Last week, I published a post about YA deal breakers, which instantly launched a litany of hell nos and DONNEVENS regarding yr least favorite qualities in teen fiction. It turns out that y’all are 176 sizzling pieces of SNARK, which obvs is why I love you. And also cos you’ve all promised to buy me a drink at some point. Wait, you haven’t? I THOUGHT WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING.
Anyhoo, there we were, bitching and ranting in perfect unity, until katiecoops posed a provocative question: what are our YA deal MAKERS? What’s the one thing that will make us pick up a YA book, no matter what?
[Insert mp3 of crickets chirping. Or, if you live in TX, go outside cos they are mothereffing EVERYWHERE]
Um… HUH. I mean, sure, I have TONS of YA books that I love the shizz out of, but for some reason, it’s a lot easier to identify what I hate than what I love. I believe that reason is called “being human”.
And even though FYA is all about the sass, we’re also here to celebrate young adult literature, so today I sat down and engaged in some Super Serious Meditation in order to come up with my personal deal makers. Check ’em out and see if you agree (and don’t worry– this post may be positive, but the snark abides).
1. Mysterious Loner Dude
Y’all it’s a bonus factor FOR A REASON. Extra points for the following:
- He’s straight outta juvie.
- He’s misunderstood but not whiny about it.
- He rocks the surprise muscles (aka he’s not body builder, but when he takes his shirt off, HELLO!).
- He’s a little bit scary but would never, ever hit a girl.
- He doesn’t take himself too seriously.
- He can, in fact, read.
Ok I feel like I just wrote a personals ad. Um. MOVING ON.
2. Kickass Heroine
Just like its deal breaker counterpart, this one’s obvious but needs to be said. If a book features a strong, smart female lead who isn’t afraid to take charge of her life, who puts chicks before dicks, who believes in herself and who can LITERALLY kick the shizz out of someone (mentally or physically or BONUS: BOTH!), then I’M IN! Also, please don’t hurt me.
3. Anything Written by Meg Cabot, Sarah Dessen, John Green, E. Lockhart, Melina Marchetta or Sara Zarr
I could make them each their own deal maker, but that feels like cheating. Which makes sense, because with these genius authors, ALL I DO IS WIN!
4. The (Extra)ordinary
These teenagers are just regular human beings, which is EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO READ ABOUT. Because when I meet a character who, oh, hey, surprise, turns out to be a mothercussing mermaid, I have absolutely zero connection with that (ok, well, besides Ariel). But when I read about a teenager experiencing the pressure of trying to fit in, the pain of unrequited love, the trauma of spilling ketchup on yr pants, I’M ENTHRALLED. Sure, there’s some great fantasy and sci fi out there, but my favorite YA adventures happen in the tiled hallways and smelly cafeterias of reality.
5. Any Plot That Somehow Combines Spies, Prank Wars, Boarding School, Quiz Bowl, Rich Crazy Old Ladies, Drama Club, NYC, Charming Boys in Tailored Suits, Fine Dining, Cross Country Train Rides, Secret Societies and a Mini-pig Named Mr. Pickles.
Does this book exist? No. Should it exist? YES.
6. Tiny Cooper
I pray to the gods of literature that John Green and David Levithan write a Will Grayson spin-off series starring the one, the only, the extremely dazzling and incredibly huge TINY COOPER. If this happens, I will be holding that book closer than a tiny dancer and faster than you can say SATAN’S FIRE COCK. (Psst from the future: THEY DID.)
Ok, I think I’ve done enough rhapsodizing for the day. Now it’s y’all’s turn to share yr own personal deal makers! Also, I reserve the right to add anything after I’ve had some champers because those sweet, sweet bubbles have a tendency to make me fall in love with EVERYTHING.
