Well, here we are again, after last week’s dry spell of NO NEW TVD EPISODE! WHAT?! I don’t know about you, but I didn’t realize last week’s episode was a repeat until I was turning on the telly! Then I had a sad. But it’s back this week, and there has been much rejoicing in the land!
So I’ve been thinking y’all. I know what we’ve all been asking for more of this season, and it occurred to me that maybe, perhaps, the CW is wanting us to focus more on the acting, storytelling and plot, and less on the muscles. So I’ve decided NOT to make any more jokes about male upper body nudity (until they give it to us).
So without further ado, I present to you: Plan B.
Aw, Elena and Stefan are snuggled in bed. And Stefan is sleeping in a t-shirt. How delightfully modest! And Stefan cracks a joke! I love it when they let him do that! Oh, and Uncle Benicio and Katherine are also in bed! Whoah, heavy kissing! Back to Elena and Stefan! More heavy kissing! And back to Uncle Benicio and Katherine! And back to Elena! Lots of torso kissing going on, here. I don’t think people do that so much, but I guess that have to keep their PG-13 rating. This switching back and forth goes on for a few more times. Hotness abounds. Then Elena gives Stefan just a drop of her blood, you know, to help with the whole heroine addiction…
And we’re planning another Founder’s thing! Whoo-hoo! And this one is going to be a masquerade ball! Yay! Wow, Mystic Falls is like, the most tight-knit community, evs. They have a town celebration every other week, and each time, the WHOLE TOWN helps prepare for it! Don’t these people have jobs?
The COTEP (Cousin Of The Eternal Pout) shows up at the Salvatore’s with some juicy werewolf information, because he wants to get in on the action. Damon quips. Drink!
Bonnie is being a beyotch, as per yoosh. Oh, poor Bonnie, after you’ve turned your back on just about everybody because of your whole ‘vampire prejudice’, you feel left out because Elena isn’t taking enough time out for you from her trying not to GET KILLED BY AN EVIL MASTERMIND GENIUS NAMED KATHERINE?!!!! God, self-absorbed, much, Bonnie? Uncle Benicio and Stefan exchange pleasantries, and Bonnie accidentally bumps into him, and SEES ELENA KISSING HIM! But it’s actually Katherine! This is big news to Stefan, even though we found out two weeks a long time ago.
Damon tells Elena that the COTEP is his new little buddy, then Stefan tells Damon about Katherine and Uncle Benicio. Damon quips. Drink!
Token appearance of Matt, just to let us know that he’s still in town, and does still love Caroline, then the COTEP tries to Sidney Bristow it with Tyler, to get the moonstone, but, as we already know, Tyler gave it to Uncle Benicio. Damon and Stefan try to convince Bonnie to help them by touching Uncle Benicio again to see what she can see. Bonnie tells Damon that the exploding head thing she did to him was an aneurysm. Damon quips. Drink! Then Bonnie’s helping them! And she’s giving Uncle Benicio an aneurysm! Aw, it hurts me a little bit, too. Sorry, Uncle Benicio. At least Bonnie feels bad about it.
Now Mommy Dearest Sheriff is actually talking to Caroline! Yay, Mommy Dearest! Maybe you’re not so bad after all. But I am going to withhold making a judgement call on that one until later.
Damon and Bonnie bring Uncle Benicio back to the Salvatore’s, and chain him to a chair. When Bonnie touches him this time, she sees a well! Uh-oh, if horror movies have taught me anything, it’s that nothing good comes out of a well. Bonnie makes her exit, but runs into Caroline, and AWKWARD. But Caroline wants to go with her to the well, and of course, Bonnie says ‘no’, but then they make eye contact for a moment, and Bonnie redeems herself by deciding to put aside her prejudice and spend some time with her living-dead BFF.
Stefan gets a text from Bonnie about the well and leaves, and Elena decides to follow him. Whoah, Damon is heating up a poker to torture Uncle Benicio! Ouch! No, it’s a sword! He doesn’t know anything, Damon! Please stop! I think…
Damon, I love you, but.. this is kind of hard to watch.
Stefan and Elena find the creepy-deepy well. Did I mention the well was creepy? And Stefan jumps in to see if he can find the moonstone. But OMG! The well is filled with vervain! Back from the commercial break, and Stefan’s stuck in the well! Where’s Lassie when you need him? Her? I forget. Caroline, instead of a collie, shows up to help.
And now the COTEP has brought Wolfsbane to help torture Uncle Benicio. Aw, man. Poor Uncle Benicio. Again I say youch!!! Poor, poor Uncle Benicio.
Back at the well, Caroline and Bonnie lower Elena into the well, where Stefan is all burned up from the vervain, and she gets them to pull him out of the well while she searches for the moonstone. Holy f*#@ing shizzz!! Asps! Asps? Are they Asps! Do they even have Asps in Virginia? (At this point in my exclamation, my husband, George, points out to me that Asps may or may not be found in Virginia (state of my birth, long live the lovers, y’all) but that vampires and werewolves are thick there. Point taken.) AHHHHHH! They pull Elena out of the well. Was she bitten? She rushes to Stefan and slices her wrist so he can drink. (Caroline politely looks away.) But let’s get back to the snake issue, here. There was some definite striking. Did they, or did they not bite her? I’m very conerned. This is like that time in one of the Kill Bill movies, when I should have been enjoying the fight between Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannah, but all I could think was ‘There’s still a black mamba in that trailer, ladies!!!!! Take it outside!’
Poor Uncle Benicio is STILL being tortured, and he tells Damon that Katherine is in town to get the moonstone so she can reverse the curse of the wolf and they can live happily ever after. Poor Uncle Benicio. We know better. And so does Damon. He tells Uncle Benicio that Katherine will only rip his heart out. Then Damon actually DOES IT!!! What?!!!!!!! Oh, my sweet werewolf. Don’t be dead! Although I don’t know how you recover from having no heart. Okay everyone. Pour one out for Uncle Benicio. That’s right. I said it. NOW.
Oh, my tears, Mommy Dearest Sheriff is SO proud of Caroline! She doesn’t want to be compelled, and this makes Caroline cry. But she knows that Mommy Sheriff could never trust the Salvatores, so she compels her any way. It’s very sweet and sad. Let’s all have a drink for the sad.
Over Uncle Benicio’s dead body, Damon calls Katherine to taunt her, and it doesn’t go so well. Then Katherine calls Elena! She taunts Elena, and it works better. Katherine has been compelling Aunt Jenna, and using her to spy on Elena for days! And then, right in front of Alaric and Elena, Katherine compels Jenna to stab herself! Dramatically, with a huge kitchen knife! Whoah! That’s the most interesting thing she’s ever done!
Oh, but Jenna’s going to be okay. The COTEP tries to comfort Elena, but Elena’s not so sure.
Tyler talks to his mom, asking her where Uncle Benicio went, and she tells him (since Damon texted her from Uncle Benicio’s phone) that he’s gone to Florida. He’s not, Tyler! He’s dead! And we should mourn him. He was a victim in all this, too. Farewell, Uncle Benicio, and all your lack of upper-body clothing hotness.
Elena and Stefan meet by the fireplace, and she breaks up with him! And they both cry! Elena says they’ve been too selfish, and Katherine is only going to hurt more people if they stay together. A little late to the game, Damon tries to take the blame, but Elena silences him, saying that Katherine has won.
Then, in Katherine’s room, she’s talking to someone, and she says she needs a werewolf. That’s all Uncle Benicio was to you? Anyway, that someone… turns out to be Matt! Oh no! And she’s going to make him provoke Tyler until Tyler KILLS him! Arrgh!!!!!
Okay, deep breath. That was one heck of a roller coaster, folks. Comments? Questions? We’ve got a whole week to debate about things, until the Masquerade Ball next time on TVD!!!!
