Welp, we’re heading into Junior Year, which is arguably the worst season of the series, and not just because it includes a new credits song and image sequence (RIP black & white photos). On the plus side, that means we’ve got an updated version of the drinking game, which will help us ALL deal with certain characters whose names rhyme with Tames and Shavery. Because sometimes we drink to forget.
The Felicity Season Three Drinking Game Rules
Drink once every time:
You cringe during the “New Version of You” credit sequence.
Felicity is endearingly earnest.
Ben smiles sheepishly.
Noel is adorkable.
Elena is a better friend than anyone deserves.
Meghan is mean and it’s awesome.
Javier butchers a word or figure of speech.
Richard freaks out (in a good or bad way).
Drink twice every time:
Felicity stresses you out.
Felicity says, “Dear Sally.”
Sean invents something.
Javier refers to Ben as “Benjamin.”
Okay, let’s prepare ourselves for junior year… and Leon, lord help us.
3.1 “The Christening”
Junior year is about to begin, and you can tell that more than a few months have passed because Felicity’s hair has outgrown the Chia Head phase. So what’s everyone been up to over the summer? A quick primer:
– Felicity and Ben are still together! Whew! But they haven’t seen each other since Ben went to CA. In less cool news, Felicity’s parents are getting a divorce.
– You can tell Sean and Meghan had the most glorious time in Italy because these two are smitten kittens. Also, the Independent Film Channel wants to turn the Docuventary into a series, which means Sean will continue stalking everyone with a video camera.
– Tracy and Elena volunteered at a children’s hospital (of course). They haven’t had sex yet, but they are in L-O-V-E.
– Javier is ready to enroll at UNY!
– Julie had the exact opposite of a nice summer: her birth father died. She wasn’t a donor match for the kidney he needed, but she was able to get to know him before he passed.
– Noel is… ?!! No one has heard from him since he left the wedding with Natalie, who is referenced as the girl who “looks like the Doritos chick.” (I see what you did there, writers.) He hasn’t registered for classes or sent in a tuition payment, so Richard launches a mission. “As God is my witness, I’m gonna find him!”
– Speaking of the Founder of Free Pizza Fridays, he worked at Disneyworld, which was apparently not the most magical place on earth.
Richard: Let’s just say that not every female rodent character you meet is played by a female park employee.
The fact that we never got an episode focused solely on Richard’s summer is one of TV’s greatest tragedies.
Felicity, Julie and Elena are supposed to live in a student housing apartment together (along with a random roomie from England who won’t arrive for another tweek weeks), but when Javier takes Felicity to pick out some furniture from his friend Mitchelll, who’s moving, she’s enchanted by visions of living in Mitchell’s old apartment with Ben.
After reuniting with Julie and Elena (they’re all so happy to see each other! Yay!), Felicity breaks the news that she’s going to live with Ben and suggests that Meghan can take her place. Ugh, I hate that Felicity is being that girl right now. Don’t ditch your friends! Especially when rent is involved!
I forgive her a little when Ben finally gets to NYC and they fall into each other’s arms and start to giggle like they can’t believe this is real life. Felicity tells him about the apartment, and he guesses correctly that she’s already put down a deposit, so he agrees. As delightful as these two are, you can tell that this will NOT end well. Especially when Ben sees the apartment, which he later tells Sean is a “hellhole.” (He’s not wrong!) What he sees as “dirty,” Felicity sees as “romantic,” and girl is aaaaaaall about the breakfast nook, so Ben hides his disgust, because he doesn’t want to hurt Felicity’s feelings. Instead, he takes Sean’s advice (did he not learn last year?!!) and decides to engage in a weird strategy of acting happy about the apartment while showcasing its flaws. The first step: he buys a massive TV screen projector thing that looks like an oven and takes up half of the kitchen. Felicity pretends to be cool with it. Oh and did I mention the pipes, which make loud clanging noises every time their downstairs neighbor, a sexy Russian dancer lady, takes a bath? Again, NOT GONNA END WELL.
That’s when a bug enters the picture.
Felicity, on the phone: I thought I just saw a bug. But, it couldn’t have been a bug… that big.
Felicity [later] kissing Ben then jolting away: There’s a bug! A giant bug. It’s so huge. It’s under the TV. You gotta go get it!
Ben gets up and grabs a napkin.
Felicity: You’re gonna need a little more than that napkin.
Ben: Uh, yeah, the bug can’t be that big.
Felicity jumps away as the bug seemingly runs across the floor.
Felicity: Oh my god, oh my god!
Ben: Jesus, that’s a big bug. Did you get any bug spray?
Felicity: I just got cleaning stuff.
Ben, holding a spray bottle and picking up a shoe: It’ll disorient him and then he’s gonna get the shoe. [Kneels down to look under a kitchen appliance] I can hear him breathing.
Cue a series of unfortunate events involving an electrical socket spitting sparks, a lamp catching on fire and a fire extinguisher that doesn’t work, i.e. HILARIOUS MAYHEM. We were talking last week about Keri Russell’s comedy skills, and they are on full display here, though I think Scott Speedman wins for making me legit bark with laughter when he rushes in with a fire extinguisher from the hallway and shouts, “CLEAR! CLEAR!”
It only takes all of that, plus Ben getting stitches (he had to break the glass to get the extinguisher) for Felicity to realize that maybe living together wasn’t the best idea. Meanwhile, Ben recognizes that following Sean’s advice was a mistake: “The TV really didn’t help at all because it’s become like this fort for all of the animals and insects.” But they each decide to give it one more go, with Felicity planning to cook a romantic meal (so they can finally “christen” the apartment, i.e. DO IT IN THE NOOK) and Ben vowing to fix the sink as something he can tackle to improve the apartment. Unfortunately for Ben, Sexy Russian Dancer (her name is Brigette Pastercheck) shows up and asks to use his bathtub because the landlord says the pipes will explode if she uses hers (there’s gotta be at least ten porn flicks that start out like this). Ben does a terrible job of saying no, and when Felicity arrives back home, she finds Brigette Pastercheck soaking in bubbles, so she is PISSED. Their fight is interrupted by Brigette, naked and covered in bubbles, holding out a phone and saying, “They found Noel.”
Apparently, Richard tracked down a girl who works at a place with the unappealing name of the Skippy Club, where Natalie has been hanging out with a “wild guy” named Leon. Richard rallies the troops, partially because he’s scared of confronting Leon, and they descend upon Leon’s apartment. Once again, I love seeing the gang all together, especially when Richard remarks that, “My private dick work has taken us here,” and Tracy makes a snide comment with regards to Richard’s “dick work.”
They knock on the door… and Noel emerges! Noel is Leon! (Leon is Noel spelled backwards. IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE).
Noel/Leon is happy to see them, but if the highlights didn’t give it away, dude has CHANGED. Felicity tells him how worried they’ve been, and he shrugs it off by telling them that he and Natalie were in Cuba, and they’re actually about to go on another trip, and no, he’s not returning to college, and everything’s cool and whatever, man! It’s clear to Felicity that Noel has made a conscious decision to be impulsive and fun 24/7, but Richard is undeterred. He’s gonna get his buddy back!
Later that night, Felicity tells Javier about the pressures of living with Ben and shares that she’s going to give up the apartment. He gives her money to take a cab home and I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH. When she arrives home, it’s lit up with candles and a super swoony Ben, who now understands that (as Sean wisely put it, for once) Felicity sees him through the same eyes that see the beauty in this shithole apartment. He apologizes about the whole Brigette Pastercheck situation and tells her that he wants to make living together great, but Felicity tenderly admits that she gave up the place. They still have it for one more night, though, which means SEXY BATHTIME! In the midst of rub a dub dub (that sounds dirtier than I intended), Ben starts fantasizing about the two of them living together after college, and it’s totes cute and YES YOU SHOULD DO THAT.
Meanwhile, Elena finds Julie crying on the couch and guesses that it’s about her dad, but Julie just wants to be alone. Elena respectfully backs off while reminding Julie that she’s not alone (Elena is the best, DRINK) but obviously, Julie’s harboring some kind of secret about her summer (not of the Lois Duncan variety).
The episode ends with Noel/Leon and Natalie returning from their trip, where… they got married! Whooo boy.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
11
The Javier Lexicon
How much do you love the way Javier pronounces “dot com” as “dot comb”? Almost as much as the way he says “nickname” (drink):
And I haven’t even talked about College Freshman Javier! Whom I wanna squeeze so hard! Especially when he talks about wanting to rush without knowing what that even means.
Sean + Meghan 4-Ever
In the middle of making out, Meghan notices that Sean has a camera on. He denies it (dude, not okay) and then Meghan freaks out because… the camera is in the wrong place and not getting the best angle. Gah, they are perfect for each other.
Ben’s S3 Premiere Haircut < Ben’s S2 Premiere Haircut
Let’s be honest, I’ll always say yes to Ben but I’m gonna give a big NOPE to this haircut that manages to answer the question, “Is it possible for hair to be both too short and too long at the same time?”
Squad Goals
It’s never more clear that Felicity has made a colossal mistake in moving in with Ben than when we see Meghan, Elena and Julie having a painting party and sharing girl talk in their glorious apartment. (It’s so fancy that when Sean sees it, he says, “Welcome to college, Mrs. Trump.” Yeah, that’s weird now.) I also love that Meghan really wants to thank them for letting her move in but can’t bring herself to say the words, so Elena simply states, “You’re welcome.”
Then there’s this FANTASTIC exchange when it’s clear that Felicity is gonna move into the girls’ apartment, and Meghan refuses to be kicked out.
Julie: Don’t bully me.
Tracy and Elena Are TOO CUTE
So, these two competitive lovebirds both wanted to get into a class that’s so highly coveted, there’s a lottery system involving numbered cards. They agreed to wait to open their envelopes until they were together at dinner, and if only one of them got in, he/she would pay for the meal. Tracy confides to Sean’s Docuventary camera that he decided to open the envelopes early, and when he realized that he got a winner number and Elena didn’t, he switched the cards so that she would get in. But then, when they got to dinner and he opened up the envelope, he had his original (winning) card!
Let’s not dwell on the hot dude who apparently lives across the hall from the girls’ apartment and seems a likely candidate for, as Sean put it, “temptation.”
But Seriously, This Scene
Sound the alarm! FOR COMEDY!
Now that we’ve met Noel/Leon, two questions: should Meredith and I refer to him as “Noel/Leon” or “Leon” or “Highlights McGee” or what? And second, how do we feel about Leon as an arc for Noel?
Also, how amazing is it for Felicity to finally get Friends-ed and have everyone (okay, just all of the gals) living together?!
Tune in next week for Meredith’s recap of “The Anti-Natalie Intervention” (Richard FTW) and “Hello, I Must Be Going.”
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