Fix: Noah Centineo And…No, That’s Basically It
Platforms: Netflix
Netflix Summary:
To save up for college, Brooks Rattigan creates an app where anyone can pay him to play the perfect stand-in boyfriend for any occasion.
FYA Summary:
Noah Centineo—I mean, Brooks Rattigan—is so embarrassingly poor he doesn’t even have a BMW to drive to school and may need some kind of financial aid to get into Yale (his BAE). When a high-school turd complains about being paid to take his cousin to her formal when he’d much rather make out with his girlfriend at his empty house, Brooks jumps at the thought of some cash and a chance to drive around in the turd’s sweet ride. It turns out that Celia, the aforementioned cousin, is super prickly and kind of fun to be around, and she jokingly asks Brooks if this is his job, to take out girls whose parents force them to go to dances. It’s not, but it will be soon, because this inspired idea is Brooks chance to make some cash to get himself to Yale (he does know how much Yale costs, right? How much is his charging these dateless girls?).
Brooks Rattigan will be whomever you want him to be for a price—but who is when he’s not on duty? Can he even remember?
Familiar Faces:
Noah Centineo as Brooks Rattigan
Noah burst on the scene last year and we loved him for it, but I hope he take a moment to center himself and realize that he doesn’t need to jump at any ole role just to keep his cute face in our thoughts. He’s as charming as ever with that bright grin and cheery countenance, but Brooks Rattigan—arguably one of the most pretentious character names ever—is…a douche.
Exhibit A:
Noah makes him the loveable kind by sheer force of his Noah-ness, but a douche he is, nonetheless. I did not want Celia to forgive him, and I kind of hope he got rejected from Yale. Pretty sure that wasn’t what they wanted me to think.
Laura Marano as Celia Liberman
I guess I saw Laura in Lady Bird, though I have no recollection of that. She charmed me despite her flimsy role as too-cool-for-life Celia. Her wacky dancing (see below) and her face when she realized her crush was a complete wind-bag made it for me. I wanted good things for Celia, and I think she’ll find them once high school is over.
Similarly, Murph was too good for Brooks, and at least he knew it most of the time. Murph, I would never ditch our escape game(!) to go on a fake date with someone I didn’t know.
Camila is on Riverdale, obvs, and her character here is the blandest of pretty teen rich girls, though even she saw through Brooks’ bullshit.
Matt Walsh as Charlie Rattigan
Matt Walsh is, “Oh, that guy!” to me; he’s been a bit part of so many things, though his latest long-running series was Veep. To go from Veep to this…I’m guessing that Netflix pay was good and plenty for a minimal amount of work. Charlie is Brooks’ lazy dad who used to write but can’t get anything out after his wife left them years ago.
Couch-Sharing Capability: High
Gather together your guy-and-gal-pals who obsess over Noah Centineo so you can squee together. Or, if you have to watch it alone but still want some company, I’m sure there’s someone on Twitter who live-tweeted it.
Recommended Level of Inebriation: Spike The Punch
I think to honor the theme a nice rum punch would be a good fit, and you can feel superior that your drink is crafted for taste versus the weak punch from prom that these poor high-schoolers had to quickly spike before administration catches them.
Use of Your Streaming Subscription: You Know Why You’re Here…
…And it’s not because you’re super interested in how this not-so-original plot turns out. We’re here to pay close attention to Noah Centineo’s face, to find more moments where he looks like Mark Ruffalo to turn into gifs for our internet buddies, and idly wish his app was real so we could invite him out on a date anytime we wanted. Thanks for providing that much, at least, Netflix.
