No bachelorette party hangovers to excuse me this week, friends, and no surprise Eastern European twin revelation, either. I *did* make some Real Adult investing plans, but considering the model for that activity that JtV has given us, let’s hope that wasn’t my life imitating the CW’s art…
AWARDS
THIS WEEK’S MVP(arent)
IDK, do we go with Michael, for being such a solid presence in Mateo’s life that he earned Mateo’s first “dada,” or do we go with Raf, for finally having matured enough not to fly off the handle at Michael for that surprise, instead stepping up his Dad game by taking over more time on Mateo’s weekly calendar?
Both. Let’s go with both.
BEST TELENOVELA TWIST
Petra’s surprise twin is a gift that keeps on giving, and Rogelio hooking up with the Santos writer who connived to push him out of his own show was pretty sweet, but honestly this week’s best twist was the meta two-punch visual gag of Jane’s lusty Cuban revolutionary romance alter-ego physically manifesting Jane’s internal plot revision struggle by wrestling with an unwanted sniper rifle.
Mix those genres, Jane! Mix ’em real good!
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Dreft! JtV‘s classic, organic brand inclusion that fits precisely what the characters-as-consumers would really use, and how they would interact with it.
Hey, modern storytelling ad men: I’m all yours.
PREVIOUSLY ON JANE THE VIRGIN
Jane and Michael decided, finally, to get married! Unfortunately, their venue of choice—the Villanuevas’ own living room—was rendered unusable by the major flood brought on by Alba’s bad luck boyfriend/the ravages of time. Luckily, Rogelio stepped in as über-wedding planner/fatherzilla of the bride and saved the day by having his Tiago crew build a replica Villanueva home set in the show’s studio. Unluckily, while Jane’s bonds with her dad were growing stronger for her upcoming major life changes, those with her mom were worsening, as Xo’s anxiety over Jane leaving the nest for good threw her down an old path of immature self-destruction that made Jane lose patience altogether with her own role as the more mature of the pair.
THIS WEEK
Flash Dance
We start this episode with another revisited flashback—this time, to Jane’s childhood swooning at salsa (the dance, not the condiment). More specifically, to the concrete results of that swoonage: 1) pricey salsa lessons that culminated in 2) a group performance at which juncture 3) Baby!Jane realized that while she loved the idea of salsa, she despised doing the actual dancing. Alba had a strong opinion about Best Parenting Practice at each of the three points along this journey—namely, that 1) Jane’s interest should be tested with free salsa classes at the community rec center first, then 2) having invested in the pricey lessons, she should actually go through with the performance, because 3) it is about the principle of learning to see commitments through to their conclusion.
Xo, naturally, disagreed with all three points, and by letting Baby!Jane take the dance class then skip out on the performance, let her also get away with a streak of playing fast and loose with plans/commitments that is honestly shocking (for Jane, that is). Ultimately, though, the two of them were in on the (mis)adventure together, and that was all that mattered.
Parents, Trapped
Cut to the present, where Jane is still sore enough with Xo to be giving her the silent treatment, and Xo is growing sorer by the minute with Jane for being so judgmental that she’s giving the silent treatment right back. Somehow, it is only the morning after the bachelorette blowout. So much for the slap of reality that hit Xo so hard she admitted to her own mistakes as she crawled into bed with her own mom!
After driving from the Marbella to the Villanueva home in two separate cars to meet with their insurance adjustor, Jane and Xo break their mutual silent treatment to hiss insults at each other’s extreme approaches to maturity, after which Xo storms out in a huff, leaving Jane without a babysitter for the afternoon. In retaliation, Jane deletes Xiomara from her entire calendar, FOREVER! Knowing well enough by now not to comment on the A+ parenting being done by either of these Villanueva women, Michael simply offers up his own services as a caregiver for any of Xo’s shifts he is available for. Which honestly seems like ALL of them? I’m not even convinced he has a detective job anymore, tbh. I’m actually a little worried he is so unfamiliar with the inner workings of a law enforcement career that he thinks that now that his first Big Bad is dead and gone, he’s retired?*
Anyway, Michael is on Mateo duty, and he wants ALL THE LISTS to make sure he gets the job done right.
Okay, so we aren’t going to get the measured, reflective story of personal growth from Xo that I expected after Chapter Thirty-Nine. But we’re still getting growth on Michael’s side of the story, so… that’s something! Probably something ominous, as the more detractors like me grow to like him, the more likely it is he’ll die right before they say I do, but still, it is SOMETHING.
Also something? Rogelio’s (Tiago’s) outfit of the week: lavender Swiss lederhosen as part of a disguise for Tiago to kill baby Hitler. Amaze.
It is almost as amazing, in fact, as Rogelio’s (over)commitment to planning Jane’s wedding, which he is putting approximately 1000% more energy into than Jane OR Michael—a distinction I stress both because Michael is the fiancé Rogelio goes to first with all ceremony updates, and because Michael, as a retired cop, has much more time on his hands to get into all the Lauren Conrad wedding calendar details than does our dear, overcommitted Jane.
The biggest part of Jane’s wedding that Rogelio has set up is, of course, the Villanueva house set, built on the Tiago soundstage, by the Tiago crew, paid for with Tiago production dollars. This, you can imagine, is not something his network execs are too stoked about! When two of them come to confront him about it, though, his diva self-preservation takes over and he spins a story about how the “just a house” set they’re so anxious about is ACTUALLY part of a major Tiago story with a shocking—but relatable—telenovela twist that he can’t spoil for them just yet.
The execs leave, pleased, and Ro races off to get his writers to reverse engineer his lie. Unfortunately, his writers have no vision, and thus Ro is stuck knocking on the door of Dina Milagro, the head writer for Santos who kicked him out then invited him back last season, whom he now sees as the only person possibly capable of writing him out of major trouble with his new studio.
Okay, a quick aside before moving on: Dina is the fifth side character in a stereotypically male career to be featured in this episode, after the two lady network execs, the lady insurance adjustor (a moonlighting Hester High principal from the other best show on TV right now, Faking It), and the yet-unintroduced grand dame owner of the Marbella’s neighboring Stanwyck Hotel. Several weeks back, the contractor who made a bid on the damage at the Villanueva house was ALSO a woman. I just—I adore this show. I adore Jennie Snyder Urman. I am so immensely grateful for both of them to exist in the world. Just…<3
Okay, back to the show. So Rogelio, using a page from Dina’s own cupcake/ego-stroking handbook, ropes her into writing a Tiago script inspired by the Villanueva house set/the Villanueva women’s relationships, all while dragging his cake samples/tiara selections/fabric swatches all across Miami to try and catch Jane in a moment where she can finally offer up some opinions on the lot and/or listen to reason about forgiving Xo, or at least calling a cease-fire long enough that Xo can weigh in on Jane’s final three wedding gown choices (Jane having barred Xo from coming to anymore fittings for the time being, of course).
Hearing this last bit, Dina puts her finger on the REAL issue standing between Jane and Xo, and Rogelio uses this insight to develop the scene to prove to the Tiago execs that the house set and its corresponding plot have legs. He invites all three Villanuevas to set for the first read through, and the LOOKS ON THEIR FACES when three sexier versions of themselves saunter through the fake Villanueva living room, discussing the exact problems the Villanuevas are currently having, when Rogelio-as-Tiago-as-a-mailman arrives at the “front door” and mansplains to them how those problems ACTUALLY stem from the fact that the daughter character is leaving home for good, and that neither she nor the mother character know how to handle all the changes that will bring. And in the audience, Jane and Xo silently reach their hands out to each other, everything forgiven.
“…That’s it?” the studio execs ask, when the scene is over. “No,” says Dina. “That’s just the start of a sci-fi monster plot Tiago has to go back in time and undercover to PREVENT.” “Ahhhhhh,” the execs nod, satisfied. “That makes sense.”
And after their successful day running around, Rogelio finds Dina to thank her, and he finally sees the woman behind the writer, while Dina sees the family man behind the diva, and then the two of them smush faces. I’m on board! If Judy Reyes can survive/improve a Turk, she can survive/improve a Rogelio, tbh.
*JK obviously–I know he’s working with Raf to go after Derek/Elena/Mutter, just let me have my fun dragging Mr. Much Improved when I can, okay???
Dirty Dancing: Havana Houghs
All the while the Jane is fighting with Xo/wedding planning with Ro, she is also working madly at revising her manuscript yet again to satisfy the romance-hating strictures of her new, compassionless advisor. The advisor’s newest criticism? That Jane’s work doesn’t do enough to interrogate or critique the genre/subvert the “marriage plot.” Which, while that *could* be a compelling, substantive critique that *could* push a manuscript to a level of nuance and intelligence that would challenge the reader as much as entertain them, that is clearly not the goal of Professor Donaldson’s demand. She just hates romance, and has zero interest in allowing any earnest execution of it to pass through her office—an opinion which is not helped by the fact that Rogelio’s wedding planning hurricane passes through Jane’s TA office with the same unthinking, overwhelming force as did that Don Quixote stripper Xo sent the day before.
Honestly, fam! LEAVE JANE’S PLACE OF WORK ALONE.
And so Jane pushes herself to try to figure out a way to make her romance book NOT be a romance book, much to her imaginary character’s chagrin. Secret assassination plots certainly can’t be stuffed in (can’t mix genres [lie]); forcing a lesbian angle just for the TWIST would just be offensive.
Unable to find a path to a completely new genre, let alone manuscript, in the single day that her advisor gave her, Jane returns to campus—Mateo impossibly in tow—to ask for an extension. And if you thought Professor Donaldson was unsympathetic to IRL marriage plots, she is even more unsympathetic to the IRL results of them (i.e., babies, and also crying, from being overwhelmed, from both weddings AND babies). At first Jane is crushed at the news she won’t get an extension, but quickly that sadness blooms into rage, and she just LETS LOOSE, shouting at Professor Donaldson that it is clear that it isn’t Jane’s work she doesn’t like, but also Jane herself, and that you know what? Jane doesn’t like HER that much, either, and so thank god that after this term they never have to see each other again!!!
Only, whoops: this MFA program requires a written invitation for students to return for their second year. That invitation being extended by? Yep: the student’s advisor. Dang, Jane! Really should have curbed that lust with Professor Chavez. His smug face at least took romance seriously as a genre in its own right. DANG.
So, Jane has to find a way to make her manuscript interrogate the romance genre and subvert the wedding plot enough to woo Professor Donaldson into writing her letter of invitation. Thankfully, with her reconciliation with Xo now complete, Jane knows exactly what to do, feeding the mother-daughter story in as the framework for, rather than side story inside, her Cuban revolutionary romance.
It works! Season 3 of JtV, back in grad school hell. YAY.
Sestra Act 2: Back in the Stanwyck
So! Petra has a twin sister. Her name is Anezka. She has a comically huge appetite, and tragically stunted social skills/confidence. She grew up in an orphanage, like the one in Annie, but much, much sadder.
Petra initially is loathe to keep her around, but after the two of them visit Magda in prison and find her the exact opposite of remorseful for her actions, giving Anezka (the less pretty one) up to the care of unfeeling strangers, Petra’s newly blossoming family-bonding urges kick in and she invites Anezka to live with her for the foreseeable future.
This would be totally great, if it didn’t come at a time when Petra has zero of her own to give to help acclimate Anezka to America/Miami/The Marbella/general people skills, even to find her some productive activity to occupy herself with that is not pickpocketing Marbella guests. Why does Petra have no time to spare? Not her TWO BABIES—they’re being taken care of by the Swedish nurses. No, it’s the newly possible acquisition of the neighboring hotel, the Stanwyck. You know, the one that Lachlan (was he a person ever) scuppered for them back when he was still on the Marbella staff; the one whose profile was going to rise high enough to block the Marbella’s views, and also limit their beachfront access. It’s up for sale, and Rafael has JUST enough money on hand to buy it up! If, of course, Barbara Stanwyck takes a liking to them and agrees to their offer.
Yeah, that’s about the level of my own investment moves this week, Jane. #same
Petra and Raf’s first meeting with Barbara goes exceedingly well—she thinks they are just so polished and nice, she puts them on hugging terms immediately. Unfortunately, she mistakes Anezka for Petra when coming to Petra’s office the next day for a follow-up, and Anezka scratches her cheek when she goes in for a hug. Petra is able to explain everything to Barbara immediately, but Barbara’s opinion of the Marbella’s owners has dropped enough that she is willing to entertain a second offer that reached her desk that morning, unless Petra and Raf can match it.
The difference? Big enough that only the dirty $5mil from that insider trading deal Derek’s friend lured Raf into will cover it (we are apparently working off the assumption that Petra’s crimelord husband who fled the country/Magda’s inconvenient presence does not exist and cannot be contacted for any money to help improve the Marbella’s commercial future, I guess). Raf is, understandably, not keen on taking that leap. But Petra is so beaten down by the prospect that her own sister may have ruined her chance to provide a better legacy for her daughters, and for Rafael to provide a better legacy for all three of his kids, that Raf decides to use the money after all. And yes, it will obviously come back to bite him.
Meanwhile, Anezka is listening in from the office’s anteroom, and at the revelation that Rafael is stepping in to save the day (not that she or Petra could possibly know to what extent)…her heart starts glowing.
Awkward.
NEXT TIME
Xo goes out for a role on Tiago! She forgets all her lines. And maybe we get 1920s drag from the whole cast? I can’t wait!**
**Literally, I can’t—the episode is tonight. I’m so burned out on recaps for this tv season, friends!!! Please forgive me forever.
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
