The O.C. S3.E15 “The Heavy Lifting”
Drinks Taken: 31
Welcome back to The O.C. Rewatch Project! Last week, Britt asked me if I feel like Kaitlin’s scheming was justified in light of how invisible she must feel next to Newport Princess Marissa Cooper, and the answer is a resounding YES. I am 100% Team Kaitlin – can you imagine being the younger sister to Marissa Freaking Cooper? Alcoholism, shoplifting, Tijuana ODs, self-defense killings, pool furniture tantrums? It must be IMPOSSIBLE to get any attention.
The O.C. Drinking Game
Drink once every time:
The ladies have a convo while primping in front of a mirror
Seth makes a nerdy reference
Ryan wears a white tank top
Anyone plays a video game
Summer says “ew”
Anyone eats a bagel
Anyone references The Valley
Drink twice every time:
Someone says “Newpsie”
Fisticuffs occur (three times for pool fights!)
Someone grabs a cup of coffee
Ryan and Seth read comic books
Someone reminds us that Kaitlin Cooper exists
3.14 “The Cliffhanger”
Speaking of getting attention, Kaitlin still isn’t, though she’s doing her best. She tells Ryan she thinks Marissa has feelings for Johnny, and like, uh, doyeeeeeee. Ryan gets grouchy and tells Mariss she has to make up her mind or else, right as Johnny confesses his no-shit love for her and tells her he suspects she feels the same. Marissa labors over it for a little while, until Kaitlin gives her some great advice about trusting her instincts, and then Marissa gives a Dear John(ny) letter to Johnny, effectively choo-choo-choosing Ryan. Johnny handles this news like the Ultimate Nice Guy, taking the little sister of the woman he loves to the beach with a bottle of tequila to cry for a little while, instead of just making out with her the way Kaitlin very overtly requests. He gets trashed, climbs a rocky cliff and twirls around on the edge for a couple hours, so a terrified Kaitlin calls Ryan and Marissa to come help. Johnny says lots of Nice Guy ™ stuff like “You made me think you loved me but you just want to be with Ryan forever” or whatever, then he falls off the cliff. I’m sorry, I know this is awfully callous of me, but I kind of don’t care.
Seth’s still smoking pot and being broody. He lies to Summer about missing the Brown admissions appointment, and immediately gets caught because that’s how their relationship works. He also lies about the weed, and gets caught in a more hilarious way when he cannot stop waxing poetic to Summer about Save the Last Dance, the movie they just watched. He is, like, WOWED by that Julia Stiles vehicle.
Summer can tell something’s up, so she searches Seth’s room, and when she finds the weed, she gives the most perfect Summer Roberts “EW!” ever.
Julie’s still bummed that Neil doesn’t seem to want to date her and all her dramz, so Kirsten suggests something nefarious: pitch the dating service to him, and he’ll be so crushed at the idea of having to date someone who isn’t Julie that he’ll run straight into her arms. Except he’s all “Ooh, what a great selection of single Newpsies!” and goes on a date with some blonde rich lady. Julie, being Julie, dresses in disguise and stalks them, and then gets caught in the most embarrassing way possible. She flees, mortified, but Neil follows her to her trailer and is like “God help me, in spite of EVERYTHING, I want to be with you.” It’s sweeter than that sounds, and I’m so happy these two are together now!
How many times did I have to drink?
Best Seth Cohen line
To a concerned Ryan, “What, are you the only one in this family allowed to brood?”
Oh yeah, Newport Group VP Matt is trying to date the daughter of the board of directors in order to sway them to fund the Sandy Cohen Hospital for Poor People, even though Sandy feels really weird about it. But honestly, Matt probably just wants to date this daughter (her name’s Maya Griffin) because she’s played by the luminous Morena Baccarin.
Sandy + Kirsten forever
They split on a fancy dinner, where they see Matt skeeving on Maya, to head for the Crab Shack, instead. Sandy’s delighted to eat sand dabs with his “lovely, beautiful, morally uncompromised wife,” and these two are SO HAPPY and wonderful this season. I love it so much.
The truest thing anybody said this week
Summer, gently scolding the ever-duplicitous Seth, “Cohen, you are in a deceit spiral.”
Julie Cooper Incognito
Kaitlin is awesome
To dumb, drunk, crybaby Johnny, “Can we just hook up already, before you pass out on me?”
White Trash Julie Cooper
When Neil comes to her trailer, she tells him sniffily, “If you’ll excuse me, I have a Hot Pocket in the microwave and a wine cooler with my name on it.” ILU, JULIE COOPER
3.15 “The Heavy Lifting”
So Johnny’s dead, and everyone’s kind of mourning. I mean, Marissa and Chili are definitely mourning, and of course so is Johnny’s poor mom, but Ryan’s busy feeling jealous that Marissa is so sad, Kaitlin’s busy getting back together with her cute little ex, Seth and Summer are busy figuring out their own stuff and Johnny’s cousin, Sadie, is remarkably cheerful when she arrives for the funeral. The funeral’s on the beach and it’s beautiful, but I feel nothing. (I’m sorry! Just…nothing.) Marissa and Ryan keep fighting over their respective feelings, and their fights are less angsty and more angry than usual. Sadie, who travels the country selling her jewelry, gives Marissa a truly hideous necklace that Johnny asked Sadie to make for Marissa as a Valentine’s Day gift (oh yeah, it’s Valentine’s Day), and Marissa keeps staring at it instead of the other necklace Ryan gave her for V-Day, so I think we’re meant to believe that Marissa is realizing that she’s in love with Johnny, posthumously.
Ryan’s really hitting it off with Sadie, on the other hand. She’s kind of weird – in their very first conversation, she tells him, in this chipper tone, that everyone she knows has died. She’s just got this bright, confident, bizarre, very talkative personality that I don’t really understand, but Ryan’s into it. Maybe I’m projecting, but I have a feeling that he finds Sadie’s sunny persona refreshing after all the doom and gloom of Marissa Cooper. When he tells Kirsten that he and Marissa have been fighting, she tells him it’s still Valentine’s Day for another hour, and he could make a stop on the way home to make things right. He says, “You’re right,” but the stop he makes is to see Sadie, not Marissa! G-A-S-P (kidding, I don’t care). Sadie used to date Volchok, and he’s sort of stalking her. He doesn’t seem pleased to see Ryan there, so I’m sure we’ll hear about that shortly.
Summer confronts Seth about the weed, and I love her speech: “I’m mad. I’m livid — not about the pot, because I mean, whatever, it’s pot, right? And while Marissa and I were hot-boxing Luke’s car you were at home making a manger for Captain Oats out of Lincoln Logs, so you were a late bloomer, I get that. But Cohen, you lied to me for like the gazillionth time about something important.” She tells him he has to move heaven and earth to prove to her that he’s going to stop lying. He buys her cute, girly lingerie (that accidentally gets swapped with the much more adult, sexy lingerie Sandy bought for Kirsten – hijinks!) and makes her the below adorable card, but none of it’s enough. In the end, he writes down all of his sins on a napkin, and tells her if he lies again, she can give that napkin to his parents. She’s mollified, and they make up very sweetly.
In other Valentine’s Day news, Sandy and Kirsten are the cutest, even if she has to blackmail him into celebrating a holiday he thinks is a total racket. Julie and Neil are also the cutest. Matt and Maya are fine, I guess, except THIS IS WEIRD – Matt seems to have more chemistry in his short exchanges with Marissa than he ever does with Maya. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT.
Finally, Kaitlin gets back together with her boyfriend and leaves town after some very lovely goodbyes with Julie and Marissa. Come back, Kaitlin! You’re fun.
How many times do I have to drink?
Sadie is played by Twilight‘s Nikki Reed, and along with Jackson Rathbone (Kaitlin’s boy toy), that makes two Twilight alums in the house! (Maybe more, even. There are a lot of people in those movies.)
Most recognizable song
“For The Widows In Paradise, For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti” by Sufjan Stevens plays at Johnny’s funeral. It’s almost sad.
The truest thing anybody said this week
Seth Cohen, ladies and gentlemen: “Inside my manly exterior beats the heart of a 14-year-old girl.”
Most meta moment
As Death Cab plays over a scene of The Valley that Marissa is watching, Kaitlin sniffs, “Ugh, they’re playing Death Cab on The Valley? Never listening to them again.” hah!
Julie Cooper Is The Best
Passing on an offered tray of oysters, “If I’m gonna swallow something that disgusting, there better be something in it for me.”
That’s it for this week! Britt, I have a couple questions for you: do you feel as empty at Johnny’s death as I? I think Ryan Donowho gave a really nice performance this season, but the writers squandered it by making his entire arc, life and death all about Marissa AS PER USHE. Ryan’s being kind of a jerk after Johnny’s death, but the way Marissa’s grief is all “ME ME ME YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND” is so annoying, and I don’t blame Ryan for taking umbrage. The first half of S3 is really great, but now I’m just ready for the sheer delight of S4 – am I alone there?
Meet Britt here next Wednesday morning as she covers “The Road Warrior” and “The Journey!”