Previously on UnReal, Quinn lands TV billionaire John Booth, Darius dumps Ruby, and Chet fires Jeremy after he hits Rachel.
The Rundown
A few hours after Rachel is assaulted by Jeremy, she wants to go to the police (AS SHE SHOULD), but Chet is worried about what it will do to the show, since Jeremy knows where all of the bodies are buried. Meanwhile, Quinn’s date with John Booth has continued through her father’s funeral, after which she admits that she wants one of his networks… but she wants him too. Romance!
On Everlasting, the remaining girls are pitching Darius on a hometown date. Our suitor wants to pick Chantal, but Rachel, who reeeeeally shouldn’t be on set anymore, freaks out until Darius agrees to head to Alabama with Confederate Barbie Beth Ann. While Coleman expects a “freak show” and Jay expects a “crackertown shitshow,” Beth Ann’s family is actually polite (code for boring), and the ratings look like a wash until Beth Ann confesses to Rachel that she’s pregnant! With her ex-boyfriend (and ex-convict), Brock! So naturally, Rachel brings Brock (OH HELLO, ROAN FROM THE 100) on the show to propose just after Beth Ann reveals that she’s pregnant, and all hell breaks loose, especially since the mother refuses to identify the father. (In other words, racism!)
Back on the set, Jay and Madison have decided to cultivate their own drama (and a faux fur rug farm) with a new segment, Dr. Wagerstein’s Mirror of Truth. The remaining wifeys all talk shizz about each other, and after Chet sends Madison in with the dish, Chantal reveals that Tiffany went down on Romeo. Well, that was anticlimactic!
All is not lost for Tiffany, however, because Chet offers her a deal in exchange for an intro to her dad. Turns out Chet wants a minority interest in a pro-football team? Tiffany comes clean to Darius (I think? I got distracted during this scene by an empty wine bottle), then when it comes time for the choosing ceremony, Darius sets Beth Ann free–but not before he vows to donate to her future kid’s college fund. Also? He’s reeeeeal mad at Rachel for putting him in this position.
This whole time, Quinn has been insanely worried about Rachel, to the point that she’s calling Coleman and storming into Jeremy’s trailer to grab his junk. (WHY IS THAT ASSHOLE STILL HERE?) She and Chet agree that everything was fine before Coleman showed up (really?), so she pulls an ace out of her sleeve… and calls Adam! Who shows up! With nasty hair! But whatever! It’s Adam!
This Week’s Wifey
NO ONE. I mean, I felt bad for Beth Ann but seriously, show, it’s like you haven’t even tried to develop any of these characters.
This Week’s Villain
IT’S STILL JEREMY.
True Love, People
I don’t doubt that Coleman is into Rachel but is she into him? Or is she just in manic mode? I hate to say it but I think it’s the latter. Also, ADAM.
Quinning
Quinn: “When I see him, I will rip off his balls, deep fry them and force him to eat them.”
On the appropriate way to handle Jeremy.
Rachel: “Don’t think, it makes you look fat.”
Quinn didn’t have that many zingers this episode, so here’s one from Rachel to Graham, because yeah, it’s funny.
Burning Questions
- Does Rachel have incredible make-up skills or what?
- How hard was it to watch Rachel during this episode? It made me so uncomfortable and sad.
- Is there a catch with John Booth or is he really this great?
- Will Adam eclipse Coleman? Just kidding, OF COURSE HE WILL. Even with that hair.
