Fix: Christmas rom-com, Magic Mike lite, terrible hair
Platform: Netflix
Netflix Summary:
To save her parents’ small-town nightclub, a Broadway dancer stages an all-male, Christmas-themed revue — and meets a guy with all the right moves.
FYA Summary:
When I heard that Netflix was doing a Christmas movie riff on Magic Mike with Chad Michael Murray and Britt Robertson, I am not at all ashamed to admit that I was reeeeal holly jolly about it. I’ve always loved Britt Robertson, and I’ve developed the acquired taste for Chad Michael Murray (I think at one point we referred to him as ChaMM? Am I getting that right? Okay I’m gonna call him ChaMM) who still strikes me as a douchebag but like, in a charming way? (He was most effective at this on Gilmore Girls IMO.)
Anyway! So, Britt Robertson plays Ashley, who is living her dream in NYC as a Jingle Bell (think: Rockette, but Christmas 24/7; how does this show work year round?!!) when she is abruptly fired for being too old. (Britt is 34, btw.) She heads back to her small hometown to nurse her wounds and discovers that the Rhythm Room, an event venue and bar owned by her parents, is on the verge of going bankrupt. Desperate for a plan to raise the money to save it, Ashley is seized by a crazy idea: a topless male dance revue! This idea is very clearly inspired by her recent meet cute with Luke (ChaMM), a handsome carpenter and handyman who helps out around the bar. Because Luke is clearly already crushing on Ashley, he agrees to do the show, and wow, holiday miracle, Ashley happens to know two other guys in town who are in amazing shape and are also willing to perform despite having never danced before! But can they pull off a show that will sell enough tickets to save Christmas the Rhythm Room?! Uh, do you know what kind of movie this is?! Of course they can.
Familiar Faces:
Guys, what in the jingle bell is going on with the hair in this movie?!!! Britt’s wig is TERRIBLE, and ChaMM’s highlights are OUT OF CONTROL, especially for a “down to earth, simple carpenter.” I swear, there’s an entire scene where he has a lock of hair hanging down the side of his face that would literally be a liability for a handyman. Both of these people are objectively attractive but I guess the elves in makeup and hair thought they’d been too naughty?
This is the hair equivalent of coal in your stocking.
I’m sorry, the only handyman with this hair is the kind of “handyman” who shows up to a bachelorette with a boombox and tearaway pants.
In terms of performance, Britt and ChaMM are fine; they’re a notch above phoning it in, and they do have their natural charm on display. But their chemistry? Ehhhh, lukewarm at best. With that said, ChaMM’s bod is chiseled AF so that’s a nice consolation prize under the tree!
I do need to call out some other familiar faces because this movie has some fun ones! First, playing Ashley’s sister, we have Marla Sokoloff, who played Cokie Mason in The Baby-Sitters Club and who came to the reunion I hosted at the Alamo Drafthouse!! (She was super nice and very pretty!) Second, Beth Broderick (Zelda Spellman on the original Sabrina the Teenage Witch!) played Ashley’s mom, and Ashley’s dad is played by Michael Gross, who was the dad on Family Ties! I don’t know what it says about my TV watching habits as a child that I recognized him immediately. But, okay, you know who I didn’t recognize?! There’s a character who’s like the “old man” regular at the bar who ends up joining the show, and he is played by Maxwell Caulfield!! Y’all, having seen him topless, Rex Manning’s still got it!!
Also, s/o to the world’s cutest dog!!!! What kind of dog is this, y’all? Is it real?!!
Couch-Sharing Capability: Come All Ye Faithful
I feel like the only way to watch this movie is surrounded by friends who will cackle and eyeroll along with you. Like, yes, anyone who joins should know what they’re getting into, and we must always make Christmas rom-com viewing a safe space, but the experience is definitely enhanced by a running commentary. The dance sequences alone need a full-on CRITIQUE, starting with Ashley’s “Broadway” show which is like… borderline a high school dance recital? And I have a LOT of questions about the length of the Merry Gentlemen show and the number of routines. It appears to be anywhere from 2 (minutes in length) to 6 (number of routines). Honestly, you should probably just turn your brain off completely while watching, which leads me to the next section!
Recommended Level of Inebriation: Here We Come A-Wassailing
Look, this is not a difficult movie to follow. In fact, the less you follow it, particularly with regards to the timeline, the better. I recommend breaking out the mulled wine or a hot toddy or some spiked hot chocolate or, hey, it’s Christmas, what about all three?
Use of Your Streaming Subscription: Better Than Fruitcake
If I had to rank The Merry Gentlemen among the other Christmas rom-coms I’ve seen, I think it would land near the bottom of the middle. It’s not nearly as spicy as I would have liked, nor were the dance routines remotely enjoyable, but it also wasn’t horrible, and the actors were endearing enough.
Like, I wouldn’t regift it, is what I’m saying.
