Title: Melrose Place S2.E11 “Collision Course”
Melrose Place S2.E21 “Swept Away”
Melrose Place S2.E28 “The Bitch is Back”

Previous rewatch: The rest of Season 1

That’s right, Melrose Place recaps are back! What’s that? You didn’t notice they were missing? I know Season 1 was a major drag, but I promise we’re getting to the good stuff now. Here are three of the craziest episodes from Season 2.

2.11 “Collision Course”

In which Michael drives drunk (ASSHOLE) and crashes his car, paralyzing himself and putting Kimberly into a coma, then forces Matt to change his BAC test results by threatening to fire him if he doesn’t. 

Who’s Fucking Whom

  • Allison and Billy
  • Allison and Steve (almost)
  • Jane and Robert (her divorce attorney)
  • Sydney and Michael
  • Michael and Kimberly (well, almost)
  • Amanda and Jake

Scandal Count

  • Cheating: 4
  • Prostitution: 2
  • Stalking: 2
  • Drunk driving: 1
  • Xenophobia: 1
  • Evidence tampering: 1
  • Extortion: 1
  • Snooping: 1


Jane Mancini for her anti-cheating smacktalk on Allison.

’90s Fashion Sightings

(sorry the pic quality is kind of lame — I’m getting these while streaming on my iPad)

  • This is Sydney’s version of a high-class hooker.

  • Matt’s hospital threads. Paging Jamiroquai.

S2.E21 “Swept Away”

In which Jo is kidnapped by a drug dealer, and Sydney escalates her stalker blackmail campaign against Michael. Allison and Billy break up and get back together, and have no idea that NOBODY CARES.

Who’s Fucking Whom

  • Allison and Billy
  • Michael and Sydney
  • Reed and Jo (rape, and then she ends up pregnant)

Vocabulary Word of the Day


Scandal Count

  • Drug deal: 1
  • Kidnapping: 1
  • Boat theft: 1
  • Extortion: 1
  • Evidence tampering: 1
  • Misogynistic bullshit: 2
  • Assault: 2
  • Rape: 1
  • Harpooning: 1
  • Manslaughter: 1


Sydney, because she’s so deliciously fucking CRAZY, blackmailing Michael into marrying her.

’90s Fashion Sightings

  • A Jane Mancini original?

2.28 “The Bitch is Back”

In which Kimberly comes back, revealing she wasn’t dead after all, and she and Michael kick Sydney to the curb right when Syd was ready to give up hooking to be a good doctor’s wife. Amanda meets her mom, who heads up modeling agency Models, Inc. Allison and Billy are getting married (snooze) and her dad hires Baby Houseman’s sister to be their wedding planner.

Who’s Fucking Whom

  • Allison and Billy (snooze)
  • Michael and Sidney
  • Sidney and rich johns
  • Michael and Kimberly
  • Amanda and Jake

Scandal Count

  • Prostitution: 1
  • Faked death: 1
  • Mommy issues: 3
  • Daddy issues: 2 (and this isn’t even the episode that reveals Allison’s dad sexually abused her)
  • Domestic violence: 2
  • Blackmail: 1
  • Kimberly’s scar: 1


It’s a tie between CUH-RAZY Kimberly, who takes evil to a new level of awesomeness, and heartless, heartless Jane, who won’t take her hooker sister in after her (Jane’s) ex-husband kicks her out. Jane, ILU!

’90s Fashion Sightings

  • Work it, Amanda.

  • Jo’s rocking some great long-skirt-heavy-sweater combos, but let’s just take a minute to check out the model’s genie outfit. What do you think are Jo’s three wishes?

  • No wonder the bitchy wedding planner fired Jane. And there’s another great wacky tie/pleated pants ensemble from Billy. Get a haircut, Billy!

Hey, that was pretty fun! Next week, we’ll be hitting these highlights of Season 3:

3.2 “It’s a Bad World After All”
3.4 “Grand Delusions”
3.19 “They Shoot Mothers, Don’t They?: Part 2”

There’s also a Christmas episode based on A Christmas Carol, but since I hate that story and the only version I can stomach is Scrooged, I won’t be watching it.

Meghan is an erstwhile librarian in exile from Texas. She loves books, cooking and homey things like knitting and vintage cocktails. Although she’s around books all the time, she doesn’t get to read as much as she’d like.