Title: Gilmore Girls S5.E19 “But I’m A Gilmore”
Gilmore Girls S5.E20 “How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod?”
Released: 2005
Series:  Gilmore Girls

Drinks Taken: 37
Cups of Coffee: 6

Oof. It’s coming, you guys. We all know it’s coming. Season 6. Also: the end of Season 5. Conflict. Estrangement. Mystery children. Misery. Paul Anka (yay!). Let’s just hang in there and enjoy this period of peace while it lasts, okay? Okay.

But first! A reminder of our drinking game rules.

Emily, Lorelai, and Rory Gilmore all with drinks in their hands

The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.
Emily gets flustered by Lorelai’s bizarre sense of humor.
Sookie is controlling about food.
Paris is controlling about anything.
Michel snubs a customer.
Luke is crotchety.
Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.
The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.

Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.
You see a town troubadour.
Emily gets a new maid. 

Onto the episodes!

5.19 “But I’m A Gilmore”

Rory and Paris wake up hungover and miserable after last week’s shenanigans, and Lorelai does a little well-meaning chastising: “You, my beautiful, brainy, fabulous daughter, were lying on the floor of the bathroom, wondering what you had done wrong!” I already spoke last week about my feelings on this subject, so I’ll leave it to say that I understand where Lorelai’s coming from, but I certainly don’t begrudge Rory her one crying jag – especially since she followed it up by marching straight over to Logan’s and telling him in calm, certain terms that she just wants to be friends because she’s not a casual dating kind of girl. And even though I truly believe she went over there with no hidden agenda, it worked. Logan wants to be her boyfriend now:

Lorelai, naturally, doesn’t approve, but she’s doing her best to keep her thoughts to herself, especially because Rory tells her to keep her thoughts to herself. And I have to admit: when Logan commits, Logan commits. He introduces Rory to his sister, Honor, and then invites her to a dinner at his family’s house. Honor (who is pretty cool) is hoping Rory will cut the tension when she announces that she’s marrying Josh, her boyfriend of three years of whom the Huntzbergers apparently don’t approve.

But as it turns out, Rory herself is the source of the tension, because Logan’s mom and super mean grandpa don’t approve of her. Why? Glad you asked. According to Shira, Logan’s asshole mom WHO IS BY THE WAY NAMED SHIRA like some sort of jerk superhero: “I’m sure Rory understands. She wants to work. Isn’t that right, Rory? Emily’s always talking about you wanting to be a reporter and travel around doing this and that. A girl like Rory has no idea what it takes to be in this family, Logan. She wasn’t raised that way. She wasn’t bred for it. And this isn’t at all about her mother, it’s just, you come from two totally different worlds.” DANG. Logan handles it just right, telling off his family and ushering Rory out of the house. They run into his dad on the way out, and Mitchum is affable and acts as if he has no idea what happened.

Logan is silent all the way home and then drops Rory off without a word, and she thinks this means he’s spooked. She calls Lorelai, who immediately tells Rory it won’t ever work with Logan (while giving Logan credit for not wanting to lose Rory and for defending her to his mom), but then Logan shows up at Rory’s door. He apologizes very nicely for over-reacting and shutting her out. Guys, I like Logan. (Sorry, Lorelai!) And the next day, Mitchum drops by the Yale newsroom to offer an internship at one of his papers to Rory. Rory turns him down, telling him she knows he’s only offering because of what happened with Shira And Mean Grandpa, but he tells her she should take advantage of the opportunity anyway. So she does. He seems nice, doesn’t he? He SEEMS nice.

Meanwhile, at the Inn, Sookie’s been put on bed rest and of course she never prepared anyone to replace her, so Lorelai’s left in the lurch. At least she would be if she didn’t have the hottest, most talented and wonderful boyfriend in the wide world. Luke rushes into the kitchen, takes charge, speaks fluent (well, TV-fluent) Spanish to the cooks and immediately starts turning out amazing plates. GAH THIS GUY IS SO HOT. Sookie is of course super controlling and weird about the whole thing, spying on Luke from every angle, but in the end she admits that his food was great and says she’ll train one of her sous-chefs to take over for her until Baby 2 is born. Girl, I love you, but if your bed rest keeps Luke in the kitchen speaking Spanish and cooking risotto, I hope that baby stays inside of you forever.

And finally: Doyle’s sick, so he shows up to Paris’ dorm room hoping she’ll tend to him. Pre-med aside (and she’s really tired of having that thrown in her face, you guys), sick people freak Paris out, so she calls her Nanny (yay!) to take care of him. After hearing about Rory’s success in getting Logan to commit, Paris decides to take this opportune moment of having Doyle trapped in her bedroom to do the same. Doyle, of course, surrenders.

How many times do I have to drink?

23 (blame Sookie).

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?


Flirtation quota

It’s true: I really like Logan right now. But listen, he’s no Luke. I can only agree with Lorelai when she tells him, “You know, I love watching you cook. It’s hot.”

Best/most dated pop culture reference

Paris, upon hearing that Rory and Logan are now exclusive: “I don’t believe it! You did it. You landed the whale. You’re Annette Bening.”

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

Get out of the way, preggo! Let the sexy man work.

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

I think this is legitimately one of her worst outfits ever. I prefer the bedazzled, sort of racist shirts with geishas on them and shit.

Outfit MVP

Aww, Rory got so dressed up just to be dressed down:

Kirk insanity

As Rory and Paris are complaining of their hangovers, he’s suffering from a sugar OD. Paris: “Founders Day punch?” Kirk: “Abba Zabba.” It happens to the best of us, my friend.

Michel madness

Michel, “helping” Lorelai as she’s trying to figure out how to solve the Sookie situation: “We could order some pizza, or Chinese food, or perhaps one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces…”

Best Gilmore Gal witticism

Rory, trying to make Logan feel better about the tension at his family dinner: “Hmm. Remind me to tell you about the time my mother wore a shirt with a rhinestone penis on it and my grandma had her car towed.”

Random observation

I don’t love Rory’s response to Shira’s snobbery. Instead of bucking up under her arrogance and making it clear that she doesn’t give a damn what these jerks think of her, she responds with some snobbery of her own. “I mean, I’m a Gilmore! Do they know that? My ancestors came over on the Mayflower! I had a coming out party! I went to Chilton AND Yale – and why are they okay with Josh? I mean, he doesn’t even say anything! At least I noticed the Velazquez!” GROSS, RORY. Mark my words: this is a sign of things to come.

5.20 “How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod?”

This episode has the best cold open ever:

So Rory and Paris are happily ensconced in Boyfriend Land, and Rory’s even happier because of her Mitchum internship. I really don’t like Rory this episode – she keeps gushing over Mitchum to Logan, and also pumping him for information, which makes it seem like she’s with Logan for the wrong reasons. And then she’s so stammery and ditzy at the internship, and the whole thing just grosses me out. Eventually she appears to impress Mitchum, but only by using the information she mined from Logan instead of by working hard and paying attention. Ugh.

Lorelai’s trying her best to be excited about Rory’s internship, but she’s having a hard time with it. Richard, however, has no trouble showing enthusiasm about Lorelai’s American Travel Magazine cover, which is apparently still happening even though Lorelai tried to squelch it. Richard calls to arrange a meeting between Lorelai and a major hotelier named Mike Armstrong. Armstrong is apparently interested in buying the Dragonfly and leaving Lorelai and Sookie to run it, while also flying them all over the world to consult. Luke seems stricken at the idea – especially considering Dean’s speech last week – but he still supports Lorelai because he’s the best. Sookie and Lorelai daydream about the idea for a little while, before Sookie brings them back down to earth: “But I can’t do that. I have Davey and little No-name here, and Jackson. Jackson wouldn’t want to go topless in France. My life is here. But you could go! Your kid’s in college. You’re young. You love to travel. You look amazing topless. You could go. I mean, what’s stopping you?” Lorelai looks introspective, and it better be because she’s thinking the name LUKE.

When Lorelai hears that Richard and Emily invited Logan to dinner, she calls Emily and asks to be invited, because she wants to get to know Logan, too. Emily, still furious from the scene last week, tells her that if she shows up to this dinner, she’ll have to show up to all of them. Yet she doesn’t seem happy when Lorelai arrives, even though that means Emily won. Emily spends the entire evening diminishing Lorelai – intentionally forgetting her drink, coyly leaving her out of Yale-specific talk and doing everything she can to make Lorelai feel small. Lorelai keeps gamely trying to be a part of the conversation, but it’s all kind of sad.

Then Logan pulls some Life & Death Brigade business – stealing one of Emily’s knickknacks and replacing it with the knickknack of another rich person, because “Trust me. They never notice.” Hey Logan, allow me to introduce you to Emily Gilmore, because of COURSE she notices within seconds and immediately tries to fire her maid for it. Lorelai, who saw Logan take the knickknack, gets it back from him and returns it to Emily under the guise of finding it behind the centerpiece. (After some A+ scowling that probably scared Logan witless.) It’s worth mentioning here that neither Logan nor Rory speaks up when this poor maid is about to get fired for his dumb antics. Every time I start to like Logan, he has to dampen my spirits with some stupid Life & Death Brigade folly.

Logan and Rory leave – and Emily and Richard are practically falling all over themselves to compliment Logan on his way out the door, and to marry him off to Rory tout de suite – and as soon as they’re gone, Lorelai loses her temper. She tells Emily and Richard about Shira and Mean Grandpa, about the knickknack, everything she can think to say to make them dislike Logan as much as she does, but of course they’re just annoyed that Lorelai hates the first suitable boyfriend Rory’s ever had.

The evening ends badly and honestly, this episode isn’t very much fun, top to bottom. Except when Paris sings “Walking on Sunshine.” That part was fun. Oh yeah, and the Roomba thing.

How many times do I have to drink?


How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?


Flirtation quota

Luke has cooked this incredible meal (soft-shelled crabs amandine on a bed of wild rice) for Lorelai, just because, and that’s why I love him. Logan is very charming with Richard and Emily, and Rory’s pleased to see it, but I’m still annoyed with both of them.

Best/most dated pop culture reference

Rory, on Happy and In Love Paris: “Do not mock or make fun, because when Paris is happy, the whole world is happy. But when she’s not happy, the whole world is Deadwood.”

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

From the couch, she’s training Manny, her best sous chef, to make something with lemons, parsley and snap peas.

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

This sheer shirt with snap buttons and gold thread, ick.

Outfit MVP

Rory has so many pretty dresses this season.

Kirk insanity/Michel madness


Best Gilmore Gal witticism

Lorelai keeps making Rory return clothes she bought at New Haven stores and then changing her mind and making Rory re-purchase them. Rory: “I’ve already returned the capri pants twice. I’ve tried to return a couple of your other items that were all sales final, which makes me look retail simple.” I love the phrase “retail simple” so much.

Random observation

Logan (and Rory!) were both really uncool about the knickknack, but Lorelai sure was chomping at the bit, looking for an excuse to hate him, don’t you think? She jumps all over it – she acts gleefully vindicated at the prospect.

That’s it for this week! Meet us back here next Wednesday morning for the final two episodes of Season 5: “Blame Booze and Melville” and “A House Is Not a Home.” I’m nervous!

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: how are you feeling about Rory this week? Does it seem to anyone else that her attitude and personality change drastically the second she’s in a relationship with Logan? I think that explains Lorelai’s disapproval, but I blame Rory for this, not Logan.

Meredith Borders is formerly the Texas-based editor of Fangoria and Birth.Movies.Death., now living and writing (and reading) in Germany. She’s been known to pop by Forever Young Adult since its inception, and she loves YA TV most ardently.