Drinks Taken: 18
Welcome back to the Dawson’s Creek Rewatch Project! Last week, Meredith asked me if I’m as charmed by Joey’s scowly self-absorption as she is, and I have to say, I’m a bit on the fence. There’s something endearing about Joey’s obnoxious, eye-rolling, holier-than-thou attitude – maybe because it reminds me of myself? I do wish she would stop playing the “my mom is dead so STFU Dawson” card. However, I have to add that I am totally THRILLED that Tamara is gone.
Anyway, I DON’T WANNA WAIT to get into this week’s episodes so let’s drink to celebrate Tamara getting the hell out of the Creek.
The Dawson’s Creek Drinking Game
Drink Once every time:
Joey purses her mouth or chews on her lip
Joey tucks her hair behind her ear
Joey climbs into or out of Dawson’s window
Sex makes Dawson and/or Joey extremely uncomfortable
Jen brings up her atheism
Grams says “Jennifaaah”
Someone says the words “black boyfriend” in reference to Bodie
Drink Twice every time:
Dawson mentions Spielberg
You have literally no idea why Joey is mad
Pacey gives someone a really good hug
Cool Jen Lindley is totally crapped on by the universe
Hey, it’s finally an episode that pays homage to something besides Steven Spielberg! “Detention” puts our little group in – where else – detention for a Breakfast Club-themed episode that is obviously nowhere near as good as John Hughes’ classic, but still pretty great.
Dawson has one of his jealousy Hulk-outs and throws a basketball at Pacey’s face, earning a Saturday in detention.
It’s not long before Jen also gets (unfairly) stuck in detention for debating her teacher on the topic of death with dignity, and Joey follows after an altercation with a couple of douchey bros who are basically sexually harassing her. Seriously, what is wrong with this school? Anyway, Pacey gets sent to detention for MYSTERIOUS REASONS, which we’ll get to, and then there’s the fifth wheel:
Meet Abby Morgan! She’s deliciously catty and serves as a sort of chaos agent, shaking things up among our little group of friends by poking at all their insecurities with surgical precision. She is terrible and I love her.
Abby gets the gang to play a game of Truth or Dare, which always leads to awkward kissing, exploited insecurities, and uncomfortable jealousy. It’s great. Jen has to kiss Pacey, which upsets Dawson to NO END, and then Dawson has to kiss Joey, which stirs up some Very Serious Emotions that Joey’s been trying to ignore.
Dawson is the ultimate, overly-sensitive Ween Machine this week, first freaking out on Pacey for telling Jen about his childhood nickname (Oompa Loompa – like, really, Dawson? Calm down), and then flipping out because Jen kissed Pacey (AS A DARE), and then engaging in some weird macho one-on-one basketball thing with shirtless Pacey in the gym, and THEN refusing to accept that Jen is his girlfriend for a reason.
Abby does a great job of breaking these little whiners down, immediately establishing herself as the Alpha by playing coy about why she’s in detention – something to do with Ecstasy and the boys’ locker room and an orgy, but THAT’S ALL SHE CAN SAY, OKAY? Really, Abby’s in detention for being tardy too often. But that’s not as wonderful as the secret reason for Pacey’s detention: he got a little too excited when the cheerleaders were cooing over him and trying to bandage up his busted nose, so he went to the bathroom to, um, “relieve” himself, only to have the coach walk in on him, boner-in-hand. Amazing. Great work, Pacey. Really.
All of this culminates in Dawson giving his whiny, baffling “Why don’t you want me” speech to Jen, and things get real gooey between them – a little too gooey for Joey, whose face Says It All:
And then Joey breaks down in the most endearingly awkward, heartbreaking way, unable to articulate to Dawson that she so obviously has a crush on him, while dumb Dawson kind of makes it worse by trying to make Joey say what she just can’t bring herself to say – in front of Pacey and Jen and that awesomely awful Abby, no less. Ugh, poor Joey. It gets better, girl, and you’ll find someone who is not as clueless and selfish and dopey as Dawson Friggin’ Leery.
How many times did I have to drink?
He has a stuffed E.T. doll. I think that about sums up his emotional maturity.
Least likely dialogue
“Pacey has bigger biceps,” Joey says. YOU ARE ALL IN HIGH SCHOOL. NO ONE HAS BICEPS.
Monica Keena plays the delightfully manipulative Abby Morgan. You remember her from Undeclared, Freddy vs. Jason, and – if you’re like me – Snow White: A Tale of Terror, a campy, oft-forgotten horror take on Snow White starring Sigourney Weaver as the evil stepmother and Sam Neill as the king! It’s amazing. And not very good. But I watched it waaaaay too many times on TV.
Least likely dialogue x2
“This is NOT Times Square, Ms. Lindley.”
Truest thing anyone said this week
“Guys are attracted to girls for totally superficial reasons.” PREACH.
The least cool thing anyone said this week
Jen says The Breakfast Club “stunk.” That movie is a certified CLASSIC, Jen Lindley. You shut your mouth.
Best meta moment
On the topic of what happened to the cast of The Breakfast Club, Pacey adds, “Emilio Es tevez was in those Duck movies, remember?” So was Joshua Jackson! Mighty Ducks 4 Ever.
Dawson goes from one jealous Hulk-out right into another. Meet Billy!
Okay, don’t fuss too much about this city slicker because he won’t be around for too long. He’s Jen’s big ex from the Big Apple, and he drove all the way to Capeside like a total psycho because apparently Jen gives off some Cool Girl pheromone that makes boys act like complete idiots – not that they need much help in that department.
Billy’s presence immediately sends Dawson into freakout mode – again, not like he needs ANY assistance there, but he just cannot handle tangible evidence of Jen’s past, and like most immature boys, he thinks that any girl he falls for only sprang into existence the moment he noticed her. Heaven forbid she have a life before he entered the picture. Dawson is far more preoccupied with Jen’s Past than Jen herself, but he awkwardly tries to force himself to accept it by letting Billy crash at his house for the night which is just, like, WHAT?! Dawson, no.
Dawson and Billy represent two sides of the same, pushy coin. Billy does not seem like a guy who takes “no” very well, which raises some very disturbing questions – in my mind, anyway – about the nature of his previous relationship with Jen. Meanwhile, Dawson is the Nice Guy, the one who also has a hard time dealing with the word “no,” but who acts as if his whole clean-cut persona entitles him to a lifetime of Yes. Dawson is one fedora away from being a total nightmare human.
After one “goodbye kiss” and a really disastrous confrontation between Billy and Dawson, Jen excuses herself from the equation – and while her explanation (“I’m 16 and I’ve never stayed home on a Saturday night! I’ve never gone stag to a school dance! I’m pretty and I’m lucky!” – basically) is kind of bunk, I am so in her corner on this one. Jen has spent much of her tween and the better part of her teen years orbiting around boys as if her entire existence would cease to be without their validation. Homegirl needs to go solo and figure out what her deal is without a dumb boy breathing down her neck.
Meanwhile, Mitch and Gail are struggling to keep it together – oh, and P.S., Mitch did NOT leave. Instead, they are attending couples therapy and Gail is desperate to find an extracurricular, team-building activity to restore their bond, but an exasperated Mitch thinks that maybe they should just go back to basics and try to repair what they already had instead of trying to figure out something new. Good call, Mitch.
Joey is having a pretty tough time between confessing her feelings to Dawson and dealing with Bessie’s new baby, who apparently can only be lulled into sleep if you put on The English Patient. To be fair, that movie will put anyone to sleep. So she decides to let loose and head to Cliff’s party (which seems like a very O.C.-type party!), where she gets white girl wasted and hits on a potential date rapist until Pacey valiantly rescues her…
…and she thanks Dawson for it. The nerve.
Pacey gets her home safe and recites the plot of The English Patient to get the baby back to sleep and it seriously makes me wish Pacey Witter would explain the plot of every movie to me for the rest of my life. In the living room, Dawson is getting Joey settled onto the couch, where he tells her that he will always be there for her no matter what, even if their friendship is totally weird right now. And then she kisses him. And because he is Dawson, he acts like it meant nothing because his whole world is Jen Lindley.
Speaking of which, his righteous indignation when Jen dumps him (after they’ve only been a couple for, like, a few weeks at most) is pretty disgusting and makes me even happier that Jen ditched his whiny little butt.
How many times did I have to drink?
Billy is played by Eion Bailey, who played a hyena on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and was in Fight Club, Center Stage, Almost Famous and Once Upon a Time.
This week’s worst outfit
Courtesy of one Dawson Leery. Jen says she likes it. Jen is high.
His E.T. toy is not a toy, it’s a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Least likely dialogue
Dawson to Jen: “I thought you wanted to make a break from all those guys who sexualized you too young.”
Best pop culture reference
Joey wants to rent The English Patient, to which Pacey replies, “May I suggest a movie that doesn’t completely blow?”
Most recognizable song
“Dammit” by Blink-182. Show of hands: who had this CD? I made my grandma get it for me. I’m sorry, grandma.
“You are leaving me for a guy who has an E.T. doll on his bed.” TRUTH.
That’s it for this week! I have a question for Meredith to answer next week: How much do you LOVE Abby Morgan? She’s so shady and fun and awful!
Check back here next week as Meredith covers “Road Trip” and “Double Date”!
About the Contributor:
Britt Hayes is a writer and sensible sweater enthusiast living in Austin, Texas. She loves movies, watches too much television, and her diet consists mostly of fruit snacks and revenge.