Gilmore Girls S4.E18 “Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom”
Drinks Taken: 24
Cups of Coffee: 4
YOU SAW THIS, RIGHT? RIGHT? right right right? Okay, just making sure.
You guys, next week is “Luke Can See Her Face” and I CANNOT HANDLE IT. I cannot. So let’s just barrel through these babies and get there, what do you say?
But first! a reminder of our drinking game rules:
The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules
Drink once every time:
Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.
Emily gets flustered by Lorelai’s bizarre sense of humor.
Sookie is controlling about food.
Paris is controlling about anything.
Michel snubs a customer.
Luke is crotchety.
Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.
The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.
Drink twice every time:
Kirk has a new job.
You see a town troubadour.
Emily gets a new maid.
On to the episodes!
4.17 “Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin’ the Twist”
It’s SPRING BREEEEEEAK!, and Rory and Paris decide to go to Florida with Glenn and Janet, mostly to get warm because Connecticut is still super cold in March. There they run into Madeline and Louise from their old Chilton days, because if there’s a party, those girls will find it. Rory and Paris discover, to no one’s surprise, that they’re not very good at spring break, as they hole up in their hotel room watching The Power of Myth and eating pizza.
Well, when tomorrow rolls around, they do commit. They lay out by the pool, Rory makes eyes with a cute boy, they dance at a club…then Paris KISSES Rory, because you know, if you’re gonna do something, do it all out. Rory, as you can imagine, is aghast, but Paris wants to know why every single person is having more fun than they are on spring break. The answer to that question is easy (alcohol!), and the girls soon suss it out. Rory has her first drink, which means she has her first drunk dial (to Dean, leaving him a giggly, unwise voicemail after Madeline calls him from Rory’s phone), and it also means she has her first vomit sesh on a beach, followed by her first hangover meal (mac and cheese!). Lorelai’s most proud of the mac and cheese, as am I. I am least proud of the drunk dial, and medium proud of the vomit sesh. After Rory and Paris have conquered spring break in the spirit it’s intended, they use Paris’ frequent flyer miles to go home early. I love those girls.
Meanwhile, Lorelai and Digger are making commitment strides! He gives her a key to his home, telling her that this is usually the point in a relationship where he splits, but he doesn’t want to split. It’s sweet, but more importantly, LORELAI BAILS LUKE OUT OF JAIL THIS WEEK. Wait, back up. Luke grabbed a pair of socks from his drawer at Nicole’s/his place, only to discover that they weren’t his socks, but some other fella’s. So he stalks her, as one does, and learns that she’s cheating on him. I hate Nicole, sure, but Luke’s been a terrible husband, mostly because he’s in love with Lorelai. So, he cracks a little and starts kicking Mystery Sock Man’s car, which gets him arrested. Lorelai bails him out and comforts him, and YAY LUKE IS SINGLE NOW! Well, not officially, but for all intents and purposes. Now let’s just get Lorelai single, shall we? (spoileralertnextweekomg)
How many times do I have to drink?
How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?
Rory’s sure making with the come hither eyes at the cute boy at her resort, but he only shows real interest in her once he sees her and Paris kiss, at which point she immediately flees because she is wise beyond her years. Her voicemail with Dean is much flirtier than a voicemail to a married ex-boyfriend should ever be but, you know, booze. Of course, when he calls her back at the end of the episode she’s still flirty (and so is he), and she’s sober then, so I have no real excuse for her.
Digger really is sweet when he tells Lorelai how he feels about their relationship: “The other night I woke up and the timer went off in my head: ‘Hey, buddy, it’s about that time.’ So I did what I always do. I thought about you, and I thought about us, and I thought about all the things that bother me, and I came up with nothing. I went over it and over it in my head. That feeling, that ‘I want out’ feeling – it wasn’t there. What was there was the very strong sense that if I did bolt, I might as well go out and find a pointy hat, a stool and a classroom full of sixth graders, because I’d be an absolute idiot to screw this up. So I went out and made the key. And I was hoping that the key would say that this is different, and that I want you in my life a lot more than you are now.” Aww. Digger.
Best/most dated pop culture reference:
The Shins are in this episode! It must be sweeps, as they’re playing the party where Paris and Rory mack.
(The kiss is at 4.07 if you want to skip ahead, you perve.)
Sookie’s best dish of the episode/Michel madness
Lorelai’s craziest outfit
Haven’t we moved past cherub tees, Lorelai? Yet another terrible pink shirt. All of her worst shirts are pink.
I love Rory’s red, yellow and orange puffy vest. So cute and sporty! The lace scarf is all wrong with it, however.
He now runs a pedicab company (drink)! He’s in terrible shape, so he huffs and puffs as he slowly drags Lorelai and Rory five feet, then takes off without his “big fat cargo,” mocking Rory for gaining the freshman fifteen. UNCOOL, Kirk.
Best Gilmore Gal witticism
Rory, recapping the weekend for Lorelai: “We sat on the beach, went to a club, we watched The Power of Myth, Paris and I kissed…” Lorelai: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You watched The Power of Myth?! I hid that from you!” Best mom ever.
This is SUCH a good Paris episode. From the kiss, to the way she tips everyone at the resort, to the breezy rapport she and Rory share, to her giant beach hat and drunken giggles, this might be my favorite Paris ep ever.
4.18 “Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom”
I don’t actually care for this episode. Some important stuff happens, but the tone of it feels all wrong. Unsurprisingly, it’s a Daniel Palladino episode. He’s a producer throughout the show and has obviously written some great eps, but whenever a Lorelai rant goes on too long and too haphazardly (ugh, the anvils), whenever a townie scene feels inauthentic, whenever a joke falls flat as a prairie, I know I’ll see Daniel’s name in the credits.
Richard and Digger are…well, I’ll let Richard give you the news.
So things are going well for their fledgling company, and they feel especially validated when Digger’s dad (and Richard’s former boss) Floyd Stiles reaches out to them at a golf game, initiating dinner plans. Richard, Emily and Digger think this is a positive development, so Digger’s parents are invited to Friday night dinner. Everything is very cordial until Rory leaves and dinner is over, at which point the gentlemen retire to the study for cigars because it’s the ’50s. There, Floyd tells Richard and Digger that he’s suing them because Digger has broken their noncompete clause by taking a (friendly) meeting with one of Floyd’s clients. He’s had a PI (…Keith?) following Digger so, by the way, he also announces to Richard and Emily that Lorelai and Digger have been dating. For five months. Secretly. Oh, and we learn that Richard put up his pension as collateral on the new business, so now he’s in big trouble.
Emily kicks out Lorelai and Richard loses his temper at Digger, first for being careless and second for shtupping his daughter. But Digger apologizes earnestly, begging Richard to trust him, and promises he’ll take care of everything, planning to countersue Floyd and call him on his bluff. Richard grudgingly tells Digger he does have his trust, and then tells Emily (who has of course been left in the dark on all of this because Richard never confides in her anymore) that everything’s going to be okay. They share a drink after everyone’s left, and Lorelai and Digger get drunk at his place, too. Rough night all around.
In other news, Dean stops by Rory’s dorm to drop off an extra bookshelf Lorelai ordered for the inn, and as they catch up he reveals that he’s taking a break from school because he and Lindsay need money so they can buy a townhome by the end of the year. Rory’s dismayed that he’s taking a break from college and gives him what’s for, and he grows defensive and takes off. Later, Rory’s telling Lane all of this at Doose’s (YOU LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN, MAKE SURE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU), and she says she’s mad at Lindsay for being so selfish. “I mean, why doesn’t she get a job? What does she do all day?” AUGHH CRINGE. Of course, Lindsay overhears all of this, and it’s terrible. Later, Dean sees Rory’s car and beckons her into a dark alley like a shady weirdo. He apologizes for being defensive, saying he knows she just doesn’t want him to settle, and he tells her that Lindsay doesn’t want him talking to Rory anymore. Um, completely understandably, since he never admitted to Lindsay in the first place that he and Rory were in touch, and then she overheard Rory saying awful things about her at Doose’s. But to Rory’s credit, she also admits that it’s understandable, but Dean tells her he’s not going to let that happen. Oh, kids. You are on a stupid, dangerous slope here.
Finally, the episode ends with Richard and Floyd on a golf course, being diabolical fat cats. Floyd’s dropping the lawsuit, Richard’s rejoining the firm, they’re splitting the clients and Digger is out. Poor Digger.
How many times do I have to drink?
How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?
DEAN AND RORY, STOP IT. Stop it right now.
Digger and Lorelai are very cute this episode, especially at the end when they’re all bamboozled and drunk on his couch.
Best/most dated pop culture reference
Kirk: “I’ve been up for one and a half days straight. I haven’t done that since the Petticoat Junction marathon in ’97.”
Sookie’s best dish of the episode/Lorelai’s craziest outfit
Not this week!
I wish I had a better picture: everyone gushes over how nice Lorelai looks for Friday night dinner, and I can only agree. She obviously dressed up to impress Digger’s parents. This dress also has a keyhole opening in the back and it fits her like a dream. ha cha cha.
So why has Kirk been up for a day and a half? A newly (and badly) toupee’d Taylor is mad at him because he left Kirk in charge of the Easter egg hunt, and Kirk forgot to make an egg map. Fifty-nine rotting eggs are still hidden in the square, and all of Stars Hollow stinks to high heaven. Kirk’s been working his butt off to gather the wayward eggs and make it up to Taylor in time for the upcoming flower show. After seeing a crushed Kirk chastised by Taylor, Luke goes into the square and finds the remaining eggs and then tells Kirk to take credit for it, because he is the single most wonderful human alive.
He’s awfully complainy about having to move the extraneous bookshelf around, damaging his manicure and comparing the work to being on the Amistad (not okay), but the weirdest thing is when he implies that he has a big crush on Lindsay and is jealous of Dean. This makes it CLEAR that Daniel Palladino had no idea how to write for Michel because that is CRAZY. Michel is sexless! And also way too old for Lindsay! His only love is Celine Dion, dammit.
Best Gilmore Gal witticism
Emily, complaining about being forced to spend dinner with the bimbo wife of one of Richard’s colleagues: “I’ll have to bring my English-to-dumbbell dictionary.”
Richard’s turned into a real sleaze, hasn’t he? It’s an interesting and believable arc, even though he always seemed like an honorable person before (if not the greatest father). But his forced retirement at the firm must have done a real number on his self-esteem, and he’s spent the ensuing time neglecting his wife, hanging out with Moby at restaurants, going to Atlantic City with clients and screwing over the one professional ally who’s stood by him since the beginning. Not to mention having secret lunches with his ex-fiancee, although that’s apparently been going on for thirty-nine years. His treatment of Digger is the worst thing he’s done yet, but he’s certainly going to top it.
That’s it for this week, and that means next week is almost here and THAT means that Luke can totally see her face, you guys!!! But before that, “Afterboom,” so meet me back here next Wednesday morning so we can all swoon and squee and sigh together.
And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: how do you feel about Richard’s arc this season? Believable? Out of nowhere? Forgivable?