About:

Title: Gilmore Girls S7.E11 “Santa’s Secret Stuff”
Gilmore Girls S7.E12 “To Whom It May Concern”
Released: 2007
Series:  Gilmore Girls

Drinks Taken: 21
Cups of Coffee: 3

Last week, on Gilmore Girls

I can’t believe we’re halfway through the final season of Gilmore Girls! I’m starting to grow a little misty about not getting to spend each Wednesday talking through every single life choice – from shoes to fellas – made by our beautiful blue-eyed gals with you guys anymore. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, let’s just enjoy the time we have left! 

 But first! A reminder of our drinking game rules. 

The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.
Emily gets flustered by Lorelai’s bizarre sense of humor.
Sookie is controlling about food.
Paris is controlling about anything.
Michel snubs a customer.
Luke is crotchety.
Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.
The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.

Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.
You see a town troubadour.
Emily gets a new maid. 

On to the episodes!

7.11 “Santa’s Secret Stuff”

Rory spent the holidays in London with Logan as originally planned, which means that they’ve made up from their fight of last week – Logan admitting he was jealous and Rory admitting she never should have let  Marty’s deception go so far. Because she is astonishingly co-dependent, Lorelai then forces Chris and Gigi to hold off on Christmas until Rory can return, and they enjoy all the usual yuletide festivities a week later. This means Christmas trees – old, puny, dying Christmas trees – are only a dollar a pop now, so the girls buy SEVEN of them. They loop Chris into all of their old traditions, and even allow him to start a couple of his own (though not without a few eye-rolls, because these ladies fear change like I fear whales). Their Christmas together is really adorable – Gigi in particular has grown into the cutest little kid – and it’s nice to see them share a sweet family memory they can all treasure forever. 

But it’s not without its own little duplicity – Lorelai’s hiding from Chris that Luke approached her at the Inn to write a character reference for his upcoming custody battle for April. Lorelai’s touched to be asked, but suspects Chris won’t love hearing about the request after their fight of last week, and she explains this to a wisely dubious Rory. Lorelai’s suffering some major writer’s block for this task, which both Rory and Sookie suspect has more to do with her lingering feelings for Luke than the simple pressure she feels for such an important mission: 

The pressure also lends itself to one of the great Lorelai Gilmore Babble Fests of the entire series:

Meanwhile, April surprises Luke by pulling one over on Anna and sneakily showing up at the diner. As a child of acrimonious divorce, I have to say I’m so impressed with the way Luke handles April. He never says a bad word about Anna, he’s so diplomatic about their custody disagreement and he’s still encouraging April to grow accustomed to the idea of moving to New Mexico. He also keeps trying to drive April back to Anna, considering Anna doesn’t know April’s there, but April convinces him to let her stay for a few hours. They go to the mall to return the rock polisher Luke bought her for Christmas since she already has one, and they run into Lorelai and Rory! These four have the warmest, most wonderful exchange as Rory and Luke start cutely reminiscing on all of the lame but incredibly sweet presents Luke has bought Rory over the years, and Lorelai gets this misty, faraway look in her eyes. All of a sudden, her writer’s block is over. She finishes the letter and resolutely mails it – and just as she drops it in the mailbox, it finally starts to snow in Stars Hollow. Beautiful.  

Poor, super-duper pregnant Lane is really, really grumpy. She’s snapping at customers, at Zack, at her mom and especially at Hep Alien when she forces a band practice after Zack moves her drum kit to the closet and then all the boys want to do is talk babies. Finally it’s revealed that she’s afraid of losing herself now that she’s going to be a mother of twins. 

Lane: “It was such a small window – a peephole, really. For years, I was this repressed kid, and then there was the briefest of windows. And then: slam! All of a sudden, I’m this overburdened mother. I barely got to do it, Zack. I barely got the chance to be a person.”

Great, heartbreaking delivery from Keiko Agena here. And I love this scene, as Zack cheers her up just as only he can, reminding her of all the rock stars who have children and promising her that they “can still go out and play.” He takes the grocery bag she’s holding for her and Lane smiles up at him, and all of a sudden there’s something in my eye. 

How many times do I have to drink?

4.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

1.

Flirtation quota

Chris and Lorelai are Christmas cuties, but good lord, my heart stops every time she shares a scene with Luke lately. 

Best/most dated pop culture reference

Rory, scolding Lorelai for keeping the letter from Chris: “You’re intentionally not telling him. That’s kind of a lie of omission.” Lorelai: “A lie of omission. Isn’t that an Ashley Judd/Morgan Freeman movie?”

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

Some delicious-looking Eggs Benedict.

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

Crazy Christmas sweater!

Outfit MVP

Sookie always chooses the FANCIEST chef’s clothing, and her pigtails are perfect here. 

Kirk insanity

Nope. 

Michel madness

He shows the utmost disdain when Luke arrives at the inn, which I’d like to think is solidarity for Lorelai.

Michel: “I see your sense of style has not changed. I’ve often wondered, does someone in your family own a flannel company?…You know what? I cannot do this. Let us just stand here and let the awkwardness wash over us.”

Best Gilmore Gal witticism

Chris: “Our trees are not classically good-looking. I mean if you were to look up ‘tree’ in the dictionary, you would not find one of these fellows.”

Lorelai: “Why would you look up ‘tree’ in the dictionary?”

Random observation

Maybe I’m projecting, but every time Luke brings up April to Lorelai – discussing the custody battle, or when he so easily brings her over to chat when they run into each other at the mall – I think I see a look on Lorelai’s face that begs, “WHY COULDN’T YOU DO THIS WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER?”

7.12 “To Whom It May Concern”

Lorelai wakes up early to find Sookie on her doorstep, asking if Lorelai can babysit the kids while she and Jackson take a skiing trip, since the babysitter canceled. Lorelai cheerfully agrees, but Sookie is acting increasingly NUTS, and Lorelai finally gets the scoop from Jackson. He never got that vasectomy, and Sookie’s pregnant again! Lorelai forces Jackson to tell an understandably VERY upset Sookie, and Lorelai talks her through it, reminding her that she actually likes babies. (This storyline is goofy, but it’s not Season 7’s fault – Melissa McCarthy’s actually pregnant here.)

Meanwhile, Chris is at home installing a flat-screen TV and searching for the level when he finds a copy of the letter Lorelai wrote for Luke. This scene is interspersed with scenes from Luke’s custody trial with Anna – Anna, who’s WORSE THAN EVER here, a full-blown villain telling Luke:

Anna: “Well, step back. Take a look at it. I mean, look at yourself. You’re a hermit living above a diner in some old, converted hardware store. It doesn’t exactly paint a picture of ‘capable father.’ And you know what, you’re not gonna get any points for your history with women, either. Bailed on Lorelai, got divorced in a heartbeat. You have had no long-term relationships, Luke. Why would a judge trust you to have one with April?”

I generally try to watch my language while writing about such a wholesome show, but you know what? FUCK YOU, ANNA. During the trial, the moderator reads a copy of Lorelai’s letter, and we see Luke’s face fill with emotion – just as Chris’ is filling with a different, angrier kind of emotion as he reads it at the same time: 

To whom it may concern,

In the nearly 10 years that I have known Luke Danes, I have come to know him as an honest and decent man. He’s also one of the most kind and caring persons I have ever met.

I’m a single mother, and I raised my daughter by myself, but once Luke Danes became my friend in this town, I never really felt alone. Luke and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but through it all, his relationship with my daughter, Rory, has never changed. He’s always been there for her, no matter what. He was there to celebrate her birthdays. He was there cheering her on at her high school graduation. Luke has been a sort of father figure in my daughter’s life. With his own daughter, Luke wasn’t given the opportunity to be there for her first 12 years, but he should be given that opportunity now. Once Luke Danes is in your life, he is in your life forever.

I know from personal experience what an amazing gift that is, and not to allow him access to his daughter would be to seriously deprive her of all this man has to offer, and he offers so much. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Lorelai Gilmore.

TEARS. TEARS FOREVER. And it works – Luke calls Lorelai the next day to tell her he’s won partial custody of April! He gets her one weekend a month and they’re splitting holidays and vacations, which is entirely fair and makes me happy for Luke and for April, but mostly I’m just celebrating out of spite for Anna. 

Lorelai returns from Sookie’s to find an irate Chris, who tells her the letter reads like a love letter, and asks her point blank if she’s still in love with Luke. Lorelai answers that she isn’t with a clear conscience (because she doesn’t seem to realize that she IS still in love with Luke), but Chris doesn’t buy it. “I’m sorry, Lor. I just can’t handle this. You and him. I just – I can’t handle being your second choice. I thought I could, but I can’t, all right? I can’t be your rebound. I’m sorry.” He leaves a devastated Lorelai. 

Meanwhile, Rory’s dealing with an extra-OCD Paris, who’s established an elaborate graduation/post-graduation schedule she’s entitled Operation Finish Line. Rory’s a little distracted over her guilt that Lucy still hasn’t forgiven her, even after Rory drops off a long letter explaining everything. When Paris and Rory are in the cafeteria, Paris sees Rory looking sadly at Lucy, and goes over to drop some Truth Bombs on Lucy. 

So sweet! Lucy admits that the letter affected her, and she and Rory happily make up (and we learn that she’s broken up with Marty, thank god). All seems well in Rory land – until she’s sitting in Richard’s class while he gives a lecture, and he suddenly grasps his chest and collapses as Rory runs toward him and the credits roll. THIS EPISODE, GAH. 

How many times do I have to drink?

17.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

2.

Flirtation quota/Lorelai’s craziest outfit/Kirk insanity/Michel madness

Nope.

Best/most dated pop culture reference

Paris, on Lucy: “Oh, so now she’s decided to just ignore you? How very Heathers of her.”

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

She makes a basket of muffin tops to bribe Lorelai into watching the kids. 

Outfit MVP

Excellent winter wear, Lor.

Best Gilmore Gal witticism

Sookie, on Jackson’s missing vasectomy: “I mean, what am I supposed to do – start watching him brush his teeth? Does he want me to start cutting his meat?” Lorelai: “I don’t think he wants his meat cut at all.” Hah! Such a good vasectomy joke.

Random observation

Poor Lorelai. What more is this woman going to have to go through in a year’s period? She’s been through ENOUGH. 


That’s it for this week, folks! Meet me back here next Wednesday morning as we talk about “I’d Rather Be in Philadelphia” and “Farewell, My Pet.”

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: I can’t decide if Chris is in the right here. Lorelai made a huge mistake keeping the letter from him, for sure, but he just bails on the marriage so easily. But at the same time, he’s right – he is Lorelai’s second choice. She IS still in love with Luke. Thoughts here? 

Meredith Borders is formerly the Texas-based editor of Fangoria and Birth.Movies.Death., now living and writing (and reading) in Germany. She’s been known to pop by Forever Young Adult since its inception, and she loves YA TV most ardently.