About:
Veronica Mars S2.E16 “The Rapes of Graff”
Veronica Mars S2.E17 “Plan B”
Trips to the Dentist: 8
Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Players: ?, Keith and Cliff, and Jackie
I know that some of y’all (as in, most of y’all) don’t share my zeal for Troy Vandegraff, so forgive me for subjecting you to photos of Aaron Ashmore’s face. I’M A HEINOUS MONSTER, I know.
The Official FYA Veronica Mars Season 2 Drinking Game
Take a drink every time:
- Someone says “Veronica Mars”, even when they know full well who she is and there’s no other Veronica in all of Neptune
- Veronica uses her camera
- Mars family members hug (Backup counts!)
- Backup appears
- Someone mentions the 90909 zip code or ’09ers
- Someone uses a disguise/alias/fake voice
- A character, initially introduced as good, turns out to be a baddie (or vice versa)
- Fisticuffs occur
- Veronica has a meeting in a bathroom
- Logan’s voicemail greeting is heard
- A Taser is used
- Veronica mentions ponies or unicorns
- The communal argyle shirt appears
- Someone says “bus crash”
Onto the episodes!
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2.15 “The Quick and the Wed”
Wallace’s new girlfriend Jane — who I haven’t really mentioned, because she’s not long for this world anyway, romantically speaking — needs Veronica’s help in finding her sister Heidi, who went missing after her bachelorette scavenger hunt. (Side note: Omg EVERYTHING should have scavenger hunts!)
Heidi’s not actually missing; she’s just SUUUUUCH a free spirit! She marches to her own drum! She’s also visiting her ex, in a strictly platonic manner. But everything was orchestrated the groom’s family (via our fave seedy P.I. Vinnie Van Lowe), so that Heidi would leave the guy at the altar and have to return the fancy engagement ring.
How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 1 — yeesh, quite a dry ep!
Greasers vs. Socs + Jets vs. Sharks
Incorporation is garnering more support. Because that’s what a teen noir show needs: municipality intrigue! Anyway, people are still treating Logan shittily, on account of being an accused murderer and all. He’s getting spat on by kids (which: GROSS, Y’ALL. Hygiene!) and Hannah’s mom is not impressed, either. Could also be because Hannah’s straddling Logan the first time that she meets him, JUST MAYBE. But Hannah defends Logan to her mom, at the same time that he’s stirring shit up and basically using her virginity as a bargaining chip. I love Logan, and sure — he feels bad about it later. But BLECH. And it works too, since Dr. Tim drops his testimony so that Logan will break up with Hannah.
File Under the Bus Crash
Don’t ever go to the Lamb’s Sheriff’s Department with a tip unless you’ve solved the case for him, because Lamb will not follow up on shit. Keith tells him about the C4 in Terrence Cook’s airplane hanger — but wait! Looks like the explosives were actually planted there. But Lamb never met a poorly investigated arrest warrant that he didn’t like, so Terrence has been charged for murder. Although Terrence having broken into dead paramour and bus crash victim Ms. Dumas’ family home doesn’t exactly scream innocent, either.
Life on Mars
An entertainment documentary dealie (Tinseltown Diaries) on the Lilly Kane murder has aired, and Aaron’s still pleading his innocence. He’s blaming it all on the Donut, and even doubting the existence of the sex tapes altogether. I’m sure that people will say a lot of outlandish shit to survive, but SHUT YOUR FACE HOLE, AARON. What a freaking sociopath.
Over at Neptune High, FBLA looks like a really intense extracurricular. Like, meeting during regular school time? I know this is a nitpick, I usually don’t pay attention to that kind of detail anyway. But when I take notes, I notice things. Anyway, Beaver’s still owning the stock market project, but his real estate company needs more capital. He’s butting heads with Kendall, who approaches Aaron with an investment opportunity — by flashing cleav, naturally. I don’t care for Kendall, but all this objectification is icky, even if Kendall herself is aware of and encouraging it. (Has Kendall become the sole hated female character now? I don’t count Hannah, since she’s incapable of inspiring anything beyond lukewarm emotions.)
Anyhoo, Aaron agrees to invest, in return for Kendall grabbing some hair samples from Duncan’s shower. As great as Harry Hamlin is in this role, and as much as I like that the show addresses the aftermath of solving the Lilly murder, the show should have just left Aaron in Season 1 like they did most of the Kanes. (Or actually, all of them could have stuck around — other than Duncan, of course — if there wasn’t a show boner for the feud between the PCHers and the Fitzp.’s that no one cares about.)
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): ?
Since I often put my complaints about Jackie in this section, I’m using it to address a couple of cringeworthy and heavy-handed moments. Like the Carrie Bradshaw worthy voiceover (“You can laser a guy’s name off your ass, but I wonder whether you can really ever cut him out of your heart” — for reals, show?). And Logan appearing right after this:
Jane: “Guess you never know where true love’s gonna find you.”
Veronica: “If it comes looking for me, I’ll be over by the espresso machine.”
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, SHOW.
Best Reminder That It’s 2006 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)
There were quite a few badly photoshopped Echolls family photos in Tinseltown Diaries. Though my pick for most outdated is Tracy McGrady doing anything relevant in a fantasy league, or the runaway bride reference for those of y’all who aren’t basketball fans.
And the Snark Award Goes To…: Cliff! And Veronica
If only Cliff McCormack was as good a lawyer as he is a talker. Here he is, with his client.
Cliff: “Logan, let me remind you the prosecution has witnesses. The good kind – eyewitnesses.”
Logan: “Cholo low lives and a lying cokehead plastic surgeon.”
Cliff: “A prominent, well-respected cokehead doctor.”
Cliff: “I’ve asked around and — I hope this isn’t news to you but — no one likes you.”
Cliff: “Well, if it helps you decide on your wardrobe, I’ll be wearing an “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt.”
And for a more GIF-able moment:
To the surprise of what should be absolutely no one, I’m so glad that Cliff and Vinnie will be in the movie. As Gilmore Girls has taught us, quirky and colourful townspeople provide a wonderful supporting cast.
Neptune Cameo
No one new!
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Lost Art” by Mere Mortals
I was tempted to choose Heidi’s karaoke song — because how can anyone resist it? — but I should follow my own arbitrary rules once in a while.
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2×16: “The Rapes of Graff”
Veronica and Wallace are visiting the set for Season 3 Hearst College, and TROYYYYYY is in their tour group! They all go to a party — in which Veronica Tasers someone for being a smarmy asshole. (The guy may be a pig, but that’s still extremely excessive. And possibly illegal.) But a girl in attendance ends up roofied and raped, and has her head shaved. The lead suspect is the guy she was last seen with: my beloved Troy.
Thankfully, he didn’t do it, but Veronica unearths some other disturbing truths. The Pi Sig frat keeps score of, well, scoring because eww. And this isn’t the first girl that has been raped and shaved.
How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 4
Greasers vs. Socs + Jets vs. Sharks
Logan’s case has been dismissed, so he breaks it off with Hannah. But he ‘fesses up to Hannah because he wants to get back together whyyyy? ‘Cause she baked him a cake? It may have been a while, but Logan — have you forgotten that you used to date awesome girls? Their reunion is short-lived, when Dr. Tim busts them and sends Hannah off to Vermont. Logan’s all forlorn. And again, I ask: whyyyy? Falling hard is like Logan’s M.O., but this seems excessive even for him.
Speaking of the murder case, Cliff’s files have been stolen by a lady that he hooked up with. ‘Hook’ being the operative word; she’s a sex worker who had been hired to grab Cliff’s briefcase. But hired by whom? Anyway, this marks the second time that Keith hires an escort for information, which is a pretty strange habit to form.
File Under the Bus Crash
The old Sharks stadium is about to be demolished, and the explosives being used are the same ones that were found in Terrence Cook’s possession. And wouldn’t you know it — a Fitzp. associate is working at the demo site.
Life on Mars
Veronica’s against the idea of going to Hearst, but she’s still got six episodes to change her mind. She ends on relatively good terms with Troy, all things considering. (OMG WHY DIDN’T TROY GO TO HEARST!? And I definitely just looked up Aaron Ashmore’s filmography to figure out why: it was his first season on Smallville. SO CONFLICTED.)
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Keith and Cliff
Troy fangirl that I am, even I can’t justify choosing him as MVP when he spends most of the episode as an accused rapist. But Keith and Cliff are a pretty great consolation prize. They beautifully anticipate Lamb’s reaction to being confronted with his secret relationship with Madison Sinclair.
Can there be a spinoff with Keith and Cliff? OOOH, isn’t there a Law & Order void? YOU’RE WELCOME, HOLLYWOOD.
Best Reminder That It’s 2006 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do):
Now that he’s single, Dick wants to party it up like Ozzy. Logan and I are both unenthused that Dick interprets it as beer and video games.
And the Snark Award Goes To…: Veronica
When she sets the record straight about the smarmy Tasered asshole who claimed that they had hooked up, he says that she overestimated her point value. She shoots back:
Veronica: “You undercounted the sassy.”
Neptune Cameo
- Aaron Ashmore as Troy. In case I haven’t been clear enough: TROY!!! And I’m choosing to believe that the Pi Sig named Iceman is an ode to Aaron Ashmore’s twin.
- Michael Cera as Dean and Alia Shawkat as Stacey. And the Bluth kids have invaded Hearst! You just have to suspend disbelief and accept that Kristen Bell is supposed to be younger than these two. I have no good reason why, but I always vibed rapist from Dean. Which is weird, because I love George Michael (during the original run, anyway). But my way would have a disturbing implication, considering what happens to Maeby.
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “I Know I Know I Know” by Tegan and Sara
This almost singlehandedly justifies the existence of Hannah. ALMOST.
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2.17 “Plan B”
Weevil needs Veronica’s help in proving that Thumper killed Felix. Veronica presents Lamb with a confession from Thumper, but he ignores it because he’s a dick. (That beautiful, magnificent bastard, Lamb.) Though he does issue a warrant for Thumper’s arrest when the actual eyewitness steps forward.
… But not before Weevil sets Thumper up to make it look like he betrayed the Fitzp.’s. In return, they chain Thumper to go down with the soon-to-be demolished Sharks stadium. Having won a contest, Logan gets to be the one who pushes the button for the demolition — unknowingly killing Felix’s real murderer.
How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 3
Greasers vs. Socs + Jets vs. Sharks
The whole entire episode was pretty much about this!
File Under the Bus Crash
Mayor Woody wants Keith to make clearing Terrence Cook’s name his number one priority. But Keith gets sidetracked when he comes across a stalker vid filmed from inside Woody’s home. Woody thinks it’s because of his incorporation plans, but the video predates all that noise. (Woody also feels up Logan’s biceps, because sure — getting touchy-feely with high schoolers never went wrong for adults in positions of power. Unless they’re in Rosewood, that is.)
When a disgruntled gardener allegedly confesses to making the video, Woody has Keith destroy the evidence. But like many a person who has blind faith in Snapchat, Woody overlooks the fact that digital never dies, because Keith totally saved a copy on his laptop.
Life on Mars
Mac and Beaver continue their reign as Neptune’s cutest couple, because no one is or ever will be as cute as Mac and Beaver. I could be lying. (And she called him Cassidy this time! Maybe Cassidy should be a drinking game rule, since this set of rewatch has left me PARCHED.)
Anyway, they’ve been dating for four months, but they’re still stuck at first base. Not because of Mac, though.
Mac tries to do something about it, but Beaver and his soulful sad eyes blame it on Dick being a cockblock. When she accidentally reveals that she had asked the more worldly Veronica for advice, Beaver gets mad at her for being overshare-y and horny.
As for Veronica, she’s volunteering at the FBLA-sponsored Sadie Hawkins dance. (My school never had those. Or maybe they did; I stopped going to school dances after Grade 7. Because my school dances in the gym actually looked like school dances in the gym.) Veronica drags Logan away for a dance, in order to spare a chatty and oblivious Gia from his ire. And also to placate everyone for Hannah.
In response, we LoVe shippers were like this:
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Jackie
Jackie foils some sadistic prank to humiliate Charlie, a special needs student, for amusement. (I’ve ranted about it in this rewatch before, but srsly: FECAL SCUM.) She asks him to the dance, and they have a pretty good time together.
Meanwhile, Wallace is distracted from his own date with Jane, because he’s back to being all about Jackie now. He kisses her, but she turns him down. Jackie’s seriously trying to change, and making out with someone else’s boyfriend is not on her to-do list.
Jane finds out about the kiss, but ends up forgiving Wallace and blaming it all on Jackie. Even when Wallace is trying to tell the truth, Jane tries to justify it by making Jackie the bad guy. (UGH can we stop the girl hate?) As soon as Wallace breaks up with Jane, he tries to start something up with Jackie again, but she wisely turns him down.
As much as my pre-rewatch opinion of Jackie was clouded by her earlier craptitude, Wallace had def. been coasting on his Season 1 awesomeness. He’s just acting so poorly in this episode.
Best Reminder That It’s 2006 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)
I didn’t notice anything obvious, but how did no one catch Logan ripping off the Easy Rider speech? Even as early as junior high, my teachers were scaring students with some anti-plagiarism software (or today’s equivalent of highly specific Google search terms). But it’s not like Easy Rider is super obscure (even though I’ve never seen it myself). Although quite possibly, no one cares that much about the validity of this silly contest, and I’ve just spent way too much time thinking about it.
And the Snark Award Goes To…: Weevil
Not only did Weevil coax this reaction out of Veronica:
He also earnestly tries to fix Veronica’s shocker hand. Plus, when Lamb’s trying to see if there’s something outstanding that he can be booked for:
Weevil: “Well, if I did it, it’s outstanding.”
Neptune Cameo
No new faces!
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Sway” by The Perishers
I love when the show uses cheerful music to score terrible things (like “Gravity/Falling Down Again” by Alejandro Escovedo during Thumper’s demise with the stadium). But how could my little shipper heart stay away from the song during Logan and Veronica’s dance?
So how would y’all rank Season 2’s main storylines, in terms of (re)watchability? Do you care about these mysteries even when you know they get resolved? I think Season 2 (and 3) didn’t do as good of a job setting up Veronica’s personal connection to the main cases. (Though in all fairness, there aren’t many things that pack as big of an emotional punch than the murder of your best friend and the identity of your rapist.) For this season, we’ve got Meg, who Veronica wasn’t that close with, and the possibility of Veronica being the intended target of the bus crash. And she mostly stays out of the PCHer and Beaver stuff. I mean, the other characters are allowed to have lives without her, but it just seems that with this much free time on her hands, Veronica should have that bus crash solved by now.
But again: OVERTHINKING A TV SHOW. I’ll see you back here next week, for “I Am God”, “Nevermind the Buttocks”, and “Look Who’s Stalking”. I only have one compound word for you: Alterna-Prom.
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