Drinks Taken: 24
Welcome back to the Dawson’s Creek Rewatch Project! Last week, Meredith asked me to weigh in on whether Season 3 Andie is remaining faithful to her character, and I have to agree with Mere’s impassioned defense. This is most DEFINITELY the Andie McPhee we know and love – her cracks are just showing a bit more than usual. Stealing the test answers and cheating on Pacey are, as Meredith said, just ways for Andie to try and exert some semblance of control over her life. That desperate desire to control is manifesting itself in new and troubling ways, and sure, it’s not Typical Andie of Season 2, but it is STILL Andie. And she needs our support now more than ever!
Let’s drink to Andie!
The Dawson’s Creek Drinking Game
Drink Once every time:
Joey purses her mouth or chews on her lip
Joey tucks her hair behind her ear
Sex makes Dawson and/or Joey extremely uncomfortable
Grams says “Jennifaaah”
Andie gives an impassioned speech (or rant)
Jack wears the straightest shoes possible
Pacey wears a shirt that makes you want to blind yourself
Drink Twice every time:
You have literally no idea why Joey is mad
Pacey gives someone a really good hug
Cool Jen Lindley is totally crapped on by the universe
Onto the eps!
3.04 “Home Movies”
We open this week’s episode with Pacey delivering a Betamax (are you that surprised) to Dawson to help him review some old footage of Gail’s news broadcasts – why? Because Gail lost a big story and if Dawson can get her a human interest piece before deadline, she might be able to use it, which means Dawson could get a little exposure. He pops in a video and it is an UH-DORABLE recording of his first meeting with Joey when they were teensy little kids, and of course she shoves Dawson and knocks him down. Atta girl.
Dawson has decided to do his piece on Jack, who has overcome (or is trying to overcome) the stigma of being gay while playing for the football team. His heart is in the right place, but there are some doubts, mostly from Mitch, who is so absorbed with coaching the team that he hasn’t really been paying attention to his own kid. Mitch thinks the profile of Jack will be a distraction and keeps putting off his interview, ultimately resulting in a big argument because Dawson interviewed the opposing team’s coach, and now they know how great Jack is at footballing or whatever. Ugh, sports. Anyway, Dawson rightfully thinks Mitch has been a crummy, unsupportive dad lately, and they leave things on an unpleasant note.
Mitch is no Coach Taylor, that’s for damn sure.
Meanwhile, Jen has just about HAD. IT. with this cheerleading nonsense, so she decides to quit the team. Unfortunately, there’s this whole silent auction thing and a kiss with the head cheerleader (aka Jen) is the ultimate prize. Jen tries to back out, but Gram and the little cheer-minions reveal that the money goes to an orphanage, guilting her into participating.
Andie is consumed by the guilt of stealing the PSAT answers, and a run-in with one of the testing people doesn’t help matters much. Also not helping? Principal Green tells Andie that he wants to meet with her on Monday morning about a disciplinary thing, which makes her think that he knows what she did. Andie rehearses a heartfelt explanation and apology, and goes to Jack to vent ever-so-vaguely about disappointing their dad – Jack thinks she’s talking about him, which is totally nuts because WHY would Andie guilt-trip Jack when she’s his biggest supporter? But she goes along with it to avoid telling Jack the truth, and just as Andie’s about to spill her guts to Principal Green, he reveals that their Monday meeting is about making her the head of some student disciplinary committee. Bullet dodged… for now.
So, what are those cutie patooties Joey and Pacey up to this week? Pacey convinces Joey to ditch class to go on a little adventure that involves picking up a mysterious package. He won’t tell Joey what’s inside or what this mission is all about, which predictably frustrates her to no end. Pacey thinks they need to hitch back to town, resulting in some v cute banter:
Joey lucks out with the first car to drive by – but her luck stops there because Principal Green just happens to be behind the wheel. Although he’s charmed as always by Pacey’s shenanigans, he decides to punish the two of them by making them wear the horse mascot costume at the football game.
Thanks to a quick pep talk with Joey, Dawson realizes that holding onto his resentment toward Mitch isn’t going to do either of them any favors, and he shows up to the locker room just in time to help Mitch with a little strategy. Now that the other team knows to target Jack, their best plan of action is to make Jack disappear – so they hide the numbers on the team’s jerseys with mud and have the cheerleaders put makeup on all the guys so they all look the same. It’s pretty cute.
The team wins (obvi), and it’s time to find out who won the kiss with Jen. In the least surprising turn of events EVER, it’s Henry!
Gah, he is the cutest. Meredith was right – you guys have NO IDEA how stoked I am about Michael Pitt. What a Babraham Lincoln. Oh, and Jen is also homecoming queen, which she is NOT thrilled about:
Joey and Pacey duck out of the game and continue their mystery mission, which takes them to the docks. Pacey finally reveals what’s inside the package, and if you’re like me, it might make you barf:
Pacey says he’s fixing up this little boat so he can sail around the world, but Joey thinks the boat isn’t big enough for all the supplies he’ll need. When she goes home that night, Joey pops in the video Dawson gave her of their first meeting and it makes her feel some things:
LET IT GO, JOE.
How many times did I have to drink? 11
Henry is the cutest
He’s trying SO HARD to impress Jen, who walks up just as he’s talking about his lucky charm: some old football player’s mouthguard. It is so gross, and he is so mortified, but he sells it for the $500 he needs to win a kiss from Jen. Worth it. Also, WHO THE HELL PAID $500 FOR A USED MOUTHGUARD.
Cool Jen Lindley’s coolest moment
Explaining why she’s ditching the squad:
You know, this whole thing just started as a bad joke, an excuse to get out some excess energy, but do you see what it’s turned into? I have pranced around in front of this entire school at pep rallies without even knowing what the hell pep is. I have listened to clack and prattle about car washes, dance-a-thons, and dog-sitting until I think I’m gonna puke up my homemade spirit cookies. And despite this itch I am getting on my ass from this polyester molest-me skirt, I’ve done it all with a smile on my face. But you know what, ladies, the smile is gone. I’m sorry, but there is no way I’m going to be sold off like some harem girl to the highest bidder. Everyone has a limit, and I’ve reached mine. I quit.
3.05 “Indian Summer”
Dawson is struggling with his film noir project for class, but luckily he finds himself actually living in a film noir – or at least a crummy teenage version of one. It’s FRIGGIN HOT in Capeside and everyone is all sweaty and shiny like The Rock’s biceps, which is the perfect setting for a little noir mystery. After spotting what appears to be a burglar in Jen and Gram’s house, Dawson phones the cops, but – SURPRISE, ugh – it’s just Eve. So Dawson gets rid of good ol’ Deputy Doug and interrogates our least favorite seductress about her little break-in.
As usual, she gives him the runaround, so Dawson does a little amateur sleuthing only to discover that Eve Whitman apparently doesn’t exist – not in the school’s files, and not at that strip club, either. Under the guise of needing help with his noir script, Dawson asks Doug what a cop would do to find someone who doesn’t want to be found, and Doug suggests hanging out at the laundromat because everyone has to do laundry at some point. Just as Pacey convinces Dawson to ditch his stakeout, they find Eve and tail her to the docks, where she changes clothes in a houseboat. While Pacey follows her, Dawson searches the boat for clues and snatches up a faded photo just before Doug shows up to bust him.
Apparently the cops have also been looking for Eve, and Pacey manages to get Dawson off the hook, but not before teasing Doug about his sexuality. Methinks the deputy doth protest too much:
Meanwhile, Jen and Jack continue to be The Cutest:
At school, Henry bemoans his complete lack of smoothness around Jen – a point proven when she casually strolls up sucking on a Bomb Pop, effectively melting Henry’s brain. But Jack has a plan: what if Henry didn’t have to endure the horror of asking Jen out on a date? What if they just happened to show up at the same place at the same time? Genius! Except… he sends Henry to Jack and Jen’s secret BFF spot, which supremely pisses her off and leaves poor bumbling cutie pants Henry feeling even worse.
Just as Grams is saying how Jack is earning his keep by making Jen so happy, Jen shows up and tears him a new one for trying to set her up with Henry without her permission. They make up soon enough and are back to being totally adorable and supportive BFFs:
Joey continues to be tormented by her disgusting, misogynist boss, who keeps asking her out on dates and making her feel super uncomfy. When she turns him down (again), he shows up at the docks to tell her that he found a date for the evening, who just happens to be the same age as Joey – and, seriously, GASP, it’s Andie. Joey tries to warn Andie, but she’s not having it, so Joey crashes their movie date like a Good Friend, and even though Andie is annoyed, she ultimately gets it. Later, Joey’s boss (whose name I still refuse to care about) tries to fire her, and she tells him to go to hell. Good riddance, boat bro.
Back in Teen Noir Land, Eve tries to get her photo back from Dawson, and he confronts her, demanding to know what her whole Deal is. I honestly wish she would just get the hell out of Capeside already, but ugh, fine, let’s hear her out: Eve tells Dawson this sad story about how she found out she was adopted, and the photo is of her birth mother. She knows that mystery mom lived around this neck of the woods, so she’s been searching for clues, and since she hasn’t found any, she’s decided to leave town. Yay!
Later, Dawson is over at Jen and Grams’ house, when he sees the same woman from Eve’s photo in a framed picture. Grams says that’s Jen’s mom. DUN DUN DUNNNN. The plot thickens, or maybe not, since Eve is a pathological liar. Who knows.
How many times did I have to drink?
The truest thing anybody said this week
Pacey tells Dawson why he doesn’t understand noir: “Well, what we’re watching here is the cinema of cynicism. No self-respecting son of Spielberg would feel comfortable in a morally ambiguous world populated with hard-boiled antiheroes and duplicitous femme fatales.” Nailed it.
Most meta moment
Eve, played by SVH former star Brittany Daniel, tells Dawson, “You should know I get quite the perverse little thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the Sweet Valley High extras you call your friends.”
Joey’s best comeback
When her dumb boss asks if all the teen girls are as uptight as she is, Joey snaps, “No, just the ones with half a brain.” Hey bro, don’t put that hose away just yet. You’ll need it for that SICK BURN.
Henry’s cutest face
All of his faces are cute, but I like how floored he is by Jen eating a popsicle:
Best pop culture reference
Henry, explaining why he can’t ask Jen out: “Probably if I ask her out, I’d hurl all over her like that little kid in South Park.”
That’s it for this week! Here’s my question for you, Meredith: How do we feel about Henry and Jen? Setting aside my mega crush on that babely Michael Pitt, I can remember when I was 16 and, like Jen, not only did I think I knew *everything* about relationships, but I also acted annoyingly superior to people who were only one year younger than me. Do you think Jen’s assumptions about him are correct, or do you think she’s being snotty and unfair?
Also! I have a question for those of you who are watching for the first time, like me: Do you think Jen and Eve share the same mom, or is this another one of Eve’s stupid lies? I honestly do not think I can handle it if we have to see her again.
Check back here next week when Meredith covers “Secrets and Lies” and the incredibly awesomely titled “Escape From Witch Island”!
About the Contributor:
Britt Hayes is a writer and sensible sweater enthusiast living in Austin, Texas. She loves movies, watches too much television, and her diet consists mostly of fruit snacks and revenge.