The O.C. S3.E19 “The Secrets and Lies”
Drinks Taken: 24
Welcome back to The OC Rewatch Project! Last week, Britt asked me what I think of weird, bedroom eyes, stalker Volchok, and the answer is…he’s weird. He’s super weird, and kinda lame, and entirely gross. But he and Marissa have some hot, weird, lame, gross chemistry, I will give them that.
The O.C. Drinking Game
Drink once every time:
The ladies have a convo while primping in front of a mirror
Seth makes a nerdy reference
Ryan wears a white tank top
Anyone plays a video game
Summer says “ew”
Anyone eats a bagel
Anyone references The Valley
Drink twice every time:
Someone says “Newpsie”
Fisticuffs occur (three times for pool fights!)
Someone grabs a cup of coffee
Ryan and Seth read comic books
Someone reminds us that Kaitlin Cooper exists
3.18 “The Undertow”
Ryan and Sadie are heating up, and everyone’s happy (even Summer, despite her loyalty to Marissa) that he’s found himself a nice, normal, stable, non-trainwreck of a girlfriend. Of course, that means it’s time for Jess to reappear and screw everything up! She arrives dangling tidbits about Trey and wielding tales of woe about a murderously jealous ex-boyfriend, and Ryan Atwood’s Savior Complex kicks into high gear, causing him to neglect cool, normal, sane Sadie and start protecting damaged, manipulative, trainwreck Jess. Then Kirsten – once a trainwreck herself, now a sane and healthy lady, so she really knows what she’s talking about since she’s lived both roles – gives Ryan some great advice (“Just because a girl isn’t tied to some train tracks doesn’t mean that she should be ignored.”), and after Jess comes on to him he realizes what a dolt he’s been. He leaves her to deal with her own drama and runs back to Sadie, and just in time!
Seth schedules a new Brown interview and nails it, so he and Summer celebrate in the least sexy way possible… and then they realize (with Taylor Townsend’s well-meaning but pushy assistance) that everything they do lately is in the least sexy way possible. With college looming, they’re starting to feel stuck in a routine, and Taylor – who is a sexual powerhouse, she assures us repeatedly, and I 100% believe her – takes it upon herself to give them sex therapy. Have I mentioned yet how much I love Taylor Townsend? It sort of works, in that Seth arrives at Summer’s house with a kama sutra book, she becomes outraged that he discussed tantric sex with Taylor, they start fighting and then fall on the bed for some hot hot sex. When in doubt, Seth and Summer will always be able to regain their sparks with some good old fighting.
Volchok is still stalking Marissa with his sleepy bedroom eyes, and Marissa is bored and lonely and finally has sex with him just to pass the time. This will end well!
The Newport Group board – especially Maya’s dad – wants Matt off the hospital project and booted from Newport Group, and Sandy feels bad about it because Matt’s busted his butt for the hospital. But also Matt is a party animal and a sleaze who allowed teenage trainwreck Marissa to stay the night at his place this week just because she was bored, so let’s get rid of him! Of course, this demand is really because Matt dumped Maya and her dad wants retribution, but seriously, WHAT KIND OF A MONSTER DUMPS MORENA BACCARIN? Kick him to the curb, Sandy.
How many times did I have to drink?
Best pop culture reference
Seth nailed his Brown interview in part because the recruiter is an anime fan, and they got into a lively Akira vs. Ghost in the Shell debate. Oh, Seth. Also the least sexy celebration involves the entire Blade trilogy. Oh, Seth.
On hearing that Seth’s interview went well, she chirps, “We are so gonna party tonight. I’ll make a flan!”
Even better Taylor Townsendism
During their kama sutra discussion, Taylor says, “Now, Seth, you don’t see me as a sexual being, I get that. But without revealing too much, if sex were a martial art, I would be a black belt.” Seth acknowledges that he somehow doesn’t find that surprising. Turns out she learned a thing or two from Dean Hess. I bet Taylor taught Dean Hess a thing or two!
The truest thing anybody said this week
When Taylor asks Summer if she’s worried Seth will lose interest at Brown next year, Summer snaps ENTIRELY ACCURATELY, “I’ll have you know that I am like five levels hotter than him.”
3.19 “The Secrets and Lies”
Julie Cooper and Neal Roberts are back from their cruise, and excited to tell their girls that they’re engaged! Summer is sweetly thrilled for them; Marissa is being a total a-hole. Marissa and Summer get into a huge fight about Marissa’s terrible choices lately, which include shotgunning bong hits from Volchok’s dirty mouth, drinking vodka at school (again) and generally being gross and sucky. Plus lots of this:
Ugh, that last one really hits home how close together his bedroom eyes are. Anyway, Summer thinks Marissa is being a slut (her word! not mine. never mine, even when we’re talking about Marissa), and Marissa thinks Summer’s being a judgmental prude, and they’re both kind of right but Team Summer anyway. But when Sadie considers moving back to Portland, now that she’s sold Johnny’s house and believes that Ryan doesn’t care enough to stop her, and Marissa sees how heartbroken Ryan is at the news, she does something good for once: she finds Sadie at the bus station and makes Ryan’s case for him. Sadie goes back to Ryan and they have super hot sex, and Marissa finds Volchok on the beach and tries cocaine for the first time. I repeat: this will end well!
Meanwhile, Sandy’s still preoccupied with the Matt thing, and Seth can tell that Kirsten is feeling kind of lonely, so Suddenly Sweet Season 3 Seth Cohen starts spending some time with his mom. On his night to choose the fun, they watch a yakuza film. On her night to choose the fun, she takes him to an AA meeting. He wigs at first, but she tells him it’s important to her, and he realizes he’s there to see her receive her 9 month sobriety chip. She tells the AA room that she never would have become sober if it hadn’t been for Seth, and it’s a really sweet moment.
Less sweet: this whole Matt thing. He’s threatening to sue Sandy or reveal Newport Group’s secrets or some shit, so Maya’s dad (am I going to have to learn his name? I don’t wanna) has thugs beat him up and trash his place. Sandy is appalled to discover Matt bloody on the floor, but I care a lot less than Sandy does.
How many times do I have to drink?
At Marissa’s heroin chic look, Summer says, “Lookin’ good, Coop. Very Kate Moss pre-Vanity Fair cover.”
Best pop culture reference
The truest thing anybody said this week
After a talk with Ryan, Volchok tells Marissa, “You deserve to be treated right,” and she replies, “If I wanted to be treated right, I wouldn’t be with you.” SIGH GAH WTF. Of course Volchok’s like “Cool! License to mistreat you!”
That’s it for this week! I have a question for you, Britt: how long do you think Ryan Atwood’s new No Damsels In Drama philosophy is going to last? I give it…until the end of the season.
Meet Britt here next Wednesday morning as she covers “The Day After Tomorrow” and “The Dawn Patrol”!