About:
This week was all beautiful character growth, terrible music, and fantastically awful pants.
Plus: group hang at Murder Cabin! Amenities include: a fireplace, TWO kinds of herbal tea, and a laundry room with Hollis College tees and bars on its windows.
THIS WEEK’S MVP
Could have been Emily, with her precision post-its and take no prisoners attitude, but then she went and let Ominous GPS get them lost in the woods in the middle of a storm with nary a second thought, so. Obvs the next best choice is Spencer’s glorious trench cape, for making her seemed poised and dramatic even while spending the entirety of the episode wearing ’90s painting togs underneath.
THIS WEEK’S LVP
Caleb (RIP*), for making Hanna feel like she’s been rejected for one ghost (Miranda) and thus reminding her of how another ghost (Ali) once made her feel like the tiniest speck that ever drew breath.
*Ravenswood In Peace
BIGGEST SURPRISE
Spencer moving out now, of all times. Not that we’re complaining. Toby’s poofy hair and puppy dog optimism is much more entertaining than the revolving door of useless/dangerous Hastings adults back home.
BIGGEST NO-DUH
This might surprise you, but: going to Murder Cabin greatly increases one’s chance of getting murdered.
MURDER CABIN.
PREVIOUSLY ON PRETTY LITTLE LIARS
Peter Hastings warned everyone and their ghost to stay away from Mrs. DiLaurentis, so of course Ashley Marin is going to work for her. A quiet boy with a leather jacket and a heart of gold showed up randomly at a high school hoedown to give Hanna exactly the information she needed to get her mother out of jail. Hanna found Ali’s Journal Where She Wrote Things in A’s Ravenswood lair. EzrA brought Aria to his Murder Cabin.
THE PLAY BY PLAY
Mausoleum: The Liars are pissed/hurt that Hanna kept Ali’s Journal Where She Wrote Things a secret since Ravenswood. Hanna explains that 1) they all know each other’s business anyway, and 2) Ali’s method of journaling involved changing everyone’s names and pertinent details, and basically making crap up left and right. It’s “creative nonfiction with pseudonyms,” Spencer says.
Emily is out of heartached shits to give. They’ll take turns reading, she declares, each weeding out the stories that are about them to ultimately uncover the person who is after Ali. She also volunteers to go first: she has the least patience for Ali’s games, even if (or especially when) they are 2+ years old.
That night, because Emily has never once been stalked or harassed or murdered or nearly hit by a dozen cars or had anything at all bad happen to her in Rosewood and therefore sleeps with her windows wide open, she has an intense conversation with an interloping real-not-real Ali.
Emily is mad mad mad and calls Ali out for choosing to fake her own death. Ali, seemingly vulnerable and terrified, climbs RIGHT into Emily’s bed. She doesn’t know who’s after her, or which version of herself is real. She needs Em, who always saw the best version of her. TOO DAMN BAD. Em doesn’t see that person anymore. Ali sees her beaded bracelet on Em’s wrist, and then… Emily wakes up.
Chez Toby. Spencer swings in bearing coffee and wearing the world’s best trench cape. She tells Toby that something feels suspicious about her dad’s sudden interest in Radley, they just don’t know enough to be sure what his motives are. “There’s a lot we don’t know,” Toby counters…
Spencer looks at him like he is just the cutest thing for thinking she doesn’t know how to do any of those. Then they make out.
School. Spencer and Aria have a moment discussing the (non)existence of Aria’s “department of Romantic Literature” (no joke). Em stakes out the courtyard table and digs into the Journal Where Ali Wrote Things, right where any old pedophile/stalker might be standing around, staring creepily at her (it’s Ezra. Ezra is creepy staring). Hanna lingers in the shadows as long as possible.
Emily, it turns out, has had the most productive night: in addition to dreaming devastating ghost Ali dreams, she has also combed through Ali’s stories with a pack of color-coded Post-Its.
Like pulling off a bandage, Hanna blurts out that she and Caleb broke up. The other Liars immediately rush to comfort. Hanna dodges their embraces, and instead gets TOTALLY INTO THIS BUSY BEE POEM ALI WROTE in her diary. And guys: Ali was really bad at poetry. AND bad at hiding actual things she wanted to hide. Namely, within seconds Aria—ARIA—figures out she used an old B&B in Killingsworth (!!) as a hidey hole. They plan a road trip for that very night.
Emily spends the next act following a note left in her bag by maybe-real Ali. “I want to come home. Meet me at our spot.” In interludes between the other Liars’ scenes, she leaves work early, walks sadly through the forest, waits on the kissing rock, then eventually takes off her bracelet and leaves it behind before walking back out of the forest, still alone.
Important to note: on the rock someone has spraypainted EF + AD:
Back at Rosewood High, Aria finds Fitz in his classroom. She needs to cancel their sekret date that night in order to go to Busy Bee Inn/Murder Cabin. “Murder Cabin?” he echoes, “and ALL of you are going? And that’s…tonight, you say?” Then he kicks the creep up a notch and says:
It’s gross. Aria doesn’t notice. After she leaves, he returns to his laptop and puts in his earbuds and cues up his favorite song, a recording of Alison sobbing and pleading with Grunwald to help her not be Alison DiLaurentis anymore. FOR REAL. IT IS TERRIFYING.
At the Hastings Manor, Spencer walks in on her dad and Jessica DiLaurentis discussing something Jason “doesn’t need to know.” Namely, the DiLaurentises are getting divorced, and Peter was “kind enough to offer” his lawyerly advice. Because that is just what Peter is when it comes to the DiLaurentises—kind. Later, Peter tells Spencer that he canceled his meeting with Toby because he found out Marion’s death wasn’t a murder or a suicide: it was an accident. She fell off the roof, and they’ve been covering it up to protect the other patient who was up there. “Apparently they’re fragile,” he says, mildly disgusted.
Never change, terrible Rosewood fathers, never change.
Hanna time! Travis runs into her at the Brew. They are cute together. He updates us re: CeCe, who had been seen at a train station in Maryland but was gone by the time the cops showed. Also, her account showed several large deposits right before she killed Wilden so probably somebody (i.e. anyone who ever met Wilden) paid her to do it. As Hanna is about to go, Travis awkward-stops her to chat more about her life. It’s hard to tell if he’s just the sweet New Boy, or if there’s something creepy afoot. It’s Rosewood and he’s got a Y chromosome, so probably both.
Back at the only coffee shop in town, Spencer and her cape have a heated confrontation with Mrs. D. Spencer doesn’t know what was going on with her and her dad, but, unlike medical professionals, there is an abundance of barristers in Rosewood. “Find one you haven’t slept with and keep us out of it!” SNAP.
Act Three! It is the proverbial dark and stormy night, and the Liars are in Em’s car. They trust Ominous GPS to take them to Killingsworth because they haven’t watched their own show for the past four years. In the backseat, Spencer and Aria have moderate success identifying Ali’s stories until they reach one about a girl who got with a younger dude. Maybe Ali’s OLDER boy was actually YOUNGER, they muse. In the front seat, Hanna looks uncomfortable and keeps turning up the radio. (“This isn’t spring break!” snaps Emily.) Ominous GPS diverts their car around some invisible construction, and… oh no, no, noooo. STOP. Ominous GPS is driving you to Murder Cabin!
Back in Rosewood, EZRA IS AT THE MARIN HOME NOOOOOO GROSS. He theatrically explains he is checking on Hanna’s schoolwork, but when Ashley is conveeeeeniently distracted by a new-work call, he slips upstairs to paw through Hanna’s bag and do a bit of light hacking on her computer, since when Caleb left he also took all of Hanna’s passwords with him.
In Emily’s car, Ominous GPS stops, because the car stops, because the car TURNS ITSELF OFF AND STOPS WORKING. Hanna texts Travis, who has a tow truck and “doesn’t know enough to ask questions.” He will be there in two hours. A storm is coming in minutes. Aria pulls up a map on her phone, where a nearby dot is conveniently labeled MURDER CABIN. “My uncle’s cabin!” she exclaims. Actually, it’s labeled EZRA’S CABIN, but is that really any better?
It may be a prime spot for homicide, but it also has a roof and a bathroom, so the girls head over.
Aria darts around, picking up any sign of her and Ezra’s Special Creepy Night Together and snapping at the others not to touch anything. Spencer doesn’t like Hanna’s squirreliness, or Em’s defense of it, and accuses them of keeping new/old secrets. “Nobody’s keeping anything from anyone, all right?” Aria declares intensely, standing in the kitchen of her secret new-old boyfriend/stalker.
Finally, Hanna comes clean: the Cradle Robber story is about her…and MIKE. As in, Aria’s little brother, Mike.
In FLASHBACK, Bitch Ali says Aria would never forgive Hanna for hooking up with Mike, and then slips her hooks gently into Hanna before painfully yanking them right out again:
Present day, Aria is lovely and forgiving. The girls ask why Hanna is still so upset, and she finally explains that Caleb met someone else. Her face breaks as she fully internalizes Ali’s insidious UNtruth that she’s lost the one person who might ever love her.
Hanna can’t deal. She heads outside to call Travis. Em follows. They hear a twig snap, but blame a wild animal. Look, we’re familiar with Occam’s Razor and all, but when you live in Rosewood it’s honestly probably more probable that a rustle in the undergrowth is a psycho stalker than a raccoon. Also, two seconds ago, EzrA (who made a pit stop at Rosewood’s 24hr Villain Outfitter before heading out to the woods), was peering through the window and spying on y’all and the Journal Where Ali Wrote Things.
Inside, Spencer barrels into the laundry room to find linens. Aria barrels past her to hide the Hollis College tee in the laundry basket, and to look incredibly guilty. Spence accuses her of looking incredibly guilty, and then: the door slams shut. And locks.
Peering through the keyhole, Spencer and Aria can see A stalking about. They are eventually saved by Hanna and Em, who had to hulk-smash their way back inside. A was there! He took the Journal Where Ali Wrote Things! Also, they are now referring to A as HE which is great.
There’s a knock on the door, and a male silhouette appears in the lightning flash. The girls grab their makeshift weapons. Aaaaaand… IT’S TRAVIS. The girls drop their hastily grabbed weapons. All parties stare awkwardly at each other.
Back at Hanna’s, Tow Truck Travis points out that the ride home was quiet. “Did you guys see a bear or something?” Hanna mumbles about a raccoon, and a fight to the death. She asks what she owes him. He says he’s not Hanna’s employee, he’s her friend. She tries to cover her snowballing emotions with useless little actions, but he gently takes her hands to still her. She flees to the porch, where she at last sits and cries. He follows quietly, and just lets her do her.
At the House of Hastings, Peter yells at Spencer for yelling at Mrs. DiLaurentis which makes NO SENSE. Spencer shouts back that she was just trying to protect the family. Peter gives his ultimatum, and…
Spencer and her beautiful cape show up at Toby’s. “Did you talk to your dad about Radley?” he asks. “Yeah. I did.” Pause. “Mind if I stay here for awhile?” The camera pans down to her feet… AND HER SUITCASE.
Aria calls Ezra, who’s still in blAck. The call ends with him intensely saying I LOVE YOU. (Gross) Aria says she loves him too, then hangs up. Em asks if that was Jake, and Aria nods. “It’s no fun lying to them, is it?” Aria looks down. “No.”
Double text chime! “Looks like I’m winning. Thanks for the tip.”
They look horrified, realizing they’d been decoding the diary for A, one colored sticky note at a time. They grab their coats and RUN.
Meanwhile, A typestypestypes on a computer: GPS RE-ROUTING COMPLETE. RESTORE DEFAULT.
FIN
Okay, that’s it for 4×15. Theories in the comments! Was that really Ezra locking Spencer and Aria in the laundry room? Was that really Ali in Emily’s room? Is anything really real??? Plus, find extra jokes/screencaps of diary pages on our spillover tumblr!
Next week: Kung-Fu Jake kicks his way back into our hearts!
Until then, liars,
kisses,
A(lexis and Catie)
About the Contributor:
Catie grew up in Denver, Colorado, where she often stayed up past her bedtime reading with a flashlight and once sent homemade Hogwarts acceptance letters to her friends. Now an adult, she still loves books and TV meant for teens, but is grateful to no longer have a bedtime.
