The O.C. S4.E08 “The Earth Girls Are Easy”
Drinks Taken: 9
Welcome back to The O.C. Rewatch Project! I want to thank our special guest rewatcher Miles for totally killing it last week, although I am intensely jealous that he got to cover the introduction of Pancakes – my all-time fave O.C. couple is def. Summer and Pancakes. PANCAKES.
Anyway! Last week Miles wrapped things up by asking how I feel about Julie and good ol’ Bullit, and tbh I love Julie and Bullit together. They are such a mismatched, weird couple, but it really works! I had almost forgotten about him until this season started, but I’m totally into his quasi-Bush dynasty thing, and sometimes the most odd couples make for the best couples – for both the sake of hilarity and cuteness.
Okay! Let’s drink to cute couples and Pancakes!
The O.C. Drinking Game
Drink once every time:
The ladies have a convo while primping in front of a mirror
Seth makes a nerdy reference
Ryan wears a white tank top
Anyone plays a video game
Summer says “ew”
Anyone eats a bagel
Anyone references The Valley
Drink twice every time:
Someone says “Newpsie”
Fisticuffs occur (three times for pool fights!)
Someone grabs a cup of coffee
Ryan and Seth read comic books
Kaitlin is a stone-cold badass
4.7 “The Chrismukk-huh?”
It’s Chrismukkah time again!
This actually might be my favorite Chrismukkah episode – the fourth season is so much more fun and exciting than any other, and while things start off pretty wacky this week, “The Chrismukk-huh?” is actually quite a sweet and meaningful episode. Taylor’s a Chrismukkah orphan because her stupid mom is going off to Cabo with some PYT, but she’s hoping that Ryan will invite her to dinner, even though things are not too serious yet. She comes bearing a very thoughtful gift:
But after he receives a mysterious lost letter in the mail from Marissa, Ryan doesn’t think it’s a good idea to invite Taylor over for dinner. So she puts her foot down…on a ladder, leading up to Ryan, and their bickering leads them both to falling off the roof and bumping their heads, where they both enter Alt World. Welcome to Alt World, aka The Darkest Timeline!
It is a bizarro, terrible place where Sandy and Kirsten are divorced – Sandy is the mayor (and pals with Arnold Schwarzenegger) and married to Julie, who’s having an affair with Che (Chester, in this world), who’s engaged to marry Summer, who is a total superficial dummy. Kirsten is married to Jimmy, who is apparently not a total crook, and Seth is first season Seth, complete with crippling neuroses and whiny nerd attitude. It’s AWFUL. Summer even comes with her own awful catchphrase: “That’s my job, bitch!”
In this world, Taylor and Ryan never existed, and everyone is deeply affected by it. As Taylor sums up nicely to Ryan: “Without you, Seth is the next unibomber, Sandy is married to Slutty McSlutterson, and Kirsten probably hasn’t had an orgasm in, like, a year.” Taylor decides that the only way they can wake up from their comas and return to the real world is to set things right in Alt World, which means getting Sandy and Kirsten back together and giving Seth the confidence to get together with Summer. Seth, by the way, is the only one who believes the Alt World scenario in both worlds because of course he does.
That’s not quite right, though. Taylor mistakenly believes that Marissa is still alive in this world, and when she tells Ryan this, he decides that maybe he doesn’t want to leave Alt World. But soon the truth comes out: Marissa died three years before when she OD’d in Tijuana. Without Ryan in this world to save her that night, she died a little earlier than planned. It’s horribly sad, but as Taylor points out, because of Ryan’s existence, Marissa got three more years – she got to fall in love and graduate from high school. Even though her life was still ultimately cut short, Ryan enriched her life, just as he enriched the lives of so many others. But what this really proves is that, Ryan or no, Marissa was meant to die, and thus he can relieve himself of the guilt that’s been holding him back.
The two of them decide to try and pull off their scheme at Kirsten and Jimmy’s Christmas party, where Taylor learns that in Alt World, her jerk store mom had a son named Taylor instead of a daughter, and she’s just as awful as ever. And so Taylor’s true mission in this world is revealed:
Even after Ryan and Taylor get everyone to understand that they need to be with the people they’re meant to be with, something still isn’t right. In the real world, Julie reads the letter Marissa wrote to Ryan the day she meant to leave Newport – she says she had to go, and it was the only way they could finally move on and have happier lives. This episode not only provides Ryan with the opportunity for closure, but it gives us a little Marissa Cooper closure as well (your mileage may vary). Ultimately, Ryan visits the lifeguard station in Alt World where he reads the letter and finally says goodbye to Marissa, allowing him to return to the real world.
Ugh this episode is so perfectly hilarious and sweet, and Taylor is just the absolute best version of Taylor Townsend yet. It makes me wish we had at least one more season with these knuckleheads.
How many times did I have to drink?
5. We’re really not drinking v much anymore, so I had a few extra for good measure.
White people be white
Kirsten has a “ham guy.”
Ain’t no party like a Cooper Christmas party
Best Taylor tell-off
Taylor: “I hope you grill your face!”
Most recognizable song
Sia’s amazingly haunting cover of Radiohead’s “Paranoid Android.” Also! The opening credits theme is equally as effective with Mates of State covering “California.”
Best Julie Cooper bitchery
It’s been a while, but Julie dug deep to find her inner bitch this week, telling Taylor’s mom that if she gets on the plane to Cabo (instead of attending to her comatose daughter, gah), Julie will tell security that she took a bomb on the plane. GO JULIE.
4.8 “The Earth Girls Are Easy”
It’s New Year’s Eve! Ryan is surprising Taylor with a Vegas New Year, and Taylor is surprising Ryan with some sexy lingerie – but she’s also surprising Summer with some shocking news: Summer might be pregnant. This week, on a very special episode of The O.C.:
Ugh, Summer, you should know better. The prospect of an unplanned baby has Summer examining her relationship with Seth and realizing he’s kind of a man-child (I mean, how could she not know this before). After incurring Summer’s wrath over a lack of New Year’s Eve plans, Seth decides to take her to Vegas with Ryan and Taylor, while Taylor packs a pregnancy test for the trip. Seth spies the test after being nosy, but Taylor claims it’s hers while Ryan remains aloof. During a brief pitstop Taylor forces Summer to take the test, but while the two are mustering the courage to look at the results, a woman in an alien costume steals Taylor’s purse – with the test inside.
So our favorite foursome set off on a wild chase into the desert, leading them to an alien-themed rave party at Area 51 (god it is SO 2006), where Ryan assumes Taylor must be pregnant because Seth told him about the test, which also means Taylor had a sidepiece at some point between her divorce and hooking up with Ryan. Taylor is super insecure about her divorce and especially concerned with how Ryan perceives her, so she assumes the worst of his assumptions and proceeds to get white girl wasted, while Seth suddenly realizes the test was Summer’s all along – but it’s too late for that and Summer and Taylor ditch the boys in the desert.
Meanwhile, Bullit and Kaitlin continue to make me long for a spin-off sitcom called “My New Daddy.” Although she presents a tough exterior, Kaitlin misses her dad and senses a good replacement figure in Bullit, who continues to delight the shit out of me every week. Am I supposed to find him annoying? BECAUSE I DO NOT. Kaitlin tries to help Bullit win Julie over, while Julie is distracted by her accidental man-whore business.
Enter Frank Perry, played by HERCULES HERCULES HERCULES! Okay so it’s Kevin Sorbo. Frank is a pal of Bullit’s and he’s been spying on Julie for some weird reason. Bullit hires Frank to get Julie’s accounting in order, making her appropriately paranoid, while Kirsten stands around at Bullit’s New Year’s Eve party with lots of confused-face, wondering why none of the women are with the men Kirsten chose for them. Suddenly Newport is Cougartown.
Seth and Ryan recover Taylor’s purse and hitch a ride back to Newport – along the way, Seth realizes that a pregnancy would not change his feelings about Summer, so he decides to propose to her with a cheapy little eyeball ring (IT IS 2006, or maybe 1999; I can hardly tell anymore). She accepts, but when they discover she’s not pregnant the looks on their faces are filled with internal doubt.
As for Frank – Sandy has a feeling he knows this guy from somewhere, but he can’t figure it out. Frank tells Julie he won’t rat her business out if she meets him in his hotel room, but he doesn’t want sex – he wants to know more about the Cohens because he’s not who he says he is (duh). And just as she asks Frank why he wants to know about the perfect little Newport family, Sandy Cohen’s eyebrows figure out where they know Frank from…
HE’S FRANK ATWOOD. Yup. He’s Ryan’s daddy. DUN DUN DUNNNN. Shyamalan-lan-a-ding-dong.
How many times did I have to drink?
Truest thing anyone said all week
Seth, to Ryan – “Couples that have comas together, stay together.”
Summer’s typical night with Seth includes “making new friends on MySpace.” HEY GUYS REMEMBER MYSPACE?! Top 8!
Best business advice
Spencer: “We’re running a male prostitution ring, Julie. Pizza’s the cost of business.”
Pizza is at the heart of all my business ventures, tbh.
Best reaction face
That’s it for this week! Meredith is making her glorious return next week, and I have a question for her: do you love Bullit as much as I do? Am I crazy for loving his relationship with Kaitlin aka Peanut?!
Be sure to check back in next week as Meredith covers “The My Two Dads” and “The French Connection”!
About the Contributor:
Britt Hayes is a writer and sensible sweater enthusiast living in Austin, Texas. She loves movies, watches too much television, and her diet consists mostly of fruit snacks and revenge.