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Title: Veronica Mars S2.E18 “I Am God”
Veronica Mars S2.E19 “Nevermind the Buttocks”
Veronica Mars S2.E20 “Look Who’s Stalking”
Released: 2006
Series:  Veronica Mars

Trips to the Dentist: 15
Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Players: Wallace and Logan, Mac, and Logan

Previously, on Veronica Mars

No time for preamble — Alterna-Prom awaits!

The Official FYA Veronica Mars Season 2 Drinking Game

Take a drink every time:

  • Someone says “Veronica Mars”, even when they know full well who she is and there’s no other Veronica in all of Neptune
  • Veronica uses her camera
  • Mars family members hug (Backup counts!)
  • Backup appears
  • Someone mentions the 90909 zip code or ’09ers
  • Someone uses a disguise/alias/fake voice
  • A character, initially introduced as good, turns out to be a baddie (or vice versa)
  • Fisticuffs occur
  • Veronica has a meeting in a bathroom
  • Logan’s voicemail greeting is heard
  • A Taser is used
  • Veronica mentions ponies or unicorns
  • The communal argyle shirt appears
  • Someone says “bus crash”

Onto the episodes!

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2.18 “I Am God”

Veronica’s dreams are being haunted by the dead bus crash victims. Or more like, she’s obsessing over the case in her dreams now. She pieces together deets from all the victims’ lives:

  • The Mannings were hoping that something would happen between Meg and Lucky, their war vet friend from church who works as a janitor at Neptune High.

  • Voicemail Rhonda’s family received a big payout from Woody Goodman, which paid for her sister’s new car. And as we’ve learned from Mac and Weevil, a new car means shadiness; Rhonda’s mom found a finger in her Woody’s Burger ribwich.

  • Betina had been Dick’s poorly treated booty call who was trying to get back at him, by playing embarrassing voicemails and trying to get pregnant. (Well, that escalated quickly.)

  • PCHer Cervando was running his mouth about punking Liam Fitzp. He also took out his anger for Dick on Beaver. (OMG not even one section in and I’ve already made an innuendo.)

Veronica also considers (meaning: she’s now fully committed to this theory despite a lack of concrete evidence) that the rich kids may have been the intended victims: Weevil planted a bomb, intended for Dick but wound up back on the bus, which he detonated when he was close enough to see the limo near the cliff. Or was it? Because there’s an insurance policy on Dick and Beaver; they’re worth more dead than they are alive.

Meanwhile, Keith helps Clemmons expose a doctor’s office that had been hooking up students with fake anxiety diagnoses so that they could reschedule their exams. Cheaters never win, y’all! Unless it’s Whac-A-Mole.

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 7

Greasers vs. Socs + Jets vs. Sharks

The bits of class and gang warfare have already been covered above!

File Under the Bus Crash

Already covered!

Life on Mars

Veronica goes to Logan for info about Janitor Lucky. Logan responds with this recollection:

(Yes, that was gratuitous. I REGRET NOTHING.)

In the world of academia, Veronica gets into Stanford! As does Angie, her rival for the Kane Scholarship, now that J.B. is out of the picture. It’s a great accomplishment, but Angie’s rather tacky in announcing and celebrating it during class. (Do people really do shit like that? Side note: I like how our weekly discussions are usually about our real-life high school stories. Tell me more stories!)

As for Keith, he has started online dating. (Or has he?) It’s all horribly awkward — but of course, Keith Mars only arranges blind dates for detective work!

MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Wallace and Logan

Wallace and Logan have been assigned as partners for Mr. Wu’s physics project. They start off just wanting to coast, but then they get motivated to take down Veronica’s rival Angie. It doesn’t work — even though Angie gets hers when she can no longer use her fake anxiety excuse — but Wallace does tell Veronica to ease up on Logan.

I like the pairing of Wallace and Logan; as they even point out, these two rarely interact. But Wallace has been made to be TREMENDOUSLY silly in service of this storyline. Like watching the Aaron documentary at Logan’s place? ARE YOU SERIOUS, WALLACE?! And although he mentioned needing to not flunk for his Hearst scholarship (athletic, I’m assuming), what about barely passing physics for someone going into mechanical engineering? You don’t need, like, genius marks, but you probably need to be pulling B’s at the very least. Then again, I haven’t considered Hearst’s most important prereq, which is to be a regular cast member on Veronica Mars.

(And to continue with my science rants because I can: why is Angie in the same class as underachieving Logan and Dick? Is she just taking it for an easy grade? Are there no advanced classes at Neptune High? And also, this is a really shitty project for seniors. The kids on Modern Family did it for middle school. And we built mothercussin’ catapults in my sophomore year!)

Also: anti-MVPs for Logan and Dick’s racist quips towards Mr. Wu. (And for Mr. Wu’s line about “not all well-dressed, articulate, detail-oriented men are gay; many of them are just Asian.” A ‘positive’ stereotype is still a stereotype.) Logan and Dick have said a lot worse and a lot more about the PCHers, too. And it’s like, DAMMIT — why must they make it so difficult for me to love them sometimes?

Best Reminder That It’s 2006 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)

So many things: shout-outs to Ghost Whisperer and Brokeback Mountain, plus a meta reference to Paris Hilton. And so much TERRIBLE green screen during the dream sequences on the bus.

And the Snark Award Goes To…: Wallace and Logan

Wallace points out that the two of them have never really had a convo. Like, ever.

(Dis)Honourable mention to Dick:

Neptune Cameo

  • Kayla Ewell as Angie. It’s Vicki from The Vampire Diaries! Though I find her more tolerable here than on TVD. At least I’m supposed to hate Angie, unlike Vicki who was messing with my beloved Jeremy.

Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “I Am God” by The Wannabes

Veronica tries to Nancy Drew who drew the Grim Reaper with nine tombstones on a bus seat, but it turns out to be just cover art.

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2.19 “Nevermind the Buttocks”

Y’all, I’ve had to reread what this case is numerous times, because it’s just that memorable. A dog gets killed in a hit-and-run, and it had belonged to a schoolmate of Veronica’s that’s reeeeeally unafraid to open a can of whoop-ass. The dog had actually been killed to send a message to the owner’s PCHer brother by Liam Fitzp. Before the owner goes all homicidal Katniss on the Fitzp.’s (or, more likely, try and fail like a non-Victor), Veronica fibs that she has no leads to prevent him from doing something rash.

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 3

Greasers vs. Socs + Jets vs. Sharks

With Thumper ‘missing’, the PCHers come groveling to their former leader Weevil for help in dealing with the Fitzp.’s. The PCHers have been dealing for them, but the Fitzp.’s are demanding even more money. (Seriously, how much do the Fitzp.’s suck? Beating up on children? I mean, children in a biker gang, but they’re still teenagers.) Weevil gets the Fitzp.’s to back off, and the PCHers are ready to welcome him back with open, formerly traitorous arms. But Weevil is all ‘Thanks but no thanks’ and he walks away from them. 

File Under the Bus Crash

Weevil had a copy of Anarchist Cookbook — he’s the killer! He’s the killer! So says Veronica’s accusation anyway. (I love her and she’s an awesome detective, but she jumps to conclusions without proof so damn much. Or at least as damn much as the storyline requires.) But Weevil was just watching out for Cervando, whom Liam Fitzp. had a grudge against…

… the same Liam who had access to explosives, thanks to the Fitzp. cousin who worked the Sharks Field demolition. Liam was also spotted driving past the rich kids’ limo right before the bus went off the cliff. He’s the killer! He’s the killer! Veronica follows him and a mystery lady to a house — the same house that Keith is investigating because of Kendall… 

… who isn’t really Kendall at all. She’s actually Priscilla Banks, who had been in the slammer for wire fraud. And since she was unaccounted for at the time of the crash, and she’s the beneficiary of the eight-figure insurance policy on the Casablancas bros — she’s the killer! She’s the killer! Or at least she’s the mystery lady with Liam… 

… because they used to run cons together! And it’s her house that Keith is in. He makes off with her hard drive — but not before Liam’s OMFG “luck of the Irish” line. Irish people: how often do you say that in your life? Is it much fewer than the number of times that you hear it? Does it always induce ear-ripping annoyance?

Everything’s freaking connected, is what I’m saying. And this is a lot of time to devote to minor characters that no one really cares for. 

(Side note: Veronica defying Keith’s requests could also be a drinking game rule, since he’s always like “Don’t do this; I mean it!” and she does it in the next scene.)

Life on Mars

Since the Aaron-Lilly sex tapes have disappeared, Veronica has to provide a testimony on the contents of the tapes. FUN TIMES. But shocking discovery! Aaron’s Oscar has been unearthed from the Kanes’ backyard? It’s covered in Lilly’s blood and Duncan’s hair? I’m Ron Burgundy?

Over at the Cook household, their assets have been frozen, and Jackie asks Veronica to hook her up with a job at Java the Hutt. Despite having no experience (or does she?), Jackie is a pro at waitressing. Not a pro: Wallace at talking. (WTF in these episodes, bro?) Newly single Wallace is still trying to convince Jackie to go out with him. With this compelling argument: 

Wallace: “Why you so worried about what other people think? I mean, you’re already that girl whose dad blew up the kids. Think anyone’s out there saying, “Yeah, but at least she keeps her hands off of other girls’ ex-boyfriends”?”

Jackie quickly forgives this anyway, because that’s her responsibility as Wallace’s love interest. But new obstacle! Jackie is leaving for the Sorbonne on the day after graduation, and she doesn’t see the point in starting something for only five weeks. But Wallace convinces her otherwise, so it’s relationship ON. 

MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Mac

Even Weevil being awesome can’t get me to care about the PCHer-Fitzp. stuff. Mac, however, makes with the computer humour: 

Veronica also makes a deal with Butters (whom I totally forgot to mention during his first appearance, because: not important) for access to Principal Clemmons’ confiscated goods. In exchange, Mac has to go to prom with Butters. I’m partially, “Sheesh — way to friend, V.” But Veronica was also doing this to recover Mac’s cell phone interceptor.

Mac: “Is there any chance you can get it back for me? I borrowed it from my buddy at Radio Shack, because apparently I’ve become a psycho ex-girlfriend and I wanted to listen to Beaver’s cell phone calls.”


Veronica: [no response]


Mac: “You’re judging me.”


Veronica: “No. I’m judging myself. Why don’t I have a cell phone interceptor?”


Mac: “Please — respect the business model, Veronica. I do the gadgets. You do the actual espionage.”

Oh, Mac. Even her stalker tendencies are somewhat endearing.

Best Reminder That It’s 2006 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)

Veronica alludes to the Cheney hunting incident, and she does some promo for UPN’s short-lived South Beach, which starred EVERYONE (including a pre-Friday Night Lights Adrianne Palicki). 

And the Snark Award Goes To…: Logan and Veronica

I love their fun, flirty enemistry! And STOP LYING, VERONICA.

And I’m starting to think there needs to be like a Dirty Dick award, even though this one’s going to Weevil.

Veronica: “You here to confess? Is that your tail I see between your legs?”


Weevil:  No. But I can see how you might get confused.

Neptune Cameo

No one new!

Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Treat Her Like a Lady” by Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2.20 “Look Who’s Stalking”

Gia thinks she’s being stalked, but it’s really just a private security detail that Woody has hired for her — one that includes LEOOOOO. Woody claims that it’s all because of the incorporation controversy, but the Marses ain’t buying it, especially after Gia finds a stalker video of herself. (Another creepy video sent to the Goodmans? You don’t say… ) Someone IS stalking the Goodmans: Janitor Lucky, who’s claiming that Woody is not who he appears to be. (Intrigue!)

When Lucky gets apprehended, Keith is on the verge of finding out why Lucky hates Woody so much. But Lucky gets interrupted juuuuuust as he’s about to spill the beans. TWICE. (So many fakeouts, this show.) 

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 5

Greasers vs. Socs + Jets vs. Sharks

Over at Woody’s incorporation campaign, he totally nailed one of his staffers. But now she’s suuuuuper unconscious and in need of medical attention, so Woody calls Keith to Clarence Wiedman this mess up. In return, Woody shows his gratitude with slander; Keith’s being blamed for getting the staffer blitzed, and she’s not around to set the record straight. Keith retaliates by going public with his story aka the truth, and incorporation also gets shot down. 

And dusting off the Felix case, since Logan recognizes the guy who hired the sex worker to steal Cliff’s files as Aaron’s cell mate.

File Under the Bus Crash

Lead suspect Terrence Cook had broken into his journalism teacher ex-mistress Ms. Dumas’ family home in search of the tell-all that she threatened him with. And now the story of him throwing the championship game has finally been published. 

Life on Mars

That senior trip to Magic Mountain must have been super rowdy, because prom has been cancelled as a result. But Logan to the rescue! He’s opening up the Neptune Grand penthouse for ALTERNA-PROM.

There are a few other subplots to address, but I’ve already made you wait this long. So here’s The Speech, at last:

OK. Are we ready to move on yet? You need to watch one or twenty more times? I’ll wait. 

So. Controversial opinion time! I don’t love the speech. (And I even felt that way before the internets ruined the word ‘epic’.) I at least capital-L Like it, but there are a few LoVe moments that I’d rank ahead of it. It’s just so dramaaaatic. (Although that’s me thinking on an IRL scale, and not a I-was-in-love-with-your-best-friend,-you-were-in-love-with-mine-and-now-they’re-either-murdered-by-my-father-or-disappeared-due-to-boring scale. Also, gangs and stabby bridge murder.) But I know and appreciate why it resonates with so many viewers. 

Although my biggest problem with it is that it’s followed by Veronica FINALLY pouring her heart out to Logan: 

… only to find him having spent the night with Kendall, WOMP WOMP. I get why Drunk Logan hopped back into bed with Kendall — Veronica ran off without really saying anything, which sure seems like rejection. Plus, drunkenness. It just sucks that this is yet another thing to keep them apart, after having them only being together for like five episodes out of forty-two at this point. Especially after enduring half a season of pining for Duncan and half a season of going out with him. Anyway, Veronica is a sad bunny:

Stop trying to make it up to me with Logan shirtlessness, show! (Or actually, please continue.)

Back to the other parts of Alterna-Prom: Jackie and Wallace get it on, while Mac still has to honour the prom deal with Butters.

In the spirit of Neptune kids fighting their parents’ fights, Gia gets pissed off at Veronica during the war of words between Woody and Keith. And I’m not even going to segue into this, but Veronica has chlamydia. 

MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Logan

Even with his poor drunken judgement at the end, NO DOY it’s Logan. Just look at these looks! And TUX. 

Best Reminder That It’s 2006 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)

Veronica jokingly worries that Tom Cruise will try to marry her, like he did Katie Holmes. (Or maybe this isn’t so outdated after all; he is single again… RUN, VERONICA! This ain’t no Mooncalf Collective!)

And the Snark Award Goes To…: Veronica

Honourable mention for this exchange, which isn’t so much snarky but it sure is flirty and playful:

The real winners are all the taunting puns that Veronica throws to Madison’s way. 

Veronica: “Leave her alone, Dick. You don’t want to make her have to call the law, ’cause I hear the law really comes down hard. Have you heard that?”


Madison: “So, I guess you’re here alone since Duncan, like, ran away, or whatever.”


Veronica: “You mean, took it on the lam? ‘Cause I can’t imagine what that’s like. Can you? Being on the Lamb? Think you’d just want to close your eyes and pray for it all to end. You’d have the cops crawling all over you. Right? What do you think, Madison?”

Neptune Cameo

Deputy Private Bodyguard Leo shows up again, described aptly by Gia as tough and mumbly). And he wastes no time in asking about Veronica’s love life. Unfortch for him (and fortunately for all of us!), he gets cockblocked by Logan again. So if this is any indication for the movie, I’d say we’re in for a lot of LoVe-ing!

Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “I Hear the Bells” by Mike Doughty

OBVS.


That’s it for this week, Marshmallows! The Season 2 rewatch finishes next week, with “Happy Go Lucky” and “Not Pictured”.

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Mandy (she/her) lives in Edmonton, AB. When she’s not raiding the library for YA books, she enjoys eating ice cream (esp. in cold weather), learning fancy pole dance tricks, and stanning BTS. Mandy has been writing for FYA since 2012, and she’s been overseeing all things FYA Book Club since 2013.