About:
Previously: Damon flinched on taking Stefan’s deadly Rayna-beckoning mark and Stefan ended up getting killed by Rayna. Nora and Mary Louise decided to die together in a fiery inferno and they took The Phoenix Sword with them. So now…who is living instead Stefan’s body? And whose body is Stefan living in?? Can Damon actually redeem himself from this new low of selfish douchiness?
What Went Down
Stefan wakes up in the middle of the road, battered and bruised, next to a schoolbus that’s about to be engulfed in flames. He manages to save some of the teens on the bus before the police and EMT’s arrive, and his slight memory loss has him believing that this is his new version of hell, Phoenix Stone-style.
Except it’s not! He’s actually trapped in the body of an alcoholic bus driver who looks like an extra from Justified. Once Stefan realizes that he manages to break away from the cops – handcuffed and without vampire super speed, but ok – and he heads into the Ozarks. Did I mention that a blizzard is coming? Because an actual blizzard is coming.
Damon picks up who he thinks is Stefan but actually turns out to be a mass murderer-turned vampire who has a very amusing sense of humor. (Thank you for that fraternity rave shot of Possessed Stef-not, Julie Plec. It brings me so much joy.) Valerie has enlisted the help of a very reluctant Alaric (can’t a man just marry his vampire baby mama/surrogate in peace??), and they call Damon with the news that Stefan ain’t Stefan. Stef-not leaps out of the car (it was more of a prance, to be honest. A jumpy prance.), and now Damon is SANS Stefan’s actual body.
Damon compells the local PD into letting him “help” find the escaped convict. Ozark Stefan is holed up in an abandoned wood cabin (of course). He at least manages to wrassle himself out of the handcuffs, but his human host body is starting to betray him by going into serious withdrawal. The irony is not lost on Stefan, or on us. There’s no electric or provisions at the cabin so Stefan decides to take his chances by hotwiring a truck and driving out into the blizzard. Seems like a good idea. He also didn’t check the gas gauge before he left and now he’s stranded on the road in the middle of blizzard with the temperature dropping.
Come on, y’all, You knew Damon wasn’t going to let Stefan go like that. He tracks him down by compelling the terrified woman Stefan asked for help on the side of the road, and he has the fuzz look in the opposite direction. Damon to the rescue! (I always get a bit choked up when the boys rescue each other.) The bad news is that they’ve only got about 48 hours before Ozark Stefan’s body starts to break down FOR REAL, like Jo’s body did when it was inhabited by that lovely vampire lady earlier in the season. So the gang is off to Memphis to track down Stef-not!
Holy CRAP
- How hard did you fist pump when Alaric was like, “Who even ARE YOU right now??” to Matt?
- Valerie gave Alaric the REAL DEAL about herself and Stefan/Alaric and Caroline. Alaric Salzman: Fix Your Life.
- Where is Rayna? She shook off Alaric and Valerie like a case of fleas and then bounced!
Vamp of the Week: Damon Salvatore
He’s always quick with a plan, our Damon. This is the first small step of many towards his brother’s forgiveness.
Hero Hair/Nefarious Grin
Hero Hair: Can someone please get Ozark Stefan a warm blanket and some cocoa?? What a terrible 24 hours this poor guy has had to endure. Bring out the hair product, STAT!
Nefarious Grin: “Caroline was just the bait to get to Stefan.” DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF, MR. DONOVAN?
Sound Bites
Damon: Alright, brother. Time to go.
Stef-not: Not a minute too soon, this place is dead.
Valerie (to Alaric): I never fooled myself into thinking that what I had with Stefan would last, but you. You put a ring on it.
Damon: This is not how you are going to die, Stefan Salvatore.
Stefan: Alone in the wilderness, trapped in the frozen corpse of an alcoholic murderer?
Damon: Are you mad?
Stefan: Yes.
Damon: Do you resent me?
Stefan: Yes.
Damon: Good. Then get up and come kick my ass yourself.
Burning Questions
- Where the hell are Bonnie, Enzo, Caroline, or literally ANYONE else on this show?
- Are Caroline and Stefan going to come face to face by the end of this season? Bonnie and Damon?
- Does this mean that The Originals and The Vampire Diaries are no longer co-existing on the same timeline…?
- How many co-eds is Stef-not going to murder before the gang gets to Memphis?
- Will Matt Donovan ever stop disappointing me?
Come dish with me in the comments!
About the Contributor:
Amanda Reid is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She’s a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, and she bakes a damn fine pie.
