Previously on Reign: Catherine sees dead children, and wants Claude to leave court for her own safety. Bash and Francis ruined Narcisse’s blackmail scheme. Assassins broke into the castle. Greer was appalled that her husband may have inadvertently funded them. Mary was raped and wants Francis to find and kill those responsible.
How ‘bout that midseason finale? I’m starting to think that they wanted to overwhelm us with all the terrible so that we wouldn’t even complain that the show will be off for six weeks. So, let’s talk horror and despair!
- Francis has Bash round up a ton of Protestants and wants them tortured for information about the attackers. Bash observes that Francis is a bit unhinged. Narcisse has escaped, but they vow to find him too.
- Hot Cousin Louis comes back to the castle, after hearing about the invasion. He promises to help Francis find the Protestant conspirators.
- Mary is jumpy and distraught, and urges Francis to find the men quickly, before they can get too far. These two are a believable wreck.
- Greer wants to go to Mass, and wants Castleroy to separate himself from the Protestants, but he can’t do it.
- Francis and his awful timing, chooses now to confess to Mary about killing Henry, and being blackmailed by Narcisse. He explains how all of his lies have been to protect her. Understandably, she finds that terribly ironic.
- Bash tells Francis that the dungeons are now full and they have no room for the new prisoners being brought in, and they’ll freeze if left outside. Francis DGAF.
- Mary’s ladies come and find her moving into private chambers. Thankfully, she immediately tells them what really happened to her. But she won’t let them hug her, which she owes to having been beaten. She wants them to keep her secret, and seems to take great comfort from Francis seeking out the perpetrators.
- Feeling bad about Mary, and her part in not bringing Narcisse down the first time, Lola gives Francis a tip about where he could be hiding. She urges Francis to really consider whether Narcisse is worth more to him dead or alive.
- Pastry Boy goes to Greer’s chambers, looking for Castleroy. He tells her that he’s been charged with rounding up every known Protestant and that she and her husband need to get out, NOW.
- Bash and Catherine let Francis know the prisoners are attacking guards, and that he needs to decide how he’s going to handle their rebellion. He tells them to hang them all. Francis was out the day they taught ‘How to Become a Beloved Monarch’ in King school.
- Catherine finds Claude playing piano for her ghost sisters. She orders Claude out of the room, and slaps her when she refuses. Catherine admits to the ghost girls that she knows Claude murdered them when she was 5. They threaten to murder Claude if Catherine doesn’t do it for them.
- Louis and the Protestant leader go in search of Hugo, who aided the assassins. They find him hanging from a noose.
- The guards come for Castleroy, because he’s been named a party to the assassination attempt. Greer tries to stop them and they toss her to the floor. Is anyone surprised the king’s men are jerks?
- Louis finds out that the letter he left for Mary before leaving the castle, was never delivered. He also finds out that the attackers made it as far as her chamber door, and inquires if she’s really alright. She tries to hide her jumpiness while demanding the information he brought for Francis. He tells her that the man they believe funded the attack, Hugo, hanged himself. Louis promises to not stop searching. Mary wants him to take her to Hugo’s wife to get some intel.
- Catherine interrupts Claude’s wine and cheese party, to bribe her with gold to leave the castle, because it’s not safe. Catherine begs, but Claude tosses the gold on the floor. When Catherine goes for threats, Claude cuts her off to threaten right back. She learned it by watching you, Catherine! Kenna comes in offering some advice, but Claude isn’t interested in anything but insults.
- Francis finds Narcisse, who now realizes it’s maybe not a great idea to drive a man to the brink where he has nothing to lose. Francis intends to kill him, but crafty Narcisse has changed his will, to leave all of his money and lands to the Protestants. He promises to be a loyal subject from now on, if he can live. Francis lets him live, probably just so he can live to regret his shizz-stirring ways.
- Louis brings Mary to Hugo’s wife, who tells them where the attackers were supposed to pick up the rest of the money they threatened out of her husband. Mary insists that she and Louis must go there now, despite not having any guards with them. He tries to resist, but of course, he agrees to go with her and bring the men back to court to answer for their crimes. Raise your hand if you think she’s going to risk letting them have a chance to tell their story?
- Catherine tries to make it up to Claude, for being a bad mother, by spoon-feeding her some soup. Or drugging her. With Catherine, it can always go either way. The whole thing is super weird, even if the ghost twins weren’t watching.
- Pastry Boy comes in and sees a number of bodies hanging at the castle. He tells Francis that he needs to ask something of him. He asks for Castleroy’s release, telling Francis that he has a chance to show mercy, to end all this death. That doesn’t sway Francis, so Pastry Boy reminds him that he’s owed a debt (since he saved Francis’ life during the war, AND he had to give up his promised lands to Narcisse) and this is what he wants. After Castleroy’s release, Pastry Boy tells him and Greer that they must get away and not come back.
- Mary and Louis ambush the attackers when they show up to collect their money. Mary’s rapist offers no apologies, and says she deserved what he did. Louis realizes what happened and doesn’t fight it much when she ends up setting the man on fire and orders the others killed. He promises that she can trust him to keep her secret and reminds her she’s still France’s queen and her people need her.
- Drunken Claude is feeling sorry for herself, now that she no longer has any suitors vying for her, so she makes a clumsy pass at Bash, then she collapses. Bash notices that she’s running a fever and carries her off. Kenna only catches that last part.
- Castleroy assumes Greer is leaving with him, but she claims that she can’t leave Mary now. She also believes his absence will be less suspicious, if she remains at court. They part, not knowing if they’ll see each other again. It’s okay, Greer. I’m sure Pastry Boy can keep you company!
- Mary tells Francis that she and Louis killed her attackers. He seems a little miffed that she was with Louis. She admits that she blames Francis for what happened, no matter how irrational that is. She wants them to live separate lives, only ruling together. He doesn’t understand why their love can’t fix everything.
- Francis goes to see his prisoner in the dungeon, Narcisse, reminding him that he’s now Francis’ puppet, to do with as he pleases.
- Catherine is asleep in her bed, when a presence inflates the covers next to her. Is she now hallucinating a fully corporeal Mad King Henry, for sexy time purposes? These ghosts are out of control.
- Hot Cousin Louis has an attractive brother waiting for him at home. His brother denies having any part in the attack on the castle, and would like to know how it’s going, infiltrating Francis’ inner circle. Dun dun DUN.
- A servant brings Mary the letter that Louis meant for her to get when he left the castle. In it, he confesses that he can’t marry Claude, because he’s fallen in love with a queen. She didn’t swoon, but I DID.
History According to Reign
- “People in pain will say anything.” Mary has an unconventional view of torture for the times.
- “Mary, you’re not even armed – good Lord!” What? Don’t all queens carry a huge dagger? This is what happens when your mentor is Catherine de’ Medici.
Number of Times I Forgot I Wasn’t Watching Gossip Girl: 2
- Kenna actually calling Claude out on being a spiteful little biatch was long overdue.
- And, I finally figured it out! KENNA IS THE VANESSA.
Well, it wasn’t as gut-wrenching as last week, but it was no masquerade ball either. But I am here for all the rhapsodizing over having Pastry Boy back. Have the happiest of holidays, and I’ll see you in 2015!
Next week January 22: Francis is still protesting Mary’s wish to live separate lives. Catherine is still having escapades with Ghost Henry. Mary totally flirts with Louis! Claude spills the beans to Kenna about her past with Bash. Someone wants Louis to seduce Mary. Francis thinks he can go back to being the man Mary loved.