Welcome back, fellow PLL-inspired misandrists! The votes are in, and we are ready to say goodbye to eight of Rosewood’s least worst men, so that the worst worst can move on to Round Two.
First, the losers: Tom “new daughter who dis” Marin lost to Ezrugh; Lucas “Militarized Friendzone” Gottesman lost to Wren; Lorenzo “Soup Cop” Calderon lost to Cousin Nate; Gabe “Blame the Girl” Holbrook lost to Ian; “Anyway, Here’s Wonderwall” White Boys lost to Wilden; Noel “Nobelsse No-blige” Khan lost to Zach; Jason “Do The Creep” DiLaurentis lost to Ken Dad; and finally, in a match that was literally neck-in-neck until we strongarmed some non-internet PLL fan friends to log on and vote, Garrett “Bad Cop” Reynolds JUST BARELY (87-89) lost out to Andrew, almost certainly due to the difficulty of deep-recall with any character on this show who hasn’t been around for even one-half of one season.
That means your new bracket stands thus:
!!! These are some solidly matched bad dudes. Let’s vote!
(1) EZRUGH “EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE” FITZ VS (8) WREN “HYPOCRITIC OATH” KINGSTON
We don’t know if there is much to say here, except, Wren is a ghost, whereas Ezrugh is everything that makes the world worth setting aflame. But vote with your heart!
(4) LYNDON “KILLING COUSIN” JAMES VS (5) IAN “SO NICE THEY KILLED HIM TWICE” THOMAS
These dudes are both dead! ::applause emoji:: all around!
(2) DARREN “PAR FOR SKEEZE” WILDEN VS (7) ZACH “BAKER OF PREY” PASTRY CREEP
Wow, Hanna really sure has had a shitty time with every man who wasn’t Caleb. NOT that we are tempted to stray from our ardent #Spaleb love, but jeez does Hanna deserve everything good in the world.
Post-6.20 Postscript: Caleb’s not looking so hot this very sec, either.
(3) KENNETH “FATHER KNOWS WORST” DILAURENTIS VS (6) ANDREW “MAN EXPLAINS THINGS TO LIARS” CAMPBELL
Ken Dad is the Platonic Ideal of patriarchy+masculine fragility backfiring so spectacularly that it DOES cause the whole world (or at least the dollhouse, and the A-frame resort, and nearly all the Liars to death) to literally burn. But Andrew did angrily and resentful actually explain the Liars’ own kidnapping to them that one time, so. HM.
Wow. Those are some tough votes. Still, as before, we trust you all to do the right thing.
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
