Previously on Reign: Mary urged Francis to acknowledge his illegitimate son. Lola urged Estelle to leave during the plague, but she didn’t, and ended up in Narcisse’s quarantine cage. Greer told Lord Nerd that she visited Pastry Boy, and he questioned her loyalty, and left the castle. Bash sees dead people.
The previouslies alone wore me out, and now I need a nap. I’ve been super excited for this week’s episode! Based on the promos, they were going to completely abandon all pretense at history. Which, let’s face it, history really isn’t our beloved show’s strong suit. Am I right?
The Intrigue
- Catherine and Francis are preparing for his son’s christening. Mary and Lola are there, but don’t have too much to say. There is so very much awkward and two very insane dresses. Catherine reminds Francis and Lola that they must choose which lucky noble or royal they’re going to ask to be the baby’s godparent, since she offered and they turned her down. I didn’t even know that was allowed.
- Lola tells Mary privately that she wants to live in a cottage adjacent to the castle. She also no longer wants to be a lady-in-waiting, but she doesn’t come right out and say so. Mary is obviously very hurt, but releases her from her duties.
- Francis and Hot Cousin Louis discuss a shepherd who was chased and attacked by men on horseback. Francis asks Louis to assist Bash with the investigation.
- Pastry Boy is back! Hello darling. Francis apologizes for taking back his gifted property and promises to explain over some beers some time. To make it up to him, Francis offers him a position at court, assisting Bash.
- The ladies-in-waiting are sitting around on the ground outside. Like, seriously? Estelle arrives at the castle in Narcisse’s carriage and he introduces her as his new bride. She gives Lola a gift with a secret message inside, asking for help.
- While reminiscing about their childhood antics, Mary tells Francis that she’s pregnant. And suddenly, history has no meaning. Francis is overjoyed.
- Catherine bursts into their chambers at a rather naked moment, to crow over the pregnancy, which, of course, she already knew about. She had Mary’s chamber pot tested. As you do. She then has a bevy of servants enter with trunks of potions and plates of food for pregnant Mary. It’s actually rather sweet, even when she hops up on the bed with them.
- Mary’s ladies are excited for her, but Lola and Greer commiserate over their lack of marriages, which means no homes of their own or access to money. The 16th century is a rough place for feminism.
- The shepherd who was attacked didn’t really see anything useful, but he claims they tried to mark him and wanted him to renounce God. He swears he didn’t give them his soul. Bash treats this with his typical naive gravity.
- Estelle begs Lola to help her get free of Narcisse. She’s heard horrible stories about his previous wives, and the ways they all died. Yikes. She thinks Lola is powerful, being the king’s mistress and the mother of his son, and is therefore the only one she could ask for help.
- Kenna catches Greer staring at Pastry Boy and asks her if there’s any way she can make a life with him. And because it’s Kenna, she warns that desire is likely to edge out reason anyway. Greer doesn’t think passion is enough foundation for a marriage, but Kenna begs to differ.
- Lola goes to Francis and Mary about Estelle’s plight, but they don’t see how they can oppose Narcisse. It’s obvious that Lola sees similarities between hers and Estelle’s situations. Mary asks Francis to leave the room so she and Lola can speak privately. Mary and Lola stop tiptoeing around the betrayal and their discomfort and have it OUT. Mary plays the Queen card and wants Lola out of her sight. How come we never hear Francis reminding everyone “WE WERE ON A BREAK”?
- There’s an ostentatious pre-christening banquet, complete with huge butter sculpture. Because Catherine is amazing. Mary is questioning Hot Cousin Louis about Narcisse’s dead wives and how they could help Estelle. Catherine interrupts them, wanting Louis to dance with Greer. She’s feeling more affectionate towards Greer as her wedding to a super rich dude approaches. During the dance, Greer ends up partnered with Pastry Boy, and there is some hot tension.
- Mary pokes at Narcisse about his bride, and offers to support an annulment, so that he can marry someone richer. One of his men interrupts to tell him that Estelle is missing and the guard on the door has been stabbed. Narcisse orders her found immediately, saying her defiance will be the end of her.
- Lola had promised Estelle that she’d make arrangements to sneak her out of the castle that night. Estelle runs to Lola and admits to having stabbed the guard to get away. Mary barges in to yell at Lola for having a hand in this. But Lola refuses to turn Estelle in to face certain death. Mary says that she won’t either. They smuggle Estelle out, with Mary playing the Queen card again, to keep Narcisse’s guard from searching the carriage. She is getting really good at that.
- Mary and Lola make up, and she asks Lola to stay in the castle and remain one of her ladies, so their children can grow up to be as close as they are. Lola asks Mary to be her son’s godmother. I cry and eat Oreos.
- Hot Cousin Louis finds Mary in pain, on the way to the christening, and helps her to her chambers. She tells him that she’s miscarrying and that nothing can be done about it. He wants to go for help, but she insists that no one can know until after the christening.
- Mary is a trooper and attends the christening to play her part as godmother. Francis looks on adoringly, Louis does so sadly. Kenna wonders where Greer is.
- Greer rode all night to Lord Nerd’s house to tells him that she still wants to marry him. He tells her that he knows she doesn’t love him, she just wants the stability his wealth can offer her and her family, and he can’t marry for that alone. What the hell, Lord Nerd? Like you’re going to be doing any better than Greer?
- A servant reports to Lola that Estelle got away from the castle safely, but then jumped off a cliff because she heard her dead family calling to her. The dead folks are out of control this season. Lola goes to Narcisse, who’s hanging out with Estelle’s corpse. Naturally. He justifies his previous wives’ deaths pretty convincingly, and even manages to sound like he’d only been trying to protect Estelle from herself. Lola obviously wonders if she’s been wrong about him. Don’t fall for it, Lola!
- The shepherd who claimed to not have given up his soul has murdered his entire family in a seriously gruesome way. They strip his shirt, to reveal a mark that Bash recognizes.
- Mary tells Francis that she’s lost the baby, and he tries to console her. It is really freaking heartbreaking. Thank God for these Oreos.
- Greer tells Lord Nerd that she and Leith (that’s what she calls Pastry Boy. Weird, right?) had a connection, but his journey is uncertain, and she doesn’t want that. She knows who Lord Nerd is, doesn’t have to wonder who he’ll become, and that’s why she wants to be with him. She tells him they haven’t given it a chance to see if they have passion too. So, she jumps all in on that. Girl, did you learn nothing from Lola? Have him put a ring on it first.
- Bash tells Francis and Louis that they were warned, and the reckoning is upon them. Just when I’m thinking that riled spirits make for a pretty toothless Big Bad, Catherine sees dead children in the corridor. We’re both pretty creeped out now.
- Francis takes Mary outside to reminisce about them sneaking out as children, to look for fireflies. And he’s arranged to have a throng of floating lanterns released into the sky for her, as a reminder that she’ll always be his light.
History According to Reign
- The floating lantern thing was very sweet and romantic. But, considering those first originated in Asia, it’s hard to imagine them being a thing in France in 1559.
- Hot Cousin Louis’ presence seems to be fairly innocuous. But, per wikipedia, he might have been up to some juicy shenanigans, and I hope the show gets there soon!
Number of Times I Forgot I Wasn’t Watching Gossip Girl: 2
1. “Has it ever occurred to you that your cage is of your own making?” Blair Waldorf (nor Mary Queen of Scots) are quick to forgive such betrayal.
2. As Jonathan Keltz (the actor who plays our beloved Pastry Boy) pointed out while live-tweeting the episode last night, Lola had some serious earring game. The mother of the king’s illegitimate son isn’t going to let drama with the queen, and smuggling a reluctant wife out of the castle, interfere with her accessorizing.
Are you still heartbroken? Are you still stressing eating Oreos? How’s your earring game? To the comments!
Next week: The religious violence is escalating. And Narcisse warns Francis that he’ll drive his country to civil war.
