Number of Times Mom Would Have TOTALLY Made Me Stop Watching: 1
Stannis attacks King’s Landing, and Tyrion Mother effin’ Lannister SAVES THE DAY. And gets no credit. That’s it. That’s what happened. And it was one of the best episodes of television I’ve ever seen. It was also the very first episode of this series that takes place in one location. And yet it was still the convergence of four different threads: Stannis and his men, King’s Landing, Tywin Lannister, and The Knight of Flowers. It was, in a word: fuckingfantasticomg.
Oh, other things happened: Sansa grew into her own a bit and is subtly challenging Joffrey as well as rallying the people. Sandor Clegane finally showed his only fear, which was pretty understandable, really. He also finally gives Joffrey a big “eff you” and leaves — asking Sansa to go with him. Cersei gets drunk and is awesome. Bronn is, as always, a total badass. Sandor doesn’t like Bronn, but Bronn saves his life anyway. Joffrey runs and hides in the middle of the battle like the little twerp that he is. And oh yeah, his man — the one he leaves behind to act in his stead — tries to slice Tyrion in twain, and succeeds in giving him quite a cut down his face. Tywin shows up in the end and gets all of the credit while his son lays bleeding on the beach.
TYRION LANNISTER!!!!! I wanted to cheer “Half man! Half man!” right along with the rest of those soldiers, but didn’t want to wake up my mom. Seriously, it’s SO not fair that he didn’t get the credit and a hero’s welcome. What is wrong with the other Lannisters? And the rest of the people, for that matter? And OH my goodness, is Cersei one gross lady! With all her talk of Sansa’s “red flower” and the rest of the ladies being in for “a bit of a rape”, it was almost more embarrassing than the time I had to have “the talk” with my mom. I really, really wish Sansa had left with Sandor Clegane. I don’t think they’d fall in love or anything, but it’s kind of romantic in that non-kissing sort of way. Anyway, one of the best things about this episode was all of the battle scenes! There sure were some AMAZING head squashes! Even though they were gross, they were really, REALLY awesome.
Number of Times Mom Would Have TOTALLY Made Me Stop Watching: Well, my mom doesn’t really mind violence so much, so if it weren’t for that nekkid lady on Bronn’s lap, I don’t think she would have minded so much.
HOLY. SHIT. I know I’ve already said it, but this was quite literally one of the best things I’ve ever seen, ever. Tyrion Lanister is one of the coolest, smartest, sexiest characters I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch, and this game of thrones is totally his, and the fact that he is doubted and over-looked at the same time as being really powerful makes him relatable. And Peter Dinklage just earned himself another Emmy. I LOVE Sandor’s relationship with Sansa. I agree with my 12-year old self, and would have liked to have seen her leave with him. Cersei was spewing gold nuggets out of her mouth pretty much throughout the episode, and it was awesome to see more of Bronn — both his relationship with Tyrion, and him just being his badass self. I was surprised to find myself actually worried for Shae when Cersei cornered her. That’s one of the coolest things about this series: they make you care, even when you don’t want to. Also — interesting tidbit — I found out that the actress who plays Shae was previously a German hardcore porn star. Huh.
There was so much gold in this episode, but I HAVE to award the best scene to when Tyrion sends that boatfull of Wildfire out to greet Stannis, and the resulting explosions that decimate Stannis’ fleet. However, if I could, I’d extend the award to the rest of the episode — like when Tyrion leads the army to double back on Stannis’ men from behind, and Tyrion cuts off that guy’s leg! I haven’t seen a battle that fantastic since The Two Towers.
Now it’s your turn! Were you as impressed with this episode as I was? Are you all ready to offer proposals of marriage to Tyrion Lannister? And Bronn? Do you think Sansa made the right decision in staying at King’s Landing?