Fix: Ridiculous Dark Fantasy
Platforms: Hulu, Paramount+, EPIX, DirecTV
Netflix Summary:
Fifteen years after outsmarting a sinister witch, the adult Hansel and Gretel use their talents as professional bounty hunters to take down witches.
FYA Summary:
Hansel and Gretel not only escaped from the clutches of the evil witch when they were children, but also turned that traumatic event into a lucrative career.
Familiar Faces:
Jeremy Renner as Hansel
Jeremy Renner is totally an action superstar, and he’s got a way with the quip. Hansel is a great role for him, even if his skills are somewhat underused in the role.
Gemma Arterton as Gretel
Gemma is so pretty and sweet-looking. And yet, she plays a badass witch hunter so well. It’s a fun role to watch her in.
Famke Janssen as Muriel
There are very few people who play femme fatales better than Famke, and Muriel definitely fits the profile. She’s both beautiful (most of the time) and dangerous, and more than a little appealing, in a “I’ll cut your kidney out and sell it on the black market after our mind-blowing first date” kind of way.
Peter Stormare as Sheriff Berringer
Peter pretty much always plays a questionable character, and Sheriff Berringer is no exception. I can’t help but love listening to him speak, however. His voice is so unique.
Couch-Sharing Capability: High
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters features the very attractive Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton fighting monsters and witches, so, there’s something for everyone in this movie. Eye candy, outlandish weapons, action, gore, quippy dialogue … even a little bit of romance. (But not between Hansel and Gretel. That would be a whole different movie.)
Recommended Level of Inebriation: High
Although I liked this movie much more than I expected to, it’s only slightly more “good” than one of SyFy’s finest monster movies. (Which I also really enjoy.) I think drinking would take the “I feel the need to roll my eyes at pretty much every scene” feeling and turn it into more of a “this is ridiculous, but I’m really enjoying it for some reason” kind of mood.
Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Good
This movie was panned while it was in theaters, and it took a really long time to even get there, which means that there were likely troubles on set/during production. Even Jeremy Renner, who’s typically a jovial dude*, didn’t have the best things to say about it. Is it perfect? No. But it’s a fun movie, particularly for this time of year.
