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Lord have mercy, we are about to leave Season 3 in the rear view and I could not be more thrilled. Last week, Meredith took us on a tour of the hot mess known as Avery and Brainwashed Ben and it was NOT PRETTY. The good news is that we never have to lay eyes on Avery again, and the best news is that these are the last two episodes of this horrid season!
So cheers to that, y’all. We made it!
The Felicity Season Three Drinking Game Rules
Drink once every time:
You cringe during the “New Version of You” credit sequence.
Felicity is endearingly earnest.
Ben smiles sheepishly.
Noel is adorkable.
Elena is a better friend than anyone deserves.
Meghan is mean and it’s awesome.
Javier butchers a word or figure of speech.
Richard freaks out (in a good or bad way).
Drink twice every time:
Felicity stresses you out.
Felicity says, “Dear Sally.”
Sean invents something.
Javier refers to Ben as “Benjamin.”
Now let’s get this over with.
3.16 “It’s Raining Men”
Picking up where the last episode left off (when Noel kissed Felicity in the library), Felicity has fled the scene and Noel is right behind her. He eventually gets her to stop and talk, but he actually just wants to drop it–Felicity, being Felicity, can’t do that. “I feel like I don’t know how to be normal with you again,” she laments, and Noel replies that he doesn’t know the last time he felt that way, i.e. normal around her. They leave things painfully unresolved, but at least the same doesn’t apply to Felicity and Ben! She tells him that she hates the fight they had at the loft over Avery (girlfriend is generously forgiving), and they make up and hug. I… accept this, because I will die on the Team Ben hill.
And in even better news, Javier is back! Thank the benevolent gods of Dean & Deluca because this show has been way too bleak without him. Unfortunately, our favorite crunch starts feeling heart palpitations and ends up in the hospital, where he is convinced that he’s dying. “Are you there, God? It’s me, Javier.” Turns out, he has a heart arrhythmia, which is way better than a heart attack, but he’s going to be stuck in the hospital for a few days and turns over management of D&D to a very overwhelmed Felicity, who has to juggle this along with finals (which the end of Season 3 completely ignores, btw) and her Noel drama. Most of the staff aren’t available that week (what kind of shimsham operation is this?!) so she’s forced to ask Noel if he can pick up some shifts–after she’s cleared it with Ben, who’s fine with it. Noel, however, is not fine with it and refuses to help. “I can’t do this anymore,” he tells her. “I don’t want to be the loser guy friend anymore.” And because he hasn’t been a big enough dick, he says that the next time Ben effs up, he won’t be there for her.
Cut to D&D, where the espresso machine is spitting out steam in places it definitely shouldn’t. Felicity has to go to class and leaves Ben in charge, and when she comes back, the fire alarm is blaring and sprinklers are flooding the place with water. Ben, don’t quit your day job–oh wait. Noel, having recently received a much-needed reminder from Saint Molly that his friendship with Felicity is special, shows up and helps them turn off the water, then sticks around to clean up.
The truce lasts for about as long as you think it will, i.e. no time at all. Felicity and Ben’s plans to spend the summer in Boulder are upended after his job there gets canceled, so Felicity decides she should take the job with Noel in Seattle–and that Ben should come with her. Upon hearing this caveat, Noel retracts the job offer because he is a big honking scoop of Pralines ‘n’ Dick, then Ben pushes him to the floor and a D&D customer has to break them apart. Gah I hate Season 3!
Felicity does too, and she goes to Javier to let it all out. While I wish she would’ve gone to Elena (Show! Do NOT foresake those female friendships), Javier fills her shoes quite well with some Real Talk. He tells Felicity that she can’t have her cake and eat it too–she made her choice to be with Ben, and she can’t force Noel and Ben to be friends. Preach! As he’s dishing out this excellent advice, the doctor informs him that he’s free to go. “It’s not my time!” Javier giggles (like, he legit says “Hee hee!”), and we’re all VERY relieved because boy, does this show need him.
Speaking of vital characters, Temporary Security Guard Richard has reviewed the security footage from the night when the library got TP-ed and knows that Noel is the culprit. He can’t see the other person, but obvs, it’s Felicity. Richard tells Noel that he could be in serious trouble, but then, because Richard is a good friend, he convinces the Dean (who has got to be SO tired of these hooligans by this point) to offer Noel a lighter sentence: all he has to do is restock the toilet paper in every building on campus… a mere 300 bathrooms. That’s where, after telling Ben she wants to spend the summer with him, Felicity finds Noel, who is totally taking the fall for her. It’s clear that he still deeply cares for her, like, especially when he just says it: “I love you too much to be friends right now.” Man, we could have avoided so much shit if he had just been this clear in the first place!
Meanwhile, Meghan still doesn’t believe that she and Sean need couples therapy. “I dated a guy with a pierced scrotum. I’m just saying, that this is not the most abnormal relationship I’ve ever been in.” She eventually caves and they go, where the therapist, Dr. Zwick, suggests role playing, which leads to Meghan (as Sean) asking, “Wanna try my Smoothaise?” and I think we can all agree that it’s a dead-on impression. Of course they break up, and then Sean dares Meghan to go to the next appointment, and she does, but then it quickly goes south. Like, South Pole south, as in ice cold. Meghan rants at him, “You’re like this 27 year old guy who’s hanging out mostly with college students, inventing things that don’t work, spending all of your time making this worthless documentary and then finding God!” I mean, yeah, it’s true, but DAMN. Sean admits that not only was the Independent Film Channel not interested in the Docuventary, he overheard them on the phone laughing about it and calling it amateurish. Ouch. Poor dude is really beaten down, and Meghan immediately and earnestly apologizes to him by role playing as him. “But she [Meghan] loves me so much, because more than anything else, I, Sean, am brave. I try. I put myself out there.” It’s wonderfully sweet (in a way Meghan never is) and they make up and then starting making out and Dr. Zwick feels very uncomfortable.
Finally, we get to the FUN part of the episode: karaoke night at Epstein Bar, y’all! Things have been weird between Elena and DeForrest since she kissed him, but he gets her up on stage to sing “Play That Funky Music” with him, and it’s super cute. At the end of the night, she invites him in to her apartment, but he declines, not wanting to go down that road again. Elena, being Elena, accosts him the next day to say that she had a great time and that, “You’re the only person that’s obsessed with your fat!” Dang, it’s great to see Fierce Elena again. DeForrest realizes his fear is getting in the way of their potential relationship, so he visits her and confesses that he’s sick of being “the safe bet.” Then they kiss!
The episode ends with Sean’s bar mitzvah, set to Art Garfunkel’s “Perfect Moment,” and it’s a beautiful, bittersweet scene, especially when Felicity, seated next to Ben, gazes sadly at Noel, who refuses to look in her direction. But at least everyone else is happy! And cleaned up real nice!
How many times do I have to take a drink?
13
A Brief Reminder That We Used to Like Noel
Noel, looking at Felicity as she tries to turn the water off under raining sprinklers: How come there are no customers?
Javier in Pajamas Is Everything
Though it’s a shame that Felicity couldn’t find his lilac nightgown: “it has a periwinkle collar, very nice, it’s in plastic.” Especially because:
Javier in his hospital gown in bed: If I’m going to be observed, I want to be observed looking thin.
Can Every Night on Felicity Be Karaoke Night?
DeForrest dancing and singing “Play That Funky Music”
Karaoke Richard Is Quite Possibly My Favorite Richard
Richard emphatically singing “Jessie’s Girl”
Cameo
Teri Garr is comedic perfection as Dr. Zwick, the marriage counselor forced to deal with Sean and Meghan’s antics. I love it when she mistakes Meghan’s eyeball ring for a wedding ring.
3.17 “The Last Summer Ever”
The episode opens with Noel putting on his cap and gown and recording a tape to Felicity, “Dear Sally” style. It’s nice to see that callback, but it’s far better to see that Pavone is back! And still smoking, which made me happy in a way that I can’t justify because smoking is gross but hey, it’s Dr. Pavone, and that’s just her way. Felicity is earnestly (drink) sharing her realization that college is cruel, because you make all of these new friends and then it all ends with graduation. “Life outside of college ends too,” Pavone retorts, and god, I’ve missed her salty sass! Felicity hasn’t told Ben about Noel kissing her, and she clings to advice that Dr. Pavone once gave her about kindness being more important than honesty. Sure, but only if you’re being honest with yourself, which clearly Felicity isn’t, because she is soooo feeling some feels for Noel.
As if to combat that, she declares to Ben that they should spend the summer camping in New Mexico. Like, for months? Really? Ben can afford not to work? And why am I suddenly expecting Season 3 to make sense? Then Ben gets a call that he’s been accepted into this EMT program in Kansas City, which he didn’t tell Felicity about because he thought he had zero chance of getting in, but ever since the thing with Avery (ugh), he’s felt inspired by paramedics. He turns it down, partially because he wants to be with our girl but also because he doesn’t believe in himself, but of course Felicity encourages him to do it because she loves him and wants the best for him, even if that means spending the summer apart.
Then Ruby arrives! With her baby, Eva! She’s there for Noel’s graduation, but also, she later admits, to see if she and Noel still have a shot. (She’s wearing the bracelet he gave her so clearly, she hopes they do have a future.) Eventually Noel gently tells her that they don’t, and she knows it’s because he’s in love with Felicity, and she’s just so great and mature about it and pour one out for this waste of a wonderful character.
Speaking of excellent people, Tracy writes a letter to Elena and asks her to meet him. She agrees, in spite of her distrust, and he tells her that he never had sex with Rose. “Rose is logical, but she doesn’t make sense,” he confesses. “You make sense.” Fooling NO ONE, Elena says that she’s over him, but then she pays a visit to DeForrest, who has already guessed that she’s getting back with Tracy. I feel super bad for him, especially because he is so sweet about it and makes it easy on her, but I do think that Elena is making the right choice. Then–HOLY SHIZZ–Tracy proposes!!! And Elena faints! It’s awesome, and I do love them together, but it also feels like… maybe just start dating again and go from there? What’s the rush?! Y’all already had sex!
Over in Sean and Meghan land (Shmeghan? Megsean? What the hell is their couple name?), summer plans are being discussed. Meghan assumes they’ll go to her parents’ house in Switzerland, because WHY NOT, but Sean thinks it’s emasculating to have his girlfriend’s parents pay for everything. Um. Dude. THOU ART A FOOL. He throws out all kinds of ideas, ranging from Atlantic City to camping (using the equipment Felicity rented, since she and Ben aren’t going to NM), and none of them come REMOTELY close to freaking Switzerland. And I know I’m using a lot of all caps right now but turning down a free SUMMER IN SWITZERLAND is the DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD and it makes me ANGRY. Fortunately for my blood pressure and for Meghan and Sean’s relationship, Sean finally accepts that they should go to Switzerland. THANK YOU.
Back to the Noel and Felicity drama! For a graduation gift, Felicity finds a book that Noel wanted sophomore year that was out of print, but Noel refuses to accept it, because it would remind him of her. EYE ROLL. Dr. Pavone later tells Felicity that she’s grieving the death of a friendship, but Felicity refuses to let it die, and she goes to Noel’s graduation, where he apologizes (good) and she meets his mom (awkward). Cutting back to the beginning of the episode, we see Noel take the tape he recorded and put it into a box, labeled as a time capsule and containing mementos like the Boggle game and the Magic 8 Ball and the plastic gun from Assassin (um, NOT a great memory, Crane). On the tape, he says he has no doubt that they’ll get through this, and then we see Felicity, alone in the loft with a whole solitary summer ahead of her, discover the box. But, oh snap, Noel shows back up! Turns out his entire work project in Seattle was canceled, so he’s out of a job… and now they’re going to be in New York together, just the two of them. I’m sure only innocent fun will occur!
How many times do I have to take a drink?
7
Team Ben
Season 3 barely gave us enough time to recover from the horror that is Avery, but this finale did reinstate Ben as the Far Superior Choice, especially when he and Noel make peace. Noel does initiate the apology (props) and says he wants to say goodbye on decent terms, but Ben takes it a step further. After they shake hands, he asks Noel, “What’s it like, knowing what you want to do with your life?” and his face is so open and vulnerable and GAH what an angel. Felicity, please do not do what I know you’re going to do at the beginning of Season 4.
We Survived Season 3!!!!
I realize this gif is from Season 2 and believe me, I’d rather be watching Season 2 but whatever, WE DID IT AND WE DESERVE TO CELEBRATE! Also this is a nice reminder that we didn’t have to deal with Greg at all this season so hold on tight to that silver lining.
Okay, how do you feel about Noel’s behavior in these last two episodes? Is it justified or is he just a big baby?
And did Felicity forgive Ben too easily? Or are we simply thankful that the writers threw us a bone at the end?
Tune in next week for the start of senior year as Meredith begins the fourth and final season with “The Declaration” and “My Best Friend’s Wedding.”
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