About:
Veronica Mars S1.E18 “Weapons of Class Destruction”
Veronica Mars S1.E19 “Hot Dogs”
Trips to the Dentist: 33
Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Players: Keith, Logan, and Logan
So. What does everybody want to talk about today?
The Official FYA Veronica Mars Season 1 Drinking Game
Take a drink every time:
- Someone says “Veronica Mars”, even when they know full well who she is and there’s no other Veronica in all of Neptune
- Veronica uses her camera
- Mars family members hug (Backup counts!)
- Backup appears
- Someone mentions the 90909 zip code or ’09ers
- Someone uses a disguise/alias/fake voice
- A character, initially introduced as good, turns out to be a baddie (or vice versa)
- Fisticuffs occur
- Veronica has a meeting in a bathroom
- Logan’s voicemail greeting is heard
- A Taser is used
- Veronica mentions ponies or unicorns
- Lilly appears in a flashback
- Pour one out when it’s her corpse
Onto the episodes!
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 1.17 “Kanes and Abel’s”
It’s midterm time at Neptune High, and someone’s messing with valedictorian hopeful Sabrina’s studying routine. Veronica has not the two shits to give, but she’s not about to turn down the cash that Sabrina’s offering, either. Although Sabrina suspects her ex Caz, Veronica traces the acts of harrassment back to skeezy dick* Vinnie Van Lowe.
*What? He’s a detective. ANd for once, this is not a Casablancas reference.
Vinnie’s being employed by the father of Hamilton Cho, Sabrina’s academic rival. By trying to provide his son with an advantage over the wealthy and well-connected Sabrina, Mr. Cho has instead cost Hamilton his only chance of attending his dream school. Because life is unfair and Celeste is a bitch. (Well, it’s Sabrina’s mom that’s actually the bitch in this episode. But the thing about Celeste was just reflexive.)
How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 10
A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends
Not quite flashbacks, but Veronica imagines a motive for each of the Kanes.
File Under Lilly Kane’s Murder
Veronica has tracked down Abel Koontz’s long-long daughter, Amelia DeLongpre aka the beneficiary of the big ol’ murder payoff. Amelia’s being stashed at a motel until the settlement papers arrive from Mama DeLongpre. But what she doesn’t know is that she’d be giving up a multi-million dollar windfall for a father with only a few months to live. Once again, moral ambiguity bites Veronica in the ass, as Clarence Wiedman manages to track down Amelia and exposes the truth.
With both Amelia and the proof long gone, a dejected Veronica finally learns why Keith suspected the Kanes. While he was questioning Jake and Celeste on the night of the murder, the laundry buzzer goes off. And unlike us common folk, the Kanes do not need to do their own laundry. Except when it’s Duncan’s soccer uniform… (OK, sure — Duncan did it! Now go arrest him and spare us his storylines for next season.)
Life on Mars
I love the constant nods to Veronica’s academic prowess. She’s studying while staking out Sabrina’s house, and she qualified for the scholastic excellence dinner.
Anyway, Logan tries to compensate Veronica for the wild goose chase that was Lynn’s disappearance. Veronica, being all noble-like, rips up the cheque. When Logan finds out that Veronica is still looking into Lilly’s murder, he’s a bit miffed, but later discloses witnessing one of Duncan’s violent outbursts. An out-of-control Duncan was trying to strangle Jake… the week that he broke up with Veronica.
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Keith
Keith’s kind of a BAMF, isn’t he? When he catches Clarence Wiedman trying to break into the Mars apartment, he just invites the guy inside. And Keith has morals, dammit! He will not be persuaded by your seedy-yet-profitable endeavours, Vinnie Van Lowe!
Best Reminder That It’s 2005 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)
Veronica makes a reference in jest to Josh Hartnett, object of my junior high obsession.
And the Snark Award Goes To…: Veronica
To Sabrina, on what to do about Caz, who proclaims that he’d jump off the roof if she asked him to:
Veronica: “Ask him to jump.”
Neptune Cameo
- Ken Marino as Vinnie Van Lowe. Y’all, I cannot believe it took this long for us to meet Vinnie Van Lowe! Nostalgia made me believe that he (and Lamb) appeared a lot more in Season 1 than they actually did.
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Private Eyes” by Hall & Oates
Y’all, I not-so-secretly love cheesy ’80s music. But if you don’t feel the same, try “Dragonfly” by M. Craft.
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 1.18 “Weapons of Class Destruction”
Veronica receives the thrilling journalism assignment of looking into the frequent fire drills. But she discovers that Neptune High has totally been getting bomb threats, complete with an ominous countdown website.
Her lead suspects are potential bomb bros, Norris and Ben. But Ben turns out to be an undercover ATF agent out to get Norris, who’s just an undercover connoisseur of Japanese nerdery and taut blondes. (And, like, were it not for the fact that he once hospitalized a kid and other extremely important events that occurred: Norris is kind of hot, right? Shallowly speaking, of course, which is my main form of communication. Neptune is an insanely pretty town.)
But the real culprit is Norris’ neighbour and former bullying victim, Pete the tech wiz. He was totally trying to frame Norris for the bomb threats, had Agent JTT Ben not gotten to it first.
(And I’ll get to that other thing in a sec, but did anyone else get suuuuper excited just at the sight of Veronica’s outfit? That scarf! That jacket! Those lips won’t know what hit ’em, missy.)
How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 9
A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends
During Veronica’s post-Lilly/pre-haircut days*, Norris went against his school bully rep to turn the tables on the dumbasses who were throwing spitballs at her. (Seriously? People actually throw spitballs? It’s not just a thing that movies and television tell me about? GROSS.)
*Now I kind of wish we got to see the momentous haircut. Where was that flashback!?
File Under Lilly Kane’s Murder
Duncan finds out about Veronica’s ongoing investigation, and that she knows about his epilepsy. She also reveals that Abel Koontz had been paid for his confession, which makes Duncan angry at what she’s insinuating about his family. And you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry! (Or, y’know, ever.) Duncan is also at a loss when Veronica confronts him about what he really remembers from that day. He then later runs off with $10K in tow, because that’s the hallmark of an innocent person.
Life on Mars
Surely lost in the rest of this episode will be my absolute favourite Leo line — and trust, it is a line:
This is also when Veronica and Wallace find out that their parents have been dating, and now the besties are totally weird with each other, especially with Veronica having decided that Keith and Alicia are just having a fling until Lianne’s inevitable return. But she and Wallace make up, and they totally DTR for their BFF status.
AND FINALLY. Veronica’s tailing still-at-this-point Bomb Ben, when Logan calls to give her a heads up that Duncan knows about her Lilly investigation. But when Ben makes Veronica go to the Camelot by gunpoint, Logan shows up to rescue her!
It’s all a big misunderstanding, but Veronica appreciates the gesture anyway. Gee, V. — just how much do you appreciate it?
FUCK YES. And then she promptly Rory Gilmores away, as is custom for all FYA rewatches.
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Logan
NO DOY.
Best Reminder That It’s 2005 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)
(This kind of bends the technology rule, but it’s also my arbitrary rule.) Veronica breaks up Mac and Pete’s philosophical debate over operating systems with a shout-out to iPod Minis.
And the Snark Award Goes To…: Logan
This is more protective than snarky, but Logan wins ALL THE CATEGORIES.
Neptune Cameos
- Jonathan Taylor Thomas as Ben. Bless you and your mullet, JTT, for getting punched so that this could happen:
- Joey Lauren Adams as Ms. Stafford. And without her journalism assignment, JTT would never have been punched! GROUP EFFORT, Y’ALL.
- Michael McMillian as Pete. Look, it sucks that he got bullied. But of course steve Newlin would be a shit-stirrer!
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Momentary Thing” by Something Happens
UM OBVIOUSLY. (Skip to around 2:30.)
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 1.19 “Hot Dogs”
School outcast Mandy has lost her dog during a babysitting gig. (And can I just express my discontent at how the one time there’s a fictional character with my name, it’s a pathetic overzealous dog lover? Anyway.)
With Veronica’s help (because: pathetic), a scam at the pound is exposed: dogs are being taken in order to collect the hefty rewards. Pathetic Mandy is able to recover her dog — but not before she becomes Psycho Mandy and Tasers (drink!) the shit out of one of the scammers. Like seriously, this girl is not worthy of Mandy Moore’s name.
Meanwhiles! Logan asks Veronica to track down info on Trina’s lowlife abusive boyfriend, a wannabe producer who’s obsessed with the word “junk”. But before they even get a chance to do anything, Aaron beats the motherlovin’ shizz out of Dylan (while revealing his history of being abused by his own father).
How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 14
A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends
Only a brief flashback, of Lilly’s new spy pen (not a euphemism)…
File Under Lilly Kane’s Murder
… that Weevil gets caught stealing from her bedroom, after learning that Veronica’s close to catching the real killer. So that’s three main cast members in as many episodes that have found out about the investigation, BTW. Good thing Veronica doesn’t have a secret identity or anything, or she’d be screwed.
After Veronica promises to find Duncan (which: noooooo, V. — don’t make promises we don’t want you to make with Celeste!), the charges against Weevil are dropped. As is the suspicion around him; even though Weevil’s alibi doesn’t hold up with the true time of death, there’s no way the Kanes would cover up a murder for his sake.
Life on Mars
Poor Leo. First, V. goes totally MIA. Then she breaks up with him and asks for yet another favour in the same breath. You’ll be missed, Leo!
Veronica finally gets a chance to confront Celeste, who’s all, “I don’t hate you; you just remind me of everything that ever went wrong in my life.” So: hate-adjacent. Though she sure can wear a mean trench.
And now the only storyline that matters: Logan’s been playing like the kiss never even happened. But it’s not until the craziness with Trina subsides that he finally addresses the big kissy elephant in the room…
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Logan
Logan’s handling the news of Lilly and Weevil pretty well.
Best Reminder That It’s 2005 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)
None really, unless you count all those times you rewound those kissing scenes back in the day.
And the Snark Award Goes To…: Logan! And Logan!
With Logan inheriting Lynn’s entire estate, Trina wastes no time in hitting up li’l bro for money.
And when Trina needs help getting her boyfriend off her back:
Neptune Cameo:
No one new! But farewell, fine deputy. (… Or is it!?)
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “That’s Amore” by Dean Martin
That’s it for this week, Marshmallows! So did that first kiss catch you off-guard like it did me the first time I watched it? Like obvs, I knew there was something there that wasn’t there once before. I just hadn’t expected it to manifest like so:
Since using the same GIF four times is fast approaching overkill, I’ll see y’all back here next week to wrap up Season 1, with “M.A.D”, “A Trip to the Dentist”, and “Leave It to Beaver”.
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