Video games have come a long way since the days of pixelated Mario. The graphics, the storylines, and—yes, we’re going there—the attractiveness of the characters. There’s nothing all that appealing about Mario’s one-dimensional self*, even with that sweet ‘stache. But thanks to the magic of technology, video game guys are now actually kind of hot?
*The newer, 3D version isn’t that much better, TBH. He just reminds me of someone’s dad.
Bianca and I recently found ourselves chatting about our various video game boyfriends on Twitter and realized: we need to share these thoughts with the world. (Not that Twitter isn’t the world … but 140 characters at a time is no way to gush.)
Read on for a selection of our favorite video game hotties, and then head to the comments to discuss, or add any that we might have missed!
Warning: Some spoilers for various games are included below.
Ezio Auditore
Starring in the Assassin’s Creed series and earning a trilogy, we explore Italy as Ezio Auditore first as a young man, culminating into his later years when he ventures into Istanbul. Ezio has all the skills of man whose business is death including some mad free running skills and a hidden blade on his wrist.
The best Ezio is in Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. I was in deep smit from the trailer, and the game features my other favorite assassin, Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad. There’s something about old Ezio that gives him MORE swagger than he had in his 20s and his life as a master assassin gives him some well-earned confidence.
Side note: Dudes need to do more cosplay. LOOK AT THIS EZIO COSPLAY by Leon Chiro. I could have just posted this picture and mic-dropped. (Bianca)
Kaidan Alenko
On a small spaceship, it can be hard not to fall for your crewmembers, even when you’re the boss. (Or, so I’ve learned from pop culture.) Even when you fight it, someone’s bound to catch your attentions. Such was the case with Kaidan—the mentally enhanced, but migraine-ridden, member of the first Mass Effect—and my Commander Shepard (a.k.a. FemShep). When you’re battling vicious aliens, too, you might not always be looking your best, but Kaidan recognized the beauty from the very start. And said as much, in an adorably bumbled way. It’s definitely ego-boosting to be the sought after one, instead of the one doing the seeking!
Even though Kaidan turns into a bit of a xenophobic jerk in Mass Effect 2, we reconciled in Mass Effect 3 and lived happily ever after. (Let’s not get into a debate about the ending. mmkay?) (Mandy C.)
Lee Everett
I think the most emotional relationship I’ve had with a video game guy is Lee Everett, but it’s hard to not get involved when the story is The Walking Dead. I didn’t like Lee at first when he’s introduced in the story, but by the end of the game I was ready to kill any human left to save the guy. Like any Telltale Game, you shape who Lee is by your choices, so his personality is influenced by what you decide.
Although it’s hard to find the sexy in a gory, zombie-infested world, Lee’s smoldering voice, ability to make the hard calls, and love for Clementine endears him to you while you make sure he survives.
Thane Krios
Thane didn’t join the Mass Effect franchise until Mass Effect 2, and, because I am a monogamous person and my FemShep had already romanced Kaidan, I just didn’t feel right starting something up with him. (There’s that whole heartbreaking issue—SPOILER ALERT—of his terminal illness, too, but that’s a different issue.) Something about his soulful eyes and his tragic backstory, however, kept me flirting with him every chance I could get.
As an alien, he’s not typically handsome, and, as an assassin, there’s an underlying current of “I’m not certain that he won’t stab me in my sleep,” but, at his core, Thane’s probably one of the most caring and honest characters in all three Mass Effect games. And yes, I definitely cried when he died. (Mandy C.)
Gabriel Knight
Okay, y’all have to stay with me on this one. Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers came out in 1993. If I could do that in all caps, I would. 1993. Gabriel is pulled into a murder investigation in New Orleans that involves a secret family history and voodoo.
The magic of Gabriel Knight is his voice. Tim Curry masterfully navigates his southern drawl that draws you into a story before graphics even had some similarity to reality. He’s charming and makes you wish you could make out with his voice. We’re talking about Tim Curry here. The phenomenal voice acting cast, which includes Mark Hamill, made this game an integral part of my childhood. When I was a kid I wanted to visit New Orleans solely because of Gabriel Knight.
Whatever you do, do not look at the sequels. Not a peep. They are very, very awful and I like to pretend they never happened. (Although the 20th anniversary remake looks promising!) (Bianca)
Cullen Rutherford
Going into Dragon Age: Inquisition, I wasn’t sure who I’d choose to romance. There were just so many worthy options: the self-doubting but doting Blackwall (that beard!); the brutal but endearing Iron Bull (those muscles!); the sassy and self-assured Dorian** (that one-shoulder armor!); the quiet and wise Solas (actually, no, I never considered Solas); and the confident but tortured Cullen, who I’d “met” in the first game in the series (Dragon Age: Origins) and always held a bit of a torch for.
So, looking back, the decision wasn’t all that hard. Cullen isn’t outwardly romantic, and I had to make the first move, but once the ball was in his court, he was all to happy to take the lead. Seriously, the first kiss? I swooned. Oh, and then there’s that time he dressed up like a Disney prince and asked for a dance, even though he dislikes dancing. #ded (Mandy C.)
**Moot point, I know.
Alistair Theirin
Alistair is made of dreams. As one of the first people you meet in Dragon Age: Origins, Alistair’s humor at almost any situation makes the end of the world bearable. One of the best features of most Bioware games is the ability to romance a character, and Alistair is an easy choice for a relationship. He’s caring, protective, a bit goofy, and sets a high bar for real life boyfriends. I’d have his babies. He’s pretty easy on the eyes, too, and is destined for royalty. What’s not to love?
True story: The first time I played Origins I played as an elf, and (spoiler alert) you don’t get to marry him if you’re not a human. So I STARTED THE WHOLE GAME OVER SO I COULD MARRY HIM. That’s how amazing this man is, y’all.
And, a bonus to romances in Bioware games: There’s almost always a sexytimes scene. Always, always worth it. Second bonus: Alistair is a favorite subject of fan art. Get googling. (Bianca)
Bianca and I wholly agree on the magic that is Alistair. Bioware games typically feature a wide variety of romance options to choose from (see the list at the start of my Cullen section, above), but Alistair is a bright spot from the very start. He’s honest and genuine and a total boy scout, but never boring, and always happy to sneak off for a little alone time, even when you should probably be worrying more about killing demons and saving the world.
Side note: Until this post, I had no idea how similar Cullen and Alistair looked. Bioware apparently knows when they’ve got a good thing going. (Mandy C.)
Honorable Mentions
Although we limited ourselves to talking about three guys each, plus Alistair (because duh), there are a lot of of other guys worthy of the title of Video Game Boyfriend, including:
Garrus Vakarian, Mass Effect; Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid; Dorian Pavus, Dragon Age: Inquisition; Squall Leonhart, Final Fantasy; Fenris, Dragon Age II; and Jacob Taylor, Mass Effect.
Who’d we miss? Let us know your video game faves below!
