I swear I won’t spend this whole recap talking about Joe Dempsie’s body because I know it has come up in all my reviews thus far. But I’d be remiss to not mention a couple things.
How did I not find Chris totally hot on my first viewing? I’m an idiot.
Totally appreciate Dempsie’s willingness to go totally naked. I mean, we don’t REALLY get full frontal, but there’s like a sliver of the D if you really pay attention. And on that note, imagine if Joe Dempsie read these recaps where his body always comes up? He’d probably be totally creeped out.
But, Joe, if you’re reading. I’m in LA, hit a girl up.
Chris’s episode focuses around the sudden departure of his mom. She leaves him with a bunch of money, saying she’ll be back in a couple days, and that’s immediately not apparent. Despite his pill addled brain, he’s obviously incredibly sad about that and his many other family issues that are revealed. Here’s what we learned about Chris that’s not ass related.
1. He’s a total addict
The episode opens with Chris waking up with an, ahem, boner. And this isn’t your standard morning wood—this is wood of the pill induced variety. Chris has an entire wall of his bedroom covered in pill cases of what he’s tried. Maxxie says in passing that Chris has had that boner for 15 hours! 15 hours! He needs to go to the hospital (see #4).
He’ll take absolutely anything and by the time he gets locked out of his home, naked, by a stranger it totally shows. He looks awful.
Even after he seemingly looks like he’s gotten his shit together, the cycle begins again in his new dorm room with the boner pills again.
2. He’s incredibly kind
Even though he’s constantly high out of his mind, Chris is a considerate dude. The morning after the party he offers to walk Jal home even though it’s far away and he asks her about the music competition thing.
3. He’s very secretive
We don’t know anything about Chris at all when this episode begins and we still don’t know a ton by the end of it. But the turning point is certainly, when Chris sits in the closet of his mother’s completely empty room and hides from Tony and Sid–until he crashes out.
Unsurprisingly, Jal is the only interested in really helping him out. But the gang is clearly shocked (after Tony’s shitty missing mom joke) to learn that Chris has a dad. On top of having a dad, Chris has a stepmom and a very new baby stepbrother. Mary (his stepmom) seems like a pretty regular mom type, asking all the right questions, but Chris won’t reveal his mother’s absence. It’s doubly heartbreaking to find out that, there is something wrong with Chris’s mom, his dad doesn’t want anything to do with him and Mary thinks he’s just there for money.
Oh wait! The heartbreak won’t stop here! Chris also has a brother, Peter, who Mary mistakes him for in a baby picture. He tells Jal about the best day of his life which involves him as a kid accidentally peeing his pants and having his brother taking care of him afterwards. What’s even sadder? Peter’s dead.
4. He can’t take care of himself at all
Yes, I understand Chris is a pill-addled teenager with major family issues but the boy cannot care for himself. Upon receiving the money from his missing mother, he blows it all on pills, booze and an enormous party including stereo equipment. Granted, we don’t learn much about Chris’s mom but it certainly sounds like the woman has problems of her own.
He also can’t take care of his fish who appears to have died a pill induced death.
Necessary Chris Judgment
Random Observations
- This show has the best party montages in any teen show ever.
- I’m very concerned about the small boy who knows wayyyyy too much about rolling papers. He’s probably 7!
- I think I really dislike Angie. I understand Skins is high-level teen fantasy. But why would the woman show up to Chris’s party? Why would she think any other teachers would be there? She’s such an idiot. I do appreciate that she helps Chris with his mom disappearing and getting him into a clean, safe place to live plus giving him a new fish but she’s still dumb. Maybe my angry judgment against Angie means I’m growing up!
- Teen Sociopath Tony Stonem is at it again! First, doesn’t Chris understand that Tony is the last person you should tell that you have a bunch of money because obviously he is going to give you terrible advice. He’s also SO continually shitty to Michelle. In this instance, he and Michelle are getting ready to go to the bonezone when he decides to tell Michelle what he likes about her body—that one boob is bigger than the other. Obviously, as any person would be, Michelle feels shitty about Tony’s “compliment.” But since Tony and Michelle are totally fucked up–they need to bring Sid into it when he accidentally enters the room. Michelle asks Sid what he thinks about her boobs which we all know what the answer is. He says that they make his eyes blur which Michelle throws back in Tony’s face. But it basically only acts as weird foreplay for them, not Michelle taking any sort of actual stand to him.
- On the Michelle front, her insecure looks at Tony totally kill me.
- Jal didn’t win the competition she was in from last episode.
- Poor Cassie. Sid totally is using her as his Michelle advice person. He’s talking about Michelle’s boobs to her while they are pretty much spooning on Chris’s couch. And you can see everything Cassie feels from her pat on his leg to her “there are other girls out there.” But mad props to Cassie for taking control of the situation and telling Sid that they should go on a date later in the episode. All the praise emoji hands for her!
- Anwar’s neon green mesh tank top.
- Anwar’s reasoning for wanting to sleep with an older woman is “the hips.”
- The dog from the junkyard (and where Chris gets his pills from) that pees on Sid where they are finally able to sell the wrecked stereo is SO cute!
- It was pretty awkward when Chris dropped that baby.
Next week: we are going to have to deal with Sid and his virginity problems. Care if I nap during this one?
About the Contributor:
Kerensa Cadenas is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.
