Last week, y’all voted for: A.  Free your hands from the locker, turn off the ringer of your phone, and pray that you can get the box out before Finn finds you.

You guys, I’m feeling all kinds of Mrs. Bennett right now (the elder, not the cool-as-a-cucumber Elizabeth, obvs) because MY POOR SWEET NERVES CAN BARELY HANDLE THIS LEVEL OF TENSION.

So, you’re trying to get the box out of the freaking locker while Finn’s about to call you from just around the corner and it’s like, WHICH WIRE SHOULD I CUT? BLUE OR RED? BLUE OR RED? I fear an impending massive explosion, and by that I mean, my central nervous system…


You know how, in horror movies, it always takes characters like a zillion years to get their key in the door when they’re being chased by a crazy psycho killer and the whole time you’re yelling at the screen, “JUST PUT THE KEY IN THE DOOR. YOU’VE DONE THIS A MILLION TIMES YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE CUSS IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!” Well, if you weren’t so busy freaking out about the fact that Finn is just around the corner, you might take a moment to silently apologize for thinking those people were stupid because WHY CAN’T YOU FIND YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW?

You frantically rummage through your backpack while your ears strain for the sound of Finn’s approaching footsteps. Any second he’s going to call you and the entire hallway will reverberate with the dynamic sounds of “Love is a Battlefield” (you’ve got a major crush on Pat Benatar, even though, given your dating history, you’re less of a warrior and more of a pacifist). Just when you think your heart’s about to do the shimmy out of your ribcage, you rip Jacob’s huge mythology textbook out of the bag and spot your phone at the bottom. Your hand reaches for the ringer switch and flicks it to “off,” just as the display lights up with Finn’s incoming call.

That was a close one, you think, then silently congratulate yourself for sounding so badass… in your head. So this is why heroes have sidekicks in the movies, because then there’s always someone around to witness their feats of incredible strength. Or, in your case, manual dexterity.

You shoot up from the floor and get a firm grip on Neil’s box, which remains heavily wedged into the locker. You once heard that adrenaline can help people do amazing things, but so far, the only enhanced parts of your body are your sweat glands.

“Hey, what’s up, sweetheart, it’s Finn.”

Your heart drops straight down into your chucks as you whirl around to face… an empty hallway. Finn’s still around the corner, leaving you a voicemail. GAH, GET IT TOGETHER. With visions of Neve Campbell in your head, you slowly slide the box out of the locker.

“So, are you avoiding me or what? Look, I really want to talk to you. I know I haven’t always been the nicest guy in the past, and I’m totally sorry about cheating off of your test in history that one time–“

ONE time? Yeah, more like five, a-hole.

“–but I really gotta talk to you. Well, see, I think you’re pretty cute, actually, and I was wondering if you were gonna be at Heather’s party tomorrow night? It’s gonna be off the chain, especially cos I’m making my killer punch, and I’d love to see you there. Call me!”

As Finn clicks off the phone, you stuff the box into your backpack, grab Jacob’s textbook and sprint for the girls’ bathroom. You carefully, oh-so-quietly shut the door just as you hear Finn rounding the corner, and then you slide down to the ground with relief. Normally you would be repulsed by the idea of your pants touching the nasty bathroom floor but HOLY CRAP that was some SPY SHIZZ RIGHT THERE! Watch out Angelina Jolie, there’s a new Mrs. Smith in town!

You silently congratulate yourself as you wait for Finn to pass by, until suddenly you hear him stop midway down the hallway. Why is he stopping? WHY IS HE STOPPING? You think about cracking open the door to peek, but you don’t want to risk him spotting you. You try to reroute the adrenaline from your armpits to your eardrums and eventually catch the sound of paper rustling. A quick inventory of your backpack indicates that you didn’t drop anything, so what is he looking at?!

All of a sudden, Finn’s back on the phone. “Hey, Heather, I just found something reeeeally interesting in front of Neil’s locker. You know Crazy Kayleigh’s older brother, Jacob? Well, I think he’s been talking to Neil, because I’m holding some notes I found, just lying here in the hallway, and you would not BELIEVE some of the shit he’s figured out about his sister.”

MOTHERFRACKER. Those notes must have come from Jacob’s book! You obviously didn’t see them fall out of the bag because you were so worried about getting the box. Way to go, Angelina. More like Aniston!

“What? Well, I’m pretty sure they belong to Jacob, cos I copied one of his old papers that I found in Mrs. Williams’ files that time I broke into her desk. Dude has some seriously ridiculous handwriting. Anyway, you need to see this. Ok, cool, see you in fifteen.”

Finn hangs up and heads down the hallway, his footsteps quickly fading.


Do you:

A.  Follow him to his rendezvous with Heather so you can hopefully find out more about what the heck is going on?

B.  Call Jacob and ask him what exactly he’s learning in this vampire class (and then, um, casually mention the fact that you let his notes fall into Enemy Hands)?

C.  Open the freaking box already!!!!!

Sarah splits her time between Dallas and Austin, and believes there is no such thing as a guilty pleasure, which is part of why she started FYA in 2009. Growing up, she thought she was a Mary Anne, but she's finally starting to accept the fact that she's actually a Kristy.