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Previously: Elena now knows that she had Alaric compel her Damon-memories away, we find out that Kai murdered most of his family and wants to hitch a ride back to reality with Damon and Bonnie, Stefan’s dead girlfriend Ivy isn’t actually dead but a vampire, and Matt knows that Vampire Hunter Tripp is holding Enzo hostage.
Stefan is woken up by a call from Vampire Hunter Tripp, thanking him from Enzo. Stefan’s all like, “Uh, you were supposed to kill him?” and Tripp is like, “No way bro, WAY too much intel to be had from this vamp! Hey, did you know there’s a nest of vamps down in Savannah? So I sent some of my guys down there!” I can’t help but laugh at Stefan for thinking he was ever going to get one over on Enzo. So Stefan packs up Newbie Vamp Ivy, who’s none too happy about being a vampire, and heads to Mystic Falls Adjacent. He enlists the help of No. 1 Baby Vamp Mentor, Caroline Forbes.
Caroline is suitably miffed but agrees to help because who is she to deny a new vampire the benefits of learning from The Master? Stefan is off to get a Daylight Ring from one of the twins. Ivy is bored and annoyed, and gleefully calls out Caroline on her obvious feelings for Stefan. “I saw the two of you at dinner. You practically cut his food for him.” Caroline is flustered and it’s all kinds of adorable. She won’t let Ivy go to the homecoming soiree so Ivy snaps her neck and goes anyway. EEP! This is not going to end well.
Professor Alaric is teaching his Occult 101 class about the supernatural origin of their homecoming, because of course they can’t have a homecoming for the same normal reason that every other school in America has one. Something about a disfigured man coming back from battle only to find his wife in bed with his brother, which of course ends in bloodshed. KNOWING LOOK TO ELENA. After class Elena accuses Alaric of being a Vampire Hermit and convinces him to come to the corn maze/homecoming party later. She also subtly points out his Lack of Game by noting that he’s worn the same shirt twice in one week. Poor Alaric. He really needs his BFF back or a new lady friend or both. Elena invites Liam to the corn maze and no one cares.
Bonnie is suitably suspicious of Sociopath Kai and begins to piece together why her Grams sent the two of them to HIS worst day. The Gemini Coven used a Bennett spell to trap Kai there, so of course he needs a Bennett witch to undo the spell. She calls his bluff, that he doesn’t actually know the spell and they don’t actually need him. She immobilizes him and Damon steals his 1994 Party Pack, including Zima. I mean, if we didn’t already know that Kai was a sociopath SURELY his drink choice would tell us.
Stefan runs into Alaric, who is drinking alone in his classroom. Alaric has no time for Stefan and pretty much calls him out on all of his bullshit; for leaving, for telling Elena about her memories being erased, for misleading him to believe that Ivy was a witch that could help them bring Damon and Bonnie back. And then Stefan has the nerve to ask Alaric to compel Ivy to go somewhere else. “Why don’t you get out of my face before I compel you to be the guy I used to know instead?” DAMN.
Of course Ivy is out getting her drink on, and attacks some poor bastard downtown. She can’t figure out how to compel him (seriously?) and tells him to run. He ends up getting run down by Tyler, who is reading texts while driving (dumbass). Not only does Tyler hit him but he manages to mow down a path through the corn maze using him as a hood ornament and hitting several other people. JESUS. Liam and Elena tend to the injured, Elena using her vampire blood when no one is looking. Lady Doctor (one day I will learn her name, I swear) and Alaric are also helping the wounded and Alaric is on the STRUGGLE with his bloodlust. Poor guy. Meanwhile Tyler is freaking out because if any of these people die it will trigger his werewolf curse again. It’s really good of him to show so much concern for THE INJURED AND DYING, especially since all of this IS his fault. Ugh. Turns out that Liv is Ride or Die because after they realize that this kid can’t be saved she SMOTHERS HIM so that she’s the actual Cause of Death and not Tyler.
Caroline finally manages to get a hold of Stefan and guess what? Stefan was on his way out of town. He was totally going to ditch Ivy and let them deal with her. Just when I thought it wasn’t possible for Caroline to be ANY MORE disappointed in Stefan. “I knew if Damon came back then I’d get you back too but right now all I want is for you to get back in your car and GO.” TOO RIGHT.
At the ER Alaric is trying to compel Lady Doc to forget that she has hot pants for him, but it doesn’t work. Hmm. Is he losing his mojo or is she SOMETHING OTHER THAN HUMAN? She kisses him and it’s all very sweet.
Caroline finds Ivy, but not before Vampire Hunter Tripp and his Murder Van do first. Ivy makes the mistake of attacking him and he shoots her with vervane. (I think? It was hard to tell.) Caroline sees him drag Ivy into his van from her car. The upside is that this likely means Caroline will rescue Enzo. ENZO!
Bonnie and Damon are in an underground cave, waiting for the eclipse. Of course Kai isn’t dead and shoots Bonnie with a crossbow just as she’s managing to get the Ascendant to open. Damon tries to help by removing the arrow but just before he can feed her his blood Kai makes a move for the Ascendant. Damon leaps on top of him and Kai stabs him with an arrow. Bonnie manages to work her mojo, tosses Damon the Ascendant and sends him back.
Stefan has made a pit stop on his way out of town. The Salvatore Family Crypt. He finally admits out loud that he’s not coping without his brother. So of course where does Damon reappear? YOU GUYS. I cried all the tears at this reunion. ALL. THE TEARS.
Thoughts:
- Is Stefan ever going to be able to make up this much douchebaggery to Caroline? Because seriously, leaving your ex-girlfriend newbie vampire on her doorstep is such a dick move.
- Which reunion are you looking forward to more, Damon and Elena, Damon and Alaric or Damon and Enzo?
- Where the hell was Matt Donovan? Hatching a plan to free Enzo I hope.
- ”I have a frickin’ Etsy store!” Do we think Ivy is a jewelry-maker, a knitter of a repurposer of old stuff no one wants?
- “Well you don’t have to flatter me because I already know that.” Caroline Forbes for President.
- Is Bonnie actually dead this time? Or at least trapped for eternity with Kai?
- “A couple of hours and you’ll never have to deal with me again” “Is that what you think I want?” “I dunno, you tell me.” Stefan being a total bottom about this is such a turn-off. Like, just admit that you were struggling with losing Damon, apologize and get your shit together bro.
- “Damon may be gone but I can still find pleasure in judging his life choices.” Professor Alaric, Giver of Shade.
- Liam DOES look like he’s been transported from the 1950’s, right? It’s not just me? What kid wears hair pomade these days?
- “It’s fruity AND fizzy.” Damon has been reduced to drinking Zima. It’s a sad, sad day.
- Tyler promising Liv he wouldn’t waste the gift she gave him by saving him from his curse was actually rather sweet. I say that BEGRUDGINGLY.
- “What, I’m gone a couple of months and you think it’s alright to waste a perfectly good bottle of bourbon?” Yep, this is me. Sobbing on my La-Z-Boy.
i’d also like to give a shout-out for the release of Love You To Death 5: The Unofficial Companion to The Vampire Diaries by Crissy Calhoun and Heather Vee!
This series is a must-have for any self-respecting Vampire Diaries geek! I find it most helpful when wanting to know the songs/artists used in certain episodes. Here’s an official blurb from the publisher:
The Vampire Diaries hit its 100th-episode milestone during its fifth season, keeping its loyal audience under its mystical spell. Love You to Death — Season 5 (ECW Press, October 2014) comes out as season six begins, delving headlong into the twists and turns of each episode, exploring the layers of rich history, supernatural mythology, historical and pop cultural references, and the complexities of the show’s memorable cast of characters.
This essential guide to the fifth season offers exclusive interviews with the directors, creators, and other behind-the-scenes people that help create The Vampire Diaries, such as:
• Co-Executive Producer and Writer, Caroline Dries
• Director and Actor, Paul Wesley
• Co-Creator and executive producer, Julie Plec
• Cinematographer and Director, Darren Genet
• Production Designer, Garreth Stover
• Writer and Producer, Holly Brix
• Director and Editor, Joshua Butler
About the Contributor:
Amanda Reid is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She’s a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, and she bakes a damn fine pie.
