About:
You guys, the WORST THING just happened. I was all set to watch The Lying Game at its new time of 7 pm, and 57 minutes of nothing later, I realized it was last week’s episode and I still had to watch another hour! There’s a new time of 8 pm, or I don’t fully understand time zones, or both. SO. What you’re getting here is the result of two hours of brain atrophication.
Luckily for you, you can catch up on last week’s episode by reading Erin’s recap instead!
Before we dive into the show, let’s vote on which outfit ABC Family means some stylist is going to get fi-ired! ABC Family, why do you dress these teenagers like they’re 35 years old? Why?
The LBD Contenders
POLL: Which little black dress should spell little pink slip for a Lying Game stylist?
- Char’s! The poofy skirt! The upholstery tacks! No wonder she looks stunned. 43.66% (62 votes)
- Laurel’s! Did she make it from a motel room bedspread? 43.66% (62 votes)
- Hey, I like them both! I’m wearing one of them right now! 9.86% (14 votes)
- Other: 2.82% (4 votes)
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, can we also talk about the show titles? Why are they more interesting and simultaneously more confusing than the show itself? Sutton Island? I watched the whole show and I still don’t know what that means!
Ok, ok. The show! Wait, one more thing — you guys, I don’t have the energy to draw EVERY SINGLE ONE of the 37281097483718780239 billion scenes in this show, so I’ve settled for just a few choice moments to add to the yoozh recap style. Ready? Go! Freals this time!
Recap
Sutton’s locked up at the psych ward! She starts throwing her weight around, but hasn’t realized she doesn’t actually exist since she let Emma have her life, and gives the doctor her parents’ names and phone number.
Meanwhile, in the same hospital, Emma’s hanging out with Mads & Co at Eduardo’s bedside. Why is Emma wearing sequins as casual wear again? Thayer threatens Ethan with his dad, DA Nathan Petrelli, over Ethan’s clocking Thayer last week. He doesn’t know that DA Nathan Petrelli and Ethan have also engaged in fisticuffs. Mads and Char overhear the end of the convo and get the wrong end of the stick — they think Ethan is cheating on Sutton with some tramp named Emma, but they don’t know Emma is the tramp they think is Sutton. Mads is mad! So mad, she can’t pick her droopy face off the floor! Oh, Mads, SERIOUSLY girl. Eating disorders really prematurely age you, as does overtanning. Go get a cupcake! And maybe a cheeseburger, too!
Weird floaty pool credits. It’s like some random person in the art department created the credits, and some other random guy — maybe people they stop on the street? — made up the episode titles, because neither have anything to do with the actual show.
Laurel’s back at Justin’s Bachelor Squat Shack, where he’s folding his clothes and packing up to stash his stuff in his car before school. Laurel gets all concerned when faced with how the other half lives, but hey, at least he’s not on the street!
Nathan Petrelli shows up at the hospital to make sure he’s in the clear for Eduardo’s attempted murder. He discusses the accident report with CopBro, who gets a little suspicious. And so’s Ethan!
Mads is keeping vigil at Eduardo’s bedside when he wakes up. Emma walks in and Eduardo knows her. Nathan Petrelli said something about her! But what? We don’t find out before he strokes out!
Outside the hospital, Emma can’t get in touch with Sutton because she’s being held in the loony bin, and Thayer is trying to talk to her. They start piecing the puzzle together. Eduardo’s involved! Dizzam, guys, Phoenix is not THIS small of a city. All the participants in the twin crime shouldn’t be in each others’ pockets like this. Some advice: If you participate in an illegal babyselling scam, splitting up twins and selling them to rich families and locking the mom up in a psych ward, you should probably SPLIT UP EVERYONE INVOLVED and not keep them around in the same place where eventually people will figure things out! Beans get spilled! Cats get out of bags!
Emma: “I think someone’s watching me!”
Alec: “I will get you, little girl. Muahahahaha!”
Psych ward doctor calls Nathan Petrelli, freaking out about who tries to reinforce the coverup.
Back at home, Laurel outs Homeless Justin to Emma, then patronizes ex-foster kids. Real smooth, Laurel. But then she needs advice, because she’s ready to let Justin put his p in her v! At this point, I really wished I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You and learning how owning black lacy underpants meant you’ve done IT.
And everyone’s back at the vigil for Eduardo. Don’t these kids have school? Or is it night? I’m so confused. Thayer tells Mads he left home because of Nathan Petrelli, not because he slept with the real Sutton, whom everyone doesn’t know is the real Sutton because they don’t know there’s a fake Sutton. They all hate fake Sutton for breaking Thayer’s heart. Char doesn’t get it. Oh, Char. ilu. I hope Char turns out to be a secret CIA assassin or something.
Nathan Petrelli corners Rich Dad in the hospital, where apparently he’s a doctor? Keep the kids away from Eduardo! Or else beware bean spillage!
At the Trailer of Earthly Delights or whatever hilarious epithet Erin coined for Ethan and CopBro’s BroHut, Ethan confronts CopBro about his relationship with Nathan Petrelli. Do you owe him for making your shady past go away? Is it just me, or is CopBro a seriously low-rent John Belushi?
Rich Dad sends Mads and the kids home so they can’t hear Eduardo’s deathbed confession. Mads and Thayer call a conference and stage an intervention with Emma. Beans! Spill them! But of course she doesn’t, because then where would you be ABC Family? Without a show, that’s where!
Emma thinks someone’s following her home from the poolside intervention-that-was, so she hides behind a car and jumps out and pepper sprays someone! It was Ethan, following her home to make sure she was ok. She blows him off, but then gets a flat. Luckily he disregarded her stalk-me-not instructions and is still following her! And there’s no spare, so she decides to walk home, instead of getting a ride with Ethan. Except it’s scary out there at night, so she changes her mind and hops on his bike (not like that, you pervs). And girl, it’s a good thing, because I don’t care how in shape you are, walking 2 miles in those shoes would shred your feet.
Parked over in front of the Petrelli Mansion, Nathan Petrelli is trying to be fatherly with Thayer, and instead makes racial slurs against Mexican-Americans! Awesome! Mads pries into Thayer’s life to no avail.
Over at the Sutton House of Lies, Emma and Ethan might make up, but she doesn’t believe he’s not boning her as a replacement Sutton (Sutton Bot!). He feeds her some lines, but I’m too distracted by his weird teeth. Laurel “accidentally” pops in and interrupts. What is she wearing? Do teenage girls really wear tap pant nightie sets at home? Emma gives Laurel some sisterly advice about how to give Justin her flower without regretting it later, and there’s a seriously wayyyy off-the-mark Gilmore Girls reference. Neither of these girls comes CLOSE to earning that right.
Ring-ring! Psych lady calls the house to speak with Sutton. Emma talks to her and inadvertently ensures Sutton’s prolonged incarceration! Duh, Sutton, how could you forget about your sister? Trapped in a web of your own lies, Sutton, trapped in a web of your own lies. Maybe now there will be games? MAYBE Emma did it on purpose so she can stay rich, and all this acting nice is just a double front! Security! Ooh, hell-o security.
Thayer shows up in Emma’s room while Emma’s sleeping. He hacked Nathan Petrelli’s computer and found a connection between Nathan Petrelli and Char’s new boyfriend, the sleazy laptop-stealing pool invader. Thayer thinks it’s time to tell Char and Mads the truth about Sutton and Emma. Emma doesn’t want to lose the nice house and clothes and lame boyfriend. And speaking of lame boyfriends, Ethan walks in on Thayer and Emma talking in her room. He strongarms Thayer out and plays jealous, but Emma doesn’t want to share the details of her conversation.
Thayer goes over to Char, who’s in the pool. Again. He asks her why Nathan Petrelli is calling her boyfriend, and then hits on her (jokingly, of course. She’s like his sister!).
Sutton angles for another night in the cuckoo’s nest. I’ve gotta say, that orderly is totally worth sticking around in the cuckoo’s nest.
Thayer hacks Rich Dad’s computer. Laurel bops in to steal some wine to take to her deflowering. Laurel, teenage guys don’t care about scented candles, mood music and wine when it comes to being seduced.
Char and weird guy are making out, and she starts grilling him about the phone calls he’s exchanged with Nathan Petrelli. He brushes it off as an arrest for possession. Char tries to string together three words to make a sentence but fails, so they make out some more.
Sutton turns the charm on sexy orderly, who lets her out of her cage for 15 minutes. She uses his passkey to get into her mom’s room, where Birth Mom Annie Hobbs is staring at a painting. She looks uncannily like an even older mads, or OH Susan May Pratt! But really old!
YES!!! ABC Family’s 13 Nights of Halloween is starting soon! I LOVE 13 Nights of Halloween!!
Back in the cuckoo’s nest, Birth Mom Annie Hobbs, artist, aka Really Old Susan May Pratt, reaches out to Sutton. Sutton evades the hug and bombards her with questions instead, but Birth Mom Annie Hobbs, artist, aka Really Old Susan May Pratt is too doped up on thorazine to answer. All she says is she thinks she killed Emma. At least that’s what someone told her — I’m guessing Dr. Rich Dad and Nathan Petrelli. THAT’S how they broke her heart — way more boring than a Birth Mom Annie Hobbs sandwich. She calls for security, but luckily hot orderly is the one who comes running.
Laurel’s setting the stage for seduction over at Justin’s Bachelor Squat Shack. Seriously, Laurel, all Justin needs is a sext of your tits, not fancy underwear and some candles. Except, apparently he DOES need more than a sext of your tits. Is he Mormon? Or married? Or both, in which case it’s not a problem? He’s in love with her, and it’s scary! And he’s not ready to be rushed into sex! Haha, who am I kidding, of course he’s ready to be rushed into sex.
Justin: “I love you, but I don’t think I’m ready for sex!”
Laurel: “Perhaps this will change your mind!”
Back at the hospital, Eduardo wakes up to find Nathan Petrelli in his hospital room. Nathan looms. He questions Eduardo about the phone call he overheard, but Eduardo claims he doesn’t know anything.
Ethan is still stalking Emma and followed her to the hospital. Char and mads are also there! They want to know Emma’s secrets, but she won’t reveal them. Ethan tries to tell the girls Emma’s got a solo mission with Eduardo, but no way in hell is Mads going to let her near him alone, so they all go together. They are wearing some seriously impractical shoes for possibly having to run from hospital security. Eduardo’s stroking out again! And Dr. Rich Dad’s probably not going to save him this time! Emma may or may not be wearing these clown pants in this scene — I can’t remember when she had on this outfit, but someone needs to tell the girl these sequins really aren’t for daytime wear.
Over at Sutton’s House of Lies, Rich Mom’s freaking out because Laurel’s not home yet. Because she’s out giving away her flower! Rich Mom used her MomSpy software to get Laurel’s coordinates from her phone’s GPS tracker and she and Rich Dad head over to Justin’s Bachelor Squat Shack to break up the shag party.
All Emma’s friends stage Intervention: Part Deux at Mads’s pool. Emma plays the “finding my birth mother” card, and they all buy it. She’s still safe as Sutton. She tells them Nathan Petrelli’s afraid Eduardo overheard something on the phone. Then Nathan Petrelli walks up! He might have overheard them! All this overhearing! People need to be more careful.
Rich Parents creep into Justin’s Bachelor Squat Shack and find her in a postcoital slumber. Ruh-Roh!
Ethan: “C’mon, baby, throw me a bone. Don’t I get another chance to get in your pants?”
Sutton: “No, no, no! But I will taunt you by describing my plans to have a hot, sensual, slippery, naked bubble bath all alone in this big old house.”
Back at the cuckoo’s nest, Sutton’s being arrested and sent to Emma’s foster home in Las Vegas. take that, beeyotch!
And now someone’s creeping in Emma’s house. IT’S sleazy foster brother! GAG. He maybe just threatens to kill Sutton, and that’s a wrap.
