About:
Drinks Taken: 9
Welcome back to the Dawson’s Creek Rewatch Project where, I’m sorry, but Audrey’s spiral is seriously bumming me out.
Let’s drink to… actually, maybe we shouldn’t play a drinking game this week, out of respect for Audrey.
The Dawson’s Creek Drinking Game
Drink Once every time:
Joey purses her mouth or chews on her lip
Joey tucks her hair behind her ear
Sex makes Dawson and/or Joey extremely uncomfortable
Grams says “Jennifaaah”
Pacey wears a shirt that makes you want to blind yourself
Audrey declares something risqué or insane with utter confidence
Drink Twice every time:
You have literally no idea why Joey is mad
Pacey gives someone a really good hug
Cool Jen Lindley is totally crapped on by the universe
Onto the episodes!
6.09 “Everything Put Together Falls Apart”
Okay! Joey and Eddie are very much in Shmoopy Town, which leads to them having sex much sooner than Joey usually does in a relationship. It’s a great little bit of morning delight, until Joey falls asleep immediately after and then realizes she missed her exam in Hetson’s class. Hetson fails her, and when Eddie tries to defend Joey at Hell’s Kitchen, Hetson says pretty much the worst thing Eddie could hear:
Ms. Potter is – well, her performance on today’s exam notwithstanding – a gal who’s going places, as they say, places that you will not be going, Eddie. Places you can never hope to go. Don’t tell me it doesn’t make you just a little crazy knowing that she’s actually got the life that you tried to fake for yourself. I mean, who knows? Maybe you lured her to your apartment on purpose, right? Tried to level the playing field, maybe? Not gonna work, though, Eddie. She’ll still see right through you. She’ll still leave, and you’ll still be trapped right here.
So, naturally, Eddie punches Hetson… which results in his getting fired from Hell’s Kitchen. That’s fair, but also it’s super fun seeing Hetson get punched in that punchable face. But this storyline ends in a bit of a happy place, with Joey and Eddie kissing in a skating rink, because a failed test, a firing and the most punchable professor in the universe can’t keep these two out of Shmoopy Town.
Other stuff that happened in this episode:
* A big movie star named Max Winter is arriving on the set of Todd’s movie to act alongside Natasha, and Dawson’s jealous. He should be, because Natasha’s totally wigging over this guy. They immediately exclude Dawson, and later, when Natasha tells him she’s reading alone in her hotel room, Dawson goes there anyway on a hunch, and sure enough, she sees Natasha walking Max Winter out of her room and giving him a kiss. The kiss is ambiguous – it could be friendly – but the hotel room thing is pretty damning.
* UGH. Pacey asks Emma if she wants to join him at his office party, and even offers to buy her a dress. Though that is a SUPER WEIRD offer, Emma’s not one to say no to a free dress, but later she discovers she was part of a bet Pacey and his slimy boss had to see who could bring the hottest babe to the event. She’s rightly disgusted – as am I – but after a great apology on Pacey’s part, she ends up kissing him. When Jack comes home, they abruptly break apart, looking shocked. I’m also shocked, because Stock Broker Pacey is the least kissable of all the Paceys.
How many times did I have to drink?
5
Guess who?
Max Winter is played by Eddie Cahill, who’s been in a bunch of stuff, but I always think of him as Tag on Friends.
Hello, from 2002
a) Natasha’s body language the first time she meets Max is totally, in the parlance of Cher Horowitz, “an unequivocal sex invite,” and b) this burgundy crushed velvet jogging suit is very of its time.
Let’s all watch Hetson get punched over and over
The truest thing anybody said this week
Joey drops a self-truth bomb on Eddie before immediately breaking this pattern: “I have a certain pattern when it comes to sex. A long, protracted, tension-filled waiting period. You know, full of dramatic buildup possibly lasting years.”
6.10 “Merry Mayhem”
It’s Christmas! And everyone’s headed to Capeside for the holiday – even Audrey, who missed her flight to LA and sort of hates all of these people lately, and even Natasha, who probably cheated on Dawson, and even Todd, who’s a total trainwreck human, and even Mr. Potter, who’s finally connecting with his family after getting out of prison like six months ago. So this should be fun!
No, no, it isn’t:
- Joey and Dawson are still awkward as heck around each other – although after all of the insanity that ensues, they do end the episode with a really good talk on the pier, and they might be getting back to normal soon.
- Doug is really annoyed with Pacey’s flashy new lifestyle, and Doug, I am WITH YOU.
- Todd’s a trainwreck.
- Mr. Potter doesn’t think Eddie’s good enough for Joey (“Is anyone?”, Dawson’s Creek asks us), which really bums Eddie out and leaves him and Joey on not-great terms.
- Dawson finally confronts Natasha about seeing Max Winter leave her hotel room, and she’s like, “I thought this was just casual?” which doesn’t check out with ANYTHING Natasha has ever said or done before now. Dawson’s pretty bummed.
- And finally, oh Audrey. She gets trashed – even more trashed than Trainwreck Todd – and tells off the entire assemblage of people in a really brutal way. After calling out everyone individually, she goes more general:
Do any of you have any idea how incredibly hypocritical this whole little gathering is? I mean, I may be flying high on a pleasingly potent cocktail of vodka and painkillers – and thank you, by the way, Gail, for the painkillers – but I seem to be seeing things a little bit clearer than any of you. Dawson. Pacey. You guys hate each other, don’t you? You’re never going to be able to mend this little rift that exists between the two of you, so why do you even bother with the charade? And Dawson and Joey, here you are, both of you, all grown up and so very pleased with yourselves, and each with your little significant other by your side respectively, and while, you know, I will give you that it does make for a pretty picture, the truth of the matter is you guys finally slept together, and you’ve never really dealt with it, and neither of you are going to be able to have a relationship with anyone else until you just finally deal with your crap once and for all. And as for you, Pacey, I am really sorry that Audrey Hepburn next to you broke your heart all those years ago, and it’s prevented you from ever fully committing to an adult relationship, but you know what? Just grow up. Merry Christmas, scum suckers. Peace Out.
She then runs out, grabs Pacey’s keys, and drives his stupid fancy new car right through Gail’s house. GAHHHHHHHHHH.
How many times did I have to drink?
4
Joey’s incentive to get Audrey to come to Capeside
“My father will be there.” “Can I ask him about prison?” “If you want.” (Joey, you’re going to regret convincing Audrey.)
Oh, Audrey.
That’s it for this week! Readers, lay it on me: what’s the worst holiday gathering you’ve ever experienced. Does it hold a candle to “Merry Mayhem”? I wanna hear about it!
Meet me here next Wednesday morning as we cover “Day Out of Days” and “All the Right Moves.”
