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Title: The O.C. S4.E09 “The My Two Dads”
The O.C. S4.E10 “The French Connection”
Released: 2007
Series:  The O.C.

Drinks Taken: 22

Last week, on The O.C.

Welcome back to The O.C. Rewatch Project! Last week, Britt asked me how I feel about Julie and Bullit, and the answer is OBVIOUSLY I LOVE THEM. Though to be honest, I just love Julie and EVERYONE, because I love Julie, but Bullit is especially designed to delight me, with his goofy fish-out-of-waterness. Too bad Julie immediately blows it.

Let’s drink to Julie’s unerringly entertaining and ever-changing taste in men!

The O.C. Drinking Game

Drink once every time:

The ladies have a convo while primping in front of a mirror
Seth makes a nerdy reference
Ryan wears a white tank top
Anyone plays a video game
Summer says “ew”
Anyone eats a bagel
Anyone references The Valley

Drink twice every time: 

Someone says “Newpsie”
Fisticuffs occur (three times for pool fights!)
Someone grabs a cup of coffee
Ryan and Seth read comic books
Kaitlin is a stone-cold badass

4.9 “The My Two Dads”

Hercules Dad, also known as Kevin Sorbo, also known as Frank Atwood, wants to get to know his son Ryan. Sandy wisely defers to Ryan here, though when Ryan refuses, I believe Sandy is relieved because he wants to be Ryan’s only dad. Sandy, you’ll always be Ryan’s BEST dad, especially because Hercules dad then pulls a Royal Tenenbaum and pretends to be dying in order to spend some time with Ryan. This works, because none of the Cohens have seen The Royal Tenenbaums except Sandy, so it’s during a nice dinner at the Cohen house (in which Taylor is going to EXTREME lengths to impress Frank, as if he’s not some doofy-faced ex-con who’s pretending to be dying, like how hard is it to impress that guy?) that Sandy receives a call from Frank’s doctor and confirms that he’s in perfect health. Frank, I am…

Hercules: “VERY DISAPPOINTED!!!!!1”

So is Sandy, who promptly punches Frank and it is AWESOME. Ryan is all reasonable and emotionally healthy all of a sudden, so he just calmly tells a sputteringly apologetic Frank that he needs some time. Frank then makes out with Julie, who is dumb and blowing it with the thousand-times-more-awesome Bullit. Anyway, it was just one little kiss, so maybe Bullit never needs to know. (I honestly can’t remember what happens with this.) The best part of the whole Frank Atwood storyline, by the way, is how wonderfully Taylor and Ryan handle it together, with honest, open talks about their messed up families because these two are total grown-ups. And Taylor kills me when Ryan says, “No family’s perfect” and, gesturing to the Cohens, she smiles, “Well, yours is pretty close.”

Seth and Summer are both still extremely hesitant about this whole being engaged thing, but because they are at once perfect for each other and terrible for each other, instead of telling one another, they embark on a game of marital chicken in which they each try to scare the other out of the engagement. Seth asks Summer to take cooking classes and convert to Judaism, and Summer goes “all Bridezilla on his ass.”

Summer: “I am marrying you tonight.”
Seth: “Not if I marry you first.”

They each know the other is bluffing, but neither will give in, because they are Seth and Summer. Ryan and Taylor keep trying to reason them out of this, but they are literally in a car on their way to Vegas to elope when Seth buys himself some more time by telling Summer he wants to fly to Seattle to ask for her dad’s permission. She’s terrified to get her beloved dad involved, but weakly acquiesces. Looks like Seth won this round!

Finally, Kaitlyn is rebelling at school, the way she does best, when her teacher insists that a band geek start tutoring her. Kaitlyn tries to bully the band geek but he proves surprisingly tough, which she respects, and now she has a crush on him. THAT BAND GEEK IS CHRIS FUCKING BROWN. So he’s on this show now, and he mumbles a lot and it’s awful. Girl, please trust me when I say that you can do better.

How many times did I have to drink? 

8

Guess who? 

Look at this idiot.

How Taylor Townsend plans a wedding

Even though she knows Summer isn’t in earnest, she can’t help but offer her nuptial tips: “I’m thinking bagpipes. Maybe a replica of the Starship Enterprise.”

Feminist Summer

Summer: “I took two-thirds of a semester of women’s studies.”

The truest thing anybody said this week

Frank, trying to give context to the fact that he deceived his son into thinking he was dying, “Of all the bad things I’ve done, this doesn’t even make the top ten.”

Julie and Summer bond

It’s really nice seeing Julie and Summer act a bit like mother and daughter, each filling the hole left in their lives by Marissa. Julie gives Summer great advice on how to win the marital chicken game, and Summer marvels, “Manipulating the opposite sex…Julie, why didn’t I come to you earlier?!” Julie sagely replies, “Thank you, Summer.”

Oh Julie

Julie’s still definitely running a prostitution ring out of her business with Kirsten. “It’s hard out here for a pimp.”

TEARS, TEARS, forever TEARS

After Sandy says to Ryan, “I’m sorry things didn’t work out with your dad,” Ryan replies without hesitating, “Hey, my dad is right here.” Crying forever and ever! And then all the Cohens pile on the couch together for “family time” and a documentary about meerkats and I LOVE THEM SO MUUUUUUCH.

4.10 “The French Connection”

Ryan and Taylor are still being adorable and amazing and my favorite thing ever, with Taylor giving Ryan a Valentine’s Day gift three weeks early because she’s too excited to wait, and with Ryan NOT totally fleeing when that present is a scrapbook Taylor’s made of sneaky pictures she took of him.

Taylor: “Sometimes I take pictures of you with my camera phone when you’re not looking.”

Because lest we forget…

Taylor: “Sometimes when I like someone, I sometimes kind of… stalk them.”

But the smiles times come to a halt when Taylor sees a bookstore promoting a book by her French ex-hubby Henri-Michel, called A Season For Peaches. It’s a total porn-fest book about all of the hot hot sex Henri-Michel and Taylor had together, and it’s the new Fifty Shades-type thing where everyone on earth is reading it and swooning over “page 47.” At first Taylor and Ryan are still very honest and cool with each other, with Taylor coming clean to Ryan and asking him not to read the book, and then of course Ryan reads it anyway and immediately comes clean to Taylor about that and apologizes. It’s still a little awkward, but could be okay, until Henri-Michel comes to town to promote the book and Ryan meets him.

The three of them go out to dinner together, and Ryan feels intimidated by Henri-Michel and Taylor’s extreme intellectualism (and not to mention their insane sexual connection), but he and Taylor have ANOTHER super honest and mature talk where they each say “I want you to be who you are,” and he goes to watch Taylor and Henri-Michel on this French intellectual talk show, and he looks so proud of her. But then Henri-Michel mentions that Taylor said Ryan’s writing some smarty-pants book, and Ryan realizes that Taylor had to make him sound better because she’s embarrassed he works at a Mexican food restaurant. Taylor apologizes and promises that’s not the case, but Ryan walks off, telling Taylor he thinks they’re too different. It BUMS ME OUT because I don’t want Taylor and Ryan to ever be anything but gorgeous and wonderful together. These two would have the hottest strawberry blonde babies.

Seth and Summer are still playing marital chicken, and while Seth is on his way to Seattle to talk to Dr. Roberts, Summer meets up with one of her recently married classmates, who invites her to lunch with a bunch of other recently married classmates. They’re calling themselves The Newpsieweds, and they are THE WOOOORST, always referring to one another as “bitch” and “ho,” drinking insane amounts of white wine, carrying dogs in purses and planning Summer’s terrible-sounding wedding. (They want to dye Pancakes pink. DON’T YOU DARE.) Season 1 Summer returns briefly, mostly because she’s drunk, but Che practices some out-of-body traveling and becomes her conscience, or something. This show is so weird this season, I love it. Anyway, she snaps out of it.

Seth has a great talk with Summer’s dad, and realizes he really does want to marry her – not immediately, but definitely one day. So he goes home and fesses up to the bluff, but says he now believes they should stay engaged indefinitely. Summer quietly turns him down, realizing that she doesn’t really know who she is anymore – she went from being a smelly hippie to a Newpsie over the course of a few months. But she tells him to keep the glow-in-the-dark ring, because they might need it someday.

Kaitlyn and Chris Brown are still dating. We’re supposed to think it’s cute, but even if Chris Brown weren’t Chris Brown, I’d have a real problem with what a marble-mouth he is.

Finally, Kirsten finds out Julie’s pimping and is FURIOUS and so, so disappointed. She fires a heartbroken Julie, but tells her she won’t tell the cops or Sandy (I like that Sandy’s disapproval is as terrifying a threat as actual incarceration, because Sandy Cohen is the moral center of us all).

How many times did I have to drink? 

14

Guess who? 

Henri-Michel is played by Henri Lubatti, of Felicity and True Blood fame.

Best pop culture reference

The book store owner, describing A Season For Peaches: “Kinda like Bridges of Madison County meets The Notebook meets porn.”

Other best pop culture reference

Taylor assures Ryan that A Season For Peaches is “not a novel, it’s a memoir. There’s a big difference – ask James Frey.”

I love how much Taylor Townsend loves sex

She has an extremely healthy sex drive and is completely unashamed of that fact – even when most of the nation is reading about some of her most scandalous exploits. This girl RULES.

Autumn Reeser really speaks French

And Taylor’s accent is so good. Just the coolest.

Aww, Che

His response to Summer’s news that she and Seth are engaged:

Che: “That’s amazing. I’ll weave you guys something ASAP.”

Sandy’s Jerry Lewis impersonation

Sandy: “Hey, you know who else the French love? Jerry Lewis.”

Ryan: “Really?”

Sandy: “Hey ,lady! G’bye!”

Best callback

Kaitlyn says “salting my game“!

Most recognizable song

As Ryan and Taylor both daydream about a reunion (just make up, you gorgeous wonderful dummies!), Coconut Records’ “West Coast” plays. For those who aren’t in the know, Coconut Records is the solo project of Jason Schwartzman, who fronts The O.C. theme song’s band Phantom Planet. He really likes singing about California.


That’s it for this week! Britt, I have a question for you: if you were forced, at gun point, to choose a bestie between these two, would it be Summer Roberts or Taylor Townsend?

And meet Britt here next Wednesday morning as she covers “The Dream Lover” and “The Groundhog Day.”

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Meredith Borders is formerly the Texas-based editor of Fangoria and Birth.Movies.Death., now living and writing (and reading) in Germany. She’s been known to pop by Forever Young Adult since its inception, and she loves YA TV most ardently.