About:
Previously: Cosima needs Kira’s bone marrow, Rachel kidnaps Kira, Helena is preggers, and THE ROOF, THE ROOF, THE ROOF IS ON FIRE.
WOW, Y’ALL. WOW. I literally wailed, “OMG NO…!” when it ended. For a show that we constantly wonder how it’s going to top itself… it does. HOLY SHIZZ, how it does. This might be one of its finest episodes yet.
Clone Club Chronicles
With Rachel having taken Kira, Mrs. S and Felix are wrought with guilt for letting it happen under their watch. After letting off some verbal steam, Sarah harbours no ill will towards either of them, and she goes off to get shizz done: she’s giving herself over to Rachel and the Dyad.
She gets poked and prodded like a lab rat — revealing that she’s had an abortion before, and she started menstruating pretty young — under the supervision of Dr. Nealon, who had previously examined her as Beth. Dr. Nealon is also taking over Delphine’s work with Cosima, as Rachel is transferring Delphine to Frankfurt without letting her say goodbye to Cos. DAMMIT, SHOW — why must you exile love interests after their first season as a series regular?! (Yes, I’m referring to Paul. Still not over how little we saw of him this season.)
Meanwhile, Ethan is in Rachel’s memory room rewatching an old home movie. Rachel wants the key to Ethan’s cipher, but he’s adamant in preventing the knowledge being used for nefarious reasons. Ethan asks her if she can recall not only the memory, but the feeling of how much he and Susan loved her. And SADFACE: Rachel can’t remember them at all. (Daaaang, Leekie. That’s cold.) This revelatory father-daughter heart-to-heart has provided just enough time for Ethan’s suicide tea to kick in. Hey, Dyad? Y’ALL TOOK HIM INTO CUSTODY; why didn’t you confiscate his tea stash?! For a shadowy organization, y’all sure are trusting.
Awww, pour one out for Ethan, y’all. I’ll miss him, and not just because he’s one of the few older gentlemen on this show that isn’t a supreme creeper. And SIGH, Rach. So much wasted time of having your father come back from the dead and being all professional pants with him. There’s only so far you can push people away before they’re gone for good; you can’t treat them like they’re nothing and expect them to stick around. An extreme example of this, sure, but def. something I can relate to from my angsty, rage-y years.
ANYWAY. The Dyad wants to harvest Sarah’s eggs. Then they decide, “Why stop there? ONE OVARY, S’IL VOUS PLAIT.” Once Rachel regains her composure, she crashes Sarah’s oophorectomy to question Sarah about the cipher. Like Jon Snow, Sarah knows nothing. But Cosima intercepts the surgery sched, and with Scott and Kira’s help, she rigs up a fire extinguisher powered pencil launcher for Sarah to aim RIGHT AT RACHEL’S EYE. It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye — eh, Rach? (I know, I know; you just witnessed the v. traumatic death of your father. BUT THE PUNS! They beckon me! (See also: my Facebook caption for this ep.))
While Rachel is left to contemplate eyepatch styling tips from Lily Charles, Sarah finds Kira — and she’s with Top Side Marian, who’s in cahoots with Mrs. S (more on that later). Marian lets Sarah walk right out of Dyad, but promises her TRUUUUUUUTH if she’ll meet her the next day.
But for that night, Top Side and Dyad and even kissyface (sniff) don’t matter; it’s all about family. Helena has made her way back into Toronto The City for an overdue introduction to her sisters, Cosima and Alison.
For someone whose visual crying triggers make no sense (e.g. nothing for TFIOS, but tears up at any version of Hairspray), that long-long family reunion scene was the closest this show has gotten to making me cry. WELL EARNED, SHOW.
Then the gears shift from making us cry to making us marvel at the show’s technical excellence and Tatiana Maslany’s assorted dancing styles. Because if anyone is in need of an emergency dance party, it’s the Clone Club after all they’ve been through this season.
In the morning, Sarah and Cosima chat about Cos’ future (or lack thereof), while Helena sneaks out and promptly gets abducted by military dudes. Can everybody please stop abducting Helena!? And can someone notice that she’s missing sometime soon!? OK, Cos has a legit reason for not doing so — being sick and all, and having just discovered Kira’s copy of Dr. Moreau from Ethan containing LES CIPHERS!
Sarah’s off to meet with Marian — and HOLY SHIZZ does Marian deliver on THE TRUUUUUTH. Turns out, Marian is a mommy! … to an eight-year-old clone named Charlotte. Just like Sarah’s mother*, Marian has a personal interest in the whole cloning shebang.
*BTW, I love how Marian refers to Mrs. S as Sarah’s mother, no foster about it, because that’s exactly who she is. And Marian def. knows that being a parent is more than just biology.
And TRUTH BOMB THE MAJOR: Project Leda actually comprises of two factions. The Dyad oversees the female clones, and the military is in charge of male clones for Project Castor. MALE CLONES WITH MARK’S FACE, WHAAAAAAT.
When I thought we’d be seeing new clones this season, this is not what I had in mind. AND I LOVE IT.
Felix Felicis
Not so felicis: Fee needs to undergo a toxicology test because of whatever Rachel injected him with. UHHHH, who else is worried that the test will reveal something medically scary for our dear Felix? DAMMIT, SHOW — DON’T YOU HURT HIM. According to the internet, which never lies to me, toxicology tests take about four to six weeks. Fortunately, on this show, that’s like two to three seasons at its current rate.
BUT HAPPY THINGS NOW. Fee walks in on a couple of steamy potatoes (i.e., Sarah and Cal) making out. He also gets Alison to dance, and then gets gently spanked by her in return. NEVER LEAVE US, FELIX.
Mrs. S’s Home for Peculiar Children
After receiving a call from sticky fingered Kira — she is her mother’s daughter — Cal arrives at Mrs. S’ to put her in touch with his Dyad insider. But he’s not the only one with an insider; S has one, too. (Cal is a labouriously slow typer for a master hacker, BTW. And Mrs. S might have known about Project Castor?)
Cal and Mrs. S arrange for a ‘you bring yours and I’ll bring mine’ tête-à-tête between their contacts. A military vehicle pulls up with Mrs. S’s acquaintance — me, on first viewing: “It has to be Paul, it has to be Paul!” — AND IT’S PAUL! In a military uniform!
So it seems like Paul’s been running the long con on the Dyad for the military all along? He and Mrs. S enjoy yet another spot of Thermos tea, as they wait for Cal and his plus-one, Marian. And then Mrs. S gets caught in this handsome sandwich as both men size up the competish.
“I don’t know how she does it.” AGREED, MRS. S. Sarah can and does get it.
(Sarah’s sisters also approve of her romantic partners. AS DO I.)
(Seriously, Sarah. Polyandry. Look into it.)
After this collabo effort succeeds in getting Sarah out of the Dyad, Mrs. S makes good on her promise of handing Helena over to the military. DAGNABBIT, S AND PAUL. How could y’all sully the sanctity of Tea Time!?
They Fought the Law
Just when his fridge is finally restocked from the last Helena snack attack, Art once again plays host to the clone with the insatiable appetite. She’s eating for two, OK!?
Neolution News
Since Paul was a double agent for the military, does that mean Tony’s monitor, Sammy, was, too? Dang, the Dyad IS too trusting. Speaking of the military, both Mark and Unnamed Military Clone have ties there, so are the Castor clones all self-aware? And can we talk about how ripped Scarface Castor Clone is and how concerned I am about developing a highly unwise crush on him?
Mythology time! With Leda being the mother of Castor (and his twin, Pollux), does that make the female clone project Helen or Clytemnestra? And are the two sets of clones genetically related?
Lastly, I so hope Scott doesn’t get into trubs for helping Sarah escape. Though Rachel likely wasn’t paying much attention to him when he helped pull the wool over her eyes. (CAN’T STOP. WON’T STOP.)
Purely Proletheans
Our devout Bonnie and Clyde, Mark and Gracie, get hitched, and he’s committed to her and her child-sibling. Ever since the Prolethean farm burnt down, I had been wondering what the point of that whole arc is, other than to impregnate Helena (which none of the Clone Club is aware of yet). So congrats to Ari Millen for job security for the foreseeable future! Although Tatiana Maslany has set the bar quite high for playing multiple characters on this show, so good luck, bro.
Stick to the Science, Geek Monkey
Kira can’t donate more bone marrow for another six weeks — so hold on until then, Cos! And Charlotte is the only survivor of 400 attempts to replicate the experiment, so she’s like the Nemo of her generation’s clones.
Next Episode
… is not until 2015! OMG THE AGONY.
