Hi! I’m Kerensa and I’ve previously recapped teen gems like Gossip Girl and The Carrie Diaries for FYA. This summer I’ll be rewatching series one of the UK teen soap, Skins, which I haven’t watched since 2007! Join me on this perilous and apparently spliff filled journey—the whole first series is on Netflix (minus the original music—which is a huge BUMMER).
“Tony” introduces us to the Series 1 & 2 gang of friends–Anwar, Maxxie, Michelle, Sid, Cassie, Jal, Chris who are all led by the charismatic Tony Stonem. In typical Skins fashion (not entirely unlike Gossip Girl) this episode follows the group while they sort of go to school during the day and then RAGE at night. This time, since we’re on Tony, we’re primarily seeing it through him–calling his friends, trying out for choir, pissing off his stepdad, meeting his sister, Effy (another Skins legend) and crashing a party.
Let’s be very real here—the subtitle for this episode (hell, the whole first series) should be “teen sociopath.” Tony Stonem is probably one of the most casually evil and insane teen characters ever on TV. Like any good teen sociopath, he’s brutally hot. Shout out to Nicholas Hoult’s face! The general season structure of Skins, gives us an episode focused around each character, so here’s what we’ve found out about Tony so far—in no particular order.
1. He’s hot
The worst thing about Tony being so hot is that he totally knows it. He uses this to his advantage when getting dressed and ogling his naked next door neighbor. He uses it to work his way into an all-girls school and then to get his friends to a rich people party. Basically, Tony exists on using those blue eyes to get what he wants. Can you blame him?
2. He’s crazy
Yes, he has it together. He works out, eats healthy, dresses well but I’m pretty sure he’s the teenage Patrick Bateman. Everything he does is contingent on causing complete chaos—from trying to get his “loser friend” Sid laid, which means forcing Sid to go to the batshit crazy drug dealer Mad Twatter for weed. Virgin Sid ends up in a weird brothel, ends up getting an insane amount of weed (according to Tony, Sid needs to get a random girl “spliffed up” to go to the bonezone) that they don’t even end up needing. Now Virgin Sid owes Mad Twatter a ton of cash that he doesn’t have. But Tony clearly thrives on complete insanity and creating chaos—starting the fight at the party, accidentally submerging their stolen car—even when he tries to be redeemable.
3. He’s a shitty friend
See above Sid story. He also calls his friends at completely inopportune times—during Anwar’s prayer time, calls Sid out to his dad, Jal while she’s practicing the flute. Oh and the closest he actually got Sid to sex was Mad Twatter grabbing his balls.
4. He’s pretentious
He reads Sartre on the loo (am I allowed to use British slang if I’m writing about a British show?).
5. He’s a shitty boyfriend
He calls his girlfriend, Michelle, “nips.” This isn’t a cute pet name—it’s just to let her know that she has WEIRD LOOKING NIPPLES. Tony’s lucky that he’s seeing nipples at all, honestly. He also is totally fine with and willing to convince Michelle to sleep with Sid. MICHELLE GET OUT NOW! She won’t!
Overall “Tony” Judgment
JK Real “Tony” Judgment
Random Thoughts
- Bless Joe Dempsie’s (Chris) genetics because that awkward kid in the very culturally appropriative scarf becomes Gendry on Game of Thrones. YUP! That’s him, the one who probably makes swords off his washboard abs.
- Maxxie’s tap dancing routine is delightful.
- Sid’s love for Michelle is so awful and embarrassing to watch because we’ve all been there girl!
- I appreciate how much sex there is (or the promise of) even in this first episode because Skins is obviously a high level teen fantasy full of sex, drugs and rock & roll that is totally unrealistic but amazing.
- Mad Twatter looks like a dude who you’d see at your local hipster coffee shop. He’s wearing an absurd amount of charms and probably is into crystals.
- Angie is a mess. She’s that young teacher that everyone dreads having. And if you are a young teacher, who you are terrified you actually are. Don’t let Chris carry your books Angie! You are a GROWN WOMAN!
- Everything Cassie does completely breaks my heart—from jumping on the trampoline, rearranging the food in the kitchen to taking a bunch of pills. It is ALL SO SAD. But she’s SO insightful when talking to Sid about his love for Michelle.
- Drink every time you see sequins, stripes, Tiffany’s heart tag necklace or a ripped jean skirt!
- Maxxie’s “Big Gay Night Out” with Chris and Anwar is hilariously depressing.
- The soaking wet Walk of Shame the gang has is perfect.
Next week: let’s all feel ALL the feels about Cassie aka I’ll be crying throughout the entire episode.
About the Contributor:
Kerensa Cadenas is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.
