Let’s follow Jane’s lead and just bang out a quick this week, hm?
GIFs from jamandstuff
(I know, I know, I’m already ashamed of myself.)
AWARDS
THIS WEEK’S MVP(arent)
Everyone???
I mean, Xiomara and Rogelio, obviously, for being so selfless in their consideration of Jane’s grief when figuring out how to tackle their wedding. But also Jane and Rafael, obviously, for presenting such a united, direct, “you’re a miracle!” front when confronted with Matelio’s need to know a) how babies are made, b) how he was made, and c) if ants have bones. But also Alba, obviously, for saving Xo’s Dream Wedding scrapbook, and for making telenovelas a part of her bonding experience with both Xo and Jane!
Dang. What a great bunch of people.
BEST TELENOVELA TWIST
I guess Fabian’s couch-leaping moment? Only in that he is a telenovela star, and that was a twist in Jane’s relationship with him. IDK, the other “twists” that happened this week that actually impact the bigger story were totally telegraphed (Chuck was a red herring) or not yet fully revealed (the woman on the beach who is definitely Elaine who is definitely Rose who is definitely Sin Rostro, still).
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Um, RESISTANCE BOOK CLUBS, obviously.
PREVIOUSLY ON JANE THE VIRGIN
Jane’s debut novel got picked up, and, once she agreed to be open about her personal life to market it, got major marketing cash behind it. She also decided she was ready to get back on the dating scene! Or at least, the fling scene, and she is totally ready for that sexy, sexy fling to be with Rogelio’s sexy, sexy co-star, the puppy dog Fabian. Only twist! He is “saving himself” until a commitment, if not marriage. Rafael, meanwhile, is ready to get back to dating, too…back to dating Petra, that is, and he left a heartfelt voicemail on her phone saying so, even though she just took off on a road trip with current boyfriend and neighboring hotelier, Chuck, to track down the mysterious person from dead Scott’s burn book who might be able to clear her twin Anezka’s name for his murder. Xiomara and Rogelio are also ready to get back to dating each other, but even more than that, Xiomara proposed, with her dad’s wedding band! So dang sweet, I could die.
THIS WEEK
Are any of us surprised in the least that Alba’s crushed flower lecture when Jane was a mere youth poisoned her mental images of sexuality for life? Almost certainly not, just as none of us are surprised that despite Jane’s insistence she is ready for a fling now, she still gets cold feet and flashes of Alba when she is about to go through with it.
Fortunately, she will have some outside help getting over this hurdle, in the forms of 1) the uber-sex-positive Xiomara, and 2) the guest column her editor got for her at Cosmo, writing about getting back into the dating world as a young widow. Cue the Sex in the City daydreams!
When Jane isn’t writing her first column/trying to figure out if Fabian really is attracted to more than just her brain this week, she is fielding questions from Mateo about what “artificial” means, why kids at his school would call him that, what a “special hug” is and is not, if ants have bones, if he was a miracle, and what it would be like if Rafael could live with them all together as a family. It’s a lot! Jane and Rafael handle it with aplomb, though, and despite the fact that their text message convo as they both scratch Mateo’s back until he falls asleep might indicate that they are both on board with his plan to get back together with Petra for real and ever, I’m beginning to suspect a Villanueva-Solano family endgame in the works—Jane DOES say, explicitly, that “a kids parents getting married is the ultimate dream,” after all! Many times!
Speaking of, Jane is so, so, so excited about her parents getting married, and so baffled as to their shared ambivalence towards a big celebration. Xo is even considering using a white dress she already owns! Alba is just as baffled, and confronts Xo about it after like the fifth time Xo expresses certainty that she’s never wanted a big to-do, thunking her old dream wedding book down on the coffee table. Turns out, Xo and Ro do both want a big wedding, but mutually agreed that they didn’t want to do anything that might remind Jane of her big Ro-planned bash marrying Michael. So sweet, but Jane wants to CELEBRATE, so, big wedding is a go!
The Chuck-killed-Scott storyline wraps up after little more than a cheap motel vase upside the head and Chuck’s admission of love. Turns out he didn’t kill Scott, but he did know him, and had been pumping him for secrets when Chuck was trying to get his hotel up and going (checks out). The shell bracelet Petra found in his bag and saw in the crime scene photos poking up from under Scott’s bones was from a woman Chuck ran into on the beach when he was out drinking the night Scott was killed, and yes he CAN describe her to a sketch artist, thank you very much.
Petra didn’t just get Chuck’s admission of love: she also got Raf’s heatfelt voicemail. She doesn’t tell him this immediately, but he figures it out when she references a different voicemail about the twins’ dojo, and asks her about it. Verdict? Yet unknown.
Jane and Fabian, meanwhile, spend the episode in two completely different stories: Jane is there for a fling, and expecting only that, when Fabian tells her she is worth giving up his *33* day celibacy streak for, while Fabian is willing to give up his *33* day celibacy streak for her because he has decided that she is the kind of “nice girl” he can ~literally~ introduce to his abuela. Cue an awkward dinner party with Jane not wearing any underwear under her closet’s shortest dress, and even more awkward on-set interview in which Fabian declares his love for her like he’s a telenovela Tom Cruise, and an even MORE awkward telenovela blessing where Jane has to pretend to be his date so he won’t lose face, and finally, an exhortation for him to stop buying into the virgin-whore paradigm.
He googles it, learns a lot (just like he has with everything Jane has made him woke to), and they finally meet in the same story: sex. Just sex! They do it, and it is great, and Jane goes home afterwards completely guilt-free.
NEXT TIME
Only three episodes left, which means TYLER POSEY will be showing up soon!
I am so ready.
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
