Title: My Mad Fat Diary S1.E03 “Ladies and Gentlemen”
My Mad Fat Diary S1.E04 “Don’t Ever Tell Anyone Anything”
Released: 2013
Series:  My Mad Fat Diary

Welcome back, guys! I was so excited last week to read that there are people out there who adore this show as much as I do. Did you spend the week complimenting yourself, as Kester would want you to? Because frankly, you look so good right now it’s fuckin’ embarrassing.

We last left off with Rae finding out that Archie is gay. And now, let’s get to it…

The Official FYA My Mad Fat Diary Drinking Game

Drink once every time:

Rae doubts herself
Rae compares herself to someone else
Rae’s diary includes a drawing of genitalia or swear words
Rae’s mum says something dorky but well-meaning
Karim manages to communicate how lovely he is

Drink twice every time: 

Rae sasses Kester
Rae gets positive attention from members of the opposite sex (take a shot if she actually acts on it without overanalyzing)
Rae does something to set back her progress
You exclaim, “I love this song!”

1.3 “Ladies and Gentlemen”

Dear Diary

Well, Chloe is banging her hot PE teacher, and although Rae knows it’s a bad idea on multiple levels, a big part of her is completely peeved that Chloe is sleeping with men from her fantasies while she doesn’t even get attention from boys. When Rae tells her that it’s a pretty inappropriate relationship, and she’s being taken advantage of, Chloe snaps back by complaining about Pretty People Problems. They have a heated argument culminating in a friend breakup—which sends Rae into a shouting rage in her session with Kester. He rightfully points out that because there are boys in the picture now, the two girls are trying to figure out where they stand in relation to each other. It’s such a perfect observation, and one that Rae spends the entire episode obsessing over.

But the sting is taken out when the boys invite Rae to go see Oasis with them. I recognize that look of pure joy on her face: the HELL YES I AM GOING TO ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT look. The SPILL BEER ON ME AND BLOW SMOKE IN MY FACE look. ROCKGASM! Which, of course, is short-lived when Chop tells her that they all see her as one of the boys…cemented by a custom Oasis shirt with the hated nickname “Raemundo” on the back. So she tries to be quiet, and not crack jokes, and not argue about music, to predictably bad results.

At least she’s not Chloe, whose extra credit work ended up getting her knocked up. Chloe—in a stunning moment of teen stupidity—decided not to take the pill (or use any other protection) because it could make her put on weight. (In true Rae fashion, she points out pregnant women put on weight, too. Which: I don’t know if I’d be able to resist that, either.) Chloe decides to have an abortion, and Rae notes that Chloe is also better at holding her shit together. But that doesn’t stop Rae from skipping the concert to support her friend.

I should point out that the show handles the  abortion sensitively, but without any flowery nonsense or feeling  the need for Chloe to wring her hands or feel the least bit guilty.  Wow, it’s almost like they think young women can make their own decisions that are right for them. What’s that like?!

On the other hand, once again, Rae suffers a classic teen nightmare as her newly-reappeared period bleeds right through her skirt while she’s out in public. But when bullies torment her as she slinks home, Finn appears, punches them and tells them to leave her alone…which has a considerable effect on Rae’s lady regions. Too bad Chloe has a crush on him, too…


Shittiest Teen Comment

RAE! Do not torment the dieting woman with your sandwich! On the other hand, holy shit, that was Perfect Shitty Teen worthy of all the Shitty Teen awards. Sharon Rooney, I LOVE YOU.

The sexiest sandwich in the entire world

Awkward Mum Moment

When Rae complains about using pads instead of tampons and how it’s an insult to her femininity, I die every time when her mother snaps, “Oh, well I’m sorry Miss [Emmeline] Pankhurst, next time I go to the store I’ll get some swan’s necks and you can use those!” The image plus the way Rae’s dieting mum looks like she’s going to snap: sheer perfection.

Best Song of the Episode

It might be because I just saw them a couple weeks ago for their 20th anniversary tour (gulp), but Garbage’s “Milk” during Rae’s hot-for-teacher sex fantasy: beautiful.

The Moment When We Are All Rae

I loved Rae’s rant about how boys don’t like girls to tell jokes, because it freaks them out to think girls may actually be funnier than they are. And I loved Kester’s response: “So it’s about boys, then: boys define whether you’re girly or not.” Rae shoots back, “I find you intensely irritating sometimes.”

Quotable Rae

Rae: “What I wasn’t telling them was that my secret boyfriend was there as well. Mr. Carrisford, our PE teacher…slash gold medal sex athlete at the Rae Olympics. We had met every day for the last two weeks…in my mind.”

Rae: “I’d rather kiss only one boy than give mouth to south resuscitation to someone twice my age!”

1.4 “Don’t Ever Tell Anyone Anything”

Dear Diary

Oh man, Rae has it bad for Finn. SO BAD. The guy who initially seemed grumpy and shallow is now a knight in a shining earring. You could knock the girl over with a feather when a shirtless Finn hugs her, and when her mother and Karim have to go to Tunisia to avoid immigration, it seems like the perfect time to Make Something Happen.

Where did she get all those pictures of Finn?! That’s not a small, nor inexpensive feat in 1996.

That something is a “sexy party,” as Chop suggests, which Rae decides to host after Danny Two Hats from the hospital tells Rae that she’s in the “friend zone.” What should she do? Why, “treat him mean to keep him keen!” (#lifeadvice) And host the sexy party. (A sexy party is “exactly the same as a normal party but everyone brings sleeping bags and no one asks any questions in the morning.”)

Danny comes to the party and pretends he is Rae’s ex-boyfriend, while Rae treats Finn like crap to try and keep him interested. Chloe also sees the sexy party as her opportunity to make a move on Finn, which deeply disturbs Rae. But it’s Rae and Finn who end up in a closet together, and Rae tries her best to tell Finn how she feels. They end up sleeping next to each other after Finn sweetly tells her “I like talking to you.” Oh god, the CUTE. The show is so good at capturing those universal, giddy moments where everything feels twenty times bigger than you are.


Meanwhile, Rae wants to tell everyone what happened with her and the psychiatric hospital, but Chloe convinces her otherwise. And she’s also starting to figure out that the letters she’s always gotten from “Dad” may not be exactly what they appear. So what’s a girl to do but take it out on Kester, who refuses to share any details of his life with her, much to her fury. Everything feels like bullshit—and sorry, Rae, but that feeling never really goes away.

Especially when her mum and Karim come back…MARRIED.

Shittiest Teen Comment

Rae is on her best behavior this episode! More or less.

Awkward Mum Moment

Yes, we all want to see our mothers with their faces crotch level with their grunting, groaning, chin-up performing boyfriend.

Best Song of the Episode

Tie between Everything But The Girl’s “Missing” and Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You,” because they are practically required for sad/wistful 90s moments. I don’t know about England, but in the US you couldn’t turn on the radio or TV without hearing “Missing” every five minutes.

The Moment When We Are All Rae

When everyone sees Finn’s “secret admirer” letter and mocks it, then they laugh at Rae for not understanding the concept of postmarks—oh god, it’s not just me that’s been there, right? Not postmarks, but definitely the feeling like everyone else has been let in on The Big Secret.

Quotable Rae

Rae: “What if it’s Finn? What if I burp in his mouth! It won’t be Finn—oh, shit.”

That’s it for this week. One question for those of you old enough to remember: do you ever remember hearing the term “friend zone” in 1996? I don’t think I heard it until at least 10 years later.

Join us next week as we finish up Series 1!