Drinks Taken: 18
Welcome back to the Dawson’s Creek Rewatch Project! Last week, Meredith asked me a v important question to which many of you can probably relate: how much body glitter did I wear back in the ’90s? And the answer is A LOT. So much. So many different colors. My parents HATED IT. Between that and the dark red lipstick and the DIY bindis I made (Gwen Stefani ilu) to stick to my forehead and my DIY bangs, I looked like a sparkly alien from the planet Gadzooks.
Let’s drink to mall memories!
The Dawson’s Creek Drinking Game
Drink Once every time:
Joey purses her mouth or chews on her lip
Joey tucks her hair behind her ear
Sex makes Dawson and/or Joey extremely uncomfortable
Grams says “Jennifaaah”
Andie gives an impassioned speech (or rant)
Jack wears the straightest shoes possible
Pacey wears a shirt that makes you want to blind yourself
Drink Twice every time:
You have literally no idea why Joey is mad
Pacey gives someone a really good hug
Cool Jen Lindley is totally crapped on by the universe
Onto the episodes!
2.18 “A Perfect Wedding”
Meredith was right, you guys – some shit GOES DOWN in this episode. We’ll get to that, but first! Yes, Joey’s dad is back from prison and ready to make things right, starting with getting his family out of debt. His brilliant idea: have the Ice House cater a local wedding. Bessie is 100% on board, but Joey is hesitant, mostly because she’s terrified – terrified of judgment, terrified of disaster, and most of all, terrified that her dad will break her heart all over again.
Jack gives Joey a great pep talk, as usual, and agrees to help out with the wedding – along with everyone else except for Jen, who wasn’t invited. Andie is firm on her anti-wedding stance, so Pacey offers a bet: if she doesn’t have a great time, she can keep the money they both earn. Meanwhile, Jen is feeling intensely bored after that whole misguided detour to Ty-ville, so she ditches that dumb Matrix jacket and gets back into Party Girl mode with Abby. They decide to crash this wedding and drink all the free champagne and maybe kiss a few boys.
The wedding isn’t exactly going off without a hitch, however. During her and Pacey’s regularly scheduled bickering session, the top of the wedding cake falls victim to Andie’s wildly exaggerated hand movements. Joey is having a breakdown because she doesn’t think they can handle this catering job, when really she just doesn’t think her dad can handle it. And the bride is having a severe case of jitters (that’s an understatement), and Dawson’s attempts to help are just making things worse (AS USUAL). Enter Jack, who uses his natural gift of Empathetic Motivational Speaking to calm the nauseated bride. No love is perfect, he says, but what she has is real, and being afraid is totally normal. Jack is the best.
While Andie and Pacey hilariously struggle to fix the top of the cake, Gail meets Mitch’s new lady-friend – and it’s Ms. Kennedy! Gail delivers an A+ ice queen glare, and on the one hand, ugh Mitch, of COURSE you’re dating one of Dawson’s teachers. But on the other hand, I mean, I’d be jealous too because Mädchen Amick is the mayor of Babe City. So much for Gail’s plan to win her hot dummy husband back.
Then it’s Dawson’s turn to get a pep talk from Jack, who encourages him to be there for Joey as only Dawson can because they are “inextricably intertwined.” He finds her and assures her that Mr. Potter is just as scared as she is, and that she shouldn’t care about dumb Capeside gossip. Joey makes up with her dad and eventually gets him to throw on a suit and share a lovely father-daughter dance before she switches over to Dawson and they make out, which is supposed to be really sweet but makes me cringe because hey kiddos, this is not your wedding and full-on sucking face in the middle of the dance floor is super inappropriate.
And while Happily Ever After is happening inside the wedding hall, Jen and Abby are getting sloshed on the pier. Abby says she’s not sure she’ll ever be happy:
…And then she does just that. Abby falls and smacks her head on the wooden railing, and as Jen drunkenly laughs, Abby delivers her final words: “Don’t laugh. That hurt, you bitch!” And then she falls into the water and DIES. Seeing her bluish corpse caked with blood in the final scene is straight-up horror business.
Ugh, Abby Morgan. You terrible, hilarious, scheming, maniacal, beautiful little teenage monster. I will miss you so much.
How many times did I have to drink?
Most recognizable song
“Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer, the official theme song of every late ’90s teen experience.
Pacey Witter’s best line
When Jack tells Pacey he’ll get paid 60 bucks to help with the catering, our charming Mr. Witter replies, “Sold! For 60 bucks I’d cater your ass!” This made me laugh probably way too hard.
Least likely dialogue
Andie is pumped to make some money at this wedding because, “I have been itching to buy a new pair of Nikes that I just recently saw advertised.”
Most likely dialogue
Abby: “I’m bored.”
The truest thing anybody said this week
Dawson, to Jack – “I talk to her for 20 minutes and she wants to jump out of a window, you come in and in two minutes, you save her marriage.” The power of Jack is strong. The power of Dawson? Not so much.
The second truest thing anybody said this week
Abby – “We’ll show Dawson and his little clique a wedding they’ll never forget.” TOO TRUE. Ugh, sob. RIP Abby Morgan.
Best pop culture reference
Gail tells Dawson that his movie is no Citizen Kane, but at least it’s not Bride of Chucky. Um, Gail, maybe I like Bride of Chucky, okay?
2.19 “Rest in Peace”
Joey and Dawson sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-OMG Abby’s dead. Joey and Dawson are just about to head up to his room when they find Jen sobbing on the porch because Abby is dead. Talk about a boner killer. Even in death, Abby is interfering. Love it.
Jen is seriously not coping with Abby’s death, and things only get worse at school when she sees her classmates grieving over someone they hated. While everyone else pretends that they’ve suffered some major loss, Jen feels like the only person who isn’t afraid to remember Abby as she truly was: a heinous monster, or as Pacey calls her, “one of the most hideous creatures to ever haunt the streets of Capeside.”
Joey isn’t sure that she wants to go to the funeral because she still hasn’t allowed herself to grieve for her mom, but Dawson thinks it’s time for her to address her feelings. Speaking of which, Gail won a fancy news award and has been offered a promotion, but it means moving to Philly. She doesn’t want to uproot Dawson, so Gail suggests that Mitch move back into the house and she’ll come back to visit as often as possible. Mitch’s response to this is a total shrug, which bums Dawson out because what doesn’t bum Dawson out – but to be fair, Mitch is being kind of turd. A handsome turd, but a turd no less.
Meanwhile, Andie runs into Abby’s mom, who says that our dearly departed brat often spoke fondly of Andie at home, which is like, what?! Anyway, she asks if Andie will give a eulogy because – shocker – no one has offered to do so, and ever the people-pleaser, Andie reluctantly agrees. But it’s not exactly easy to speak well of Abby, who spent her short life stirring pots and tormenting her peers. So much of “Rest in Peace” is devoted to the complexity of coping with the death of someone who wasn’t particularly great and whether it’s okay to remember them for the terrible person they were. It’s a pretty mature concept, and one that only Andie seems to handle with any grace. Jack probably would, too, if his participation in this episode wasn’t hilariously reduced to reaction shots.
Grams tries to be there for Jen, but her godly talk is just making things worse, and Jen is spending every waking moment guzzling booze and stumbling around like an obnoxious a-hole.
At the funeral, Jen gets up to deliver a eulogy and immediately launches into a bizarre, cynical speech about how Abby taught her how to do one-handed tequila shooters and reinforced her belief that God does not exist because if he did, why would he make someone as horrible as Abby? And why would he kill her off? It is uncomfortable.
Grams storms out of the funeral with a look of “I’m not angry, I’m just bitterly disappointed,” which is the WORST feeling you can elicit from a parental figure.
But don’t worry – our girl Andie saves the day. Despite finding a hate-filled diary during a covert mission to find something – anything – redeemable about Abby in her bedroom, Andie manages to deliver a great eulogy that speaks to who Abby was without lying to make her seem like the angel she never was:
Um, there are people who give me comfort in my life… who, when the going gets rough, which it unbearably does, I can count on them for a shoulder to cry on. And they will pick me up when I fall, and hold me in their arms while I cry and tell me that everything is going to be all right. I am so thankful for these people – they are priceless. But there’s another group of people, just as important and just as priceless… they’re the people who challenge me, who push me to my breaking points, and who force me to muster courage that I never thought I had. Abby Morgan was one of those people. In her own truth-telling way, she gave me strength. I’m a much stronger woman because of her. A woman who I never thought that I could be. She gave me that gift. She was one of a kind. There’s no one like her and she will always hold a special place in my heart.
And she’s right! Abby was a mischievous little jerk, but her scheming always forced people to confront their own hypocrisy and speak their truth. Andie is such an impressive, amazing, perfect human, and I love how she can see the good in EVERYONE despite their failings and despite her own setbacks. I want to be her BFF.
After the funeral, Dawson walks Joey to her mom’s grave, which Joey’s never visited in the three years since her mom died. Jen’s post-funeral experience is the opposite of heart-warming, as she returns home to discover that Grams has packed up all her crap and is kicking her out, and while it’s super heartbreaking, Jen kiiiiind of deserves it. She’s relentlessly disrespected the one person who has cared for her and tried to support her, who has been unfailingly patient through her bratty shenanigans. Jen needs Grams now more than ever, but she sure has spent a lot of time setting fire to that bridge.
How many times did I have to drink?
Grams’ best face
She has SO MANY this week, but man, this is good:
Most likely dialogue
Dawson, to Joey: “I don’t want to die with unlived life in my veins.” Settle down, emo kid.
Second most likely dialogue
Jen melodramatically declares, “The only truth that I know is pain!” Girl, you’re rocking that horrible jacket again, so these goth declarations are kind of redundant.
That’s it for this week! Meredith, here’s my question for you: do you think it was unfair for Grams to kick Jen out of the house? I mean, she’s only supposed to be like, 15 or 16.
Join Meredith back here next week as she covers “Reunited” and “Ch… Ch… Ch… Changes.”
About the Contributor:
Britt Hayes is a writer and sensible sweater enthusiast living in Austin, Texas. She loves movies, watches too much television, and her diet consists mostly of fruit snacks and revenge.