Previously on Reign: Crazy King Henry was killed in a jousting tournament (by a disguised Francis), but still manages to find time to possess a baby nurse. Lord Narcisse is intent on making life difficult for Mary, because she had his jackhole son killed.
It’s fancy ball season again! It’s been too long, right? How else will we know what an Urban Outfitters shopper would wear to a royal coronation? The answer: ALL THE HEADBANDS.
- Catherine has planned an ostentatious banquet, parades, and various entertainments to celebrate the coronation, despite the recent plague and current famine. She asks if Francis thinks it’s in bad taste. Mary calls it “grotesque.” They bicker, but Francis claims that Mary will pretend to know her place, until after the coronation, because they’re still waiting on the promised grain delivery from Narcisse.
- Kenna and Lola are chatting with two other ladies (one with an impossible shade of red hair) when it’s revealed that Kenna and Bash’s country estate burned down in the plague fires.
- Francis granted a baron title and estates on his illegitimate son. Kenna seems a bit miffed, but Bash doesn’t resent it in the slightest, because such an act would have made a huge difference in his life. Aw, Bash is too good for this world.
- Mary and Greer find Hot Cousin Louis blatantly conversing with a courtesan in broad daylight. There seems to be a little friction between Greer and Louis. Mary was hoping to match him up with Lola. But Greer thinks “He’s pleasant enough to look at, but I think Lola prefers a man who doesn’t measure love by the hour.” Oooh, BURN.
- Narcisse is stringing Francis along on the grain delivery, either for revenge, or just because he’s an ass. He’s also threatening the other nobles, to keep them from doing it instead.
- Narcisse then goes out of his way to taunt Catherine about going from Queen to Queen Mother and how she’s now about as relevant as a decorative vase. Is he new?
- A German Protestant Duke has arrived for the coronation and offers Mary grain in exchange for the release of prisoners that Henry had jailed, simply for being Protestants.
- Freaking Narcisse kidnaps the young son of Lord Ducasse, and dangles him off a balcony, to discourage the man from making a grain deal with Francis.
- The Protestant Duke really doesn’t care for more Catholic monarchs, but Mary makes a deal with him to exchange the prisoners for grain, without waiting around for the go-ahead from Francis.
- They’ve been unable to locate Francis because he’s gone off to the tent city to meet with some kind of fortune teller who communes with the dead, in order to find out if the baby nurse he dismissed is scamming him, or actually possessed by the spirit of his dead father. As you do. The nurse does seem to know a frightening amount of information about Henry that not just anyone would know.
- When Francis gets back to the castle, he’s angry at Mary for making business deals while he was off dealing with his dad’s ghost.
- Kenna receives an offer of a new estate for her and Bash from her new bestie, Lady Bernard. Bash informs her that it’s actually a bribe, since he’s in the middle of investigating Lord Bernard for murder. Poor Kenna. If it sounds too good to be true, girl, it is.
- A swordfight nearly breaks out when the enraged German duke reports that the prisoners he went to collect, had been tortured, and then removed from the garrison before he arrived. Francis seems clueless about the whole thing. I buy it.
- Kenna destroyed Bash’s proof of the murder committed by Bernard, but not for the bribe. She believed the threats from Lady Bernard that Bash would end up dead. Bash understands, but is still angry, because he takes his new Deputy job very seriously.
- Mary finds that Hot Cousin Louis orchestrated the theft of the Protestant prisoners (using his courtesan friend) to use them as leverage because his mistress was being held hostage. Mary tries to talk him into returning the prisoners to her to save the country from famine. He doesn’t seem super agreeable.
- But then Louis does return the prisoners, and Francis and Mary get to rub it into Narcisse’s face, that they were able to complete the grain deal with the German duke. Narcisse is suddenly a bit more interested in playing nice.
- Mary is grateful to Hot Cousin Louis for coming through for them. He’s impressed by her diplomacy, and obviously holds her in higher regard than he does Francis. Or, he wants to get in her pants.
- Francis tells Mary that he was wrong to ask her to take a step back from France’s affairs. He claims to want the same world she does. But the reality is probably that he noticed that she is way better at ruling. Which is handy, as Francis and Mary are officially crowned king and queen.
- Narcisse joins Catherine at her private outdoor celebration. He’s uncovered that she’s used her own money to send grain to some villages and had churches rebuilt around the countryside. He knows that it’s to ensure that she’s beloved, even as her power wanes. Narcisse predicts Mary and Francis will produce an heir soon.
- They are, ahem, seen working towards that end.
History According to Reign
- The Queen of France rides around the countryside on horseback, unaccompanied by any guards or attendants. Sure, why not?
- Since Francis II and Mary Queen of Scots were mere teenagers when they ascended to the throne of France, Francis appointed his mother, and Mary’s uncles, the Guise brothers to act as his regents. So, in reality, he wouldn’t have actually had to deal with those pesky nobles, like that ass, Narcisse.
- The antagonism between the Catholics and Protestants was hinted at here, but under Francis II’s reign, there were numerous revolts, and an attempted coup, due to his unpopular policies regarding Protestantism.
Number of Times I Forgot I Wasn’t Watching Gossip Girl: 2
1. Mary’s ridiculous hair extensions would be better suited to Little J, when she went through her rebellious period. And don’t even get me started on those earrings or banquet dress. Apparently, illusion netting has been around for 400 years.
Queen Catherine: “What are you doing here? There’s a party inside to celebrate the new king.”
Lord Narcisse: “And Queen.”
Oh Catherine, never change.
Queen Catherine: “Her too.”
What do we think? The ice skater look will be hot for Fall? And where’s our beloved Pastry Boy?
Next week: Mary is pregnant! Say what?! Bash is still going on about The Reckoning. Sigh.