Title: Gilmore Girls S5.E11 “Women of Questionable Morals”
Gilmore Girls S5.E12 “Come Home”
Released: 2005
Series:  Gilmore Girls

Drinks Taken: 19
Cups of Coffee: 7

Last week, on Gilmore Girls

It’s week 37 of our Gilmore Girls Rewatch Project, we’re midway through Season 5 and guys, I’m getting nervous. Everyone is happy and getting along right now, but we all know that things are about to go screwy. So let’s just enjoy the harmony while we can, shall we?

But first! A reminder of our drinking game rules:

Emily, Lorelai, and Rory Gilmore all with drinks in their hands

The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.
Emily gets flustered by Lorelai’s bizarre sense of humor.
Sookie is controlling about food.
Paris is controlling about anything.
Michel snubs a customer.
Luke is crotchety.
Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.
The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.

Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.
You see a town troubadour.
Emily gets a new maid. 

Onto the episodes!

5.11 “Women of Questionable Morals”

Lorelai smells the first snow of the season and drags Luke out of bed moments before it arrives. As we are all well aware by now, it’s her favorite day of the year. Except – TWIST! – this is actually the worst day ever. All of the Dragonfly guests cancel because of the incoming storm, they’re out of coffee, her Jeep gets snowed in, she steps in an icy puddle and a dozen other little inconveniences all add up to Lorelai breaking up with Snow. (Typical Lor – one bad day in a relationship and she’s out the door.) Of course all the while Luke’s griping about the weather in typical crotchety fashion (drink!), but when he sees Lorelai rail at the frozen precipitation she once cherished, he decides to reunite his girlfriend with her first love. She comes home from a long day at work to discover that Luke HAS BUILT HER AN ICE RINK IN HER FRONT YARD. “I’m grumpy about stuff but I don’t want you to be,” he says. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE GREATEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD. I present to you Lorelai’s Snow Day: a portrait in gifs.

Meanwhile, Chris drops by Yale to attempt to reconcile with Rory after their big blowout. He invites her to breakfast and brings her coffee and is generally being pretty sweet, if manic, but Rory keeps blowing him off. I don’t entirely blame her – he’s disappointed her so many times – but she’s not really listening when he says the following: “I’ve been in Hartford a lot. My dad’s sick. My mom’s with the baby and I’ve had time to think, and maybe that’s not good, but my dad and I, we always had that wall, you know? And, God, for us to be that way, like my dad and me? I don’t want you visiting me when I’m old and cranky and you feel like you have to. I want you to visit now and I want you to want to.” Rory doesn’t crack, but later at Friday night dinner, Emily informs the girls that Straub, Christopher’s dad, has died. Rory feels AWFUL, and after dinner she brings milk and cookies to Chris’ house. They make up warmly, and when she leaves she tells Lorelai that she wants her to be there for Chris, too. Of course Lorelai is already pulling into his driveway with “grown up milk and cookies” – namely, tequila.

Thus far, we can agree that Lorelai has done no wrong, correct? She’s comforting her oldest friend the day his father, with whom he shared a terribly complicated relationship, passed away. Bringing over tequila, well, that’s just how Chris and Lorelai communicate. But the fact that she stayed there ALL NIGHT, polishing off a bottle of booze with him – it’s a grey area. (Particularly in light of what happened the last time they drank Jose Cuervo together.) Of course, Christopher was spilling his guts, and she couldn’t exactly cut him off – but then the next morning, when Luke asks her why her eyes are red, she lies – with Rory’s help. Rory insists Luke doesn’t need to know where Lorelai was last night, which is the single worst piece of advice Rory has ever given anyone. OF COURSE LUKE NEEDS TO KNOW. Now that she’s lied, now that she’s continuing to keep this from Luke even after HE BUILT HER A DAMN ICE RINK, well, now, Lorelai has done something wrong.

In much cuter news – Richard and Emily are warming up big time! A stray dog wanders into the yard, and Emily recruits Richard’s help. They work together to take care of the dog and locate her owners, and the entire time they’re being very solicitous of and even a bit flirty with each other. They both seem so pleased, so relieved by the other’s tender attention, and every moment with these two is the most adorable moment I’ve ever seen. Kelly Bishop and Edward Herrmann are such wonderful actors, and their chemistry is off the charts this week.

Finally, snow also means it’s time for the annual Stars Hollow Revolutionary War Re-Enactment, with the addition of a kindly prostitute whom Taylor recently learned used “her wiles to draw the General to her rooms and keep him occupied.” Taylor, Andrew and Reverend Skinner hold auditions for the courageous concubine, and Kirk’s overjoyed when Lulu is cast. Unfortunately, the day of the big show she gets sick, so Kirk wears the costume Lorelai made Lulu and woos Taylor, in character as the General. It’s all very Season One Stars Hollow.

How many times do I have to drink?


How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

4. You should know that before the Dragonfly’s coffee supply is replenished, Sookie catches Lorelai pouring old, half-drunk coffee from strange guests into one cup she intends to drink. Sookie’s reaction is so good: “Give me that! I’m ashamed of you. If that wasn’t a cry for help…”

Flirtation quota

Even before the ice rink, Luke and Lorelai are still so flirty. He talks about her “sexy walk,” among other things, and GAH, these two are so honeymoony all the time! Why on earth would Lorelai risk this? But hot damn if Emily and Richard aren’t the flirtiest couple of the week. When he reveals to her that Louis Vuitton has a website, Emily practically throws her panties at him.

Best/most dated pop culture reference

As Lorelai and Rory watch the re-enactment, Lorelai: “This dialogue is worse than From Justin To Kelly.”

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

I love seeing her bustle around the Dragonfly kitchen, surrounded by tasty business.

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

A short-sleeved turtleneck and what appear to be track pants. Lorelai, this is not appropriate work attire. (Your butt looks great, however.)

Outfit MVP

Kirk, rocking the hell out of the stalwart strumpet dress Lorelai made for Lulu.

Kirk insanity

I repeat:

Michel madness

Michel, drily as Lorelai geeks out about the snow: “I know. I haven’t been this excited since Madonna just dropped by Total Request Live.”

Best Gilmore Gal witticism

Lorelai, telling the story of the fearless floozy: “And she led him into her house and kept the fellow occupied.” Rory: “Occupied his brains out, huh?” Rory! I’m scandalized. Lorelai agrees, turning one of my favorite phrases: “Hey, don’t work blue.”

Random observation

While the heroic hooker storyline gets a little tedious, this feels like such an early Gilmore Girls ep, with the Lorelai snow delight and the quirky townie action, that I can’t help but feel pleasantly nostalgic. I’m of a belief that Gilmore Girls stays good until the end – with a few stinkers here and there, I’ll grant you – but there’s something about those early episodes that are just magical.

5.12 “Come Home”

Finally! Richard and Emily are being sweeter than ever to each other, and it looks like smooth sailing to makeup sex when one of Richard’s big-mouthed colleagues drops the bomb that Emily went on a date with Simon. Richard starts behaving coldly toward Emily again, to her dismay, and then when he sees her chatting with Simon in the valet line at a charity event, he rams into her car like a maniac and yells at Simon to leave her alone. He drives her home as they argue about Simon and Pennilyn Lott, and it all looks like a lost cause – until they get back to the house, and he sighs, “I don’t want to go back to the pool house.” Emily says simply, “Come home,” and just like that, the elder Gilmores are reunited, and I couldn’t be happier!

Neither could Rory, when Richard and Emily announce at Friday night dinner that they’ve reconciled and will be renewing their vows the following week, for their fortieth wedding anniversary. And while Lorelai’s playing it cool, I can tell she’s pretty happy too. She’ll be Emily’s maid of honor, and Rory will be Richard’s best man, and hoo boy, it’s all so lovely! Until Emily ushers Lorelai upstairs to help Emily pick out a dress (with Miss Celine – welcome back, Alex Borstein!), and Emily sees Lorelai idly holding a wedding dress up to herself and looking in the mirror. Emily’s eyes narrow.

Meanwhile, Rory’s decided to take her love life into her own hands. She finds Paris fanning a faint Doyle, who’s freaking out because Mitchum Huntzberger dropped by the paper and gave him a hard time about Logan’s never having a byline. Of course, Doyle assigned Logan a story and he hasn’t written a word, so Rory FAR too eagerly offers to meet up with Logan and loan him her own notes about the story. They meet at the pub, and she’s obviously crushing hard. She flirts nervously but cutely with him, and he’s definitely flirting back. He mentions a party Mitchum’s throwing for Seymour Hersh, and Rory hints that she’d love to attend, and Logan seems to pick up on the hint. She even gets herself out of Friday night dinner, but when they meet again on Friday so Logan can return her notes, he leaves for the party without inviting her. Rory’s crushed. Still, they are so cute in these scenes!

And I’m impressed with Rory for taking the initiative with this Logan thing.

Finally, Mrs. Kim and Lane are mad at each other again, after Mrs. Kim’s righteous street-damning of Zack. But Mrs. Kim still insists that Lane attend Lunar New Year, and Lane rebels by insisting on bringing the band. Gil has a great time jamming out with the Koreans, Brian gets hit on by Kyon, and Zack and Mrs. K actually agree on something! See, Lane’s stopped wearing her glasses since seeing herself in the new band photos and thinking she looks like “the Korean Buddy Holly,” and Zack misses her glasses. So does Mrs. K, unsurprisingly, so they start looking at pics of young Lane and smiling together, and it seems like this rift has healed, whether Lane wants it to or not.

Wait, not finally. That’s wishful thinking. This wonderful, happy episode ends in the worst way possible: after seeing Lorelai hold up the wedding dress, Emily goes to Christopher’s house, gives him an invitation to her and Richard’s vow renewal, and says this to him:

Emily: “I’ll come straight to the point, Christopher. Now, I have known you a long time. I watched you grow up. You were a charming boy. A weak, but charming boy. And to be completely honest, I never thought much of you. I still don’t.

However, you have good breeding. You come from an impeccable family and you love Lorelai. You’ve always loved Lorelai. You would’ve married her when she got pregnant. I know that. And you would have married her if that girlfriend of yours hadn’t gotten pregnant with this. [She gestures at Gigi.] I know that too.

Lorelai’s in a relationship now, did you know that? He owns a diner. He’s a divorcee. He’s uneducated, he’s not a proper stepfather for Rory and he’s completely unsuitable for Lorelai. My daughter is stubborn, but she’s capable of greatness. And watching her settle down with a man who could hold her back from that is unacceptable.

You, at least, won’t hold her back. She’s getting serious with this man. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. If you want a chance with Lorelai you had better do something. And you had better do something now. Timing has never been your strong point, Christopher. You should see if you can change that.”

Now, not only is that needlessly cruel to Chris just days after he lost his father, but the fact that Emily is actively trying to destroy Lorelai’s relationship with a man who very obviously makes her happy, truly happy, is despicable. She would rather Lorelai be with someone who is “weak, but charming,” someone she, by her own admission, doesn’t think much of just because he doesn’t own a diner? This is, without a doubt, the worst thing Emily’s ever done.

How many times do I have to drink?


How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?


Flirtation quota

Richard and Emily are killing it this week, and Rory’s all grown up and flirting with a boy instead of blushing and changing the subject when a boy flirts with her! Luke is still being amazing, building Lorelai a shelf in his closet and then buying her a TV in his bedroom. He thinks it’s the least he can do since she goes to bed early with him so he can wake up at diner hours, because they don’t want to spend a single night apart. GOD these two are so great right now and it’s crushing me. Luke is nervous about attending Richard and Emily’s vow renewal and GOD, DON’T DO IT, LUKE. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

Best/most dated pop culture reference

Zack’s response to Lane’s concern that she doesn’t look cute enough in the band photos: “We’re not Maroon 5 or the Gee Whiz Slicky Boys. We don’t want to look all fake.”

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

She cooks what I think is pork tenderloin and it looks great, but this week she’s mostly spending her time eating minibar Toblerones and watching Dark Shadows in vacant rooms at the Dragonfly because she needs a break from her family. I mean, Jackson’s sweet and all, but I’d need a break too.

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

This dress looks okay from here, but upon closer inspection, you may notice that the sleeves are crocheted and it’s adorned with several floppy knit flowers.

Outfit MVP

It’s lucky that Rory already looks so cute for her first meeting with Logan. That grey sweater has a scoop neck and a bit of sparkly thread running through it, and she’s paired it with a denim mini-skirt, patterned tights and cute boots. Plus her hair is nicely hot-rolled, and I love her scarf.

Kirk insanity

He’s interested in going into hotel management (drink!), so he starts shadowing the hapless Dragonfly staff, showing up to staff meetings and helping out in the kitchen, despite the fact that nobody invited him and nobody wants him there.

Michel madness

He’s investigating the case of the missing Toblerones with the sort of single-minded dedication Sherlock Holmes might reserve for heinous child murderers.

Best Gilmore Gal witticism

Lorelai, after Rory tells her she needs a favor: “Well, let me get out my list. Okay, I’ll write this favor down right under the one that says gave me life.”

Random observation

I hate this Emily scheme so much. It’s not that I don’t believe she’s capable of it, I just don’t want to believe she’s capable of it – particularly right now, when she’s basking in her own happiness with Richard. I hate that she can’t just accept and feel glad that her daughter is also happily in love, even if it’s with a man Emily finds socially unworthy.

That does us for this week, folks! Meet us back here next Wednesday morning for “Wedding Bell Blues” and “Say Something.” GAH, I’m nervous, you guys. Hold me.

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: who’s worse in these two episodes? Lorelai, for lying to Luke about Christopher, or Emily for actively trying to break up Luke and Lorelai?

Meredith Borders is formerly the Texas-based editor of Fangoria and Birth.Movies.Death., now living and writing (and reading) in Germany. She’s been known to pop by Forever Young Adult since its inception, and she loves YA TV most ardently.