Title: Gilmore Girls S5.E09 “Emily Says Hello”
Gilmore Girls S5.E10 “But Not as Cute as Pushkin”
Released: 2004
Series:  Gilmore Girls

Drinks Taken: 27
Cups of Coffee: 4

Last week, on Gilmore Girls

We’ve finally reached the coupling of one of my favorite couples in fictional couple history. Plus a bunch of other stuff, so let’s hop to!

But first! A reminder of our drinking game rules:

Emily, Lorelai, and Rory Gilmore all with drinks in their hands

The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.
Emily gets flustered by Lorelai’s bizarre sense of humor.
Sookie is controlling about food.
Paris is controlling about anything.
Michel snubs a customer.
Luke is crotchety.
Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.
The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.

Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.
You see a town troubadour.
Emily gets a new maid. 

Onto the episodes!

5.9 “Emily Says Hello”

Rory is fed up with Richard and Emily’s separation, and she decides that to resolve this situation, she and Lorelai must divide and conquer. At Friday night dinner, she spends the evening with Richard, and Lorelai spends it with Emily. You can imagined how pleased both of the elder Gilmore girls are at this change of plans.

Rory makes sorta-subtle references to Richard’s ending the estrangement and he responds with gentle humor, while Lorelai outright asks Emily if she and Richard will get back together, to which Emily replies that she’s going to start dating. She thinks Richard’s shown no interest in reuniting, and men are evidently always paying attention to her at the country club. I bet they are, girl! Get yours! Lorelai’s response is closer to horror, however, while poor Rory is just crushed – and very disappointed in Lorelai at failing so spectacularly at her mission.

Emily accepts a date with a handsome man from the club named Simon, and right before the date she completely panics. Lorelai comes over to rescue her from a wardrobe-induced anxiety attack (happens to the best of us), and Emily reflects fondly on the hours before her wedding to Richard. “You know, I remember the night I got married. Oh, I was panicked. I thought, ‘This is it. I’ll never have a chance to be with anyone else. This is it for life.’ If only I’d had a crystal ball, I might have been able to eat my salad. I remember it looked delicious.” God, I love that monologue. Anyway, despite the fact that it doesn’t seem like she really wants to do this, she goes through with the date. And of course Simon is dashing and erudite, and he and Emily have what seems to be a wonderful date, the conversation and wine flowing with ease…until he drops her off, and she walks into her empty foyer and starts to cry. Great episode for Emily.

Meanwhile, Lorelai realizes she hasn’t spoken to Christopher since Sherry ditched him and she found him steeping in his own filth, so she calls to check on him. He’s all weird and cagey at first, because of his scolding from Rory, but of course Lorelai doesn’t know about that so she cajoles him into lunch the following day – and then invites Rory as a surprise to them both. It’s warm and easy between Chris and Lorelai – because it always is – but when Rory arrives, things take a turn for the awkward FAST. When Lorelai leaves to take care of a situation at the front desk, Rory lays into Christopher for spending time with Lorelai after she expressly asked him not to do that. Rory’s being a little unfair here, but Christopher shows his immaturity quickly, saying things like, “Your mother and I have had a relationship long before you ever existed. We grew up together, we had a child together…” like YES CHRISTOPHER, WE KNOW, YOU’RE YELLING AT THAT CHILD RIGHT NOW. He storms off and Lorelai gets the scoop from Rory, and she seems surprised when she hears that Rory thinks Christopher will screw up her relationship with Luke. Rory asks how Luke took it when Lorelai told him about the lunch, and Lorelai lies to Rory when she says he didn’t mind – turns out she never told him in the first place.

On a lesser show, this would turn into a big, dramatic, multi-episode conflict, but on Gilmore Girls Lorelai heads directly to Luke’s to fess up. Luke takes a little time to process the information – mainly chewing on the fact that Lorelai told him afterward instead of before – but then he tells her that he’s okay with it, because Luke is great. There’s some other Luke stuff happening as he helps TJ do repairs on his new house with Liz, but let’s just skip all that, okay? It’s TJ.

And finally, at Yale, Paris is fasting and her mood is not improved by the situation. Marty and Rory are spending more time together, but it honestly could not seem more platonic on Rory’s end. She tells him, in the midst of a rant about her dad and her crummy week, that she and Dean broke up, and Marty’s ears perk up – but Rory’s already fallen asleep, because Marty’s kind of boring. (Sorry!)

Oh and also, Jackson’s still Town Selectman and he still hates it. Tedious plotline, but Jackson’s really cute to a very pregnant Sookie this week, so I’ll let it slide.

How many times do I have to drink?


How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?


Flirtation quota

Marty’s trying his darnedest but none of his attempts are really landing. Lorelai and Luke are hot and adorable as ever, “all loopholey and sockhoppy” as Rory puts it (it makes cute sense in context). And Emily’s flirting her ass off on her date with Simon – and it’s nice to see where Lorelai gets it, because Emily’s got Simon wrapped around one pretty pinky.

Best/most dated pop culture reference

Lorelai references one of my favorite movies (Jennifer’s Body) when she’s half-assedly agreeing with Emily that she’s ready to date. “Absolutely. Move on dot org.”

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

I have no idea what she’s planning on making with this stuff, but here’s her pregnancy craving grocery list: grapefruit juice, Milk Duds, Bloody Mary mix, extra-spicy turkey sausage, rappini, milk chocolate, artichoke hearts, taffy and walnuts. Okay, that’s probably not her best dish: Lorelai recommends the pork chops brined in a bourbon saltwater solution to Chris.

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

She’s dressed with utmost reason this week.

Outfit MVP

For instance, this sassy business suit she wears for her lunch with Chris at the Dragonfly. I love the flippy skirt, and up close you can see that her camisole has a bit of subtle sparkle to it.

Kirk insanity

Kirk confronts Jackson in an outrage because Sally Lannigan’s been selling her pine-needle sachets outside of the gazebo, and of course Kirk is allergic to pine.

Michel madness

Remember when I said Lorelai had “a situation” at the front desk? I’ll let her take it from here: “Michel has been obsessed with these guests who he swears are the notorious Bathrobe Bandits from the Independence Inn – at least the moles match – so apparently, they were checking out, and Michel stopped them and demanded they open their suitcases, and they refused, so he grabs the guy’s suitcase and starts tearing through all of his stuff, which, of course, went over really well. And when I got there, the wife was calling the cops, and the husband was chasing Michel around with a golf club. It took a comped bill and two free bathrobes in addition to the ones they had stolen to get them to drop the charges. Plus, Michel ripped his pants, and his underwear is pink and shiny.”

Best Gilmore Gal witticism

When Simon teases Emily that she runs with a bad crowd, she replies drily, “Oh, yes, I’m very dangerous. Ask my maids.”

Random observation

For both of these episodes, I feel like we get a bit of a reprieve from Rory’s Trust Fund Passage – she’s a little more like Chilton Rory here, working with naive and selfless determination to get her grandparents back together, and protecting her mom from Chris, even if it means estranging herself from her own dad. I like it. I also like that this episode features the return of something I’ve quite missed: some solid bestie conversations between Sookie and Lorelai.

5.10 “But Not as Cute as Pushkin”

Miss Patty’s throwing a party for her 40th show biz anniversary, and when Lorelai says that she and Luke will attend, she finds out that the party falls on November 30th, Luke’s “Dark Day.” This is a day when Luke doesn’t see anyone or speak to anyone, and Lorelai discovers in time that it’s the anniversary of his dad’s death. Luke is growing increasingly bad-tempered as the day approaches, but he tries to be honest and open about it with Lorelai. She appreciates the effort and seems to understand – and then she sees Luke berating a tiny old lady on a sidewalk.

Turns out this sweet old lady has been storing Luke’s dad’s boat for decades, but now she has to move to a nursing home. So naturally Luke yells at her. He tells her to just get rid of the boat, and then tells Lorelai he thinks it’s time to stop hanging onto it – but Lorelai buys the boat and stores it in her garage. When Luke finds the boat on his Dark Day, he grows furious, shouting at her that she never listens to him – she just acted as Lorelai would instead of the way Luke would. Lorelai is chagrined, and it’s their first big fight, but it ends in the best possible way. Luke finds her at Miss Patty’s party, and they both apologize earnestly, and then he tells her to keep thinking like Lorelai. They hug and kiss and it’s all so mature and wonderful, SO much healthier than the way we’ve seen either of them deal with relationship rifts in the past.

Blast from the past! Headmaster Charleston calls Rory to ask her if she’d like to host a prospective student from Chilton named Anna, and of course that little nerd Rory is THRILLED. She plans a jam-packed itinerary of libraries and benches and toe-touching, all riveting Yale traditions, and Anna dutifully takes notes on everything, although she seems more interested in boys and parties. Lucky for her, Logan walks up to Rory and Anna just as Rory’s doing this (let me hear a what-what from all my fellow book-sniffers!)

Logan suggests that Rory take Anna to the pub, and everything goes a little screwy from there. Anna’s lost all interest in Rory’s scholastic guidance and has gone full, Red Bull-fueled boy crazy. The next day in Rory’s philosophy class, Logan, Colin and Finn storm in to perform a fully obnoxious prank. I don’t feel like describing it, so fortunately someone’s made a comic out of the scene!

I find this scene irritating because, really, what a waste of time and how inconsiderate to the professor and other students, but I like how it all unfolds, since Rory tells Logan off with righteous indignation, and I’m proud of her for standing her ground even though she clearly likes him. She calls him a buttfaced miscreant! It’s pretty great – until she loses Anna as she’s scolding Logan. She and Marty look for Anna all over campus, and then Rory gets a call from Headmaster Charleston informing her that Anna was picked up by the campus police for underage drinking at a frat party. Rory feels terrible and thinks she’s “going to retroactively flunk high school.” BUT Rory gets Logan back by having Richard approach him and say that he heard Logan declared his feelings for Rory, so Richard is finalizing the engagement with Logan’s father, Mitchum. Logan is WIGGING and Rory and Richard exchange the cutest looks afterward:

MOST IMPORTANTLY. Paris’ life coach Terrence returns, and he tells Paris she needs to “get back out there” now that Asher’s out of the picture. So she goes speed-dating…and speed-dates Doyle right into her bed! After one night together, they’re already discussing their future with Terrence, and dammit, I love these two so much.

How many times do I have to drink?


How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?


Flirtation quota

Lorelai, about her ready access to pie whenever she stays over at Luke’s: “One quick trip downstairs and I have all the treats I want! You’re like Willy Wonka, but hotter.” And later, Luke talks about how Lorelai’s hair-flip can get him to do just about anything. “Combine that with your black dress and you could probably get me to be your backup dancer.” eee!

I guess Logan’s little spectacle counts as flirting, as misguided as it was. And poor Marty’s still giving it the old college try.

Best/most dated pop culture reference

One of my favorites of the whole series! When Paris gets dressed up and heads out of the dorm room to put herself “out there,” Rory says, “It’s eleven o’clock at night. Who are you hoping to hook up with now? Spike and Drusilla?” I love the Buffyness, obviously, but I also love what a grandma this line makes Rory.

Sookie’s best dish of the episode/Michel madness

Not this week.

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

She’s wearing a sleeveless vest over a short-sleeved tee over a three-quarter-sleeved shirt. I find her sleeve situation confusing.

Outfit MVP

Both of these ladies look great for Patty’s party, but I best love Sookie’s pretty floral print and embellished cardigan.

Kirk insanity

He’s selling ludicrously overpriced bath and shower decals. “Yesterday’s retro designs in today’s fashion colors with tomorrow’s traction technology.” (drink!)

Best Gilmore Gal witticism

When Rory’s frantically looking for Anna, she calls Lorelai: “Where would a 16-year-old girl go for a good time?” Lorelai: “Oh, how sad you had to come to me for this conversation. You were 16 a lot more recently than I was!”

Random observation

So as Marty and Rory are looking for Anna, she complains about Logan and says he must have it out for her to have pulled that prank. Marty snaps that of course Logan likes Rory, and tells her, “Stop being so naive. It’s annoying.” On the one hand, yes. Wake up, Rory – wake up to the way Logan and Marty feel about you. But on the other hand, I think I’ve finally hit on why I’ve never been Team Marty. He pouts here and decides to walk home when Rory offers to get them a cab, and I realize he’s acting like one of those entitled guys who always complain about being “Friend Zoned.” Rory has never led Marty on. She’s never treated him as anything other than a friend, and it’s too bad that he likes her more than she likes him, but he certainly has no cause to be mad at her about it. He’s the one who hasn’t been honest about his feelings – Rory’s been an open book.

So that’s it for this week! Meet us back here next Wednesday morning as we cover “Women of Questionable Morals” and “Come Home.”

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: Who’s Team Marty and Who’s Team Not Marty, and why? Lay it on me downstairs.

Meredith Borders is formerly the Texas-based editor of Fangoria and Birth.Movies.Death., now living and writing (and reading) in Germany. She’s been known to pop by Forever Young Adult since its inception, and she loves YA TV most ardently.