Previously on Reign: Lola got knocked up by Francis, but wanted to keep it a secret. Greer broke Pastry Boy’s heart, but Lord Nerd’s daughter has a crush on him. Who could blame her? Mad King Henry died and now Francis is king, but he made a break for the plague village, because he finally found out that Lola was there, giving birth to his child.
Hi friends! I missed you, and our improbably dressed royals! I hope that your summer was better than theirs.
- While riding his horse to the village, Francis passes a burial, where everyone appears to be covered in hideous plague sores, especially the somewhat grey corpse. I can’t figure out if the makeup department has gone overboard, or if we’re dealing with some kind of zombie plague.
- Catherine and Mary attempt to calm to the castle folk about the plague, while privately panicking themselves. Nostradamus doesn’t seem too worried, since he took time out from the preparations to shave his hipster beard.
- Greer finds out that Pastry Boy’s new squeeze is Lord Nerd’s daughter, Yvette. She tells Lord Nerd that she’s not jealous, merely worried that he’s with her to get revenge on Greer. Pastry Boy promises Yvette that he no longer wants Greer. (I mean, please, that was over hours ago.) They make plans to spend alone time together that night, in case these are their last days on earth.
- Bash is concerned that there’s not enough food for everyone at court to the see them through their weeks of isolation. He tells Kenna that he’s hidden some in their chambers and he wants her and Pascal to hole up in there until it’s over.
- We see that the plague is indeed at court, due to a random douchebag nobleman who’s illicit lady friend is infected. He’s soon spreading it around the castle.
- Francis arrives in the village to find that Lola has survived the childbirth and delivered his son.
- Catherine and Mary are holding court on adjoining thrones in the throne room. It’s everything I hoped it could be.
- Nostradamus believes that he’s immune to the plague, since he’s been exposed before and survived. He offers to ride to the village to get Francis. In response to Catherine’s objections: “I order you as your queen, show me your gratitude and then grant me your silence.” Achievement unlocked! Mary can now shut Catherine up.
- The douchebag nobleman orders Pascal around like a servant boy, demanding that he come wait upon him, despite Kenna’s objections. He’s so horrible to both of them, that I’m pretty glad he’s dying.
- Francis and Lola hightail it out of the village house when they realize that one of the servants has the plague. Lola tries to get a servant girl who doesn’t seem to be ill, to come with them, but she won’t leave her family.
- People are dropping like flies at the castle, when a young Lord Narcisse comes to Mary and Catherine to blackmail them into tossing his enemy into the plague cells, in exchange for the grain delivery they need for the court. Typically, Catherine is amenable, and attempts to use this as a teaching moment with Mary.
- Pastry Boy tells Greer that his pursuit of Yvette has nothing to do with her. She really doesn’t want him to end up as her son-in-law. Seriously. As if family holidays aren’t awkward enough?
- Francis and Lola encounter some riders, led by Lord Conde, a distant cousin of Francis’s, who offers to help them.
- Francis blames Lola for not telling him the truth to begin with, so they wouldn’t be stuck in this mess now. She keeps trying to convince him that she can leave quietly and no one needs to know the baby is his.
- Kenna has been searching for Pascal and finds him covered in blood, from the sick douchebag nobleman who coughed all over him and then promptly died from the plague. A servant sees them before Kenna can sneak him out and they both get quarantined in the room.
- Nostradamus returns with word that the house Lola and Francis were at has been burned down due to plague. They want to believe Francis is alive, but Catherine won’t let the worry stop her from plotting.
- The older Lord Narcisse arrives where Francis and Lola are camped with Hot Cousin Louis. He has Estelle, the servant that Lola tried to bring with them, in a livestock cage, until they know if she’s ill or not. It’s clear that Hot Cousin Louis doesn’t trust this guy, and I can see why.
- Kenna is trying to comfort a sick Pascal as they’re locked away. Bash is beating down doors searching for her, and gets exposed to plague himself in the process.
- Mary goes to Catherine’s chambers to find her sick in bed. Catherine, believing she’s on her deathbed, tells Mary not to let Lola come between her and Francis. But we see that Nostradamus and Mary have drugged Catherine to make her think she’s ill, and to effectively put her out of commission just long to keep her from having a nobleman’s entire family murdered, as Young Narcisse now wants.
- Hot Cousin Louis offers Francis passage for Lola and the baby on a ship to the Netherlands, so that his son won’t have to grow up a bastard at court, like Bash. Francis plans to let Lola leave with the baby, as she wants, but then cruelly changes his mind after he finally holds his son for the first time.
- Young Narcisse proceeds with the poisoning on his own, before Mary can stop him, and an entire household of people at court are murdered. Yvette was in the suite at the time (maybe to meet Pastry Boy?) and ends up dead too.
- Bash is either hallucinating, or seeing dead people. Neither is a fantastic prospect. “There will be a reckoning.” Ugh, creepy ghost children. He goes looking for Kenna again, because the castle has done a terrible job at quarantine. He’s relieved to find her. But what about Pascal? Do we think he’s as dead as The Darkness storyline?
- Mary accuses Narcisse Jr. of murder and has him seized by the guards. They toss him in a cell with plague victims, just as he planned to have done to his enemy. I see what you did there, Mary.
History According to Reign
- The plague claims an alarming number of victims in the castle and village within 24 hours. Historically, most victims died two to seven days after initial infection.
- Francis II became king when he was 15 years-old and spent most of his life in poor health. It’s possible his marriage was never even consummated, and so even more unlikely that he would have fathered an illegitimate child with one of his wife’s ladies-in-waiting. But wouldn’t that have made for some spectacular gossip at court?
Number of Times I Forgot I Wasn’t Watching Gossip Girl: 2
1. “Welcome to your rule, my queen. And welcome to the real France.” It’s the original Upper East Side, y’all.
2. Hot Cousin Louis reveals to Francis that he’s travelling with his married mistress. Did NONE of these guys keep it in their pants?
Next week: I have no idea! I didn’t see a preview! Did you? Is my beloved Pastry Boy okay?