Netflix Summary:
Medieval magic sends a 14th-century knight to modern-day Ohio, where he falls for a high school science teacher who is disillusioned by love.
FYA Summary:
In what might be the best worst Christmas movie ever made, Vanessa Hudgens plays Brooke, a hot science teacher with a baller house who was recently dumped and is now “disillusioned by love” which means she’s been single for like two weeks. Sir Cole is a 14th-century knight who makes a deal with a witch in the woods and finds himself transported to a Christmas fair in Brooke’s Ohio town. When she runs him over with her car (lol), she feels so guilty she brings him home to stay in her baller guest house, thinking his whole “I’m a 14th century knight” bit is the result of getting bonked on the head with her Honda. But the more time they spend together, the more Brooke finds herself falling for Sir Cole. What will happen when Sir Cole finally learns the magic of Christmas or whatever and the witch’s spell is broken and he can go back to his century???
Familiar Faces:
Vanessa Hudgens as Brooke
I’m glad that Vanessa Hudgens is leaning in to her new role as Woman From A Netflix Christmas Romance and collecting her paychecks accordingly. I really don’t know what to tell you about Brooke except that she’s almost exactly like all the other parts Vanessa plays in Christmas romance movies. What did you want, a SURPRISE?
Josh Whitehouse as Sir Cole
You might recognize Josh from his role as Hugh on Poldark, a show on which I can only hope he’s more convincing as a historical character. Because in The Knight Before Christmas, he’s much more believable as “guy from 2019 named Josh” than “guy from 1334 named Sir Cole.” He’s goofy and has goofy hair and even goofier chainmail, but he’s a loveable (albeit cringey) goof.
Couch-Sharing Capability: Either Very Low or Very High
I love a Christmas romance movie as much as the next gal, but this is a particularly ridiculous one with a very high level of cringe. I put it on while I skipped work to wrap presents and immediately felt the heat of second-hand embarrassment so hard, I was glad my husband wasn’t home to witness it. That said, it’s *so* ridiculous, that I wished I had a group of drunk friends present to watch with me so that I could make all the jokes I was dying to make, like it was Magic Mike XXL or something.
Recommended Level of Inebriation: Drinking Game
I mean, if the whole gang’s coming over to watch this movie and have a laugh…pass the Fireball Sangria and let’s make a drinking game out of it. Take a shot every time Sir Cole wears his Spirit Halloween knight costume during a pivotal moment in the story.
Use of Your Streaming Subscription: Christmas Background Noise
Listen, it’s December 19, I only want to watch Christmas movies for the next six days. If you want something festive that you can put on but not pay attention to while you bake Christmas cookies or wrap presents: this is it my friends. Or if you want to invite your friends over for a drunken Christmas-Rocky-Horror type movie night: this is also it my friends.
