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Drinks Taken: 16
Follow the whole rewatch here!
Last week, Sarah said sayonara to James but then brought us Avery, who is somehow even worse than a tweaky, violent Tag from Friends.
Let’s drink just because Season 3 makes us want to drink.
The Felicity Drinking Game Rules
Drink once every time:
You cringe during the “New Version of You” credit sequence.
Felicity is endearingly earnest.
Ben smiles sheepishly.
Noel is adorkable.
Elena is a better friend than anyone deserves.
Meghan is mean and it’s awesome.
Javier butchers a word or figure of speech.
Richard freaks out (in a good or bad way).
Drink twice every time:
Felicity stresses you out.
Felicity says, “Dear Sally.”
Sean invents something.
Javier refers to Ben as “Benjamin.”
Onto the eps!
3.14 “The Break-Up Kit”
Felicity’s painting her pain away with a prolific series of angry, colorful slashes, and everyone’s kind of worried about her except Ben, who continues to be a remarkably self-absorbed tool. They meet, and he tells her that he’s confused about his feelings for Avery and needs some time, which is when you WALK AWAY, girl. Felicity sort of does, for a minute, telling him that if he’s confused they shouldn’t be together, and he’s like “Cool, great, thanks for the permission to go to Southampton with Avery!” Noel comes over and Felicity’s just hysterically crying, because she has so much work to do and has no emotional energy for studying, and as much as Season 3 Felicity is not my jam, Season 3 Felicity reminds me a whooooole lot of myself in college.
Sweet Noel is a wonderful listener here, and then he leaves and comes back with the break-up kit of the title. It includes Toblerone, an Aretha CD (he KILLS ME by saying “Because I know how you get when you listen to Aretha,” and also this is beautiful and sad timing as a viewer), funny books, and coupons for stuff like free movies, a magic show (cash in that one! I wanna see Noel do magic!), and “Eunice Crane’s beef stew.” Felicity cashes in that coupon, and Noel spends the evening making his Aunt Eunice’s amazing beef stew, looking very confident and charming in the kitchen with a towel thrown over his shoulder, and suddenly I realize I’ve slipped right back into Team Noel mostly because I straight up cannot resist a good stew.
Meanwhile, Ben’s moping in Southampton with Avery, who’s doing her very best to win him over. At least it’s taking a while, and despite many sheepish smiles that should be saved for his GIRLFRIEND, nothing happens, until she finally just lays one on him, and he lets her for a good long while. UGHHHHH. Felicity flips out mid-stew making and tells Noel that she needs to go to the Hamptons to fight for Ben and tell him how she feels, because she thinks she blew it when he told her he was confused. No, HE blew it, and you handled yourself with dignity, and this new plan is both embarrassing and stressful (drink!). Noel very gently tries to convince her not to do it, but when she seems determined, he’s totally sweet and supportive even though she’s just walking out in the middle of the delicious dinner he’s making her.
She makes it to Southampton and sees Ben drinking a beer at a pool party with Avery, like, why are you here, girl? Ben is obviously fine without you. She gives him an impassioned speech, saying she loves him and will wait for him to figure out his Avery confusion, and he’s just like, “I’m still confused, sorry.” Ben! Why are you making me hate you all of a sudden! She goes back, depressed, and Noel recommences his stew-making cuteness. They have a VERY lovely meal, all heart eyes and sweetness, and it’s clear that Noel’s about to tell Felicity that he loves her when Ben shows up. Turns out, he made a B-minus on the final he didn’t cheat on, which he’s excited about, but Avery’s all, “That sucks, you should’ve cheated,” and for some reason that’s what it takes for him to realize that she’s terrible. So he tells Felicity nothing happened in the Hamptons (LIE!) and that he loves her and he’s sorry. They get back together, and Felicity goes to tell Noel that, and to thank him incredibly warmly for the way he was there for her through all of this. She’s so moved during this speech, and so is he, and they’re looking at each other with these eyes that are full of love and understanding, and suddenly I’m over here saying, “Ben WHO?”
In other news, Molly’s back! I’m actually glad to have her here because she no longer comes attached to her crappy action figure boyfriend. She, Felicity and Elena bond over some boy trouble facials, but because Season 3 can’t even allow the wholesome purity of a facial to unfold without disaster striking, Elena BURNS HER CORNEAS. She’s such a dedicated student that she still goes to class with bandages over her eyes, and she meets a sweet fella named DeForrest who makes her feel less dumb about her cornea accident, and tells her she’s beautiful and offers to take her notes for her. She starts to fall for his lovely voice and charming personality, and when her bandages are finally removed and she can see him, the show makes us nervous that she’s going to reject him because he lacks Donald Faison Bod. But fortunately, Elena’s still Elena, and she happily joins DeForrest for a date that seems very successful.
Finally, Meghan’s holding a séance for her dead dog Pickle. Sean thinks it’s stupid and embarrassing, which makes Meghan mad, so she pretends to channel his dead grandma… Gaboom? (I think that’s what they’re calling her??) While this is outrageously cruel, even for Meghan, it turns out fine, because Sean pranks her by pretending that her seance led him to a secret $2000 inheritance from Gaboom, and he tells Meghan to buy herself some very expensive red leather boots and he’ll pay her back as thanks. After she buys the boots, he tells her he was just getting her back for her fake seance and has no intention of reimbursing her for the boots, and she seems impressed but laughs that it doesn’t matter, because she used his credit card, anyway. God, these two nutbars are perfect for each other.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
11
Cameo
DeForrest is played by SNL’s magic weapon Kenan Thompson!! FINALLY Season 3 gives us something good (besides Leon, obviously).
BFFs
When Ben calls the girls’ apartment looking for Felicity, Meghan re-earns my eternal love by ranting out a long and winding history of her friendship with Felicity, how she used to hate her for being a “loser, prissy, navel-gazing, self-centered, whiny, overly-introspective little freak,” but ends with the above passionate declaration of love for her friend. Finally, Ben cuts her off and asks if Felicity’s there, and Meghan just says, “No,” and hangs up. God bless that girl.
Explain Avery To Me, Ben
I have to say that I truly, truly do not understand the appeal of Avery. Yeah, I get it, she almost died in your arms, but she’s a snobby, high-maintenance, manipulative a-hole who wears too much eye makeup and a cashmere sweater set TO SIT BY A POOL. I despise her.
3.15 “Senioritis”
Avery is in SO MUCH of this episode. It’s an insane amount of screentime considering the fact that we didn’t even know who she was five blessed episodes ago. She shows up at the loft and hints heavily to Noel that she and Ben had sex in Southampton, because she’s awful. Tension between Ben and Noel is at an all-time high, because Ben found Noel’s break-up kit coupons and Noel thinks (sorry, but at the moment, he KNOWS) that Ben doesn’t deserve Felicity. At least Ben isn’t answering any of Avery’s many calls at first, so of course she takes several pain pills and ends up in the hospital for attention. I want to be clear here: I would never make light of depression, addiction or suicidal ideations, but Felicity has openly established that Avery is manipulative and dishonest, and the incident is mild enough that she’s out having dinner with Ben like a half hour after she’s admitted. Because, of course, she insisted her roommate call Ben from the hospital, and he came a-runnin’. GAH I HATE AVERY. Meanwhile, Noel and Felicity are super extra-friendly, studying and being cute together. Noel gets an extremely prestigious graphic design job for a billion-dollar company in Seattle, and Felicity aces her final, and they hilariously decide to celebrate by TPing the library. It is very cute, you must know that, and reminds me not a little of Felicity and Ben’s campaign poster pranks/foreplay. I don’t think the similarities are unintentional.
While Felicity and Noel are talking about how much they’re going to miss each other when he moves to Seattle, both quite moon-eyed, he offers her a job as art coordinator over the summer, because he’ll have a whole team of people he can hire. She’s definitely interested! As Felicity and Noel are leaving the scene of the crime, they see Ben and Avery getting into a cab together, and Felicity’s face falls. Because she’s honest, mature and not interested in playing games, she goes immediately to Ben and asks him about it, and calmly gives him a chance to explain himself. (I would have just asked him what he did that night to try and catch him in a lie; Felicity’s a much better person than I am.) Ben tells her about Avery’s “almost OD” (like, she didn’t even really overdose, it was not quite OVER the recommended dose, I’m sorry to harp on this but Avery is the worst), and Felicity says she understands why he went, and she does have sympathy for Avery, but it’s making her uncomfortable that she’s always around. Ben says he thinks that’s over, which would be great if it were the case, but it straight up isn’t. Oh and Felicity tells Ben about Noel’s job offer, and he’s clearly not pleased, but sorry, Ben, you don’t get to have opinions this week.
Okay, SO, of course Avery shows back up at the loft with thank-you flowers and asks Ben if she can “crash” there because she doesn’t want to be alone, and Ben’s a wimp so he says yes. Noel walks in while Avery and Ben are talking far too close to one another, and he makes a very superior face and tells them he’ll give them some privacy. Ben storms after him, asking what that’s about, and they get into a yelling match about the job offer, the break-up kit, and the fact that Noel knows Ben cheated on Felicity with Avery but hasn’t said anything to Felicity. BUT it turns out Felicity has just arrived and heard everything, of course, and Ben STILL tries to deny it with Avery standing right there, looking eager to spill the beans, and finally he admits that she kissed him. Felicity looks stricken, and Avery just says “see you” and slips out. I HATE HER SO MUCH. Felicity and Ben fight, and Ben doesn’t even have the grace to apologize or acknowledge ANY wrongdoing – he just turns it around on Felicity and Noel, and tells Felicity that Noel’s trying to break them up, and her friendship with Noel is just as bad as his weird whatever thing with Avery. Ben! SHUT UP AND APOLOGIZE. (I will say for him that later he meets with Avery and tells her to stop calling him, that they can’t be friends and he can’t be her knight in shining armor anymore, and it’s supposed to be a sad scene but I don’t care and also TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE, COVINGTON.)
Later, with no resolution to Felicity and Ben’s argument, we see Felicity and Noel studying at the library, and she tells Noel about Ben’s suspicions. She’s basically begging for Noel to tell her he loves her, and he doesn’t outright say it, but he does kiss her and asks her to tell him that she doesn’t have any feelings for him. We cut into credits before we hear her answer.
Meanwhile, Elena and DeForrest are getting along great. They decide to study in a hotel room together to get some quiet time before the MCATs the next day, and they’re very cute and flirty and make a plan to go to Coney Island after the MCATs, but then DeForrest tries to kiss Elena and she pulls away. He’s embarrassed and leaves (nicely, without trying to make her feel bad or anything), and the next day after they’ve taken the MCATs, they have a cute talk. Elena’s furiously cleaning the kitchen later when she realizes she’s being shallow, and she goes to his apartment to kiss him – but he tells her no thanks, because he’s not interested in being her pity experiment. Elena looks stunned.
Finally, Sean’s planning a bar mitzvah because he never had one as a kid, and Meghan’s very supportive. They have his rabbi over for dinner and Meghan even cooks – but then Rabbi Levin shows up and happens to be a beautiful woman. Meghan’s insecure, especially because Rabbi Levin and Sean get along so well and talk about things she doesn’t understand, so she leaves and later tells Sean that she “can’t do this anymore,” and he should be with someone like the rabbi. It’s crazy, obvs, but obvs they work it out and are going to go to couples counseling together, because no Sean + Meghan problem ever lasts beyond the space of one episode, thank goodness.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
5
The Truest Thing Anybody Said This Week
This is probably a good place to tell you that “Senioritis” is the last episode in which Kristin Lehman’s Avery is credited, so WHEW. We’re done with that mess.
Meghan’s Major
It’s been unclear what Meghan’s majoring in, and this week it’s confirmed! She’s a psychology major.
That’s it for this week! Question: any other diehard Team Ben members starting to feel Team Noel twinges? This show is so tricky!
Meet Sarah here next Wednesday morning as she delivers us from evil, aka wraps up Season 3, thank jeezy chreezy, with “It’s Raining Men” and “The Last Summer Ever.”
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