiLaurentises that Ali is alive, Paige will tell them herself. Em snorts. “Jessica? The woman who let a hobo stalker drill peep/murder holes in her kitchen floor? RIGHT SURE OKAY.” Fine; Paige won’t tell… (McCU#3) if Emily will cut off all interaction with Alison. Emily takes a deep breath (seriously deep—it lasts through several other Liars’ scenes) then agrees…as long as she can drop off this package first. Paige says she loves Emily so much. Emily’s face says “I love you too, but I also kind of love Ali.”
Later, Paige shows up at the Fields’ house, but Emily blows her off. Neither likes being told what to do. They part, uneasy. Emily heads to Aria’s, and Paige heads…
…to the police station, where she swiftly and painfully breaks her promise to Emily.
A.D. Incorporated
P.O. Box 537
Wallingford, PA”
Screencap from kissthemgoodbye
Hanna
Gentle readers, if you ever need a solid friend to keep you from doing stupid stuff in desperation and smart stuff before thinking it through (and to keep you supplied with chili cheese fries throughout), find yourself a Hanna Marin. Especially if that Hanna Marin can do all that while wearing a neon pink blazer over a floral-print jumpsuit.
Hanna starts her school day with Tow Truck Travis. She apologizes for the pool+kissing day, which she could make only about her (COUGHARIA), but doesn’t. She isn’t sorry for liking the kissing, but she is sorry for starting something she wasn’t in a place to start. He’s cool; he gets it. She notices his suit, which is for court for his dad’s shady business with Wilden—also not about her, but she is willing to take on partial blame to lighten Travis’ load. But when Travis brushes her guilt off, she lets him. Because she does realize it isn’t about her, and that’s okay (COUGHARIA).
Later, Hanna swings by the police station to pull her Kinda Book Club Friend strings with Detective Holbrook. She knows how hard it is when a cop decides to make your life hell, and doesn’t want Wilden’s bullying to ruin Travis’ (dad’s) life. Holbrook says it’s his job to tell the truth, not give an opinion, but later at the courthouse Travis is elated to tell Hanna about how Holbrook stood up for his dad, enough at least to keep him from jail time. Hanna is really, genuinely happy; Travis is really, genuinely happy. They make a promise to talk the next day.
Next: Aria’s. Hanna continuing to be everyone’s emotional rock; Aria burning evidence (for their Ali investigation/of her statutory rapelationship, samesame). Hanna musing that Aria didn’t give Ezra ALL the evidence, namely about Ali being alive (see: the Grunwald tape); Aria ignoring how Ezra might even have gotten the tape (GHOSTS). Hanna saying they should go eat to feel better; Aria burying her head in the ashes.
As Hanna is leaving the Brew with Aria’s toddler food, she runs into a street-clothed Gabe Holbrook. He is weird but maybe sweet about how it’s a great personal quality, her being so caring to her friends, and she thanks him for helping out Travis. And then she kisses him. IN PUBLIC! HANNA.
She apparently caught the Inappropriate Relationship cooties when they were burning Ezrabilia. At least Detective Holbrook is as taken off guard as the rest of us (MVP!).
Fresh off this embarrassment, Hanna tries to get her day’s Good Deeds column back in the black by heading off Aria before she can anger-out Ezra’s pedophilia. Hanna’s not as gung-ho about sending him to jail as we’d like (and as she would normally BE), but only because she is trying to think of how Aria’s future will roll out if THIS is the way she goes about accomplishing it.
It’s a half-empty glass. Aria backs down, but shouts Hanna off-screen in the process. Better luck next week, Han.
Spencer
It is not a stretch to say director (and Absentee Montgomery Father Chad Lowe) intended to Aria and Spencer to suffer parallel breakdowns. Both wear wrinkled yoga outfits the whole ep. Both eschew their usual immaculate teen stalkee make-up regimens (with both Aria and Spencer in mega psychological crisis mode, the eyeliner budget for this episode must’ve gone WAY down). Both flash back to early season 1 footage of Mistakes Made. But while Aria suffers alone, Spencer has the dubious honor of both Horrid Hastingses finally being home simultaneously.
As such, the morning after Aria’s teary tell-all, Spencer finds Veronica and Peter awaiting her in the kitchen with jet fuel (coffee) and jet bags (for Radley Lite), ready to embark her on Hastings-geddon. Rehab. Dr. Briggs has determined she needs rehab.
“I can’t have Radley AND rehab on my college applications/résumé!” Spencer cries. “I’m fine!”
She convinces them to give her one last chance to prove she is okay, and they give her ONE LAST CHANCE. Because while they may burn potential murder evidence and represent potential murderers, they’re not monsters.
High on this small win (and NOT Study Aid), Spencer marches across town to gift us with Toby’s hair and cronuts. Delicious. And we don’t mean the cronuts.
Catie: “toby looks so hot in this episode, i don’t get it. what was he doing wrong before.”
She apologizes, but Toby isn’t mad about the dinner—he’s mad about her not sharing her tough secrets. He can’t help her if he doesn’t know what’s wrong. She hangs her head. Knowing just what Spencer Hastings needs to hear, Toby smiles and says, “You look like crap.” She laughs in relief, and like that, the fight is over.
This second victory, however, does not a healthy Spencer make. She’s still going through withdrawal; she’s going through withdrawal hard. And guess who else knows? Your friendly neighborhood A!
Screencap from kissthemgoodbye
At least she didn’t find this note jammed between her own teeth?
Em catches up to her just as Spence realizes what the bottle is. “Guess it’s better than a needle in the arm,” Em sighs. Which Spencer takes as a joke, but…oh, Em’s too nice to remind her about the HGH-spiked sports cream. And the sleeping pills. And the roofies. She offers to toss the drugs, but Spence says she’ll trash them as far away from her house/locker as possible. Em, again, is too nice to do more than half frown at the fact that this is probably a terrible idea.
Later, home again after the brief Aria-vention at Fitz’s, Spencer looks over the random papers she shoved in her bag. She finds a business card for Marc Pope, marked “the PI who followed Spencer?” She dials the number, and gets the most perfect PI voicemail recording: “Leave a message. We’ll find you!” Great, now we want a spinoff about this PI agency. Someone call Rob Thomas! Spence hangs up, but her withdrawal exhaustion is preventing her from digging deeper, and this Spencer cannot stand. If only she had a bottle of questionable pills an evil stalker left in her locker…SPENCER, NOOOOOO.
Pretty soon Spencer’s hyped up again and sorting through evidence. She finds a note describing a conversation Ezra had with Cece about the night Ali disappeared. We see in a flashback Spencer and Ali outside the barn, fighting, when Spencer picks up a shovel—THE shovel—and moves toward Ali. Back in the present, Spencer reads that Mrs. DiLaurentis also witnessed this.
Spencer storms downstairs and accosts her father with questions, barely noticing as Toby walks in. She can only remember pieces of the night Ali disappeared because she was on the pills then, and the time after the fight is a blank. So…did her parents hire the PI to investigate Melissa, or Spencer? Mr. Hastings neatly dodges all of the actual words she is saying, and tells her to take Toby and walk it off.
“Way to gaslight me, DAD.”
Spencer does walk, right next door to the DiLaurentis house to ask some more questions. Loudly. “DID YOU SEE ME HURT ALI?” she yells, grabbing Mrs. D’s arm. “You’re hurting me,” Mrs. D says tightly. Spencer recoils with horror. She lost control and now she’s scared of her own self.
Back home, Spencer experiences her second intervention in as many days. She doesn’t even stop to acknowledge her parents or Toby; she just stares at them sadly and heads upstairs to sit, and shake, and cry.
NEXT WEEK
Only 3 more episodes until summer, guys! So it’s time for Ali to #TellAll her secrets.
And us? WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
KISSES,
A (lexis & Catie)
PS! Buzzfeed put up a TRULY MIS-PROGRAMMED PLL character quiz this week. We both got Ezra…more than once. It may be the worst thing that has ever happened to us. Tell us how you did, and make us feel better!
About the Contributor:
Catie grew up in Denver, Colorado, where she often stayed up past her bedtime reading with a flashlight and once sent homemade Hogwarts acceptance letters to her friends. Now an adult, she still loves books and TV meant for teens, but is grateful to no longer have a bedtime.
