Drinks Taken: 25
Welcome back to the Dawson’s Creek Rewatch Project! Last week, Britt asked me two questions: 1) did Jack get a boner in the scene where Joey’s drawing him nude, because there’s some confusion on that score, and 2) do I still like Abby even though she is a legitimate monster?
1) 100% totally
2) 100% totally
Let’s drink to Abby’s monstrous awesomeness and Jack’s confused boner!
The Dawson’s Creek Drinking Game
Drink Once every time:
Joey purses her mouth or chews on her lip
Joey tucks her hair behind her ear
Sex makes Dawson and/or Joey extremely uncomfortable
Grams says “Jennifaaah”
Andie gives an impassioned speech (or rant)
Jack wears the straightest shoes possible
Pacey wears a shirt that makes you want to blind yourself
Drink Twice every time:
You have literally no idea why Joey is mad
Pacey gives someone a really good hug
Cool Jen Lindley is totally crapped on by the universe
Onto the episodes!
2.12 “Uncharted Waters”
Capeside’s taking a page out of Stars Hollow‘s book and creating city-wide events with the sole purpose of stirring up drama among our characters, and this week’s is the Father-Son Fishing Contest. Dawson, Mitch, Pacey and Sheriff Butthead are teaming up, and Dawson is being stubbornly unsympathetic to Pacey’s dread at this prospect. “You tend to exaggerate just a little bit,” he has the freaking NERVE to say to his best friend when his best friend is trying to tell him that he is terrified of his own father. GAH, you suck so much sometimes, Dawson. It doesn’t help that Sheriff Witter treats Dawson like the golden child, which has the compounded effect of a) further convincing Dawson that Pacey’s dad isn’t so bad and b) making Pacey feel even smaller in comparison. Sheriff Witter spends the trip downsizing Pacey in truly heartbreaking ways, not that stupid Dawson notices.
Dawson continues to suck in two different ways: he keeps criticizing Mitch for being a useless layabout, and while THAT IS TRUE, a) Mitch is also a babe so shut up and b) he’s a GOOD FATHER who LOVES YOU and jeezy chreezy, compare that to Pacey’s nightmare situation and maybe get some perspective once in a while, you dipshit. The second (third? infinite?) way that Dawson sucks is by throwing a hissy fit when Pacey invites Jack on the father-son trip. Pacey invited him because Pacey’s a nice guy who noticed that Jack is dealing with a father who bailed on him, a mother and sister who need constant emotional bolstering and also some other stuff that will become clear shortly. Dawson keeps giving Pacey a hard time about it, like Pacey needs anyone else bagging on him right now, and he keeps pouting and throwing jabs Jack’s way, until Jack tells him off, forcing him to understand how shittily he’s been behaving to Jack, Pacey and Mitch, all of whom have been going through a seriously rough time lately. Finally a lightbulb goes off over Dawson’s giant brick-shaped noggin. Jack and Dawson seem to come to an understanding here, and thus ends the least masculine manfight of all time.
The fellas take a fishing break at a bar, and Sheriff Witter gets scarily trashed and starts threatening and intimidating Pacey during a darts match. Pacey throws the game just to keep his dad from losing it, and then later, as Sheriff Witter passes out on the beach, Pacey gives a monologue that makes me just about sob every time I see it. Joshua Jackson is such a good actor, and he gives his all in this scene, making Pacey a character of more nuance and substance than anyone else on Dawson’s Creek.
The next day, Pacey reels in a giant fish and wins the big trophy! As this young man who has had so little reason to celebrate in his life takes FIVE SECONDS to enjoy his triumph, his goddamn father tells him, “Be proud of yourself. Enjoy this moment. You probably won’t have many more like it.” Pacey looks completely crushed, and then his best friend finally steps up and says the right thing:
I know it’s not the same, but there are people in your life who recognize and respect your talent and intelligence. One of them is standing right in front of you.
And THEN, Dawson goes to Mitch and basically tells him that, although Mitch is terminally unemployable and can’t even fix a dishwasher, he’s a really good father who has loved and supported Dawson unconditionally, and Dawson now understands how important that is. They hug, and it’s sweet. Aww, Mitch.
So meanwhile, what are the ladies up to? Gail’s producing a news segment on how teenage girls are “the new consumer phenomenon,” like it’s suddenly newsworthy that teenage girls buy a lot of shit. Jen’s helping Gail organize a girls’ night so she can interview everyone, and she tells Joey about it, calling Mrs. Leery by her first name. Joey’s hackles are UP. She’s already feeling threatened after Dawson gushes over what a terrific job Jen’s doing in Joey’s former role of film producer, and now Jen’s moving in on Joey’s surrogate mom and calling her by her first name when Joey’s never dared. Of course, none of this is really fair of Joey: Jen’s mom isn’t dead but she might as well be, for all of the interest she’s shown in Jen’s life, and Joey passed on being Dawson’s producer before he offered the position to Jen. And Jen’s being really nice about all of this to Joey, but getting nothing but patented Joey Potter scowls and insults in return.
So the interview – including Jen, Joey, Abby and Andie – starts out terribly awkward, until they take a break, raid Dawson’s room and find his porn, which is OF COURSE titled “Good Will Humping.” That is literally the only pornography I can imagine Dawson Leery watching. They all laugh and relax a little and then start baring their souls to Gail – mostly Abby, who keeps stealing everybody’s thunder and not giving anyone else a chance to speak, until Gail kicks her out. Poor Abby. Then the rest of the girls open up, and after Jen talks some about how hard it’s been for her to find her place since she’s no longer the New York wild child, Joey admits, vulnerably, that because she’s been Small Town Joey Potter her whole life, she’s intimidated by anyone who’s had more experiences than she has. Afterwards, Jen and Joey have this GREAT talk, and admit they respect each other tremendously. I respect both of you ladies so much!!
Two more heart-wrenching scenes in what has already been a heart-wrenching episode: Andie finds Abby outside the next morning, because Abby didn’t want to admit to her mom that she’d been kicked out of the interview. She tries to whine about how hard it is to be her, but Andie – in that perfect, firm but loving Andie McPhee way – doesn’t let her off the hook about what a monster she usually is to all of them, but still manages to offer a semblance of friendship. Abby offers Andie a ride home in exchange, and it’s pretty nice.
And as Joey’s leaving the Leery house, Gail stops her and tells her how proud she is of the way Joey opened up, and tells her she always wanted a daughter, but realizes she’s had one all along in Joey. “I have always felt that way and, honey, I am so proud of the woman you’ve become.” GAH THIS EPISODE MAKES ME CRY.
How many times did I have to drink?
Most likely dialogue
Dawson, to Jack about losing Joey to him, “And trust me, that sucks.” Aww, it’s so rare that Dawson doesn’t say something like, “And trust me, I have felt an anguish like that of Tantalus as he looks upon the fruit he must never touch.”
Least likely dialogue
Poor Jen, sucking up to an impervious Joey, “Nobody I know speaks their mind more eloquently or honestly than you do.” I’m buying that line about as much as Joey is.
Joey Potter’s bitchiest face
I love this little jerk.
To Dawson, who keeps claiming Jack “stole” Joey: “I didn’t steal Joey away from you. You of all people should know that she’s got a strong will and the intelligence of a Rhodes scholar. She’s not the kind of girl who lets herself get ‘stolen’… Fact of the matter is, Joey and I have something, and you aren’t going to like it. But if you have any respect for Joey, you better respect me.” Yeah!
The truest thing anybody said this week
Abby to Andie, “I play such a crucial role in this little circle and you all are too unimaginative to even notice.”
The grossest thing anybody said this week
While watching “Good Will Humping,” Abby tells the other girls, “You are aware that where this tape begins, Dawson finished, right?”
2.13 “His Leading Lady”
Dawson and Joey enjoy their first post-breakup movie night, and Joey’s pretending to love that Dawson seems to have moved on, but of course it bugs her. Here’s what doesn’t help that situation: filming’s about to begin on Dawson’s way-fictional and super-self-aggrandizing version of his broken relationship with Joey, with Chris playing Dawson (or “Wade”) and Abby playing Jen (or “Kim”)… but Dawson still needs a Joey! Or “Sammy,” as it were. So he ends up hiring Devon, played by Rachael Leigh Cook in ABSO PERFECT CASTING. She’s a college student who’s also a nude model in one of Joey’s art classes, and though she’s kind of an arrogant a-hole, I love her. Joey DESPISES her, which feels about right.
Filming goes sort of okay, though Devon is weirding Joey the hell out by copying her every move (extremely, hilariously well) and asking her incredibly invasive questions about herself and her relationship with Dawson. Jack is starting to get the sense that Joey isn’t over Dawson, and he’s right, and everything is a bit awkward and weird, especially since Joey’s now seeing herself replaced in two ways: 1) because Jen is Dawson’s new bestie and producer and 2) because Dawson literally hired an actress to replace her. It all blows up with Joey facing off against Dawson and telling him she’s not over their relationship and she hates seeing their worst moments play out on camera, and though Dawson’s response is at first very defensive, he later admits that he’s not over it either, he’s just doing the best he can. They sort of make up, and then Joey and Jack go out on another totally pointless and chemistry-free date.
Meanwhile, Andie’s starting to get really anxious, and her doctor is refusing to refill her Xanax prescription, suggesting Andie turn to therapy to deal with her problems, instead. It goes poorly, and she starts to get super edgy on set, finally yelling at Pacey and breaking up with him when he confronts her about the way she’s been acting. Pacey’s gutted, and Dawson tells him to just let her go, the way Dawson’s trying to do with Joey, and Pacey has the best response:
You know, Dawson, as textbook-healthy as the letting go theory sounds, and, you know, it may work out for you, it doesn’t apply to me. I mean, this isn’t just a case of teen romance gone sour. I know what I want. I want Andie. And she’s hurting right now. And whether she knows it or not, she needs me. I have absolutely no intention of letting her go.
So he goes over to Andie’s house and climbs her freaking trellis with a rose in his mouth so she’s forced to let him in through her bedroom window. MORTAL HUMAN BOYS, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. If literally anyone did this other than Pacey Witter, it would be terrifying stalker behavior, but he’s right – Andie does need him, and she was just trying to push him away because she’s scared. He tells her he loves her, and she cries and says the same. Gah, these two are so wonderful.
Finally, Grams is playing matchmaker! A nice boy named Ty helps her with her groceries, and Grams introduces him to Jen and volunteers him to work on the movie set. Ty’s cute and Jen approves of Grams’ choice, implausibly, and they spend much of the day hard-core flirting. After filming, Ty asks Jen on a date and she happily agrees – AND HE TAKES HER TO BIBLE STUDY WITH NO ADVANCE WARNING. THIS IS NOT COOL, TY. NOT COOL AT ALL. Girls need to KNOW if you’re planning on taking them to bible study, so they can either a) grab their bibles and do some advance reading or b) POLITELY DECLINE.
How many times did I have to drink?
You and me both, sister
Joey, to Dawson: “I’m kind of amazed at how together you are about us.” When Dawson acts even moderately together about ANYTHING, I am amazed.
When Dawson asks Devon to read his script and tell him what she thinks, she replies, “Careful, Dawson. Stronger men have been crushed by what I think.”
Okay, STFU, Devon
While trying to get a read from Joey on her character, Devon says, “Well, I think that Sammy and Wade are soulmates who will be forever connected by an overpowering, transcendent love. What do you think?” I think Sammy and Wade need to MOVE THE HELL ON, personally.
Least likely dialogue
Joey, to Dawson, “I know that our lives are destined to be intertwined…” YOU ARE TEENAGERS. At least this sentence ends with both of them admitting that they have to move on.
The truest thing anybody said this week
Pacey, checking out his posterior in Andie’s full-length mirror, “This butt belongs in the Hall of Fame, what do you say?” I SAY YES.
The second truest thing anybody said this week
Joey, scowling after the diminutive Devon, “She’s too short to play me.”
The least true thing anybody said this week
Devon’s trying to get to the root of Joey’s inexplicable anger for her character, and when she asks Joey about it, Joey gets typically furious, though tries to mask it under an unconvincingly cool demeanor. It’s so funny. “Oh, you see, I’m not actually angry by nature. That would be the fictional part of this autobiographical tale,” she seethes through gritted teeth. LIES! HILARIOUS LIES!
The sweetest thing anybody said this week
I LOVE THIS GRAMS SPEECH TO JEN: “You know, Jennifer, I watched you today and you know what I saw? I saw all these young people working together as a team for a common goal and I was so impressed. Then I realized who was in charge of everyone and I was so proud. I found myself watching a beautiful, accomplished, young woman who just happened to be my granddaughter.” <3
That’s it for this week! I have a question for you, Britt: obviously Rachael Leigh Cook is an inspired choice to play meta-fictional Joey. But who would you cast as meta-fictional Dawson, Jen and Pacey?
Meet Britt here next Wednesday morning as she covers the super riveting two-parter “To Be Or Not To Be…” and “…That Is The Question”!